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When a Client Dies: Going to the Funeral

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i have been to funerals of good friends and have gone to the church and seen people there i didn't know so it's not like we know all are friends, friends so you might not even be noticed

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Samantha, I have no doubt your presence would be valued by your former client and friend. I think it is also special how even with the strong feelings you have you will consider the appropriateness and maintain your professionalism and discretion. I too have established what I think are closer than provider/client relations and would feel special to have that person at such an event. XO Cub

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I have had someone whom I've been seeing for years and thier health was very bad and we mainly spent quailty time to together because of his heart condition, I had attended social functions and had met some of his family and friends. We of course said we met in the "office".

During his final days he requested me to be at the hospital and spend some time with him and I of course did, there was a strong bond and frienship there. The last day we spoke he asked me to attend the funeral, when the time came. I honoured his wishes and when I have met some of the people in his life it was not an issue for me and of course I was not known as "Lexy" to him or others. For him this was a special situation and case.

 

I don't know if I would attend someones funeral who I did not know as well as him.

 

That would be a hard decision to make, if I was asked and they only knew me as "Lexy". I doubt I would attend but after the burial, I would visit the grave site if they had one and place flowers and say my good bye then.

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I replied on this very subject in the other thread, so I just cut and pasted my post:

 

"Personally, and this is just my opinion and I completely understand why some would disagree, but I would hope that if I pass away and one of my regular SP's finds out about it in time that they would feel that they can come to the funeral, at least under the guise of friend or former coworker. SP's are people too and should be allowed to pay their respects. I only see SP's when I'm single, and I'm the type who is not really into the whole "cruising the bars for chicks" scene, so while I'm single SP's are my only outlet for physical intimacy, or intimacy of any kind really. So the SP's I see regularly are a very large and important part of my life. As such I feel they would have just as much right to be there as anyone else."

 

I'm glad to hear you're open to the idea of attending the funeral, or as Lexy suggested, at the very least visiting the grave site at a later time. One way or the other everyone should the right to be able to pay their respects.

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Guest ****ven

Recently one of my first clients ever passed away due to terminal illness, and I must say it was just as gut-wrenching as losing a close friend, family member, or even lover.

 

We had a long established arrangement, in fact I'm pretty sure he had paid more of my tuition then even I had. We looked out for each other and I was there for him when he needed and vica versa. We saw each other at least2-3 times weekly until he fell truly sick and I still visited at the hospital when an inconspicuous time could be arranged.

 

Where I am going with this is that whether or not it is an SP to hobbyist relation, humans still form bonds to each other based on interaction, chemistry, and proximity. An emotional bond is just natural.

 

Because of this I might go as far as to say I even loved this client in a certain way, and if I hadn't been able to go I don't would have had the proper closure to move on with my own life.

 

We are all human, and whether or not there is an exchange involved going to the funeral of someone you have social microlevel involvement is perfectly doable, and easy to maintain discretion (In this instance since he was a teacher I simply said I was a former student), and I certainly know in this instance where an actual relationship was formed that I was wanted by my client at the funeral.

 

And now I'm sad. SPs are human too.

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I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the funeral of someone that paid me to be "friendly" with them. As much as feelings may arise, business is business to me. Almost every attempt to have friendly relations that come from business had failed for me, then again who I am to talk, I married a client and if he dies, for sure I would be there.

We can't help it, we are only human and these things we call feelings, we can't help. And, what's so wrong with developing feelings for someone, even if they paid you in the beginning? Love is love, right?

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I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the funeral of someone that paid me to be "friendly" with them.

 

We can't help it, we are only human and these things we call feelings, we can't help. And, what's so wrong with developing feelings for someone, even if they paid you in the beginning?

 

Some times feelings do mutually develop in what started as a business relationship -- I consider that to be a positive aspect of being human!

 

That is why I WOULD consider going to a provider's funeral, (or on the other hand to putting them in my will). Although as the original poster articulated there are lots of circumstance where I would refrain from doing either of these things depending on the impact in might have.

 

Touch

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(or on the other hand to putting them in my will).

Touch

 

Paid or not, if someone was very nice to me and made me feel special, good and wonderful all the time, I would certainly put them in my will.

...

Talking funerals and clients, running into clients at funerals(at the after party)(at their house) kinda awkward!

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I would be honored to have someone like you be at my funeral. Funerals are about the living, not the dead. I have been to dozens of funerals and I have never been asked who I am or why I am there unless I have gone through the family line-up. So, for all the ladies I've seen - please come when I die. :-)

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First, and I've said this before, there is no lady that I'm embarrassed or ashamed of seeing, nor would it bother me if I was seen in public with her.

That said, if (well when) I die, and there is a lady that she and I have had a extra special interpersonal relationship, beyond the simple SP/Client relationship, and she would like to attend the funeral (or if more discrete, the visitation) it wouldn't bother me (if that makes sense under the circumstances). Anyone asks, just introduce yourself as a friend, no need that details have to be given.

But first and formost, do what makes you comfortable. If a private visit to the grave is what would be most comfortable, do that. If no vist, no attending the service etc at all, do that. It doesn't take away or minimize the times you had together, which were real, and mutually beneficial on more than just the simple SP/Client level, and at the end of the day, that was far more important to the two of you. Connections like that don't happen everyday, cherrish those memories.

Some quick thoughts

RG

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I can't see any reason not to attend the service in a discrete way. As ottawaadventurer said, this is for the living and if you've developed a close personal bond with the client, then it's a way for you to show respect and gain closure for yourself. This is a business, but we all are human and it's unavoidable that we don't occasionally develop real bonds with each other.

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Like RG, I am in a situation where my friends are my friends, regardless of what they do.

 

So... when the time comes, you are invited to my funeral. Bring money for my kids, I spent all of mine on SPs.

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Guest f***2f***

An interesting thread. I agree with what someone said a few comments back...if you consider me your friend come and celebrate. My funeral will be a celebration of my life not of my death. I go to funerals for people whom I've done business with or are professional friends so why wouldn't you be welcome at this final hurrah?

My lawyer, my accountant and several others will be there...why not my favorite SPs and fellow hobbyists??

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It's heartening to read these posts about how welcome SPs would be at many of the gentlemen's funerals. Seriously, you've lifted my spirit considerably because one of the difficult things about being in this business is always having to be so private, so discreet, so attentive to confidentiality matters that we must virtually erase ourselves from clients' lives. Just knowing that the posters, above, recognize the importance of marking important people in our lives and finding closure when they pass away, makes a big difference to me.

 

Of course, context is everything. I would be very cautious about my presence and behaviour if the client's spouse is still alive: as far as I'm concerned, whatever passed between me and her husband is not about her, and I am not a threat to anyone's marriage--though she would probably feel otherwise--and I would not want to compound her loss or add to her grief.

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I lost my Father in January and I can honestly say that I don't remember much of the the first few weeks, and I certainly didn't question who or why some folks were there. I can't even remember half of the people that were there.

 

Just because they don't know you, do what you are going to do. You don't have a big sign over your head. You were a friend, and deserve to be there should you choose.

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I lost my Father in January and I can honestly say that I don't remember much of the the first few weeks, and I certainly didn't question who or why some folks were there. I can't even remember half of the people that were there.

 

Just because they don't know you, do what you are going to do. You don't have a big sign over your head. You were a friend, and deserve to be there should you choose.

 

I agree, when my wife passed away, I was wrapped up with my kids feelings and can't honestly remember who was at the various events, other than the immediate family. She was popular and there many people that came by, many I didn't know and had to introduce themselves.

 

So, if you are going to attend out of respect, then it can be done discretely, and you probably won't even be noticed.

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I agree, when my wife passed away, I was wrapped up with my kids feelings and can't honestly remember who was at the various events, other than the immediate family. She was popular and there many people that came by, many I didn't know and had to introduce themselves.

 

So, if you are going to attend out of respect, then it can be done discretely, and you probably won't even be noticed.

 

 

I was in the same position as Boomer, and his experience was identical with my own. I know with certainty that people that I did not know introduced themselves and as well, that there were people that I did not know who came and left for their own reasons without seeking me out at all. My thoughts were all positive in knowing that my wife had people who came to pay their respects for her alone and not for reasons of supporting me or of feeling a need to "make an appearance".

 

I am touched by the response here to this topic.

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Chanel, Boomer and Mrrnice2, I'm very sorry for your loss. The death of a parent is hard. The death of a spouse is just as hard or harder. I hope that each of you is finding peace, comfort and light.

 

I've no doubt that you don't remember everything that happened at the funeral, and that you don't mind not knowing all the people who attended. That the people were there was likely a great comfort for you.

 

One of my concerns, as a paid companion, is that many people who are not bereaved family and very close friends are sometimes uncharitable. Yes, they care about the one who has died, and their family. But their curiosity and imaginations are also working in fine form and too often incline in darker, more suspicious directions. Moreover, very good men often have secrets that others have helped to conceal or ignore. While I can't do anything about other secrets in someone's life, I can take steps to reduce the likelihood that I may be associated with such things. I will protect my client's privacy, and my own,even if it might seem that I'm being more diligent than I might need to be. It's just a personal judgment call, for me. It's my way of honouring someone who has been a part of my life.

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