Cheating!!

[Crafty 305]

"Cheater!!" Strong words, depending who's saying them. Someone might say I was cheating just for being on this site. Others might argue over getting a massage from the opposite sex would be considered cheating. I believe that morality plays a big part in all this. Would you consider going to a stripclub cheating? I'm sure some gentlemen have had issues with their partners when it comes to having a beer with the guys with beautiful women working nude. I understand if you frequent the place regularly. Again, that is my opinion. I love the female body. If I want to see one, shouldn't I have the right to "view" one. I would never cross the line. A line that has been pre-detemined between to adults. With that said, should one feel guilty for endulging in non-line crossing fun?

[Guest E*******h S******s]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong but then, I'm not your SO. Why don't you try bringing her with you? It might open up a whole new world of fun!

[Daniel17 3616]

In my opinion, this question doesn't have a yes or no answer. It's not black and white, it's pretty grey. It's going to vary between the people involved as everyone has their own opinions on these types of things.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

If you tell your SO about what you do, and the two of you agree, then it's not cheating. If you feel that you can't tell your SO about it, then for you it's cheating.

 

What anyone else thinks, other than you and your SO, is absolutely irrelevant.

[castle 38816]

If you tell your SO about what you do, and the two of you agree, then it's not cheating. If you feel that you can't tell your SO about it, then for you it's cheating.

 

What anyone else thinks, other than you and your SO, is absolutely irrelevant.

 

Agree with this completely. In one of my past relationships I started frequenting SC's quite regularly in secret...and felt completely guilty about it. Even though I never "crossed that line" I knew that if she were to find out she would be hurt and feel that for some reason I wasn't satisfied seeing her naked that I had to go out and see other women naked. So for all intents and purposes I was cheating....and the SC's progressed to seeing SP's...and then there was no doubt that I was cheating. Even though we haven't been together in years that guilt still haunts me. With my most recent relationship I stopped seeing SP's and stopped going to SC's altogether. Because I know now that the act itself isn't the issue. What you need to think about is how you feel about doing it, and how she would feel were she to find out. If you think you would feel guilty and you think she would be hurt...then you're cheating. Just my opinion anyway.

[capitalman 3861]

Cheating is what you've done to yourself when you wake up one day, possibly as an old man or hopefully before that, and realize you've spent your time, your money and your life trying to please others but the guy in the mirror still has things he wants. He's the one to please.

[roamingguy 300292]

Another way to look at it, what if the shoe was on the other foot

What if your SO went to a SC on a regular basis to see male dancers

What if your SO went to get an erotic massage from a male MA

and what if your SO went to see a male SP

If you would consider those actions as cheating on you, well then it is cheating no matter what, whether you see dancers/MAs/SPs or your SO does

Some quick before bed ramblings

RG

[Old Dog 179138]

In my opinion, this question doesn't have a yes or no answer. It's not black and white, it's pretty grey. It's going to vary between the people involved as everyone has their own opinions on these types of things.

 

Well put... and it even goes beyond. Is looking at porn cheating? Is reading erotica cheating? Is a furtive glance at a beautiful woman on the street cheating? Ostensibly, they are mental betrayals, are they not?

 

If you ogle someone on the beach wearing the briefest of bikinis, even if you are with her... is that wrong?

 

I would think that even before you put it on anyone else, you have to see if it makes you feel guilty. Does guilt equate to cheating? Hell, she me be alright with some of things that make you feel guilty.

 

It is like trying to define "right" and "wrong"... ask a million people and you are going to get a million answers.

 

Damn. I do philosophize sometimes.

[Icebreaker 3938]

In my opinion this has everything to do communication. The more open the communication the less chance a guy will find himself on the wrong side of their SO with respect to boundaries. The dynamic in any relationship will always be unique so in some cases maybe occasional trips to a SC as a couple may be an erotic thing so it would not be considered cheating. If there was no communication then there is no chance to explore new horizons as a couple and properly set the boundaries of the relationship.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Boomer 33202]

A line that has been pre-detemined between to adults.

 

Seems to me you are over analyzing this, If you are stepping over a line that you and your partner have already established then it's cheating. If you've not fleshed out the details and are making assumptions about where the line exists then you're probably going to take some heat. It's all about good communications and not doing things that you're not going to mention to the SO.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

If you tell your SO about what you do, and the two of you agree, then it's not cheating. If you feel that you can't tell your SO about it, then for you it's cheating.

 

What anyone else thinks, other than you and your SO, is absolutely irrelevant.

 

WIT has this nailed, and I suspect its exactly where a lot of the guys/gals who are married or in a commited relationship feel. Could be SC's or SP's ... dont see a lot of differnce there although the SCs are certainly more playful than anything.

 

Its not a particularly easy position to be in because, without going in to detail, SP-type activities are simply missing from my life otherwise. Also, for me, its limited to my trips to Ottawa (a few time a year). The ladies I see in Ottawa are "friends with benefits" and I keep it at that level. When I go back home I do so to a great family and a great life.

 

I'd be interested to hearing more from the ladies on this topic as well.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

If you have to ask, it's probably cheating.

 

Cheating, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It all depends on your and her belief system.

 

Think of the cultures where anything but a lady's eyes being visible in public is pornographic.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

One of the very essential surviving factors in a relationship is honesty. Your partner is your lifeline, the one person on this planet you can feel completly honest with. No matter what, if you aren't being honest, consider yourself a cheater.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Cheater? Yup I have no choice but to own it. Not always proud of it and I would never try to justify it. And I have need to lay blame. I'm sure there are players on both sides who are "cheating" or living other lives.

 

Simply....it is what it is.

 

Peace

MG

[mrrnice2 157005]

Such an interesting question. To be participating in this with the wifes blessing and knowledge or even better with her, would not be cheating, in my opinion.

 

I believe that doing so without her knowledge probably would be cheating, but I also believe that one could do that and still have a loving and satisying marriage, at least until she finds out. Then, it could precipitate very unhappy times I would expect.

 

Ultimately, it is a personal decision and as others have pointed out, if it feels like it is, then it probably IS.

 

The mind can rationalize all sorts of things but can also present moral conundrums. I for one sometimes feel like I am cheating, even though my wife is no longer here, and that makes no sense at all.

[LeeRichards 177238]

Well now. I was going to stay away from this thread. But hey... I can't.

 

I am a cheater ! Feels like I am at an AA meeting or something. My wife doesn't know about my hobby so right wrong or indifferent I am a cheater.

 

Young kids, marriage romantically dead and beyond repair and for those that want to suggest counselling. Don't.

 

My point here is that my family is together, my kids are happy and have their daddy there, my wife and I get along as what you call parents and room-mates. I am not having an affair with the disgruntled horny wife down the street that causes two divorces. I am cheating. Happily (which may sound sad) in the SP/Hobby world with a very very very select few ladies that I enjoy to spend time with. I am not out prowling for a bbbj or a quickie. I am looking for a few hours here and there with a wonderful lady to share a relaxing yet exciting time with. Whatever happens happens. No strings, no attachments but for me there has developed friendships. I think. lol Which is nice.

 

So there. I am a cheater. Plain and simple. And you know what ? Life is good and I smile more now and am happier this past year+ than I have been in quite some time. Because of that my household is a happier place too.

 

K ... I am done typing now ;)

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

We never know what goes on in others' relationships, even when one or both parties are very close friends of ours. And, I think, there are three stories about any relationship: each party has one, and there's the one that other people create/know/believe in.

 

I think that what most women have trouble getting over is the sense that they've been betrayed by their partner. I can understand that, if they're still interested in sexual intimacy with their partner.

 

What I can't understand is why someone--usually the wife, but not always--imagines that, even though they have decided that they don't want sexual intimacy anymore, that means that their partner is just SOL, forever. That's not fair.

 

The one who makes that unilateral decision and expects the other partner to give up sex forever--I think that's the one who's cheating. Frankly, it's abusive in ways that seeing a paid companion is not, in my not-very-humble opinion.

[Philander39 3705]

I with LeeRichards on this one. My name is Philander39 and I am a cheater.

 

If things fall apart on the home front then the blame is solely with me. But like LeeRichards, I keep my hobbying extremely limited which you can easily see by my posting history. I also make great efforts to keep my hobby discreet. I may be a cheater but I am not a dumb cheater.

 

At the end of the day, I'm happy, my SO is happy, my kids are happy and hopefully the lovely SP who provided her time and energy to fulfill my little fantasy is also happy.

[bcguy42 38594]

My wife lost interest in things sexual quite some time ago. We've had relations exactly once in the last ten years. She made it very clear that I could do what I wanted so long as I did not come home with "the gift that keeps on giving" (STDs) or did not run off into the sunset with someone. We still love and cherish each other. We just don't have sex.

 

So my involvement with SPs is perfect. We both have a vested interest in "safe" encounters. Neither of us is looking for a long term one-on-one relationship. Be that as it may, I have developed friendships with SPs but we both know "it is what it is". And I check in with my Dr on a regular basis to get tested.

 

Am I cheating? Within the framework of the boundaries established between my wife and I, no. To someone outside the relationship who does not know the arrangement who brings their own value judgements to the table, maybe yes.

 

Do I care, so long as they are not in the same room as me and the SP screaming their head off? No.

 

And that's my two bits worth.

[Jabba 18389]

"Cheater!!" Strong words, depending who's saying them. Someone might say I was cheating just for being on this site. Others might argue over getting a massage from the opposite sex would be considered cheating. I believe that morality plays a big part in all this. Would you consider going to a stripclub cheating? I'm sure some gentlemen have had issues with their partners when it comes to having a beer with the guys with beautiful women working nude. I understand if you frequent the place regularly. Again, that is my opinion. I love the female body. If I want to see one, shouldn't I have the right to "view" one. I would never cross the line. A line that has been pre-detemined between to adults. With that said, should one feel guilty for endulging in non-line crossing fun?

 

Umm - what are you trying to say?

Are you asking about EVERYONE'S boundary's? Oh well.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

If you tell your SO about what you do, and the two of you agree, then it's not cheating. If you feel that you can't tell your SO about it, then for you it's cheating.

 

What anyone else thinks, other than you and your SO, is absolutely irrelevant.

 

Exactly...if you can't tell your wife what your doing in fear of hurting her or arguing then it's cheating...be in being on here,chatting to someone ,meeting them for coffee etc...then it's cheating. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the others shoes to see how you would feel...would you mind if she went to see hot male strippers with the girls? Would you mind her chatting with some dude on msn? Would you mind if she met with a guy for lunch? just my thoughts.

[Rounding Third 9568]

Exactly...if you can't tell your wife what your doing in fear of hurting her or arguing then it's cheating...be in being on here,chatting to someone ,meeting them for coffee etc...then it's cheating. Sometimes you have to put yourself in the others shoes to see how you would feel...would you mind if she went to see hot male strippers with the girls? Would you mind her chatting with some dude on msn? Would you mind if she met with a guy for lunch? just my thoughts.

 

 

This is a tough question. Some have suggested you consider if the shoe was on the other foot would you consider your SO's similar activities as cheating? If the answer is yes presumably that proves you are cheating.

 

It is not that simple, the truth is that if my SO engaged in such activities i would not mind. In fact I would embrace it. But that is not a relevant question. The question is does your SO mind what you are doing? The hypothetical question as to what your SO may do is not relevant.

 

There seems to be some consensuses that if you cannot tell your SO what you are doing you are cheating. OK I get it. I cannot tell my SO, therefore I am cheating. NOW WHAT??? Do I stop? Do I live in shame? Do I hate myself? Do I get depressed? Do I drink? Do all of you reading this condemn me for being a cheater? Now what?

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

There seems to be some consensuses that if you cannot tell your SO what you are doing you are cheating. OK I get it. I cannot tell my SO, therefore I am cheating. NOW WHAT??? Do I stop? Do I live in shame? Do I hate myself? Do I get depressed? Do I drink? Do all of you reading this condemn me for being a cheater? Now what?

 

Speaking for myself, I condemn no one. I will judge you only on the basis of your conduct with me. Unless I have heard a negative report from another companion whose opinion I value, that is, in which case I will simply decline any opportunity I may have to meet you.

 

The way I look at it, what happens between you and me is separate from the rest of my life, and yours.

 

Shame and self-hatred are terrible things. If these are some of what you feel, perhaps you might find a good therapist to be helpful to you. Be aware, though, that the therapist will want to talk about your marriage, what it means to you and why you're staying. The answers to these questions will be different for everyone. Our lives may have similarities, but our needs and values are individual.

 

Go easy, friend.....

[roamingguy 300292]

Echoing what Samantha said, I don't think anyone judges (or should judge) someone for participating in this lifestyle. We are all consenting adults, and all have our reasons for being here. A person's relationship is a private matter between you and your SO

Any posts made were in response to the question posed at the beginning of the thread, no judgements should be taken from the replies, well at least from this poster

RG

[LeeRichards 177238]

This is a tough question. Some have suggested you consider if the shoe was on the other foot would you consider your SO's similar activities as cheating? If the answer is yes presumably that proves you are cheating.

 

It is not that simple, the truth is that if my SO engaged in such activities i would not mind. In fact I would embrace it. But that is not a relevant question. The question is does your SO mind what you are doing? The hypothetical question as to what your SO may do is not relevant.

 

There seems to be some consensuses that if you cannot tell your SO what you are doing you are cheating. OK I get it. I cannot tell my SO, therefore I am cheating. NOW WHAT??? Do I stop? Do I live in shame? Do I hate myself? Do I get depressed? Do I drink? Do all of you reading this condemn me for being a cheater? Now what?

 

Life is not simple like you said. Only "you" know what your home situation is like and nobody else. So you look in the mirror every day just like me and make the decisions to do what you feel you need to do. Don't stop if you don't want to, don't live in shame, don't get depressed, and don't feel condemned. Have a drink if you like...I will join you .....Cheers !

 

As far as the shoe being on the other foot ! Well now.....we have all thought about that I am sure. or been there ! At the end of the day here we are on Cerb and hobbying for whatever reason. Not to be judged.

 

Little of this :aol_makeout:and this :makeout: and this this and this :butt::boobeyes::spank: then some of this :rockyou: oops put this on first :condom: thennnn some of this :aol_missionary: and :aol_doggystyle: and then:spermy3:

 

Yup I like my emoticons and to keep things simple and relaxed. Life is short people. Early 40's and have battled cancer. life is good now. I do what I do. My choice !

 

Sorry if I offended anyone by my post.