Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) Well, the definition of cheating seems to have been hammered out pretty well. But another, related question: how many relationships do SPs *save*, by providing a no-strings-attached escape valve for people which carries none of the potential for fallout of a full-blown affair? [edit: as RG suggests, maybe this needs a new thread...] Edited August 16, 2011 by Phaedrus 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rounding Third 9568 Report post Posted August 15, 2011 Yup I like my emoticons and to keep things simple and relaxed. Life is short people. Early 40's and have battled cancer. life is good now. I do what I do. My choice ! Sorry if I offended anyone by my post. I cant imagine anyone being offended by your post Lee, it is very good. I think if anyone is offended, it is by my post. I meant for the questions raised in my post to be rhetorical and did not mean to make the discussion too serious. Having said that we are talking about the subject "cheating" That was the original question. If we are talking about "cheating" then we are talking about judgement. Cheating invloves judgement. You cannot say someone is cheating and not be judging. To say someting is cheating and not be judging...well.. you can't get there from here! Sooo What does this all mean? Well - it seems to me we are here on CERB to enjoy our hobbying with like minded people. Granted , hobbying is complicated because it is not conventional and we often have to deal with stuff in our minds in order to participate. How we do that is on a pesonal basis. Soooo again, sorry if I dampened the mood, lets get back to enjoying ourselves.:handjob: for now (lol) 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 I cant imagine anyone being offended by your post Lee, it is very good. I think if anyone is offended, it is by my post. I meant for the questions raised in my post to be rhetorical and did not mean to make the discussion too serious. Having said that we are talking about the subject "cheating" That was the original question. If we are talking about "cheating" then we are talking about judgement. Cheating invloves judgement. You cannot say someone is cheating and not be judging. To say someting is cheating and not be judging...well.. you can't get there from here! Sooo What does this all mean? Well - it seems to me we are here on CERB to enjoy our hobbying with like minded people. Granted , hobbying is complicated because it is not conventional and we often have to deal with stuff in our minds in order to participate. How we do that is on a pesonal basis. Soooo again, sorry if I dampened the mood, lets get back to enjoying ourselves.:handjob: for now (lol) Well I for one am not offended, either by your posts or the thread in general. If the question of cheating is judgemental, then this is not the place to ask...none of us here, lady and gentleman alike is in a position to judge that aspect of a relationship, or for that matter anyone who partakes in this activity If the question of cheating is a matter between the couple, then the question should be asked to your SO. It is not up to CERBites to answer What we on this board can do, is only offer opinion, support, advice at the most. But at the end of the day, to see ladies is a personal choice for each individual man, and only he can decide whether, for lack of a better word, he is cheating, if it's right or wrong, if he will continue, and if he will let his SO know What I do know, if this lifestyle is causing distress to you, you should probably not continue Some quick thoughts RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma Alexandra 123368 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 This is a tough question. Some have suggested you consider if the shoe was on the other foot would you consider your SO's similar activities as cheating? If the answer is yes presumably that proves you are cheating. It is not that simple, the truth is that if my SO engaged in such activities i would not mind. In fact I would embrace it. But that is not a relevant question. The question is does your SO mind what you are doing? The hypothetical question as to what your SO may do is not relevant. There seems to be some consensuses that if you cannot tell your SO what you are doing you are cheating. OK I get it. I cannot tell my SO, therefore I am cheating. NOW WHAT??? Do I stop? Do I live in shame? Do I hate myself? Do I get depressed? Do I drink? Do all of you reading this condemn me for being a cheater? Now what? I'm not judging anyone nor would I...especially the world I live in...as the saying goes-He Who Lives in a Glass House Shouldn't Throw Stones at Others... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest W***ledi*Time Report post Posted August 16, 2011 ... You cannot say someone is cheating and not be judging.... For clarity's sake ... this statement does not apply to me. In this context, I regard "cheating" to be a technical term. Moral judgments, on the other hand, aren't nearly as simple. They're a whole other can of worms. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kubrickfan 12836 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 This whole thread is getting a bit depressing. I tend to agree with Samantha's post #17 yesterday, but maybe that's just a rationalization. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrgreen760 37785 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 This whole thread is getting a bit depressing. I tend to agree with Samantha's post #17 yesterday, but maybe that's just a rationalization. I do concur, though I can't help but think it would kind of fun and interesting to take the topic further. But that's just me being me :) Peace MG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kubrickfan 12836 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 I do concur, though I can't help but think it would kind of fun and interesting to take the topic further. But that's just me being me :) Peace MG I have no problem with that at all. Its just a bit of a hard look at reality, and that's not a bad thing. And I do have a very good family life. I got clobbered in the stock market last week. Maybe that's the real problem (smile). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tara 1166 Report post Posted August 16, 2011 Anything you do which you feel has to kept hidden from your SO is cheating yourself out of the closest possible intimate relationship you could otherwise enjoy with your SO. Add to that the problem of the SO finding out and feeling you've betrayed the trust she had in you does more damage than any possible moral objections she might also have. If the relationship is pretty much in the dumpster anyway, all it does is crystallize it for both of you and somebody has to acknowledge it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted August 17, 2011 ... this is the one time when it's fantastic to say, "being divorced has its merits." Cheating is no longer an issue. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted August 17, 2011 ... this is the one time when it's fantastic to say, "being divorced has its merits." Cheating is no longer an issue. Being single and unattached ranks right up there too Should thank my ex-g/f for getting pregnant, it broke us up and I called off the wedding. The other one I'd thank, but she'd just start up with the stalking again RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Crafty 305 Report post Posted August 17, 2011 Life is too short to live in fear of approval. Approval for affection, approval of acceptance, approval of self-worth. I've come to the conclusion that being open to your SO is the best policy. At least, in my case. Knowing my true self and sharing that with my SO is the true key to happiness and life without emotional fears. Thank you all for your replies, I have read each one and have appreciated your honesty. hank you. Please continue to post comments as I always enjoy good conversation. Thank you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted August 17, 2011 Being single and unattached ranks right up there too Couldn't agree more. I thought I was enjoying this hobby when years ago I first got into it and I was attached. I had no idea, nothing like how I'm enjoying it now that I'm single....guilt free and no one to worry about hurting....aside from the odd crappy encounter (which, since finding cerb has been VERY rare) there seems to be no downside to his hobby now. I'm in no way judging those guys on here who are "cheating". These are just my own personal views but I personally could never go back to cheating...the guilt I felt when getting home and she was waiting for me with dinner or...even just finding her there asleep in bed....it was too much and almost ruined this hobby for me. The encounters were great but the feelings of guilt afterwards always ruined it for me. If i can't enjoy it to the level that I am now then why bother. For these reasons if I ever do find that "special lady" then that'll be it for me as far as this lifestyle is concerned. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
