how much info is appropriate

[Guest t**i***n]

I was trying to arrange an first meeting with a SP and when asked for my given names, place of employment and #, I replied that I wasn't willing to provide that much info and would not pursue a meeting. The response was that I was a jerk and best beware of her. Was I out of line?

Posted via Mobile Device

[stevecurious 42059]

Out of all the ladies I have met since I began "hobbying" not one, let me be clear ZERO, have asked for my place of employment. That said some ladies do ask for both a first and last name. As far as a phone number is concerned that goes without saying, the same as your name.

[Andee 220524]

Some ladies screen more thoroughly than others, especially travelling ladies because they often have to endure the old "fake booking" routine from others in the area.

 

I am a "same day booker", so all I require is a callback number. But that's me.

[funhrmfun 404]

Wow, I'd never thought people would go so far as to "fake book" to throw off someone else's business! Incredible! Maybe I am just to naive.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

The ladies are fully entitled to ask for any information they wish. Their safety and comfort-level is paramount. Remember -all it takes is one misjudgment by them to lead to personal disaster.

 

On the other hand, potential clients are equally entitled to respectfully decline to provide the information requested, and to politely move on in search of another lady with whom they have a better fit.

 

As long as this mutual exploration of comfort-levels is done with proper tact and respect, neither side should be considered to be "jerks", or to have behaved inappropriately.

[Nathalie L 112512]

I agree with what people have written so far.

 

Another option is to offer the SP you're trying to see a reference (especially if you're reluctant to provide certain information). This can alleviate a lot of misgivings on the part of the SP/MA. This person can hopefully vouch that you aren't a bad date and/or a no show.

 

If you haven't seen anyone yet, than I would suggest moving onto someone new as well. As WiT mentioned, our safety is paramount, and we all have different ways of assuring that based on our own experiences.

[stevecurious 42059]

Geez after reading my first reply to this thread I think I should have had that morning coffee.

 

Let me be clear so there is no confusion on where I stand and what I think. I completely agree that each and every person, male and female alike, have the right to ask for and supply whatever info. they wish. The caffeine less point I was trying to make was I don't believer that asking for and therefore supplying employment info. is necessary IF the gent. provided his name, phone number, board handle, references, etc. As I said I have never been asked for employment info. but then again I have always included all other relevant info. when first contacting a new lady.

 

Clear as mud now that I am caffeinated!

[fortunateone 156618]

Depends on your location. In some areas, sps have to be wary of LE. If she was accustomed to working unlicensed in AB, she would be accustomed to ensuring the client provides this info to be checked. So, you just have to keep in mind what the concerns are for sps in your area. I don't think the concerns of the Ottawa sps are the same as the ones in Nova Scotia, or Alberta, and so on.

 

 

Oodles of U.S. sps require this info, or references. Its their best way to avoid LE. Oodles of American clients provide a whole bunch of info without being asked, for that matter. Like Angela, I'm short notice and don't check that kind of thing out. But I am also in a location that LE isn't knocking on the door, or trying to set up stings of some kind, or bylaws isn't after me as an unlicensed provider so they can ding me with a fine.

 

I've had american clients, and they fully disclose their work history. I've had Canadian clients who call from their workplace for info, then call from their personal cel for address info. I've had two different guys cal from the same workplace, not once but twice (two different companies, 4 different guys). I've had guys call from the courthouse, and city hall, and the fire department they work at, and make appts that way cuz they don't want to use their personal celphones lol.

 

I've had someone call from a payphone for info, then the same one to make the appt, and turned out he was actually working inside my building on another floor. This he shares with me, but doesn't want to share his personal cel phone # lol. (Since an apartment being renovated was two floors below me, I think I could figure out where he was at lol).

 

Sure, you don't have to provide the info requested, and sure that will mean you won't be seeing that particular sp. But if you took the time and effort to call her up expecting to be able to make an appointment, it means she has something you are looking for. You never know what you might be missing out on, for the sake of an illusion of privacy, when the reality is as professionals, sps get this info all the time and don't misuse it.

[roamingguy 300292]

I've seen a number of ladies who have full verification requirements.

That was my real name, board handle (plus pm from that board), phone, email, and reference.

One lady I wanted to see required my workplace phone, but no reference...but since I work in a shared office, I declined. No encounter btw, and no hard feelings. Giving her my office number was outside my comfort zone, and me not giving it was outside her comfort zone, but no hard feelings

I find it a strange reaction for the lady to be rude about you declining your work info. Gentlemen must respect a lady's boundaries...but likewise, a lady should also respect a gentleman's boundaries. If neither the lady or gentleman can work it out, part on amicable terms.

But in no way should anyone question the lady's right for verification. No matter how much some guys protest about privacy concerns, the lady is always at more risk. And complying with verification sure is a great ice breaker to establishing trust

Some quick ramblings

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

. And complying with verification sure is a great ice breaker to establishing trust

Some quick ramblings

RG

 

 

That's often one big reason for it. Reaction to the screening requirements = reaction in person. Compliant and cooperative or balks and tries to get around it. All clues on first encounters.

 

But I would say for work info on its own my guess is it is 99% due to avoiding LE.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

A lot of screening is about getting a feel for the other person, I think. While there are a couple of things I definitely need to know before I meet a gentleman for the first time, I may ask for more information than that if I'm not quite sure about him for some reason. I pay attention to my gut instinct a lot, and I know that it's not fool-proof. Every one of us occasionally takes a call that we later wish we'd declined, just as the men here sometimes report that they've experienced feeling very uncomfortable with some companions and situations.

 

I am always very pleased when a prospective client volunteers important, identifying information about himself. For most of this year, close to 75% of my serious inquirers have given me their names and workplace contact information, unasked, in their second or third e-mail. That means a great deal to me. It means that, not only do they trust me not to misuse that information, but that they want to do as much as they can to ease my mind about my safety, too.

 

Occasionally, someone will contact me and attempt to maintain what he imagines to be an iron-clad anonymity. One said that he would ensure that no one, anywhere, would ever find any way at all to prove that he'd been with me. Curiously, he didn't seem to understand that I wouldn't meet with him because I wasn't sure whether we would be engineering a perfect interlude for our mutual enjoyment, or a perfect crime scene.

 

I've been in this industry for awhile; there's usually a way to satisfy both my safety concerns and the client's need for discretion, as well. I've never been genuinely frightened by anyone who has visited me. I believe this is true both because I can trust my gut instinct and also because the vast majority of men who want to spend time with a paid companion have no interest, no need, no thought of harming her in any way.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I was trying to arrange an first meeting with a SP and when asked for my given names, place of employment and #, I replied that I wasn't willing to provide that much info and would not pursue a meeting. The response was that I was a jerk and best beware of her. Was I out of line?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

You've actually gotten some really complete replies already. I have never had someone request where I work, but I had someone request a photo. That, too, would be a non-starter for me as would giving out my full name. No, by no means were you out of line, but the rule of thumb is that the ladies can ask whatever they want and the guys can decide whether they are willing to do that or not. Another way to view this is that you need to understand that the ladies need to feel secure, but you shouldn't do something you are uncomfortable with or feel you have to give up whatever anonymity you wish to have. As long as you are polite, you should never be called a jerk, nor would I consider a lady a jerk if she asked for a full medical and credit history. A callback number is an almost universal prerequisite and a request for references from other SPs is perfectly reasonable.

 

One great way is to contribute to a forum like this over a period of time so the ladies get to know you a bit and see you're not nuts (smile).

[Andee 220524]

I was trying to arrange an first meeting with a SP and when asked for my given names, place of employment and #, I replied that I wasn't willing to provide that much info and would not pursue a meeting. The response was that I was a jerk and best beware of her. Was I out of line?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

She called you a jerk and made a veiled threat. Seems to me your response was cordial.

 

She is the jerk. Like who would want to give their information now after hearing you best beware of her.

 

Eventually someone will write her up on one of the other boards.

 

Business Suicide.

[roamingguy 300292]

That's often one big reason for it. Reaction to the screening requirements = reaction in person. Compliant and cooperative or balks and tries to get around it. All clues on first encounters.

 

But I would say for work info on its own my guess is it is 99% due to avoiding LE.

 

For the issue of work phone number, and I'm speaking for myself only, I work in a shared office/shared phone number, so a phone call to my workplace would be very awkward. And keep in mind my work life is work, my family knows the number, but only calls in an emergency. And if your not going to phone there, why have the number.

Like I said, I'm cool with verification. If asked I give and have given my full name, phone (and seeing as it's a cell, I'll give my mobile carrier company too if needed), email, board (CERB) handle, with pm to confirm,

a reference (or references if needed).

Underlying all of this is my philosophy that if I'm concerned about a lady knowing this information, then I wouldn't want to see her to begin with.

Just a quick couple thoughts

RG

[EmilyRushton 253372]

I was trying to arrange an first meeting with a SP and when asked for my given names, place of employment and #, I replied that I wasn't willing to provide that much info and would not pursue a meeting. The response was that I was a jerk and best beware of her. Was I out of line?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

I dont think you were out of line, she was but please understand every lady and what she requires to arrange an encounter will vary from companion to companion. If you dont have a reference, I for one have other methods to screen you, one being work info ( but keep in mind I will ask for this if you have made me unsure about things or something does not feel quite right). If a ladies policies are not for you, there are plenty of others who book encounters differently and as long as you know what your comfort level is too book you will have no issues next time.

 

Sorry to hear you had a bad first impression on trying to book with someone.

 

[roamingguy 300292]

I was trying to arrange an first meeting with a SP and when asked for my given names, place of employment and #, I replied that I wasn't willing to provide that much info and would not pursue a meeting. The response was that I was a jerk and best beware of her. Was I out of line?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

Don't let this first time deter or sour you. My first encounter was the date from hell, but if my experience is an example, there are many many more great ladies who are dates from heaven

 

RG

[Guest f***2f***]

I think there are a lot of gents who would be very uncomfortable giving out a workplace phone number, including myself. Last name is another one that many, including myself, would be reluctant to give out. Neither one of these have ever been asked of me for a first time booking so I haven't experienced this kind of screening I guess. I have never provided this info to favorites I repeat with either.

 

I agree that SPs can set their own screening requirements and it is entirely up to them, as is what services they provide. As long as they are aware that they are cutting their potential client base down and shouldn't be immature or unprofessional enough to bad mouth a potential client who is uncomfortable with providing the info. Unless, of course, your response to her could be interpreted as disrespectful or crude.

[EmilyRushton 253372]

As long as they are aware that they are cutting their potential client base down

 

How do you think we are cutting our client base down by screening and asking for information? At the end of the day it is first and foremost about MY personal safety and those who I am visiting with. I for one don't think it decreases any Companions potential client base down, in fact I think it increases it as it shows that a lady is being selective with whom she is visiting with and that her personal safety and well being are being put first buy getting to know and screening her potential dates.

 

Question for you face2face, would you be willing to let some random stranger whom you know nothing about into your personal space, not knowing a single thing about them?

[Guest f***2f***]

 

Question for you face2face, would you be willing to let some random stranger whom you know nothing about into your personal space?

 

I already said it's up to the SP. This is a business and business is about risk management and making oneself available to the public. If your business plan is to have a stringent screening process then you are going to have some people who are not willing to undergo that process, that is up to them.

When I buy something online or at a store if I'm uncomfortable giving out personal information I take a pass on the product or service and go somewhere else...that is my prerogative.

 

I have let random strangers into my personal space in answer to your question.

[VictoriaJolie 64127]

What i don't understand is guys aren't comfortable providing their name to a reputable sp but provide their name and adress at any store to a complete stranger for registration or mailing list purpose...

 

Personally i have a standard procedure i ask and reference is required in some cities..No reference in those cities =providing work informations..Not willing to..No problem come back when you will have a reference

 

Recently i have found myself requiring more information depending on the introduction of the person..If the request made me somehow uneasy by some wording or their online persona i may request more or just denied the request

 

It is a free country where it is not illegal but risks & waste of time is much bigger than in the USA because the average don't ask much to book with an SP

 

p.s on an additional notes i have found that many men been relucant to provide info i requested has happen to not respecting privacy/boundaries themself..Maybe of the why they are so afraid to provide it

As per example they were one gent in Ottawa refusing to provide me his cell phone and was acting quite creepy..Ref wouldn't check out...He end up setting 5 different accounts of email trying to fool me..not respecting my choice to not see him

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I agree that SPs can set their own screening requirements and it is entirely up to them, as is what services they provide. As long as they are aware that they are cutting their potential client base down . . .

 

I understand your point, face2face, and, on the surface it does seem reasonable. But we're not talking about potential customers in a store. You gentlemen are not interchangeable, nor are we ladies. What we're offering is not an ordinary commodity that we both know can be found just as easily down the street.

 

As I see it, the men who do not accept my screening requirements are not part of my potential client base.

 

The only men I will consider meeting are within a particular age group, comfortable with my limits or restrictions, ready to pay my stated fee and willing to provide the information I ask for. I have a very good, established client base, feel no desperation or anxiety about whether there will be clients to see, and I make a very good living. There's no need for me to relax my screening or expand my client base because I'm achieving the results I want.

[Guest f***2f***]

What i don't understand is guys aren't comfortable providing their name to a reputable sp but provide their name and adress at any store to a complete stranger for registration or mailing list purpose...

 

 

There is a big difference. There is a stigma to seeing SPs for people in many professions and of course for those who are in relationships with other people. If an SP contacts a person and crosses one of those boundaries the consequences can be catastrophic.

The fear for the client is that the boundary has the potential to be crossed the more information that is available. Being contacted by a store or spammed is just annoying but it doesn't have career or relationship ending potential.

[VictoriaJolie 64127]

Ditto to us as well which can be harassement...

As SP..Well establish sp is it work...A lady should not abuse of the informations she receive..You can search the history of a lady very easy..We cannot always do it.

Anyway..I'm not here to change someone perspective..

 

To answer the OP..No you were not out of line by what it seem to happened..I have not read the email between the 2 of you.

No insult is need when someone does not wish to comply to some other request...She is lacking in professionalism

Please remember gents..It is a vice versa policies..

If we don't agree it doesn't allow you to insult us

[cat 262460]

My "personal space" is my body which I choose to share with those I feel safe with. I would recommend anyone who has an issue with an SP's booking requirements spend a couple of hours naked with a person who outweighs you by 100lbs, has the ability to do you serious personal harm if they decide to and you know nothing about them but their alleged "first name" and a potentially disposable phone number. After this experience you will be in a position to decide whether or not having reliable, verifiable information is a good or bad business decision. :)

cat

[roamingguy 300292]

There is a big difference. There is a stigma to seeing SPs for people in many professions and of course for those who are in relationships with other people. If an SP contacts a person and crosses one of those boundaries the consequences can be catastrophic.

The fear for the client is that the boundary has the potential to be crossed the more information that is available. Being contacted by a store or spammed is just annoying but it doesn't have career or relationship ending potential.

 

When I began seeing ladies and a newbie member on CERB, my initial gut reaction to providing verification information was no...it's MY privacy

Then, and there is a learning curve here, I stepped back a second and thought this through without the quick emotional (and I think normal reaction) that most guys have

And keep in mind for the ladies, this is their livelihood, their bread and butter it's not a scheme for alterior motives

First, fear of her breaking up your marriage. What does a lady gain by it? Unless she is emotionally hung up on you, a man she knows only by emails/texts/posts on a board/phone call. She has nothing to gain, except career suicide because if she outs you to your SO, she'll never get a client again

Second, who really is at potential risk here. Truth be known, the lady is.

She is as much seeing a stranger for the first time as the guy is. And as much as there are exceptions, women are more likely to be victims of physical violence from men, than men receiving it from women

(btw not painting all men as violent).

Third. Unless your filthy rich, blackmail can't be the reason. Most of us have some disposable income for this activity. If a lady thinks she is going to hit the jackpot well guess again, most of us don't have that type of money. Not to mention again, career suicide for the lady if she tries to blackmail you

Now everyone has to do what is comfortable for them, within their boundaries. If there is a lady you want to see, and requires verification, then comply with it. But if the verification requirements are outside your comfort zone, and you are unwilling to provide the information, understand that by the same token, she will have to decline the encounter

But, and take my word for it, three times I have been verified. My willingness to provide the required information established trust very fast, and led to an encounter with a great lady, another encounter with another lady coming up this week, and once, like ships in the night, our schedules collide LOL, another lady and I will meet. There are some other ladies, that once a date can be established, I'll happily verify with them too

Some quick thoughts

RG