The written word vs the spoken word.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I think that sometimes, especially lately on Cerb, the written word may be taken out of context and thus create a hostile environment. The advent of email and texting has corroded the human connection. Sometimes, a perfectly acceptable and accurate statement can be taken out of context and interpreted in a negative fashion when in fact it was meant to be the opposite. When we speak face to face, seldom do we get the wrong idea about the intent of the comment! My advice is, before jumping all over a post you may disagree with, re-read it and if clarification is required, approach the poster before jumping all over him/her. Let's keep this wonderful playground a fun place to be :)

[roamingguy 300292]

Good thread, and good advice Meg...as always

RG

[stevecurious 42059]

Here, here Meg!

 

For my take on your very relevant thread please read my VERY recent thoughts from another thread! My post is too large to re-write and I don't want to double post.

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=255985&postcount=7

[Kate von Katz 49953]

The single biggest problem with written communication is that the reader doesn't hear the vocal tones of the composer, leaving the reader to impose their own assumptions and presumptions about intonation. Which can end in verbal sparring matches simply because someone misread sarcasm or aggression when none was actually intended. When in doubt, assume the best. When there's a trend to someone's writings, and it's not the odd sentence here and there that makes you wonder, then it's a slightly different story. You can usually tell when people are knowingly being jerks. Best to assume you're reading into it incorrectly and put it out of your mind.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I consider myself as a very diplomatic person. But yet, I do not want to be a push over either. I do not like it when someone has something to say, and you can see the sarcasm, but yet it is sugar coated with fluffy talk. Just like the home page says, if you don`t have anything nice to say don`t say it at all! Hope I am not being offensive, but really you should be able to debate without hurting someones feeling over it. Ignorant is not being stupid, but just uninformed. We can help thoes who are ill-informed without insulting their whole being as an individual. This disscusion forum is to learn from each other.

just sayin:)

[roamingguy 300292]

I consider myself as a very diplomatic person. But yet, I do not want to be a push over either. I do not like it when someone has something to say, and you can see the sarcasm, but yet it is sugar coated with fluffy talk. Just like the home page says, if you don`t have anything nice to say don`t say it at all! Hope I am not being offensive, but really you should be able to debate without hurting someones feeling over it. Ignorant is not being stupid, but just uninformed. We can help thoes who are ill-informed without insulting their whole being as an individual. This disscusion forum is to learn from each other.

just sayin:)

 

Agreed. And just because someone disagrees with you, doesn't or shouldn't equate to disrespect. We can all have different opinions, and voice them...just because two people disagree on a matter shouldn't lead to anger. It isn't diss'ing the person, just expressing a different viewpoint, that's all

RG

[mrgreen760 37785]

As a few threads over the last few weeks have clearly illustrated, debate or discussion can and often does bring emotions to the surface. I concur that with the written word nuance, subtlety and even humour can be easily lost or misunderstood. But I'm not sure there's anything that can change that except not participating in a thread or for folks to be more chill.

 

Should I care if someone I've never met and will never ever meet "disrespects" (a popular word these days) me?....I don't.

 

Seems simple...be kind to each other and don't take shit so seriously...:)

 

Peace

MG

[bewlayb 7480]

I initially ignored the "website" thread because I was not interested in the topic. However, this thread piqued my curiosity, so I read the entire thread from top to bottom to see what caused the train wreck. It was an interesting read and very revealing.

 

When read in one sitting, a few of the posts absolutely do stand out as being particularly inflammatory. Obvious name-calling in one case. Contemptuous remarks in a couple of other cases. Not all posts elicited a reaction (thankfully), but clearly a couple did hit a nerve and generated some strong reactions, for which two members have taken a fair bit of heat. I am not condoning their overreaction, which is what it was, I'm merely pointing out that this wasn't just a case of misunderstood context (although there was a lot of that too). IMHO there was, as Sophia suggests above, some intentional provocation going on as well.

 

Meg rightly points out that we, as readers, need to be vigilant and tolerant when participating in a written-word forum. At the same time I suggest we, as writers, have an additional burden of responsibility to ensure our written contributions are made with only the best of intentions and adherence to our "code of conduct".

[Maverick 2873]

In defense of the written word (yes, I know you weren't attacking it :P), I am a very shy person conversing face-to-face as some of you know, and I find that I am usually more capable of composing my thoughts and making lucid & interesting points when I have the time to write them down. I "get along" much better with people over instant messaging or emails.

 

That said, there are times that things are misunderstood, especially when dealing with sarcasm or some forms of humor.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Sadly it has, some (myself included) consider it more convenient and don't get me wrong they sure are but there are situations where either a call or a face to face conversation is needed in order to get the real message the other party is trying to send.

 

 

 

Yes' date=' we have seen it here on cerb not only on threads but I'm sure also in Pm's and chat but in here that's our way to communicate as unless to make arrangements for a date I don't see members here calling each other but the sad part is that even in our personal lives so many times we prefer a text or an email over a phone call or meeting which so many times leads to misunderstandings plus it takes away the real interaction and connection between 2 people. However on the other hand, sometimes is good to first express or explain something written for the other person to read it over as many times as needed until what the other is saying makes sense and then they can talk about it with a more clear mind (I do it all the time with my parents lol)[/color']

 

Bottom line I guess the key is to learn to know which way of communication is appropiate according to that particular situation and to try not to avoid interacting with others just to be more practical.

 

As in for threads well, I think the only choice here is to always remember to express our opinion and handle our differences with respect and count to ten to not let the emotions respond and give our brains that job.

[Old Dog 179138]

Hmmmm. Maybe we need more emotive fonts? We BOLD things for emphasis, we underline things for importance, we colour things to make them stand out.

 

Do we need an ANGRY font?

 

A sexy font?

 

A silly font?

 

Hmmmm... maybe we should just step back and consider that what might have been said could be interpreted a number of ways and give the benefit of a doubt?

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Giving the benefit of the doubt is wise. After all, if the other person really meant to be offensive, they'll find another opportunity.

 

Everyone benefits when we pause before posting something emotional. Strong feelings matter, but they also cloud most people's writing. One needs to be more cautious when feeling angry, frightened or disdainful than when feeling delighted or celebratory.

 

If you're feeling really charged-up, it's never a bad idea to ask for help. See if someone you respect is online. PM them and tell them that you're steaming over X's post and you want to reply, but you're not sure whether what you want to say will get across in the way you hope. See what they think.

 

There are intense things going on a lot of the time, but no genuine emergencies. It's rarely critical that we reply to a thread immediately. Taking a few minutes to step away from the keyboard, make a pot of tea, talk to the dog, plan dinner or focus on something else for a few minutes is not going to be a poor choice!

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

hahahahaha, laughter is the best medicine! Thanks Old dog for the font posting. You made me giggel on that one! Too cute, no wonder we love ya:)

[Rounding Third 9568]

Aww - None of you know what you are talking about because you are all FULL OF CRAP (just kidding)-- Meg has a great point and there have been lots of good comments on this thread. I am not a frequent poster and in the last few months have not been able to keep up with the going's on CERB as my life has been busy. Having recently "returned" I am surprised at the content and mood of a number of posts. Having said that, I am also delighted that there have been a number of fun threads. For CERB to be all it can be it perhaps it has to go through some turbulent times and it becomes necessary within ourselves (through leaders like Meg) to bring ourselves back in line to our natural purpose, of providing a meaningful forum comfortable for all who choose to participate in this community and the activities therein. Now - Where do I pay my two cents?

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Thank you everyone for the rep points and for seeing the value in my thoughts! Keep up the great positive remarks :)

[futileresistenz 28253]

Great points, Samantha, as well as by everyone.

 

Briefly, I'll add that I've only been here a few days now, testing the waters, and I've come across some great friendly conversational and interesting threads, others in which fun games of some sort are played. So far I have been on the sidelines, consider this my introductory post. How am I doing? :)

 

It's unavoidable that sometimes things get a bit unhinged. Kudos to the admins who keep this place running just about as smoothly as possible.

 

I hope that I will fit in with the fine folks here and make some great friends along the way.

 

I'll show anyone respect if they do the same. Now let's have a good time!

 

FR

fu//nzy? :)