CERB Friends

[Guest C*****tte]

I wanted to post a thread about the Friends section of my profile. I do not add gentlemen to my friends list, only ladies. It is not meant as an affront. It is just that I find this kind of list can be tricky to maintain.

 

The question for me when deciding this was should I be selective or add everyone who asks. What is my criteria? I decided to keep certain things private and avoid hurting feelings. Let me explain...

 

Some ladies only add clients as friends. I have chosen not to do this because I wish for this information to remain private between me and my clients. It is for their discretion and for mine.

 

So why not just add everyone?

 

There are times when I am sent a friend request from someone who I have neither seen nor communicated with. This for me would not fall under the friend category even in the virtual world. I guess I see the word friend as well as the act of friendship differently than others. Call me old school. ;-)

 

So why not just add those who I have exchanged information with, client or otherwise?

 

Now, I would be playing favourites and that is something I do not wish to do publicly.

 

So I stick to those ladies who I have exchanged info with.

 

Sometimes one needs to keep things simple. :-)

 

Thanks in advance for your understanding.

[blue_eyes56 2010]

Thanks Charlotte - a classy and thoughtful explanation. Now I feel less rejected! :icon_smile:

[Cato 160314]

Thanks, Charlotte. This is a very good explanation. I appreciate your sentiments.

In my own case I have a large list of friends. These are all members that I've had some kind of positive interaction with, usually by pm. In the case of women members, it does not imply an endorsement of sp's as providers, except where I also publicly recommend them. It only means that we've had some kind of good virtual connection.

 

I've received some pm's about this, so thanks for the opportunity to clear this up.

[Boomer 33202]

Charlotte, I think you have hit on a great topic that needs some discussion. There are many ways you gain a reputation on a board like this, and I suppose the friends you keep is one of those factors. I've sometimes been uncomfortable accepting some friend requests from women, simply because they've noticed that I've taken a look at their profile. To me that is a simple way of getting around the soliciting rule by PM, which I think can be taken too literally.

[waterat 20911]

Charlotte I agree wholeheartedly with your post. As a relatively new member to cerb I requested friendship status from the ladies I had visited. My intention was that ladies whom I hadn't seen, but wished to visit, might use my 'friends list' to get a reference for me as a client whether they had asked to have a reference provided or simply wished to contact someone other than the ladies I had suggested would offer a reference.

 

Again, you make excellent points that I'm totally in agreement with.

 

J

 

p.s. (What an awkward paragraph. I can't write!)

[Gentleman11 10508]

This has cleared up a couple of things for me at least. The most one important being that one shouldn't take offense if friend requests aren't acknowledged or turned down.

 

Thanks,

 

G11

[PistolPete 61421]

I also have a large list of friends which comes from great communication, and pure enjoyment from each other, may they be gents or ladies they are all good friends. ;) I also fully understand Charlotte's point of view, and have no issue with it.

 

Thanks, Charlotte. This is a very good explanation. I appreciate your sentiments.

In my own case I have a large list of friends. These are all members that I've had some kind of positive interaction with, usually by pm. In the case of women members, it does not imply an endorsement of sp's as providers, except where I also publicly recommend them. It only means that we've had some kind of good virtual connection.

 

I've received some pm's about this, so thanks for the opportunity to clear this up.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

I also have a large list of friends which comes from great communication, and pure enjoyment from each other, may they be gents or ladies they are all good friends. ;) I also fully understand Charlotte's point of view, and have no issue with it.

 

I as well have a number of friends that I really love chatting with. I am sure a huge number I will never have the opportunity to meet. For me there is somthing special about having friends you can be open with and chat with privately , being a SP I keep this out of my personal life and its great for me to have men and women friends to talk about everyday and S P situations as they arise. Each friend I have on here ads something special to my life in his or her very personal way. Its always positive for me as well I'd to ad.

 

Charlotte's perspective is different and that is just fine, we are all indivudals with different needs and wants. I feel very lucky to be involved with people where we can be so very different and still respect each other in a supportive manner.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

In my case the members that are in my friend's list are there because in a way they have touched/moved me, some I have met some I have not (at least not that I know of ;) ) and probably I never will but they have either put a smile on my face or given me a genuine compliment, taken the the time to give advice/support, inspired me somehow or any other positive contribution, I even have members whose accounts are no longer active but having them there reminds me of them so I don't plan on deleting them, at least not for now, in fact there have been a couple of times when differences came up with friends I had there, I never deleted them as it was nothing serious and there once was a good reason to have them in that list and friends have good and bad days, I know is not the same with friends here but kind of. I don't randomly accept or send requests, before I used to send a PM thanking them for the request hoping they would respond and give me an idea on why they wanted me to add them to my list but I rarely got a reply so I just add those who actually take the time to communicate with me in one way or another. Wow I think I just made waterat's post the clearest one as mine could not be more confusing lol.

[whatsup 11893]

In my case the members that are in my friend's list are there because in a way they have touched/moved me, some I have met some I have not (at least not that I know of ;) ) and probably I never will but they have either put a smile on my face or given me a genuine compliment, taken the the time to give advice/support, inspired me somehow or any other positive contribution, I even have members whose accounts are no longer active but having them there reminds me of them so I don't plan on deleting them, at least not for now, in fact there have been a couple of times when differences came up with friends I had there, I never deleted them as it was nothing serious and there once was a good reason to have them in that list and friends have good and bad days, I know is not the same with friends here but kind of. I don't randomly accept or send requests, before I used to send a PM thanking them for the request hoping they would respond and give me an idea on why they wanted me to add them to my list but I rarely got a reply so I just add those who actually take the time to communicate with me in one way or another. Wow I think I just made waterat's post the clearest one as mine could not be more confusing lol.

 

Great post Isa G, If you can communicate with someone in a positive manner, why not add them to your friends list. Maybe you have or have not met , but If you get along on this board, let`s make friends.

[Guest C*****tte]

A few people have mentioned corresponding with friends which was not the point of my thread. It was about the friend listing not the exchanges people have on a message board via chat, PMs etc...

 

I certainly do those things. I am happy to text with previously seen clients just to catch up. I just choose to not list them publicly here at CERB.

 

In any case, I don't want people to think just because I do not list you as a friend on a message board that I am not friendly or feel a connection towards those I have meaningful exchanges with. I very much do.

[Cato 160314]

Thank you, Charlotte. My point about exchanges had to do with how I select people who will be on my friend list, rather than about the pleasures of social interaction itself, though these are undeniable.

 

I found your clarification, in your original post, to be very helpful.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

To be perfectly honest, I have never put any thought into what the friend function means. I accept anyone who asks to be added as a friend but I rarely ask to be added. To me, it's kinda just a box at the right hand of my profile page. Once in awhile, I will go thru the list to jog my memory about someone I haven't communicated to in awhile, but other than that, it's just a nice feature of the site.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I just add everyone. I'm lazy and if you want to be my "friend" so be it!

 

So yeah, if you're checking out my friends list, it is not specific to only clients I've seen or only ladies I've met. If you asked to be added, I added you.

 

I've wondered about perhaps only including ladies I've met and going the same route as you Charlotte, but again, lazy. I mean, come on, I'd have to go through and delete a whole bunch of people! That's too much effort! (sarcasm) (side note: does anyone know of any way to indicate that what you've written is sarcastic in tone without having to write in brackets afterwards, I mean this sarcastically?)

[Old Dog 179138]

For me, the friend's list is for people who have made me smile... either by asking to be my friend, or people with whom I have had interactions that have brought me some sort of positive feeling.

 

There is no hard and fast rule as to what it is to be used for... it's ostensibly a list of names for the casual user. I find it nice to go back and have a look to see names that have disappeared, or have been on hiatus. It's like a time machine for smiles.