Is it rude...

[WearAJimmy 101]

To ask an SP to provide proof that she is STD/HIV free?

 

Last month I experienced condom slippage for the first time and was "inside" the lady for several minutes before I realized. She assured me she was negative and gets tested every 2 months. However, this didn't put my mind at ease. Thankfully everything turned out okay but this experience had really put me off.

 

Any advice from members and SP's alike is welcome.

[Guest E*******h S******s]

Personally, it isn't something that I would ever provide as any proof would have my real name and health number on it. Without that identifying information, you could be looking at the results for anyone.

 

I would like to suggest however, that we are likely far safer than somebody you would pick up in a bar or even somebody that you may be dating. You are already aware that we are high risk and that it behooves us to get checked regularly in order to keep ourselves and our clients safe. If we don't do that, we no longer have a business. Very few people not in this industry get checked as often as we do.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Do you have a proof that you yourself are STD/HIV free?. If you provide that proof to the SP then I guess it is okay to ask for one in return however, I am not sure a great percentage of SPs in general have or will provide the proof you are seeking.

[Andee 220524]

Yes, it is rude!

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Yes it is rude. Why not just go get tested yourself??

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

Do you have a proof that you yourself are STD/HIV free?. If you provide that proof to the SP then I guess it is okay to ask for one in return however, I am not sure a great percentage of SPs in general have or will provide the proof you are seeking.

 

 

This is exctly what I thought.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

To ask an SP to provide proof that she is STD/HIV free?

 

Last month I experienced condom slippage for the first time and was "inside" the lady for several minutes before I realized. She assured me she was negative and gets tested every 2 months. However, this didn't put my mind at ease. Thankfully everything turned out okay but this experience had really put me off.

 

Any advice from members and SP's alike is welcome.

 

I agree with what Elizabeth has said. I get tested every two months at a free clinic. The test results have no identifying information on them so, while they're meaningful to me, you would never know if they were my results or someone else's.

 

Most independent, indoor sex workers are almost rabid about safe sex practices and won't compromise or perform bareback services for additional fees.

 

Frankly, I'm more concerned about your experience of condom slippage. This is something your companion could not have known about in advance. Slippage usually happens when a man loses his erection, partially or fully. He may also have decreased sensation when he's softer.

 

My very strong advice to you is to use a cock ring from now on. You can find them in adult toy stores. They come in several different configurations. Some are stretchy acrylic. Decide what you think you'll be most comfortable using. When the condom goes on, put the cock ring on next. It will hold the condom in place and it will also help you maintain your erection. However, even if you don't stay hard, the condom won't slip off.

 

Don't be embarrassed about using a cock ring! Most of us are very familiar with them and find them to be a terrific accessory to help middle-aged and older men have a complete, fulfilling experience.

[WearAJimmy 101]

Thanks for everyone's contributions. I hope nobody took this the wrong way as I certainly did not mean it in a negative manner. As for the question of whether or not I have proof that I am HIV or STD free, I would gladly provide the information to a SP if she required it. Although I do understand if SP's are uncomfortable providing that sort of information.

 

Additional Comments:

I agree with what Elizabeth has said. I get tested every two months at a free clinic. The test results have no identifying information on them so, while they're meaningful to me, you would never know if they were my results or someone else's.

 

Most independent, indoor sex workers are almost rabid about safe sex practices and won't compromise or perform bareback services for additional fees.

 

Frankly, I'm more concerned about your experience of condom slippage. This is something your companion could not have known about in advance. Slippage usually happens when a man loses his erection, partially or fully. He may also have decreased sensation when he's softer.

 

My very strong advice to you is to use a cock ring from now on. You can find them in adult toy stores. They come in several different configurations. Some are stretchy acrylic. Decide what you think you'll be most comfortable using. When the condom goes on, put the cock ring on next. It will hold the condom in place and it will also help you maintain your erection. However, even if you don't stay hard, the condom won't slip off.

 

Don't be embarrassed about using a cock ring! Most of us are very familiar with them and find them to be a terrific accessory to help middle-aged and older men have a complete, fulfilling experience.

 

Haha, I'm only 24 and in excellent shape! I have no idea how it slipped off.. I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of losing my erection. When I pulled out to finish, I realized what had happened.

[Annessa 22743]

In the end we all have to be responsible for our own sexual health. Asking an SP to reassure you is not taking full responsibility of your own health....its asking her to reassure you that you're safe, and no SP can do that because we're SPs...not doctors.

 

Best to go get tested regularly if you are having multiple partners (this includes SPs and especially non SPs)..... asking someone if they are sure they are clean and asking for proof is kinda like asking someone if they're lying....or at least it feels like it on our end.

[roamingguy 300292]

Yes, it is rude!

 

Angela said it best, yes it is rude, very rude, especially under the circumstances you describe

RG

[scribbles 6031]

I find these questions and people's responses to it fascinating.

 

Any sexual interaction involves an element of risk and a concurrent amount of trust. The higher the risk, the more trust is required. Only the individual can decide how much risk or how little trust they can tolerate.

I think it's misleading to say an SP is likely safer than someone you pick up in a bar. That depends on the SP and the bar chick. A very promiscuous woman you pick up in a bar still reasonably has far less sex and far fewer partners than an average SP. The SP is far more likely to always use protection, but that doesn't mean the bar chick doesn't. The SP quite likely gets tested regularly, but this is neither guaranteed nor does it completely discount the possibility that bar chick does too.

So, do your own calculus, but based on degree of "promiscuity" the SP is the greater risk, though this is mitigated more than bar chick by the fact that self interest suggests greater responsibility with protection and testing. Figure out if you have enough trust and can accept this much risk, same as you would with bar chick.

 

To the OP, I don't think it's any more rude than an SP or client insisting on a CBJ. In both cases, it implies that trust is lacking, which isn't entirely unreasonable. But, don't be surprised if proof cannot be provided, or if you are asked as well. What would you do if proof was not made available? If you would still go through with it, why bother asking in the first place?

 

To the ladies, I can understand how questions like this can be perceived as insulting, but it's a result of a cultural over-awareness of sexual health issues and unfortunate stereotyping of sex workers. Putting a condom on one of us is a sign that you value your health, and asking questions simply signifies the same of us. It's ignorant, but not malicious, that a client would require greater assurances from you than from a one night stand. Until the industry is brought into more mainstream acceptance, ignorance is going to be very difficult to overcome.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

... proof that she is STD/HIV free....

 

Remember that, all other considerations aside, any test result for anyone is only valid at the moment it was taken.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

Hello Scribbles :)

 

I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by the following...

To the OP, I don't think it's any more rude than an SP or client insisting on a CBJ. In both cases, it implies that trust is lacking, which isn't entirely unreasonable.

Would you mind explaining it to me?

 

 

Thanks in advance!

[scribbles 6031]

I just meant that covering for a BJ is done because the SP or client is taking the precaution against possible infection. This wouldn't be necessary if there was 100% trust that the SP/client is clean (which is what I meant by lack of trust).

 

The same lack of trust is why some people would ask the question.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

I just meant that covering for a BJ is done because the SP or client is taking the precaution against possible infection. This wouldn't be necessary if there was 100% trust that the SP/client is clean (which is what I meant by lack of trust).

 

The same lack of trust is why some people would ask the question.

Thanks for the explanation, Scribbles :)

 

In an SP/client type of "relationship" I don't believe trust has anything to do with it.

The risk factors involved play a major role in this particular situation.

 

Trusting "you" won't lower my risks but if I play safe, I'm automatically lowering them ;)

[scribbles 6031]

Fair point. Maybe trust is a poor choice of word anyways. "Faith"? I mean, it's all about risk vs reward. And, if you don't have enough reason to believe you are not critically at risk, you won't do it for the reward.

[datyaddict 2174]

Trusting "you" won't lower my risks but if I play safe, I'm automatically lowering them ;)

 

I don't know if it's just me being naive, but I thought we'd reached the point where condom use was just accepted as being a good idea on its own merits, and we had outgrown any connotations of mistrust or anything like that.

 

I've never thought of it being about trust. Being naked, alone in a room with a stranger is trust<g>. You use condoms for the same reason you don't shower together with a toaster - it's just safety.

 

And as the poet said,

SAFE sex doesn't mean NO sex...

... it just means 'Use Your Imagination' ;)

[LeeRichards 177238]

For the OP.

 

Is there ever a guarantee? No. Recent test results or not. I personally wouldn't ask. If I felt there was a need to ask, then I wouldn't be meeting with them.

 

I would say if you are going to ask, do it in initial correspondence and not when you meet. You will either get a voluntary yes they will, or probably in most cases you won't meet the lady. Just speculation there.

 

As far as the condom sliding off .... for any one of us, hey, they don't know where our peckers have been either ?

 

 

A comment I have for the bar scene. I have spent many many a night in the bar as well as several years as a part time bartender.......sex with a reputable SP who practices safe sex (not talking bbbj or daty....talking intercourse) ... or with a drunk chick from the bar....hmmm A reputable, safe SP wins that one hands down in my eyes.

 

Just my opinion.

.

[Guest E*******h S******s]

I think it's misleading to say an SP is likely safer than someone you pick up in a bar. That depends on the SP and the bar chick. A very promiscuous woman you pick up in a bar still reasonably has far less sex and far fewer partners than an average SP. The SP is far more likely to always use protection, but that doesn't mean the bar chick doesn't. The SP quite likely gets tested regularly, but this is neither guaranteed nor does it completely discount the possibility that bar chick does too.

So, do your own calculus, but based on degree of "promiscuity" the SP is the greater risk, though this is mitigated more than bar chick by the fact that self interest suggests greater responsibility with protection and testing. Figure out if you have enough trust and can accept this much risk, same as you would with bar chick.

 

 

With all due respect, with the exception of perhaps a glass of wine, alcohol doesn't normally play a big part in an appointment with an SP. Alcohol tends to make people careless.....and stupid. Women in a bar are drinking alcohol.

 

Also, something that consistently surprises me is the number of women outside of this industry, 40+, who labour under the misconception that only younger men are at risk for STDs and therefore don't bother with condoms.

 

I still say that we are safer.

[VedaSloan 119179]

A few things.

 

To address the original question: Yes, it is rude, and it shows that you are not taking responsibility for your own actions. You weren't worried about STD's until after the condom slipped off, so why is it now okay to ask the SP to prove she's clean? You are responsible for your own sexual health. That means getting tested regularly and having safe sex. When condoms slip or break, go and get tested again. It's as simple as that. By asking an escort if she'll show you her tests to prove she's healthy, you are placing the onus on her to provide a safe experience. And as I said, it is up to you to ensure your own sexual health.

 

Sex workers are safer sex experts and use safer sex supplies at rates much higher than the general public.

 

To address the assumption that sex workers are obviously sleeping with more partners than the average woman--it all depends. But to assume that because we're sex workers we have more partners--well that's just silly. You cannot know the number of partners we may or may not have. So don't assume that we're all high volume, sleeping with as many partners as we can. We'd all burn out pretty quick if that were the case.

 

And I have to agree with Elizabeth Saunders--involving alcohol increases the chances of doing something stupid, such as having unsafe sex. You're more likely to catch something from a random chick at a bar than an escort.

 

With regard to HIV only, I'd just like to point out that sex workers are not even considered a high risk by Public Health Canada.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

With regard to HIV only, I'd just like to point out that sex workers are not even considered a high risk by Public Health Canada.

 

That's true. However, the Canadian Blood Services eliminate anyone who has had taken money for sex at any time since 1977. They also eliminate anyone who has paid money for sex. Anyone who has had sex with someone whose sexual background they didn't know is also not allowed to donate blood.

[Annessa 22743]

On a very recent personal note I have a couple close girl friends that know what i do...well one of their boyfriends broke up with them a year ago and him and I are good pals, but somehow I found out last week that it was spread that we were sleeping together (not the case)....anyway that rumour didn't hurt as much as the one from the same gal-friend that went "oh man....you know shes a hooker right? [to the guy's ex girlfriend] you should go get tested for everything! especially HIV...like RIGHT NOW!"...meanwhile this guy had been with a lot of other bar chicks celebrating his new-found single-ness....but it was especially important that he get tested after all those flings because of the potential that he might have been with ME, an escort.

 

I ended up telling her that if she was still boning the dude in question she should get herself tested anyway and him likewise but it made me wanna bang my head against the wall that they knew he was promiscuous but it only became an issue to get tested when I apparently (but wasn't ) involved.

 

I wont lie....before becoming an escort I had some fun drunken bar flings where I woke up the next morning and went "what was I thinking...no condom?" but my first move wasn't calling up the dude and asking him if he was clean to make me feel better and leaving it at that......it was getting my ass to the clinic and getting a professional to ease my mind.

 

As escorts we not only owe it to our clients to be clean but we also owe it to OURSELVES to not make the same mistakes that alcohol, youth or just plain stupidity involve......we love your bodies gents but we also treasure our own and we treat your bodies with the same respect we would our own. Sorry to vent but we will ensure that your body is safe.....but you have to do your part to make sure we are too.

[whatsup 11893]

I can understand at the moment when the incident happened that the OP was concerned (mind conjuring up thoughts) about his health and well being.

 

It is a sensitive question that he asked and I can see how it could be deemed as rude. I am sure he was only looking for reassurance that all is well.

 

In the end. it is up to each and everyone of us to take care of our own personal health and get the reassurances that we need.

[sonoma 431]

It seems that the majority of people think that OP question, after what happen to them (I include the sp since she probably was as worried as the OP was) would be rude and that everyone is responsible for there own health (in this case I think everyone was taking precaution but unfortunately soemthing happen).

 

This got me thinking, would you guys thin it's less rude to ask for proof before starting a session?

Posted via Mobile Device

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

This got me thinking, would you guys thin it's less rude to ask for proof before starting a session?

Posted via Mobile Device

I'm curious to find out... What is the purpose of asking for an anonymous and time sensitive piece of paper

before a rendez-vous?

 

Additional comments:

If you do not believe that the lady cares about her health and yours maybe, after all,

she is not the companion for you.