Is it rude...

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I find these questions and people's responses to it fascinating.

 

Any sexual interaction involves an element of risk and a concurrent amount of trust. The higher the risk, the more trust is required. Only the individual can decide how much risk or how little trust they can tolerate.

I think it's misleading to say an SP is likely safer than someone you pick up in a bar. That depends on the SP and the bar chick. A very promiscuous woman you pick up in a bar still reasonably has far less sex and far fewer partners than an average SP. The SP is far more likely to always use protection, but that doesn't mean the bar chick doesn't. The SP quite likely gets tested regularly, but this is neither guaranteed nor does it completely discount the possibility that bar chick does too.

So, do your own calculus, but based on degree of "promiscuity" the SP is the greater risk, though this is mitigated more than bar chick by the fact that self interest suggests greater responsibility with protection and testing. Figure out if you have enough trust and can accept this much risk, same as you would with bar chick.

Sex workers are not a high-risk group for STD's or STI's.

[WearAJimmy 101]

For all the people who are saying that one should be responsible for his own sexual health, I completely agree with you. I was taking responsibility for my sexual health and have always used protection, no exception. However, this incident was out of both our control, we were both safe.

 

After something like that happens, the next logical step is to ask about somebody's status. Because that's all you can really do. I wasn't about to act like nothing happened. Maybe it was for reassurance? Maybe it was for peace of mind? Who knows? But I had to do something.

 

I never expected a condom to break or slip with me because I am fairly experienced with them and know how to use them. So when this happened, I realized that condom failures are a real possibility. I don't want to go through that sort of experience again so that's why I asked the question. I think if anything, I'm being extra responsible, lol.

 

Again, I don't mean to be rude to anyone here. I respect what everybody has to say.

[Guest E*******h S******s]

Actually, the next logical step is to go to a doctor and get tested. THAT would be taking responsibility for your OWN sexual health. The only true reassurance you can get is a clean bill of health from a licensed medical practitioner.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

After something like that happens, the next logical step is to ask about somebody's status. Because that's all you can really do.

What about getting tested? That would be the next logical step I would take.

 

EDIT: Elizabeth beat me to it.

[scribbles 6031]

I think he meant right then and there in the moment, reflexively. Frankly, I think that would be the first question out of a lot of guys and ladies mouths in a bar pickup or relatively-new-relationship situation as well.

[Andee 220524]

I think he meant right then and there in the moment, reflexively. Frankly, I think that would be the first question out of a lot of guys and ladies mouths in a bar pickup or relatively-new-relationship situation as well.

 

You would think, but in my experience, it's not. I go to some local bars around my area for karaoke etc., and I often get hit on by guys in their late 30's to mid-50s. Whenever I bring up the issue of protection (not that I would actually end up taking any of these losers home), I find 99% of the guys admit they "never" wear condoms. Then they add "why do you ask, aren't you clean" or "you can't get pregnant anymore, or "I'm fixed, so what are you worried about".

 

Honest!

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

You would think, but in my experience, it's not. I go to some local bars around my area for karaoke etc., and I often get hit on by guys in their late 30's to mid-50s. Whenever I bring up the issue of protection (not that I would actually end up taking any of these losers home), I find 99% of the guys admit they "never" wear condoms. Then they add "why do you ask, aren't you clean" or "you can't get pregnant anymore, or "I'm fixed, so what are you worried about".

 

Honest!

 

For sure! I continue to be amazed by the number of men 50+ who object to using condoms because they've been "fixed" or they think that STIs are only an issue for young men and women. Too often, pointing out to them that STIs are spreading more rapidly among older people than among the young only leads to statements about how I must be paranoid or easily taken in to believe such stuff!

[Guest S***dst***]

I've been in a similar situation myself.

 

I'm an average size guy and she was REALLY getting into it, grinding harder and wilder..long story short the condom broke and we each found out almost immediately.

At first I was scared, fear is natural, but my first thought wasn't to ask her if she was clean of STD's. At first I was glad it broke when it did, as I was approaching the Point of no return (if you catch my drift) afterwards we sat and talked about it; which actually turned out to be a great conversation.

 

My second thought was to go and get myself tested.

 

I understand where you are coming from but (and perhaps it's just my way of looking at things) it has happened already. I find a lot of people don't see things this way. It happened, it's over with, you can't change that fact, don't get caught up on it. Look for the solution not the issue.

IF she had something you now do too. If not, GREAT.

The only logical conclusion is to go get tested (which you would have to do anyway to confirm you had the disease and get treated if need be)

[WearAJimmy 101]

You would think, but in my experience, it's not. I go to some local bars around my area for karaoke etc., and I often get hit on by guys in their late 30's to mid-50s. Whenever I bring up the issue of protection (not that I would actually end up taking any of these losers home), I find 99% of the guys admit they "never" wear condoms. Then they add "why do you ask, aren't you clean" or "you can't get pregnant anymore, or "I'm fixed, so what are you worried about".

 

Honest!

 

Scribbles has it right. Reflexively, that's just something I asked. I obviously did get tested and thankfully everything turned out okay. But, the point of this is not going through this experience ever again because it was nerve wracking. I had to wait 6 weeks before I was able to get a conclusive result.

 

I can't speak for older gentlemen but I'm only 24. I get around A LOT and I always use protection. I always wear condoms, no exception. Even for head. Safer sex protocols involve knowing your partner's status as well as using protection.

[Andee 220524]

I can't speak for older gentlemen but I'm only 24. I get around A LOT and I always use protection. I always wear condoms, no exception. Even for head. Safer sex protocols involve knowing your partner's status as well as using protection.

 

Good for you and good to hear!

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Safer sex protocols involve knowing your partner's status as well as using protection.

Yes, and knowing your own status too!

[Guest E*******h S******s]

Scribbles has it right. Reflexively, that's just something I asked. I obviously did get tested and thankfully everything turned out okay. But, the point of this is not going through this experience ever again because it was nerve wracking. I had to wait 6 weeks before I was able to get a conclusive result.

 

I can't speak for older gentlemen but I'm only 24. I get around A LOT and I always use protection. I always wear condoms, no exception. Even for head. Safer sex protocols involve knowing your partner's status as well as using protection.

 

And if you get around as much as you say you do, you should really get tested for ALL STD/STIs (not just HIV) at least every 3 or 4 months. Not even condoms protect against everything.

[ngtime 560]

If there is any exchange of body fluids then there is potential for STD's. that can even be DFK. Yes I have heard both parties say "don't worry I'm clean". That can be dangerous. Safe sex using a condom and staying away from any activity of body fluid transfer can still be enjoyable.

[Andee 220524]

If there is any exchange of body fluids then there is potential for STD's. that can even be DFK. Yes I have heard both parties say "don't worry I'm clean". That can be dangerous. Safe sex using a condom and staying away from any activity of body fluid transfer can still be enjoyable.

 

HPV (genital warts) can be spread from skin to skin contact (no fluids).

[Capital Hunter 18263]

HPV (genital warts) can be spread from skin to skin contact (no fluids).

 

I think both oral and genital forms of herpes too, if open sores are present. Even without but much less likely.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I think both oral and genital forms of herpes too, if open sores are present. Even without but much less likely.

 

True! Also, there's not a lot of point distinguishing between oral and genital herpes since one can have oral herpes lesions on one's genitals and genital herpes lesions on one's mouth. With up to 90% of adults infected with either or both forms of herpes world-wide, and up to 5% of those unknowingly shedding the virus when they're not having any physical symptoms, we can never be sure that we or our partners don't have herpes.

 

In the News section there's a report of a woman who is suing her former partner because, she says, he didn't disclose to her that he had herpes when they began to have sex. She was able to have him charged with aggravated sexual assault. bcguy42 provided some very helpful information about herpes and where the panic came from.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

If you meet a provider and an accident happens and you ask if she is std free, what is that going to prove? She can tell you what you want to hear but at the end of the day it isn't going to matter unless you yourself go get tested!

 

And speaking of asking if SPs are STD free, I once met a client who did DATY and then had the nerve to ask this a day later via text if i was STD free. he was frantic about it. He said he normally doesn't perform DATY but was so turned on that he HAD to do it. Okay guy, so it wasn't a life or death situation to do this and here you are placing the onus on me. You have to remember that when some guys ask are you STD free aside from an actual accident happening, it is THEIR guilty conscience talking. I told him I was mad and offended. I told him to go get tested. Don't dare turn it around on an SP when you decide to do something you have absolute control over. What a maroon!

 

Additional Comments:

For sure! I continue to be amazed by the number of men 50+ who object to using condoms because they've been "fixed" or they think that STIs are only an issue for young men and women. Too often, pointing out to them that STIs are spreading more rapidly among older people than among the young only leads to statements about how I must be paranoid or easily taken in to believe such stuff!

 

Yes. I have heard this firsthand when I first started out as an escort and still hear it on the rare ocassion from an older guy.. "Can I just rub it up against you or stick in just for a minute? I won't cum inside?" When I obviously said no and have to give them a lecture from a 20 something woman to a 60 year old dude, they looked at me like I had 10 heads. Nice way to ruin the mood. I kicked these guys to the curb immediately. Actually some guys think nothing will happen if they rub up against you unprotected yet these are the guys who will cry bloody murder to the escort if she ended up letting him do it and blame it all onher because she is the "dirty one". Ever hear of HPV? Sex workers are more educated on STDS than regular women who have one night stands.

[sonoma 431]

I love this thread unfortunately I think we don't talk enough about the risk factor on this site I've notice a new thread about STI fact this morning that very well written.

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