sighkologic 100 Report post Posted September 16, 2011 Hi All/anyone, I am returning to my "hobby" after quite a break. In a previous life I used agencies, but then moved to the indie sector. After over five years, I see that SP's now like references for new clients. Ito some extent I can see the logic of this, but it does present something of a "Catch-22" initially. So I have a couple of questions which I hope will not sound too dumb: What brought about the need for references? Is there an acceptable and straightforward alternative? (I do see some "check" services, but they look a little "dodgy" to me). Absent that, what is the etiquette around these references? Should the provider of the reference be asked first. How do SP's feel about being asked for them? Thanks for your indulgence, S Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted September 17, 2011 (edited) After over five years, I see that SP's now like references for new clients. Ito some extent I can see the logic of this, but it does present something of a "Catch-22" initially. So I have a couple of questions which I hope will not sound too dumb: There are no dumb questions. There are only dumb answers. Also, it's waaaay better to ask a stupid question than to make a stupid mistake :) There have been quite a few threads on references on here: here's one (there are others, but I was too lazy to look further). What brought about the need for references? Well, the ladies will be able to give you a better answer than me, but in a nutshell: as with everything like this, it's the small minority that screw things up for everyone. It's all about the safety of the SPs, and about them taking whatever steps they need to to feel safe when putting themselves in a position where they're alone with a complete stranger. Is there an acceptable and straightforward alternative? (I do see some "check" services, but they look a little "dodgy" to me). Well, some ladies don't ask for references at all, but they'll probably have other screening methods. The may use third-party reference sources like the 'check' services, or they may just want to chat for a bit (by email, pm, phone, whatever) to get a feel for who you are. There are also a few threads around where guys have questioned the need to give out as much personal information as some ladies ask for and have generally been shot down in flames. If a SP asks for information you're not prepared to divulge then you just don't see her, that's all. At the end of the day, each individual SP will do as much or as little screening as it takes for her to feel comfortable and safe seeing you, and if she isn't comfortable she probably won't see you :) Absent that, what is the etiquette around these references? Should the provider of the reference be asked first. How do SP's feel about being asked for them? Not sure what others do, but I've always contacted the lady who I'm going to ask for the reference first to check she's OK with it and tell her who it's for, so it doesn't come as a complete surprise. And AFAIK most SPs are absolutely fine with giving references, since it's all for the safety and well-being of other SPs. They're not going to get pissy about you seeing someone else... after all, they have other clients. As for the Catch-22 you mention above with getting started - I don't think it's necessarily that bad. Some ladies don't ask for references, and I think some that do will screen via other methods if you can't provide one. If in doubt, you can always drop the object of your desires a mail to explain that you're just getting back into things, and ask if she's OK with alternative screening methods. Edited September 17, 2011 by Phaedrus typo 6 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted September 17, 2011 Not all ladies require references, nor require verification. Couple options right off the top of my head First, you can see a lady who doesn't have a reference/verification requirement. Second option, if a lady you wish to see has a reference/verification requirement, explain to her your situation, if you are up front, polite and respectful, she will likely have other methods available to screen you Third, use a third party reference service (ie Date Check etc) Good luck RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
