Taking Care Of Yourself?

[KaceyKatzegeist 152]

Okay, so I've got friends who are all worried about me entering this profession. Everyone has been big on the "get a weapon" idea.

 

I figured I'd dip in and see what you ladies do to make sure that you're going to be safe when you have clients.

[castle 38816]

This might be a good question for the SP-only area. I don't like to think that way but there could possibly be some unscrupulous people on here who could potentially take advantage of the knowledge of what certain women do to protect themselves or where they hide certain protective devices.

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[ottawaadventurer 5114]

I could not agree more - there are some elements of the profession us clients have no business knowing about and I think this may well be one of them.

[GHT 798]

Statistics show that the most likely person to get hurt by that weapon is you. You're better off not having one IMO.

[qwertyaccount 15793]

You already have the best weapon - it is between your ears.

[Code Blue 3585]

The best approaches are to have prevention and harm reduction combined.

 

The Hobbyists don't need to know about either.

 

If it doesn't feel safe, don't do it.

 

CB

[Guest h**m****3]

I wish we lived in a world where this would no tbe necessary. If you are going to go down that road and get a weapon, I suggest 2 things.

 

-make it a good one (excluding fire arms)

-be prepared to use it

[NotchJohnson 214123]

If you think you need a weapon I would suggest to study in martial art. Probably the easiest to conceal and it is a good discipline to have.

[Carley Chase 18985]

The most important thing is to trust your gut. If your instincts are telling you something is wrong, than be calm and immediately leave that situation. Your screening process is very important. Make sure you get a name. An unprivate number where your company can be reached at. You can ask for references. Also ALWAYS let some one you trust know where you are. Never go anywhere with out someone else knowing. That is a key factor in my opinion. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to pm me. Anytime.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey :wink:

Sending you love and hugs xox

[cat 262460]

The most vital weapon to have is clear thinking mind. I have never been in a challenging situation where a weapon would have helped. It was always clear, focused thinking and strong communication skills that saved my skin. Carley is right, do the work verifing before the appointment; that will eliminate almost all difficult guests, then stay sharp during the appointment. Your intuition is your best resource at that point and will guide you if you stay aware and focused.

One of the skills I have found most useful is a daily focus on compassion and I believe that it has been the reason I can count on one hand the incidences I have had in my career. Genuine care and concern can change the energy of an interlude and disarm most bad attitudes in short order.

Trust yourself.

cat

[BownChickaBown 4829]

I could not agree more - there are some elements of the profession us clients have no business knowing about and I think this may well be one of them.

 

...I completely disagree 110%, as in my opinion, ignorance is not bliss, and knowledge is power. This is the Information Age for a reason ;)

 

If there is danger in the business, toward ladies or clients, we should all educate ourselves and be aware of it, and not be apathetic in conformity to turning a blind-eye to it possibly happening to others and hope it never happens to us, or someone we know. I know Ottawa has it's shady under-belly and can be a dangerous place at times like any other city - but like other replies in this thread, I agree the best weapon one can have is to have ones wits about them. Any victims in turn deserve our help, and not being able to identify the signs of such dangers does not help with making this any easier.

 

Anything a lady, or a gentlemen, can do to protect themselves is good information in my books to allow us all to build the safest community possible.

 

...and then let's all hope no one ever has to use a weapon, but if need be, then use it wisely. Brains included!

 

Peace and Love!

[ottawaadventurer 5114]

You have clearly misunderstood my post. What I meant was not that we, as clients, should not understand the dangers.... But that we don't need to know the strategies providers use to mitigate these dangers. If ladies discuss how they protect themselves here, on a public board, they place themselves at greater risk. Clients need not know what measures you take, where you may (or may not) hide protective devices, etc.... Providers have the right to keep these issues confidential.

 

Anyone who knows me knows well that I am first and foremost an advocate for providers and their right to work in a safe environment.

[Jabba 18389]

I suggest you listen to qwerty.

I absolutely do not advocate violence with a weapon - it will be your undoing.

 

Let's think this though:

 

What happens if you mistake a client's intentions & you kill him? Try and plead self defence to the judge. The prosecution will have you for lunch.

 

What happens if a client goes bad & you kill him. Try and plead self defence to the judge. The prosecution will have you for lunch.

 

How many times will this scenario play before the judge declares you a dangerous offender? The prison population will have you for lunch.

 

What happens if the client get's the drop on you?

You lose. Maybe permanently.

 

There are lots of resources out there to help you stay out of trouble. SP discussion boards, customer blacklists, what to look for, etc.

It sounds like your "friends" just simply haven't thought this through and suggest your first resort is to get a frigging weapon!?

[roamingguy 300292]

I do think that this is more appropriate discussed privately amongst the ladies and you. Maybe they can PM you or email you with some ideas

From my perspective, I've had to be verified by a couple of ladies, and a couple others required a reference only

Being the guy I am, I was happy to oblige their request

Hopefully the ladies on CERB can advise you

As for a weapon, no. In most cases it'll likely be used against you. But even if you use it, then you have the legal issues afterwards, with the possible outcome being prison for you.

There are much better options out there

Good luck

RG

[Jabba 18389]

I understand there are a few avenues suggested in this thread:

 

1. Get a weapon

2. Learn martial arts.

3. Keep underground and discuss amongst the fellow SPs.

4. Think yourself through a situation.

 

I suggest a combination of all of the above.

 

Part of the art of learning to protect yourself is through the art of knowledge.

 

If you get a weapon - you must know how to protect yourself from using it & from someone else using it on you. Once you pick the weapon up, the responsibility is yours alone.

 

Absolutely, learn martial arts. It will help you to grow mentally, physically, psychically. You will learn confidence and ability and yes, restraint.

 

Understand your work environment. This means discussing with subject matter experts, mentoring, etc.

 

Roll-play through different situations. Act out what you would do. Look for constructive feedback.

[fortunateone 156618]

1. You don't have to see everyone who wants to see you.

2. There is such a thing as "bad" money.

3. You don't have to do things you don't want to. Stay firm with your boundaries.

 

Bad dates look for vulnerability and new sps who are green and may not have safety protocols in place and/or may knuckle under pressure. A bad date may not be rude or violent, but he may be pushy and make you feel like you really do not have a choice but to relax a restriction or lower a rate. He may suggest you get paid after the date, then come up short or empty. Don't let anyone know you are brand new, you should avoid the predators.

 

As far as danger goes, well it might happen, but you are far more likely to be ripped off, short changed, or pushed into a service you charge more for or giving a discount, or a service you don't want to provide.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

The best thing you can have as a weapon is your intuition and ALWAYS listen to your instincts. Even if the situation poses no physical threat, there have been times in the past where I wish I had listened to myself and not seen a guy who just wasn't my type. Now if I sense they get there and don't seem into the encounter or they are acting weird, I will ask them to leave.

 

Always listen to what a guy says on the phone and the type of quesitons they ask. This is always an indication of what they will be like. I would suggest that you talk privatley to a few ladies here who are always happy to offer advice to new SPs.

 

And good luck!

[etasman2000 15994]

Awareness, Pre-screening and Intuition is the first protection: The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

 

Weapons: having a weapon and knowing how to use it are two different things. Using it under conditions of stress is whole other ball game.

 

The best weapons are those you have with you all the time (head, hands, elbows, knees, teeth) or things you find around you (cell phone, belt, pen, lamp).

 

Learning martial arts is touchy subject. There is a difference between learning martial arts and learning self protection. Community colleges, local community centers and universities often offer (women) self protection courses that range from a few days to a few weeks. These are worth looking into.

[Butterfly Kisses 2301]

The most important thing is to trust your gut. If your instincts are telling you something is wrong, than be calm and immediately leave that situation. Your screening process is very important. Make sure you get a name. An unprivate number where your company can be reached at. You can ask for references. Also ALWAYS let some one you trust know where you are. Never go anywhere with out someone else knowing. That is a key factor in my opinion. If you ever have any questions, please feel free to pm me. Anytime.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey :wink:

Sending you love and hugs xox

 

Carley, this advice I think is one of the safest and best ways to protect yourself.

I would add, if done in a proper way, the client should be told that you will be having someone monitoring your time and calling you if you have not notified them how the appointment is going as far as extra time etc.

 

Even if you make a fake call, it leaves the impression there is a safe plan in place with your client, and god forbid, maybe prevent a bad date from thinking they have you all alone. Especially with clients you are just meeting or have not gotten to know well yet.

 

I would have no problem with a lady calling or being called as part of her safe date process during my booked time with her.

[April Dawn 12207]

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

 

This is an amazing book. When I was younger I did a lot of volunteer work which put me in close contact with some great RCMP one of whom gave me this book and made me promise to have Atleast two of my female friends read it after me.

 

I highly highly recommend everyone and anyone read it!

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[etasman2000 15994]

This is an amazing book. When I was younger I did a lot of volunteer work which put me in close contact with some great RCMP one of whom gave me this book and made me promise to have Atleast two of my female friends read it after me.

 

I highly highly recommend everyone and anyone read it!

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I always have a spare copy at home to give away.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Don't let your imagination run away with you. The vast majority of prospective clients have no intention of causing anyone any harm whatever. They see us because they want company and intimacy that will not follow them when the engagement ends. They don't want any drama. Most of the time, in my experience, new clients are a bit shy, a little awkward, eager to make a good impression, anxious about how the meeting will go, very concerned that I may not like them or that I will turn them away when we meet. They're frequently reluctant to make the first move because they don't want to be turned down or to go too fast. Personally, I find all of this to be rather endearing.

 

I want to underscore everything that's been said about honing your intuition. If anything in your early interactions with a prospective client feels "off" to you, take a pass. It's true that you may give up the opportunity to see the greatest guy you will ever meet. Or you might be passing up an axe murderer who's just arrived in your city. You'll never know. What you can be sure of is that not seeing someone means not exposing yourself to risks and that is often a very wise thing to do.

 

I've been in this business for awhile. I turn away about 75-80% of the men who contact me. There have been times when I turned away more than that. I have never, ever been sorry to have chosen not to see someone.

 

In my experience, the women who often have the hardest time with clients tend to be too submissive or too desperate to make some money quickly. The desperate ones take huge, unnecessary risks. They often feel guilty or unhappy that they're in this business and they just want to get things over with, get paid and forget about it all. Women who are too submissive often have poor boundaries, let themselves get caught up in negotiating activities or rates, and are too likely to give in to what the client wants even if it's risky.

 

Women who have a strong sense of themselves, who won't yield or compromise under pressure and who are able to take control of the engagement are less likely to be harmed.

[Guest t**obb****]

I think that it is important to pre-plan safety with the power of a threat.

 

If an SP turned to someone bothering him/her and said they had just speed dialed or hit their panic button,

I can't imagine the offending party wouldn't let their imagination run wild and high tail it out of there.

 

There are many more ways to insight fear, and yes a weapon is one of them.

 

If you are considering a weapon keep an eye on what's happening in the courts and politics, as this may make or change your opinon.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I think that it is important to pre-plan safety with the power of a threat.

 

If an SP turned to someone bothering him/her and said they had just speed dialed or hit their panic button,

I can't imagine the offending party wouldn't let their imagination run wild and high tail it out of there.

 

There are many more ways to insight fear, and yes a weapon is one of them.

 

If you are considering a weapon keep an eye on what's happening in the courts and politics, as this may make or change your opinon.

 

With all due respect, I absolutely disagree.

 

Fear is my friend. If I feel afraid, whether that seems logical or not, I know that my intuition is telling me something is amiss and that something has to change, immediately. I need to stop doing what I'm doing, get away, leave the person or people I'm with--I need to do what it takes to feel safe again.

 

But if you are my client and you're afraid, anxious, excessively nervous, jittery, over-reactive or paranoid, your fear is not my friend because I can't trust what your reactions may be. I can't trust that you will treat me well if you're afraid of me or afraid that being with me will cause you some kind of harm. If your anxiety frightens me, I will need to get away from you.

 

This is why I don't see potential clients who do their utmost to ensure that I won't know anything about them that might identify who they are. The ones who are always named "John Smith"; who park the car blocks away because they're worried I might remember their license plate number; who say nothing about themselves, including whether they live in town or are from another city; who won't give me a phone number to call in the event that I need to re-schedule; who will only call me from pay phones or blocked numbers--for me, these guys are just not safe clients. They give all the signs of wanting to set up perfect crimes. I don't offer crime-scenes: I offer sensual, erotic play that I expect will be pleasurable for both of us with no strings attached.

 

If I imagine, for whatever reason, that to be safe I may need a weapon such as a gun or a knife, or that I may need to be highly specialized in martial arts, I know that the situation is the wrong one for me. If I feel that I have to frighten someone so that I can be safe, I will not be safe at all, because my experience has taught me that frightened men are very often dangerous men. Frightened men who are bigger and more physically powerful than I am are very dangerous, indeed.

 

This is not to say that everything goes perfectly, every time, even for me. But it does mean that things that may be a little off-kilter are easily resolved. For example, I entertained a new client a few months ago. We'd had a terrific exchange of e-mail and a couple of phone calls. I liked him before I met him and I was sure he liked me, too. We went out for lunch and then went back to my place. Everything was going very well. I was having a lovely time with him and I know he was enjoying himself thoroughly. He was a skilled, attentive erotic playmate and I had no difficulty responding to him. Sometimes I'm a bit noisy. That's not usually a problem. We were at my place, no one was anywhere nearby. But when he suddenly and very firmly clamped his hand over my mouth, partially pressing against my nose, that was it. I don't know how I got him off of me so fast, I didn't even think about how to do it. The next thing I knew I was on my feet, at the other end of the bedroom, with my hand on the doorknob, while he was sitting up on the bed, looking stunned and a bit humiliated, saying, "Sam... I'm sorry. What did I do? I'm really sorry, Sam...". To his credit, he didn't come after me. He didn't even stand up, let alone try to touch me. I put on a robe. We talked.

 

That hand over my mouth and nose had panicked me. I couldn't breathe for a couple of seconds. Was I wrong? No. Did he behave badly? No, he didn't. He made a mistake, but he wasn't trying to threaten, control or harm me. My reaction was strong, but not too strong. I didn't reach for a knife under the pillow (I don't have one). I didn't call 911. We talked it through very well. I could have ended the meeting, but I didn't. When I felt comfortable, again, we went back to what we were doing and both of us felt fine when it was time to part company. He's been back to see me twice since then.

[Icebreaker 3938]

I agree with Samantha, for example when you look at many security guards in banks or malls they are not overly big football player types anymore no are they armed. Just having a person who is alert and assertive goes a long way to act as a deterrent. Most bullies will not chose to engage a person who will stand up to them or those who do their due dilligence to eliminate the threat before it walks in the door.

 

In terms of a weapon I've never been an advocate since in many cases it can be used against you (unfortunately too many people think they can unleash their inner Charles Bronson in a panic situation but it is rarely the case).

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