How do you feel about babies?

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Megan's Weird Thread of the Week: Not meant to be taken too seriously

 

I'm 26 so I'm at the age where many of my friends/peers are making babies. It's very strange to me to see my newsfeed on facebook filled with comments about the little guy (or girl's) bowel movements and whatnot. Their lives seem to revolve around obscure sleep cycles, feeding baby, bowel movements, vomiting and spitting up, and pediatrician visits.

 

I absolutely love children, but there is something about babies that creeps me out a bit. When they are first born, they look like aliens to me. I'm also put off by the fact that they you have to clean up their poo/pee/vomit, carry them everywhere, and you can't have a conversation with them or play real games with them.

 

I'm not sure if my maternal instincts will ever kick in. Does not liking babies make me an evil person? How do you feel about babies?

[Guest S**a*Q]

I don't like babies... They freak me out. I think it's weird how people get all weird around babies... They don't interest me at all. I've never held one nor changed a diaper. I don't want to.

 

What if you drop someone's baby? You can replace that kind of thing.

 

In my world, there will be no children. I don't want kids, they are expensive and time consuming and talk away from what's important, me :D

 

I doubt that I would be able to last 18 years anyways with something, I get bored fast. I like freedom and you lose that with kids.

 

Sure they are good in some ways I guess, kids help clean the house and... Well I'm sure they are good for other things too, I just can't think of any.

 

There are plenty of breeders out there as it is, I get what Megan's saying cause I'm 33 and all my friends are on the baby-train.

 

On that note, I have a friend my age, who's actually a grandmother x 2... (That's just plain wrong. :( )

[bcguy42 38594]

No, you're not an evil person. You seem pretty normal to me.

 

I've been through 4 babies of my own and now my babies are having babies - two boys, two girls and a third one to arrive in a week or so

 

You are right about them when they first get here. Someone once described an absolute newborn as looking like a rat dipped in transmission fluid. I won't quibble with that. And for a seemingly interminable period of time, they are pretty much fluid machines. You put fluids in and you get fluids out.

 

And yes, new parents are fascinated with every burp, belch, and squirt little Junior makes and are convinced that everyone else, including total strangers, are equally taken by all of this.

 

If you are not, you are pretty normal. If you hang around new parents, be prepared for this. Learn to smile and say "mmph" a lot.

 

None of this has anything to do with your personal maternal instincts. Everyone is wired differently. You may not be wired to want kids. You may be wired to want them - but not just now. You may think you're not the kid type but when a tiny version of Winston Churchill is placed in your arms after 26 hours of labor, you might decide this is the most beautiful person you've ever seen.

 

If ever there was a scenario that was designed for this phrase, this is it. YMMV.

 

And if you ever become a grandparent, there is one huge advantage. When the kid starts to leak anything, you get to had him/her back and say "Here. This is yours."

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Sure they are good in some ways I guess, kids help clean the house and... Well I'm sure they are good for other things too, I just can't think of any.

Haha, I wish. With my experience with teenagers, getting them to do a job (eg. cleaning the bathroom) takes you 2x as long to coach them and nag them than it would to just do the damn job yourself!!

[chavez 641]

I like babies, not as much as the women that I work with who will drop everything to go hold, couchie coo and oogle over any new baby that comes into our work area.( lots do).

I'm O.K. with that too, because what follows is little children. Little children are a blessing to the world. They are cuite , honesty and refeshing. Most can wipe their own bums , but if they can't and you are get pressed into service , consider it training.

After that comes childhood and if you do this correctly it helps to keep you young. Then the teenage years and you just have to remember, they are individual that you don't control you just help to guide into adulthood.

If you did all of that in a more or less descent manner you can be proud of the outcome and they just might bless you with a grandchild; and that is even more fun and less work and comes at a time when you could use more fun and less work.

I'm waiting for my second one , but that is something I don't controle: AND that is the point of children. They are put on this earth to show you that you are not the center of the universe.

Remember they don't have to be your own children though.

Save some love for all the children of the world

[Phaedrus 209521]

I like babies, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

 

What, you wanted a serious answer or something? Okay... they're fine, as long as they don't make too much noise or smell bad, and their parents take them away and do something with them if either of these things happens. Babies are just a necessary step on the way to a person that you can interact with sensibly and teach inappropriate words to :)

 

What I *really* don't like are the people who get pissy with me because I'm not as fascinated in their every gurgle as they are. Most people understand this, but not all.

[spud271 47779]

I love babies, I wish that I had more than the one child. Obviously if he is the only one I ever have, than I'm good with that and despite that fact we don't always get along he's all I've got so I wouldn't trade him for the world. That being said, I would still love to have more children. I may be 40, but wish I could have a couple more. Babies are fantastic, don't care about changing diapers, they're just amazing!!!

[Guest E*******h S******s]

I have a great deal of respect for people who make a conscious decision to not have children. I think it is far more responsible and less selfish to admit that babies or kids aren't for you than it is to have a child and not give it the love and care it deserves.

 

Personally, I'm a big fan of babies. Nothing takes away a bad day quicker than a happy baby.

[fortunateone 156618]

I'm over 40, never had one and never wanted one. There are only a couple of people in my immediate family (brothers, first cousins) that do. The majority of us do not.

 

It was never my intention to have them, even my niece said the same thing (altho she ended up with one after all). I don't think it is strange at all. I figure there are enough kids in the world who don't have homes that if you suddenly find yourself wanting one, just out of the blue like that, there'll be one already here lol. (which is what my aunt did, someone who was childless and single thru her life, adopted a girl late in life)

 

So for the title question: I don't have much interest in babies as people to hang out with lol.

[April Dawn 12207]

I always have loved babies! I babysat for years in my hometown and created a nice little empire for myself haha. When my neice was born my sister was bedridden for months after so I took time

off work and basically moved in. I love the way they smell, the look in their eyes,

feeding them, holding them while they sleep and even the feeling you get after the baby stops screaming for hours.

That being said I do not care at all what people's babies are up to. When new parents blow up my FB with their baby news I don't show them on my news feed haha

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[loopie 15358]

I love babies and kids. They're funny and cute. I used to really want kids but eventually I stopped even thinking about the possibility of having a family in my late 20s. If it happens, that would be great, but I doubt it will. I'm looking forward to becoming an uncle soon. That will be fun.

 

I don't mind parents telling me stories about their kids or talking about their kids to a certain extent. If they're telling you every sodding detail, then it gets annoying.

 

The only thing about parents that really annoys me is when parents hide behind their kids. When they take their own beliefs that they had anyway and claim they now have these beliefs to protect their child or somesuch nonsense. Like when people find something on television offensive, but they can't just admit they find it offensive so they say that it should be taken off the air because children might see it. I also know a guy who constantly liked to pick fights everywhere he went. Now that he has a kid, he uses his kid as an excuse to pick fights. If somebody is driving fast in a parking lot he runs up and picks a fight with them and claims he's just doing it because they could've run over his kid, when really, the dude just likes fighting. If hears somebody swearing, he runs over and fights them because his kid might hear their foul langauge. That type of stuff annoys me.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I like kids but I never thought I had the maternal instinct. Having said that, yes, I have had kids. Unfortunately one has passed on and the other is now a teenager. I am the mother of a teenager! Did I just say that? lol. I guess I am not someone who goes around talking about kids all day long. I tend to keep my parts of my life separate and private.

 

Prior to their arrival, I was so selfish and thought how am I going to be responsible for someone else? Once they are placed in your arms though some kind of weird chemistry kicks in and you become very protective. Things just fall into place and you do what you do. That's the easiest way I can describe it.

 

I was never one of those parents who went crazy about parenting and the do and don'ts and I was never part of those mommy groups or watched those parenting shows. All of that stuff made me want to puke partly because I was a young mother, I still hadn't fully given up my social life, I worked and was also pursuing a post secondary education. I looked at all the more mature mothers and their whole lives revolved around what sound their kid made that day. That sort of thing still drives me crazy!! My worst fear as a young mother was turning into one of those frumpy matronly mothers who drove a mini van who stayed at home all day. My philosophy is that to be a good parent you have to have other interests than your kids. If you take care of yourself first, then you're more than capable to take care of others.

 

Right now I am happy where I am. I am still young enough to have more children but the thought of it makes me tired. I don't think I could go through all of that again and my kid is used to being an only child. When I think of having another kid, I just say to myself that I will get a kitten because they are so pure and innocent like babies and are pretty much independent in the first 2 years. I dote on my cats like I do with my kid even though it drives my own kid crazy and even got jealous when I brought one cat home.lol.

 

My kid has grown up to be a polite and caring young person and most importantly they are able to confide in me and trust me. They tell me about their friends and who they are interested in, etc and I appreciate that because I sure as hell would have never told my parents those things. I have been told I was the "cool mother". I tell them if you ever end up drinking or something at a party and you can't call anyone else, please call me. Even though I will be upset and there will be consequences, they know they count on me to be there and that I will still love them unconditionally no matter what they do. I don't try to control my kid's life and will let them make mistakes but step in if I realize they are about to make a big one.

 

I can see how someone who doesn't have kids might think it's weird but once you have your own there is no going back and that maternal instinct WILL kick in. It's primal. I was there once. Everyone views children in a different light and we raise our children according to what we think is appropriate. Others are not interested in having children and that is a choice I respect and would never try to debate it. I don't find that weird that people don't want them. It's a personal choice. A lot of personal sacrifices are made when we have children and some people are willing to give things up. Not everyone wants to have kids and some are just not cut out for it.

 

My advice is if you want to have kids and you worry that you're not going to have that maternal instinct.. don't sweat it. Just let it happen naturally and things will fall into place how you want them to by your own rules. Most people know themselves well enough to know whether or not that they want kids.

[Andee 220524]

Although I never had the pleasure myself, I am very close to my sister and I am enjoying watching my niece grow up.

 

I love babies - I cannot imagine how someone cannot think they are just the most amazing products of nature. My favourite age though is around 4 years old, when they are young enough to hold you in awe and old enough to enjoy doing things that will create memories.

 

I believe Nicki is right. I know people who didn't have a clue what they were going to do when the brought their baby home, and who figured it out just fine and it made better people out of them.

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I made a conscious decision when I was 33 years old, to not be able to have children. I adore them, but the best part for me, is giving them back to their parents. I have 2 dogs that I baby like they were my kids, (and no, I do not dress them up or throw them birthday parties!) lol After much soul searching, I came up with a plethora of reasons not to bring a child into this fucked up, crazy world. If I had had kids, I guarantee I would've turned gray before they were a year old!

 

Anyway, I also figured if I ever changed my mind, there are far too many kids who aren't really wanted, so I could always adopt or foster. But I'm nowhere near that. My life is very adult-oriented and I just don't personally feel it's the right environment for a child. At this point in my life, nieces and nephews, friends' kids and neighbourhood kids are more than enough exposure to children and babies for me!

[mrgreen760 37785]

I quite like kids, but forgot to have any. John Lennon said "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" and its so true. I'm cool with it and have become the cool uncle and now great uncle.

 

Peace

MG

[cat 262460]

I love babies, children, tweens and teens. I am a machine when it comes to having a baby (last labour, 13 mins start to completion) and if I could stay permanently pregnant I would have. I also understand the lack of maternal drive and I think people should be encouraged to make a choice for themselves and not what society thinks we all should do. I have friends who are not maternal at all and should have never had children. I know people who only ever wanted to be mothers, be disastrous mothers! I have also seen women who seemed to lack maternal instinct become amazing mothers so I don't think anyone can say one way or the other whether they would be a good parent until they actually become one. I have cared long term for little ones who's mothers just couldn't do it and I have seen the long term results. It makes for a difficult life for both parents and children. It's quite a crap shoot. Deciding not to have a child is a responsible act. Anyone can have a child but you need a license to fish. Go figure.

 

I am a huge supporter of adoption, especially "older child" adoptions. I think that there are so many options that a person can exercise later if they choose not to have their own that chosing not to have children isn't that big a deal. If you get to that certain age where it is "sh*t or get off the pot" and you decide not to, then you have made a good decision for you. If you change your mind, there is always a child out there waiting for good home.

 

My momma always said that there isn't a problem in the world that can't be fixed with a baby and a rocking chair and she was right. I wouldn't trade those long days, even longer nights, diaper changes, snotty noses or stiches for anything in this world. That said, I'm glad that part is over and my little ones are all now big ones. Soooo much easier. Now I'm just waiting for granbabies!

 

cat

[qwertyaccount 15793]

...If you get to that certain age where it is "sh*t or get off the pot"...

 

Great post Cat, I too love my nieces and nephews to death!

 

Age doesn't have to be an issue any more. This came out on Thursday: http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/06/health/fertility-eggs-embryos-empowered-patient/index.html

[Icebreaker 3938]

I whole heartedly agree with Meg and Sara on this one - 110%. I have every intention of maintaining my lifelong membership in the child-free club.

 

Don't get me wrong I have the utmost respect for people who decide to bring a life into the world.

 

In my case, it's just not in my heart to have a child and I don't think it would be fair to a child. I enjoy my lifestyle/freedom and simply do not have patience for children. I've seen people like me have their own children - complaining and handing off the child every step of the way which is simply not fair to a child.

 

A parent has to be ready and willing to accept the changes to their lifestyle. Here is a good test: If you drop your little one at childcare and everyday you are happy to be rid of them and everyday when you show up to retrieve them you come with a long sad face that you have to take them back - then there's a problem.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Kids are cute when they aren't your own or kids are overated

 

" I don't like kids, and never want any, never want kids or babies, NOT FOR ME"

This was part of a conversation I was having the day before I found out I was pregnant with my first child.

I was devastated!

Long feelings and story aside.. I really like my kids! Motherhood makes me feel worthy, like I have a purpose..I can fail a thousand times at life, but do one thing right and that's being the best Mom I can be.

When I met the love of my life I flat out told him I did not want any more children.. Then, before I knew it, I loved him more and more and when I thought I couldn't love him more, I would..Then I loved him so much, I wanted to make a baby- an uncontrollable urge to have his child and see our love in a little one's face everyday. We did just that.

They are more cute then smell and do look like aliens when they are born, but not too me..They were born perfect, now that I look back in photographs, weird alien looking things for sure.

I was so excited to change diapers and felt such a strong bond that I was doing the right thing, making my child comfortable and making this little guy happy. I just loves the little bums.

My kids are wonderful and loving and I couldn't be more blessed.

Sure, I wasn't born with the maternal instinct and had no desire to have a child but when I fell in love, I wanted to spread that love and no matter what happens between us, we are always reminded what love has brought us. Our children are a great symbol of our love. Two is more than enough, I only have so much love to go around.

On the other hand, it really hurts. I worry, I don't want anything to happen bad to them and know that any day anything can happen..I can imagine that I will have a shorter life because of this worry I have. Love really does hurt.

If you love your independence and doing what you want, don't have kids, you really can't do both.

Some people think they can do it all, career and kids house and boat..Sure have it all and never see the family, so if you're a workaholic, don't burden your kids by having them.

If you don't like making huge sacrifices..don't have kids.

[VedaSloan 119179]

For me, it's the part where they're inside you that's creepy. Once they're outside of you, in, you know, baby form, that's not so bad (as long as they're someone else's). But man, pregnant women give me the heebie jeebies.

 

So, uh, no babies for this gal.

[cat 262460]

@ JuliasUndies - tried to give you rep points but apparently I have to spread the love!

 

My favorite part of the "baby" phase is the bums! So cute and perferct! Fresh out of the bath, smelling like Johnsons babiness. I would lay them on a towel and massage them from head to toe and they would smile then go limp. Put their diaper and onesie on then it was boobie time! A big blanket on the couch with some mood lighting and the right music (Bob Marley was my groove for nursing). I could spend hours nursing, holding them close and just smelling them...

 

cat

[qwertyaccount 15793]

...Fresh out of the bath, smelling like Johnsons babiness...Put their diaper and onesie on then it was boobie time!...

 

That "fresh baby smell" is the best!

 

And I miss boobie time :)

[Areez 11906]

I love babies, their small hand, how they smile, etc.etc..

 

That being said... I dont think i am ready for a baby of my own. there is a lot of responsibility. I am with Megan on this one ... seemed like around the age bracket (mid-late 20's) ... everyone is having a baby around me! its great i have all the perks of being around them without the responsibility!

 

If they started crying... back to mommy they go :D (and they usually dont around me ;) )

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I have always loved babies/kids and have been fortunate to spend lots of time around them. I also have always known I want to have children and I consider myself 'ready' for it more like I've always had the instinct but I'm in no rush as I know when the right time comes it will happen.

 

As for the responsabilities and changes babies come with even though I am not a mom as I said have been around lots of kids and I'm ok with giving up some things in order to get others.

 

Megan, I have seen many moms that did not plan their pregnancies and therefore were not ready and they are wonderful mothers so I think is not even about being ready and don't forget some may not have that maternal instict but when they see/feel their babies it just comes.

 

As for the changing diapers and other stuff, is not that bad after the first couple of times lol

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

I am ok with babies and kids when they are others, young and cute. Call me selfish and mean, but I understand that they won't always be cute and smiling...but I just can't see myself at all with one. I don't have a maternal instinct at all.

 

And the fact that I lost one a couple years ago(miscarriage), made me even more unsure about actually having one, one day. If I get pregnant, I will keep the baby...but I will never try to actually get pregnant.

 

When I had my miscarriage I wasn't *that* far into my pregnancy but I knew the sex of the baby...so it was real. I had a little thing inside me...and the fact that I lost her, broke my heart and now I can't imagine going through that again.

 

But I love pregnant women! I found a baby bum beautiful:D