being nice

[CristyCurves 169032]

Perhaps I am confused but while reading some threads here from time to time I noticed that some people have been chastised for "not being nice" when they have commented on another service provider.Has anyone read the posts by some senior members concerning my past indiscretion {concerning my pics},they were not being nice yet no one has chastised any of them.Also if we are going to be nice on this site shouldn't it carry over to all our posts elsewhere because in my world{some may think thats outter space}being nice is the act of a genuinely kind person{hence all their actions are"nice"}.I may be wrong but to me for example when an sp posts in their ads" there is nothing fake about me" isn't that person implying others are?Or another example is" other girls disappoint but I won't",or" are you tired of being let down",I could go on,I think a professional sp should post her stats,services,attributes,without implying another is lesser.As I said I could be wrong but in halifax "not being nice" seems to be the norm.

[Jonboy 100]

I agree with the concept of "nice" - the problem is human nature and that not all people are honest. As such some people cheat and manipulate - hence the B&S concept.

 

How do you take the oldest industry in teh world, that is generally fround upon, (thank the church for that) and protect both the consumer and SP.

 

Lets be honest the best way for all parties to win is for it to be legal and in public. AS a society we set the rules (not the law makers). If we all decide today to get out of bed and set teh speed limit at 140 KPH what can be done - nothing. but if only a few do it society has not made a change.

 

it would be nice if we were all nice to each other - hell I would settle on polite......

[dukeofwellington 100]

I've read the other posts and I think it's time to move on Cristy. I think you expect too much. IMO all you can do is let your light shine and hope that others see you so true.

[boomer01 5567]

I agree with your premise that how you say something can imply a whole other thing. It's a subtle way of getting in a dig towards other SP's. I think to police this kind of speech is impossible so I would say just let it be and just be honest with your own dealings. I think you were wrong in posting fake pics but you did the right thing...came clean and as far as we know you've been upfront since then. I would say don't judge others lest you be judged. In saying that your point is a valid one IMO

[Eastcoasthobbiest 434]

There's also the possibility that they could be referring to something else when they state there's "nothing fake" about them. Some SPs have breast augmentation done. Could be a declaration that they're all natural so to speak.

[AndyofHalifax 15339]

Perhaps I am wrong, but what you're describing sounds more like the ads on CL than most of the ones on here. And CL does seem to be a much more competitive/combative space for ladies, is rife with fake pictures, scammers and bait and switch operators.

 

So I think there is always concern when some of those practices appear on CERB as I don't want this to turn into CL and I think most others would agree with me. Did you screw up when you first joined? Yes. Did people react negatively towards you because of that? Yes. But from everything I have seen, you've apologized and been upfront and honest since then. And that is what second chances are for.

 

I'm not saying this is what happened to you, but I understand how when a SP who is used to the lawless boundaries of CL joins here, it takes time and a real mental shift to "fit in", so to speak. Hopefully, the effort is worth the reward as many of us have found this to be a very beneficial community in many ways.

 

The one quibble I have with your thesis is that all genuinely kind people are always nice. Nobody's perfect and nobody is nice all the time. But it is certainly a good goal. While I agree that some of those phrases are subtle digs at others, I think some people are just using those phrases because people probably email them and ask if their pictures are real and it's a form of self promotion. I have seen countless ads with fake pictures that contain those same phrases.

[Guest d*k***]

I think that it would be better if every SP concentrated on her own business..Obviously, it will always be some advertising going on..."I'm the best, I have the best location" etc. It's hard to stop that. It's like the ads on TV when they compare the stupid trucks - every truck has something "better" than the other one...mileage, towing etc...at the end of the day, it's all about the buyer's own perception and experience...if you build up your reputation, have good recos and a group of "followers", who cares what everybody else says?

my 2 cents...

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I think that it would be better if every SP concentrated on her own business..Obviously, it will always be some advertising going on..."I'm the best, I have the best location" etc. It's hard to stop that. It's like the ads on TV when they compare the stupid trucks - every truck has something "better" than the other one...mileage, towing etc...at the end of the day, it's all about the buyer's own perception and experience...if you build up your reputation, have good recos and a group of "followers", who cares what everybody else says?

my 2 cents...

 

Wow...my thoughts exactly. I don't concern myself with how other ladies advertise, I just concern myself with the friendships I have forged with them. Way more interesting way to spend my time :) since so many of them are really wonderful people!

[stevecurious 42059]

To echo Andys comments Cerb is indeed NOT CL or anything that remotely resembles it or its competitors. What flies on those sites does not fly here as Mod runs a tight ship with his "town councilors" also patrolling the fence. We (the general membership) also tend to want to keep things as drama and BS free as possible. This site, although not perfect, is the absolute best that we as hobbiests and SPs have to maintain civility without the fear of CL style ads, etc. That said I sincerely doubt anyone will take the first shot sort of speak but there are lots of people here who will stand up for themselves, each other and the board as a whole! That is what Cerb and its members offer, what Cerb and its members don't offer is a place to deceive and be less than truthful.

 

No one will instigate here lest they be "spoken to by Mod" but we as a group will defend each other and the boards principles. As you seem to allude to no one likes to be misled and there are those of us who will call foul when they see it!

 

As far as the issue with your photos go yes your erred and you were called on it BUT apologies were given and the issue seemed to die...perhaps it is best to let bygones be bygones.

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

I understand the "be nice" edict as a reflection of CERB being a recommendation board, not a review board: if you've visited a service provider and things were not to your taste, then as the motto dictates, say nothing if you have nothing nice to say.

 

That seems to me quite distinct from pointing out clear violations of the rules, such as that a service provider's photographs are not in fact photographs of her. I therefore don't see any violation of that principle in the early posts concerning you, Christy. Since you fixed that my sense is that posts concerning you have been forgiving and have complied with the "don't not be nice" rule.

 

All of that said, I think you are right that it is possible for service providers to phrase their notices in a way that is implicitly critical of others, and I agree that is undesirable. I wouldn't have said that problem was rampant here, but to the extent it appears I agree completely with you that it should not. I'm not sure whether it quite amounts to a violation of the "be nice" dictum, but I (as will others, I expect) will express my opinion by where I take my custom.

[fortunateone 156618]

I have seen posts, not ads, on other places that are those not so subtle digs at the expense of other sps. As in,

I do this and other sps don't therefore other sps are bad. (or) I don't do this, other sps do, therefore the other sps are bad.

 

The point being different sps do different things, neither is bad or good, just what they do.

 

Haven't seen the origin basis for the OP tho, but I think in general if you are seeing questionable activities, you use the report post feature. You don't post in a thread or start a new one to call out whoever did it. If (guessing) the OP used fake pics in her ad, and someone noticed it, their job really would be to advise mod privately to deal with it, not to post it in a mean spirited way publically, I would think.

 

I may have a different opinion if I see the origin of the comments.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

... If (guessing) ... I may have a different opinion if I see the origin of the comments.

 

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=60139

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=61374

[fortunateone 156618]

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=60139

 

 

I reviewed it, not sure my opinion changes lol.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Speaking in general ...

 

Even nice guys don't like fake photos, which are a form of Bait & Switch.

 

Any lady who makes such a mistake will usually do better by admitting it, fixing it, apologizing, and quietly and diligently moving on to begin building up her reputation again. Such rehabilitation has been accomplished on this board before, and it'll be done again - that's what second chances are all about.

 

My impression is that lying, denying, rationalizing, blaming others, and repeatedly dredging the whole thing up again and again just compounds and reminds potential clients of the original mistake. I'd guess that it's therefore not usually as successful a business strategy.

 

....I may be wrong but to me for example when an sp posts in their ads" there is nothing fake about me" isn't that person implying others are? ....

 

If a lady were to post such an ad, it could be in direct reaction to another lady having been caught advertising with (for example) fake photos. Bait & Switch is a cancer, and a client who is burned by one lady may well find himself feeling not only discouraged, but also suspicious of other ladies, too. It's just human nature. Other ladies may understand this, and will do what they can to try to reassure potential clients when they feel that such suspicion may be in the air.

[Code Blue 3585]

a couple of cents worth (or not):

 

B&S is dishonest;

 

To err is human and everyone deserves a second (not multiple though) chance;

 

A lot of people think the only way to look good is by making others look less so :icon_rolleyes:

 

There are too many people in life bothered by what others do: if you are happy with your own activities/ads whatever, then so what?

 

As I quoted somewhere else, "You are to others how you behave yourself".

 

Now back to the merlot.....

 

CB

[splaton008 1568]

a couple of cents worth (or not):

 

B&S is dishonest;

 

To err is human and everyone deserves a second (not multiple though) chance;

 

 

CB

 

I agree but others may not. Including the original creator of the "error".

[Amelia Fox 9064]

I read through a few of the posts on this thread,and in my opinion I would say just be you! Forget what others have to say and do what is best for yourself.Nothing else should matter. Although it is annoying to see others wright nonsense about things,that's unfortunately life. Lol. Continue on with your business and this matter your talking about surly will be forgotten.

Best wishes Cristycurves.