Guest ma***sf***x Report post Posted October 21, 2011 I heard this website is great with advice,I have no where to turn about this I can't tell anyone I know in real life in case they tell the person I am about to talk about. Me and my friend has been best friends for a bit over ten years now (we are 21 now) when high school started it went down hill from there.In school he always had woman around him and I was always alone I ended up quitting school for other reasons.Since he finished high school I never heard from him in two years tell last year he emailed me and told me he got kicked out of his parents house.For the passed year he's been bumming off his friends.I felt so bad for him I helped him for months on end until I smarted up.I done so much for him and never got a thing in return ,the passed few months he's been meeting new people if I try to meet new people I get looked down upon.No matter what he seams to do people always like him he made an idiot out of himself so many times yet they like him more then me.When I talk to my other friends it's ok but when he comes around all the attention focuses on him.I cannot handle it anymore and do not know what to do about it. Thank you for taking the time to read this any advice will do thanks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 Well... I'll give it a shot, if you like. It really sounds like you simply need... space. In particular, space in which to be yourself and not worry about how you compare to your friend. Just because you're not as obviously popular as your friend does not mean you're therefore worthless. There's probably a vicious circle at work here; it sounds like feeling over-awed by your friend's social prowess is forcing you into your shell a bit, and the more you retreat into your shell the worse you'll seem to measure up. Yes, there are people who can walk into a room and suck all the attention onto themselves (or suck all the oxygen out of it, for that matter). Yes, they're annoying at times, just like the people who a immediately good at any sport they care to try, or the people who just understand everything at school first time and breeze through every exam without ever putting in any visible effort. The rest of us mere mortals just have to grin and bear it, I'm afraid. You mention that you hadn't heard from your friend for a couple of years... how did you feel about that? Did you spend your days wondering where he'd gone, or were you a bit relieved to have space of your own? And how did you feel when he suddenly reappeared? Happy he'd returned, or "Oh shit, here we go again"? Did you enjoy life more without him around? If so, it may be time to try and do what's right for *you* and create the space that you need. One last question... you talk about "meeting new people". If you'll forgive my being blunt... do you really mean people in general, or are we really talking about the attentions of the fairer sex here? Is the fundamental problem here that he's getting laid and you're not? And if so, is it just a general problem that he's getting some and you aren't, or is it a problem concerning someone in particular where you feel he's swooped in and succeeded where you... hadn't succeeded yet? If it's a problem with a particular person then that's very tough to deal with. If it's any consolation, I'm sure most of us have been there and survived - but ya, it's tough. Whether it is or it isn't, getting some action yourself may help - and remember, nobody ever needs to know. There are plenty of ladies here who can help you on that front - but since you're here, I suspect that thought may already have crossed your mind :) Okay, that's enough ramblings from me. In a nutshell: get yourself the space you need, stop comparing yourself to your friend and focus on your own merits, and do what you need to do to make yourself feel happier. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Code Blue 3585 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 Your friend is not that but a kind of leech who sucks quality from your life. Distance yourself from him, as his family appear to have done already. It is the only way you will preserve what you have and allow yourself to mature into the person you can become. CB 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Studio 110 by Sophia 150333 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 yes I agree with what has been suggested here. Sounds like distance is the answer. I call this type of personality a "coyote", a coytoe is a trickster and cunning. They like to lurk around, tricking people around them into thinking whatever they want them to think. They would rather to come along and steal the prey you hunt, instad of chasing the hunt down for themselves. They always seem to come out on top....but in time it will catch up to them. Be true to yourself, dont allow him to take your confidence away from you! Just hold your head high in knowing you are being true. Eventually a person like this will sink into his own "sink hole" and other's will see right threw him! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest t**obb**** Report post Posted October 22, 2011 Ever heard of a wingman? If he's your friend, he'll want you to be happy. Use his talents to attract. Use your talents to engage. If you cared about helping your friend, you're likely a good person. When others see it, they'll appreciate that about you. Be mindful of your age. Many people at 21 are not thinking about much other than hormones. If you're walking around jealous and petty, people will get that vibe off of you. Think about who you want to be and be that. Don't compromise yourself for the sake of a few fleeting years. If your just horny and are not looking for long-time committments, well... you've come to the right place. P.S. 10 years ago I had a whole set of other friends I kept in contact with, when I lived in another part of the country. I've only kept infrequent touch with a couple since I was 11 years old. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lowdark 5613 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 I went through a similar situation. A friend from school seemed to be a natural talent at everything. And worse yet, everything I was any good at he was better, seemingly by putting in little effort. When high school was done I moved north for Univerity and was on my own. I was quickly forced to find my legs and discovered that I could be resourceful and likeable on my own. You're twenty one now, what you need to do is step out of any shadows into your own little slice of sunlight give it a few years to mature. And take a little comfort knowing that while he may still be the life of the party, he's relying on you, his friend, for survival. Party jokes and arttitude may get him by right now, but when you guys are 30, it'll be a different story if he's still looking for couches to sleep on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 You say you have been friends with him for ten years and you are twenty one now. What made you friends at eleven years old is different now. People evolve and grow, interests change etc etc etc. I know many years ago I ran into an old high school friend, and we just had nothing in common any more. It sounds to me like you are less friends now than two people who have known each other for a long time, but have for lack of a better phrase, grown apart. Perhaps you should seek new friends who have similar interests and mutual respect for each other. It doesn't sound like this friendship is truly a friendship any more, and it doesn't sound healthy for you to continue A quick rambling RG 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JuliasUndies 7288 Report post Posted October 22, 2011 Heya, my name is Julia, and if I still hung around the same people as when I did when I was 11 I'd be in a lot of trouble. Forget him! It's rather apparent that this has nothing to do with him but you wanting to be charismatic and have the self esteem to back it up and use him as an example. Listen, you don't need to be a social butterfly to meet people or your dream gal. I'll tell you a trick and it's a good one. Having things in common works. At your age, school is a biggy, conversations flo as to what major they are taking..What they thought of the English lit assignment or work. I encourage you to go back to school, school is a good place to meet people and it will do your spelling some good. What are you good at or like? A great place to meet others and socialize around the city is clubs..There are hundreds of clubs to choose from chess clubs, snow mobile clubs...You could volunteer? This is about you not him..never compare yourself to others, since we are all unique and special in our own way. Go forth my friend and be yourself good luck Jealousy will get the best of you, it's dark down that road and I encourage you not to take it. It's good you came here, we don't have to spare your feelings since we don't know you.. everyone can be honest here- Since you do consider yourself friends with him, you need ask yourself "What is a friend"? What do you want from a friendship, this friendship? You mentioned that you have helped him several times and have gotten nothing in return? When we choose to help someone, it has to be out of the goodness of your heart, selflessly and not expect anything in return unless it is a business transaction. To me, friends are self sufficient and ask me to put on nothing. Friends do kind acts for one another to show love and appreciation for the friendship, not take advantage of a good person. Has he been there for you when you needed a friend? 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
