lovemassage 97 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 I met this lady recently and I'm trying to politely tell her that I only want sex and being friends How do I go about saying this without offending her? Thanks everyone Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gabriella Laurence 301887 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 You could politely tell her that even though you enjoy spending time with her that you're not looking for a serious relationship. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 And be serious about being her friend if you tell her that. Don't just say, "oh I want to be friends" in the hopes that that will grant you access. If you genuinely want to be her friend say so, but if you don't, you don't. Be clear about your motives. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
April Dawn 12207 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 No there is no such thing. You are going to hurt her or she is going to hurt you. There is really no way to make that work. It sounds cruel but the closest thing you can have as friends with benefits without somebody developing feelings and getting hurt is a client/SP/MA scenario. Posted via Mobile Device 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 All I would say is invest, if thats the right word, in the friendship. Let it develop. Don't let it develop for alterior motives, namely sex. If you mutually want to be friends, and are only friends, but close enough as friends that you can bring up the subject, then ask if it can be a fwb friendship. And a question for you, if she says no, she just wants to be a friend, can you still be friends with her or would you not continue seeing her And I'm just asking a question, that's all RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 No there is no such thing. You are going to hurt her or she is going to hurt you. There is really no way to make that work. It sounds cruel but the closest thing you can have as friends with benefits without somebody developing feelings and getting hurt is a client/SP/MA scenario. Posted via Mobile Device Respectfully disagree. If boundaries are clear up front, it can work. I would know, I've got a pretty great friends with benefits. And we're actually friends. I have keys to his apartment, we hang out 2-3 times a week, the sex is great and if I'm upset, he's there for me. 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cometman 35115 Report post Posted November 3, 2011 Respectfully disagree. If boundaries are clear up front, it can work. I would know, I've got a pretty great friends with benefits. And we're actually friends. I have keys to his apartment, we hang out 2-3 times a week, the sex is great and if I'm upset, he's there for me. I agree with both you and April Dawn, but more so with April. April's take on it is what almost always happens. One party or the other develops feelings which change the dynamics. However,a true friend with benefits relationship CAN happen if both parties are like minded....much more rare. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Fantasy 144625 Report post Posted November 4, 2011 No there is no such thing. You are going to hurt her or she is going to hurt you. There is really no way to make that work. It sounds cruel but the closest thing you can have as friends with benefits without somebody developing feelings and getting hurt is a client/SP/MA scenario. Posted via Mobile Device I disagree also. I have a friend with benefit that I see him about two or three time a month now as he is always out of town for work, but we most of the time go out for drink, have sex and play World of Warcraft together. I don't love him and he doesn't love me. If someone is upset or have their heart broken let's say from someone else we are also there to support each other. And it has been going on for almost 2 years now. so it work for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JuliasUndies 7288 Report post Posted November 4, 2011 (edited) That's an entirely other site for that..try plenty of fish Best to just pay for it. A nice friendly service with benefits, no fuss. Edited November 4, 2011 by JuliasUndies Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LeeRichards 177238 Report post Posted November 4, 2011 I agree with Berlin and Malika. If the boundaries are clear this situation can be great FWB experience for both parties involved. I myself have had the same friend with benefits going on for about 12 years now. We grew up together, dated in our teens but both lived busy lives outta school sports wise and headed seperate directions as close friends. She confided in me about twelve years ago that she was bi-sexual and I helped her through telling her family and dealing with things. She lives with her gal pal now but ever since then we hook up 3 or 4 times a year when she is home for some extra curricular sexy time fun. No strings and I am the "guy' in her life so to speak. Lucky me ;) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Meg O'Ryan 266444 Report post Posted November 4, 2011 This is a hard one. Everyone is wired differently so how to broach the subject is a not a very straight forward affair. How well do you know her, her values, her wants and desires? Ultimately, if you are not looking for a relationship then you should be ready for a no thank you and the possibility of loosing a friend. Alternatively, she could be all for it. You must also think of the fact that perhaps she may say yes with the ulterior motive of creating something more. It's a tricky situation for sure! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimjac 100 Report post Posted November 4, 2011 would you be open yo friends with benifits??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
slurp 7020 Report post Posted November 5, 2011 No there is no such thing. You are going to hurt her or she is going to hurt you. There is really no way to make that work. It sounds cruel but the closest thing you can have as friends with benefits without somebody developing feelings and getting hurt is a client/SP/MA scenario. Posted via Mobile Device Will jump on the disagree bandwagon. Several years ago I was lucky enough to have a friend with benefits, actually we called each other fuck buddies. When we were seeing someone it was hands off but if we were both unattached we had a great time. Went on for years, we always kept in touch and still do. No more sex but still friends. But we had lots of wild times back then. When we met she she was in her late teens and going through some stuff with her mom. She would come over, we would talk and have sex, then she would go home and be able to talk to her mom. Her mom loved me and even gave me a car for "helping her and her daughter". If she only knew how I helped...... LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Fantasy 144625 Report post Posted November 5, 2011 Will jump on the disagree bandwagon. Several years ago I was lucky enough to have a friend with benefits, actually we called each other fuck buddies. I actually make a difference between fuck buddies and friend with benefits. fuck buddy...well we only fuck. They call me when they are horny and I call them when I am horny (okay I am lying we text!) and we happen to be want to have sex at the moment...bam! :D and that is our only communication. and the random like on the facebook status. friends with benefits as I describe in my earlier post...we actually do hang out like "normal" friends, go out for foods and drink, play videos games together but the extra is that we hump:D and on side note...once I was with the said friend, having a beer, playing world of Warcraft on my laptop and I had sex doggy style. at the same time:D which was full of win:D 5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NotchJohnson 214136 Report post Posted November 6, 2011 As said earlier you must set the boundaries from the start. I have met a girl once and wanted to date her so we became friends and after that she did not want to date me anymore, all we did is call each other and went out to bars. The deal was if a guy would hit on her and she did not like him I would turn out to be her boyfriend and vice versa. This was all fine and fun until one night after the bar scene and neither one of us got lucky she proposed to stay at my house for the night since she did not want to be alone. She went to bed in another room but before I knew it she came and joined me in my bed and one thing led to another. We agreed to FWB but that changed after I started to date a girl, it was like I was her possession and hate when I talked to girls. I have seen it work with some people but not always guaranteed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kindman 300 Report post Posted November 6, 2011 Malika, Where can I find a woman like you?!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waterat 20911 Report post Posted November 6, 2011 Malika, Where can I find a woman like you?!! ...duh... I think you've found her! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Fantasy 144625 Report post Posted November 6, 2011 Malika, Where can I find a woman like you?!! We are already on Cerb;) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Areez 11906 Report post Posted November 6, 2011 I actually make a difference between fuck buddies and friend with benefits. fuck buddy...well we only fuck. They call me when they are horny and I call them when I am horny (okay I am lying we text!) and we happen to be want to have sex at the moment...bam! :D and that is our only communication. and the random like on the facebook status. friends with benefits as I describe in my earlier post...we actually do hang out like "normal" friends, go out for foods and drink, play videos games together but the extra is that we hump:D and on side note...once I was with the said friend, having a beer, playing world of Warcraft on my laptop and I had sex doggy style. at the same time:D which was full of win:D +REP - i Definetly like the side note! lol! you are awesome. back to the topic though, I never personally been in this kind of relationship but from the definition above by Malika, Id say a friend with benefit is definetly a tough one. As for fuck buddies well that might just worked... lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mike7550 133 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 I've had what I thought were two FWB relationships, over two separate summers. I realize that two does not make for a statistical certainty but... Both girls eventually wanted more. Due to employment and other commitments, I was not able to take it to the next level. We mutually ended the "relationship." Both girls are now gay (kidding :biggrin:). Point is, I have not been lucky enough to maintain a FWB relationship, but clearly, based on other posts, it is possible. I remain hopeful... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 I actually make a difference between fuck buddies and friend with benefits. fuck buddy...well we only fuck. They call me when they are horny and I call them when I am horny (okay I am lying we text!) and we happen to be want to have sex at the moment...bam! :D and that is our only communication. and the random like on the facebook status. friends with benefits as I describe in my earlier post...we actually do hang out like "normal" friends, go out for foods and drink, play videos games together but the extra is that we hump:D and on side note...once I was with the said friend, having a beer, playing world of Warcraft on my laptop and I had sex doggy style. at the same time:D which was full of win:D For the love of F**K! Where have you BEEN all my life?? ;) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Fantasy 144625 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 For the love of F**K! Where have you BEEN all my life?? ;) Stealing the virginity of couchs:D 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
verticalsmile 300 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 I definitely say that fwb's don't work.... I have a friend who first hooked up with a guy... then she became an fwb with the guy.... lasted a year... they were always very close.... since they were always together, I got to know the guy as well.... became a good acquaintance.... and then my friend got a bf.... and omg the fallout... they both realized they were more attached to each other than they originally thought (the guy more so than the girl).... my friend cheated on her bf with the fwb.... and after that they called of the fwb status.... for the next year they would find ways to make sure they never met up again.... then a couple of weeks ago the fwb guy spared in my soccer team.... and I accidentally told my friend.... and my friend hasn't spoken to me since.... :( so i say from experience... don't do it..... it'll eventually come back kick you in the behind..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 I definitely say that fwb's don't work.... I have a friend who first hooked up with a guy... then she became an fwb with the guy.... lasted a year... they were always very close.... since they were always together, I got to know the guy as well.... became a good acquaintance.... and then my friend got a bf.... and omg the fallout... they both realized they were more attached to each other than they originally thought (the guy more so than the girl).... my friend cheated on her bf with the fwb.... and after that they called of the fwb status.... for the next year they would find ways to make sure they never met up again.... then a couple of weeks ago the fwb guy spared in my soccer team.... and I accidentally told my friend.... and my friend hasn't spoken to me since.... :( so i say from experience... don't do it..... it'll eventually come back kick you in the behind..... Sounds like they weren't open and honest with each other about what kind of relationship they were in. I've seen it work, and I've seen it blow up as in your example. The times it blew up is when there were mixed signals going on and both parties weren't completely open with each other about what to expect. Communication is key in these instances. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jabba 18389 Report post Posted November 11, 2011 (edited) Will jump on the disagree bandwagon. Several years ago I was lucky enough to have a friend with benefits, actually we called each other fuck buddies. When we were seeing someone it was hands off but if we were both unattached we had a great time. Went on for years, we always kept in touch and still do. No more sex but still friends. But we had lots of wild times back then. When we met she she was in her late teens and going through some stuff with her mom. She would come over, we would talk and have sex, then she would go home and be able to talk to her mom. Her mom loved me and even gave me a car for "helping her and her daughter". If she only knew how I helped...... LOL Slurp - for a second there, I had an infantile fantasy that the Mum was so grateful, she became your favourite MILF with benefits (MILFWB)! Before anyone says it out loud - Yes...I know, I'm such a PIG! :icon_lol: Sorry for the highjack. Edited November 11, 2011 by Jabba Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
