how do you keep from getting caught

[BownChickaBown 4829]

I find this situation easy to avoid, either:

 

1) Dump the spouse; or

2) Get one whom does not make you feel like hobbying anymore; or

3) Get one whom appreciates you and your hobby.

 

Works for me - never been caught - EVER!! ;)

Good Luck!

 

LOL, I'm guessing you went with option 1 or 3

 

Yeah, Im still working on #2. ...and no, I haven't encounter #3 yet.

So by default, #1 has worked best to keep from getting 'caught' - haha.

 

(To note: I assume no liability for how either of those options work for other people :p - Good Luck!! :) )

[cometman 35115]

Getting caught can be expensive, lol.

 

[roamingguy 300292]

Well seeing some of the comments here, one piece of advice, beats all other advice hands down

 

STAY SINGLE

 

RG :-)

[justplayin 102]

A few other tips to share that I have found useful:

 

Computer - Rather than messing around (and potentially forgetting to wipe browser histories, etc), setup a seperate fully encrypted file system where you can store (and run) a seperate browser, pics, TDLs, etc. Personally, I use freeware called TrueCrypt that creates an encrypted filesystem that looks just like a regular benign file. Also, if running windows, be sure to look into the recent file registry setting to remove that 'feature' at the OS level to prevent windows from remembering all documents you open.

 

Phone - As stated, 7-11 speakout is great. Their phones are crap so just pickup a used, cheap BB or andriod and unlock it for < $5 via ebay unlocker. Only one limitation with speakout service, currently they do not support picture messaging which leaves email as only option for receiving pics from SPs or MPs.

[TKDKidd 663]

Well seeing some of the comments here, one piece of advice, beats all other advice hands down

 

STAY SINGLE

 

RG :-)

 

This is the best advice. I don't condone anyone's actions, but myself personally, I could never be with someone else outside of my SO.

[jtylur00 100]

This is the best advice. I don't condone anyone's actions, but myself personally, I could never be with someone else outside of my SO.

 

That sounds about right to me. If I was with someone that I was so unhappy I'd have to see a SP, then there's a very good chance I wouldn't be with her for long.

[Athos 108589]

That sounds about right to me. If I was with someone that I was so unhappy I'd have to see a SP, then there's a very good chance I wouldn't be with her for long.

 

There are lots of different reasons why married people hobby. Everyone's story is different. For some, they may hobby because they are profoundly unhappy in their relationship. For many of us, however, that may not be the case. I've been married for nearly 25 years (to the same woman even) and i love her very much. We have kids, and a mutually satisfying relationship that is supportive and very close. However, that relationship no longer involves sex. That is o.k.for her, but not for me. I have no desire to leave her, but have discovered that hobbying provides a wonderful way to find physical intimacy with some wonderful women and preserve my marriage. she would be devastated if she found out, so I am very careful.

 

I've often wondered why, given we are all participating in a hobby that many in society don't condone, that there often is a bit of a judgmental tone expressed by single hobbyists towards those that are married. This hardly seems the place for those sorts of judgements.

 

Porthos

[backrubman 64800]

...

I've often wondered why, given we are all participating in a hobby that many in society don't condone, that there often is a bit of a judgmental tone expressed by single hobbyists towards those that are married. This hardly seems the place for those sorts of judgements.

Porthos

 

I couldn't agree more. Fortunately I have "permission" from my SO (and she has even kindly offered to finance "professional" companionship) but I don't ever openly "appear" to take her up on her offer as I know it would make her feel more inadequate than she already does. I also know that as much as she may nag me to "see someone" or "get a girlfriend" (affair style) a professional is a much better choice in so many ways as I don't ever risk breaking some girl's heart.

 

With regard to not getting caught, your SO is the smartest most Sherlock Holmes style detective in the world as she may know you better than you know yourself and certainly has a basis to go on if you break your routine in anyway.

 

But back to the point I am trying to make about judgement, I don't think we have the right to judge others if they are not hurting anyone and we haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

 

While some marriages have been negatively affected when a wife finds out that her husband has visited a professional companion or service provider I think the following must be pointed out: Some marriages have been saved by this also. One wonders about the ratio of marriages negatively affected by this industry compared to alcohol, drugs, money problems and real affairs (as opposed to a "professional" NSA relationship). It's all about the choices we make whatever the "problem" is.

 

I think "society doesn't condone" this industry openly but secretly most intelligent people that would openly object recognize more about it than they would admit publicly. Of course there is always the "paying makes you less of a man" camp and I feel just the opposite is true. I feel a lot more like a man should by not toying with some innocent girl's emotions.

[Athos 108589]

What you describe Backrubman is very much my situation. I expect my marriage would have disintegrated into bitterness and recriminations years ago. There would have been too many feelings of disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and resentment. Instead we are heading into our 25th anniversary, have 2 great kids, and our relationship is strong. Iin some ways we've even become closer over the years, but lover is no longer part of the equation.

 

Does that make me sad ... Sometimes. But I come from somewhat stoic stock. It is what it is! We've stuck together, didn't cut and run, raised a family, and built a life. Is it everything I hoped it would be 25 years ago. Probably not, but it's pretty damn good. Seeing the occasional SP doesn't change that, in fact it's made it possible.

 

Is this rationalization. Absolutely, but it doesn't make it any less true.

 

Porthos

[Andee 220524]

This is the best advice. I don't condone anyone's actions, but myself personally, I could never be with someone else outside of my SO.

 

So, not to be rude, but I'm curious as to why would someone like yourself would become a member of an escort board.

 

Getting back to the thread....

[TGirl-Kay 7485]

This is an interesting thread. I don't think that there is a sure fire way to prevent getting caught, though a lot of good advice has been offered that I'm sure will reduce the risk of it happening.

I'm left wondering that given the support for the decriminalization of sex work that seems to be building here in Canada that perhaps folks might be more open to their partners visiting sex workers than people think.

Now I'm not sugesting that this is something that would work for everyone but considering the number of men and women who step out side their primary relationships for intimacy a little more open comunication might, in some cases relieve the need to hide a hobby and work in favor of both parties.

[cometman 35115]

Um......no, I think I'll still keep it hidden. Nice thought, but it wouldn't work here. It would just end up helping a lawyer retire earlier.

[backrubman 64800]

This is an interesting thread. I don't think that there is a sure fire way to prevent getting caught, though a lot of good advice has been offered that I'm sure will reduce the risk of it happening.

I'm left wondering that given the support for the decriminalization of sex work that seems to be building here in Canada that perhaps folks might be more open to their partners visiting sex workers than people think.

Now I'm not sugesting that this is something that would work for everyone but considering the number of men and women who step out side their primary relationships for intimacy a little more open comunication might, in some cases relieve the need to hide a hobby and work in favor of both parties.

 

I'm with you on this November, views become more liberal (or liberated) all the time but at least for the remainder of this decade we would be dreaming in technicolor to believe it will come to pass.

 

I am fortunate in that I don't worry too much about getting caught (and that in and of itself probably makes it less likely that I will be, trying to be too secretive can have the opposite than desired effect) because I have "permission" and encouragement from my SO but I think our relationship would have trust issues that would have to be dealt with if she found out I went behind her back and to not go behind her back would make her feel badly (even though it is her idea, she medically can't and loves me enough to give me what I tend to think of as "pseudo permission").

 

But back when she could and everything was great, she even offered then to treat me to a ménage à trois with a suitable "working girl" and I think she was very interested in this herself (not just for my benefit). While this was tempting it only took a little research to realize that in this instance someone always gets their feelings hurt unless two of the three people in the room are "professionals" :) or there is much discussion and preparation to overcome this in advance. Almost the same kind of hurt she would experience if I gave in and said ok, I'll go see a professional companion and did so with her knowing all about it. As liberal as she is and I do love her for it, she'd wonder what was going on and if she was there to observe (so she wouldn't have to wonder) it would be even more hurtful.

 

You are so right, there is no sure fire way of not getting caught but lots of great advice in this thread that can help one to stay out of trouble.

 

I have no guilt or remorse about it (for the reasons stated above) but one thing that I have come to realize from my experiences that probably should be said, as much of a gentleman as I may be I do "know" that men are wired up by design to be unfaithful (even me) and I would have resisted without "pseudo permission" but some men just can't and I would be the last to judge them for it -- I hope the wife that does catch her husband can understand that this isn't the same kind of unfaithfulness at all that an emotional and messy love affair would be and forgive or even more hopeful for the future, "understand it" completely.

[MightyPen 67414]

I do "know" that men are wired up by design to be unfaithful

Woah! Sorry, I can't let that one pass, even though I'm in a rush and can't post my thoughts fully.

 

I agree with just about everything else you wrote backrubman, and I think this is a great subject for discussion. I hope to dive in again with thoughts on other aspects. But I've gotta say I really groan every time I see the popular meme that men as a gender are intrinsically wired for infidelity more than our female counterparts.

 

I know all about the evolutionary theory behind the arguments, and those theories argue equally for infidelity by both sexes. *Everyone* is inclined to infidelity, and we all deal with those inclinations in our own respective ways. But we need to own our decisions, and we men need to recognize that our impulses to play around are no different than those experienced by women. The big difference between how the two sexes deal with temptation is cultural, and that difference is disappearing fast these days as both genders complete the process of staking out equal claim to self-satisfaction.

 

Whatever else applies when dealing with the subject of infidelity, there's no "my gender did it" get-out-of-jail-free card for guys.

[backrubman 64800]

Woah! Sorry, I can't let that one pass, even though I'm in a rush and can't post my thoughts fully.

 

I agree with just about everything else you wrote backrubman, and I think this is a great subject for discussion. I hope to dive in again with thoughts on other aspects. But I've gotta say I really groan every time I see the popular meme that men as a gender are intrinsically wired for infidelity more than our female counterparts.

 

I know all about the evolutionary theory behind the arguments, and those theories argue equally for infidelity by both sexes. *Everyone* is inclined to infidelity, and we all deal with those inclinations in our own respective ways. But we need to own our decisions, and we men need to recognize that our impulses to play around are no different than those experienced by women. The big difference between how the two sexes deal with temptation is cultural, and that difference is disappearing fast these days as both genders complete the process of staking out equal claim to self-satisfaction.

 

Whatever else applies when dealing with the subject of infidelity, there's no "my gender did it" get-out-of-jail-free card for guys.

 

Thanks so much MightyPen!

 

Ok, you got me! I accept your argument and stand corrected ready to own up to being incorrect (never any shame in that). Your insight is much appreciated.

 

So given that I accept as you say that "Everyone is inclined to infidelity" (and my married girlfriend would no doubt agree) then can I at least get away with saying that men are more likely to act on these inclinations? And if you can let me get away with that then I'll agree this is cultural also, as you say. What say you?

 

And I also think "this is a great subject for discussion" and hope you do "dive in again with thoughts on other aspects" so perhaps you could consider starting a new thread just so we don't hijack this one by getting too far off topic. I'd really like to learn more of your insights into this and anything else you find of interest. You do pretty good for being in such a rush -- put me in my place! No "get-out-of-jail-free card for guys" the gals aren't entirely different (just culturally driven different behaviors).

[MightyPen 67414]

can I at least get away with saying that men are more likely to act on these inclinations? And if you can let me get away with that then I'll agree this is cultural also, as you say. What say you?

Absolutely. I think we're on exactly the same page then. That inclination for men to act on desires, and women less so, stems from our culture -- and the culture is changing. But the desires themselves are universal.

 

I agree though, let's not sidetrack things. Besides, I've recorded "Game Change" and want to watch the rest of it. :)

[kerrixoxo 33719]

As an SP, I set up an email with a male-sounding name and I use this email for those who are concerned with getting caught :) when they want to see me they email that email asking to meet up for beers, or golf, or whatever else it is guys might meet up for ;)

 

it's most simple way to approaching a concerned potential client (in my opinion).

[Rassilon 982]

I meet SPs in the cave under my house and my butler Alfred covers for me usually.

 

 

Being single it is easy for me. I do not want the fact i am doing this broadcast to the world, so I might have to lie about where I am going "Have to run to the city for some special errands." if I run into somewhere on my out, but otherwise it is just a mater of not telling anyone for me.

 

My reason for posting the following is so others can enjoy the irony. I am not trying to rub it in anyone's face or anything.

 

Until recently I had a job (I work in the same place different department) where 99% of my co-workers were women. We have a high turn over and I was there for years, so i knew allot about the operation, which is 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. They depended on me for allot.

 

It makes me sigh about how the world works. Many of you need add so much extra secrecy to your communications and I, a single person, spent years living a life where getting calls from strange women regularly at all times of the day was completely normal for and logically expected from others.

[Befuzzled 752]

Delete GPS history, have a reason to be where ever your travels take you, private browser, separate email, hobby phone or delete phone history, unscented products, have a valid reason for shower at home afterwards if needed, no marks, leave minimal electronic footprint of any kind. And, don't ever pass out drunk on your couch while up late logged into cerb....all hypothetically speaking of course.

[Amelia Fox 9064]

How I keep undetected is..

 

Phone

I have a phone not in my name so if anyone was to look my number up,it would come up a different name.. I also delete any text messages immediately after I read/ respond to them. I have my phone locked at all times..

 

Computer

I too keep a locked passcode on it,I erase my browse history after each use. I only login when I am alone.

 

Photos

I keep my face,tattoos blurred out.

[nntsci 11076]

(1) I usually vary the time that I get home from work so that when I sneak off to see an SP there is nothing unusual in terms of the time I get home. I always try to squeeze my SP time during times when I'm not expected to be anywhere in particular. For example, I take off work a half hour early and get home a half hour later. Because my hours vary anyway, no one notices.

 

(2) I switch my cell phone off after confirming the room and so on. During the normal week, I often do not keep my phone on, or and often don't answer it because I can't hear it in my briefcase... Since this is the norm, on those occassions when I'm visiting an SP and switch it off, its not different from my usual irratic behavior.

 

(3) I also tend to meet SPs when my SO is scheduled to work so that she won't be home when I get home. This gives me the opportunity to have another shower and change my clothes when I get home, without arousing suspicion, and ensures that no funny smells will be noticed.

 

(4) I bring my own soap and shower after each appointment.

 

(5) I clear my call log, web history, and contacts on my cell phone after each appointment.

 

(6) I withdraw money irregularly in relativley small amounts so that there is no unusual pattern of withdraws. By being consistently irratic, there is not obvious pattern of behavior.

 

(7) I recently switched my banking to online statements so that there are no longer any monthly statements. I take money out of 2 different accounts one of which my SO has no access too.

 

(9) I keep my appointments to a minimum so that the amount spent is not unusual.

 

(10) I have a cover story for money I withdraw. For example, a need to buy lunch when we run out of bread at home (a regular occurence) or cafe lattes paid in cash ($5 each) can really add up, but I really need them to stay awake at work, lol. My wife knows I have an addiction to caffine, I just don't mention that sometimes I get my caffine from tea bags (2 bucks for a box). But keep stories realistic.

 

(11) I try to schedule SPs when I travel (e.g., Nevada, Australia, Austria). She knows that I will have a lot of travel related expenses, often in cash, such as taxis, and that I get reimbursed for many of them. I rarely take taxis, I prefer to use public transit or walk, I never mention this to her. Ironically the only trip that she's ever questioned me about the spending, had no sneaking around expenses. And all suspicions disappeared when I got my reimbursement cheque.

 

(12) Never use the same email for social or work things as you do for naughty things. And never forward email related to your hobby to anyone else.

 

(13) Never use the "remember me" option on email unless you have a login password.

 

(14) Know more about your technology than your SO so that you can keep your stuff private.

 

(15) You can use a password on your phone, but this is complicated because you have to type in your password when answering phone calls... have nearly missed a call or two because of a password... So use a password that can be typed into your phone quickly.

 

(16) Never leave your email or other accounts on your computer when you are away, and if you do so accidentally, know how to clear the account and make it safe.

 

(17) Don't get intoxicated. I should note that keeping SP visits secret is so easy compared to hidding an affair. I started to get involved with a woman romantically, and even though she kept telling me about the importance of discretion (wanted me to keep it secret), she did everything wrong. The worst part was that she wanted to go drinking, in public, first before getting romantic. It never went anywhere; too risky.

 

Additional Comments:

Thanks so much MightyPen!

 

Ok, you got me! I accept your argument and stand corrected ready to own up to being incorrect (never any shame in that). Your insight is much appreciated.

 

So given that I accept as you say that "Everyone is inclined to infidelity" (and my married girlfriend would no doubt agree) then can I at least get away with saying that men are more likely to act on these inclinations? And if you can let me get away with that then I'll agree this is cultural also, as you say. What say you?

 

And I also think "this is a great subject for discussion" and hope you do "dive in again with thoughts on other aspects" so perhaps you could consider starting a new thread just so we don't hijack this one by getting too far off topic. I'd really like to learn more of your insights into this and anything else you find of interest. You do pretty good for being in such a rush -- put me in my place! No "get-out-of-jail-free card for guys" the gals aren't entirely different (just culturally driven different behaviors).

There is a difference in hormones. I know of perimenopausal woman who is currently on hormone replacement therapy that includes low doses of testosterone, and she went from having no sexual desire at all to constantly thinking about sex. It was actually quite amusing.

[roamingguy 300292]

 

I've often wondered why, given we are all participating in a hobby that many in society don't condone, that there often is a bit of a judgmental tone expressed by single hobbyists towards those that are married. This hardly seems the place for those sorts of judgements.

 

Porthos

 

Definitely agree. This should be a judgement free zone. No one knows someone

else's story or situation or walked in their shoes

RG

[Genevieve Marceau 68000]

True! No one should judge men for cheating on their wife. As a woman, I can tell you that the wifes are just as bad if not worst ;) Each time someone ask me if I feel bad to meet with married men I just laugh for that reason.

 

Gentlemen, If after 15 years of marriage your lovely wife starts all of the sudden buying sexy lingerie and going to the gym like it's a part-time job: she is cheating.

[piano8950 32577]

(1) I usually vary the time that I get home from work so that when I sneak off to see an SP there is nothing unusual in terms of the time I get home. I always try to squeeze my SP time during times when I'm not expected to be anywhere in particular. For example, I take off work a half hour early and get home a half hour later. Because my hours vary anyway, no one notices.

 

(2) I switch my cell phone off after confirming the room and so on. During the normal week, I often do not keep my phone on, or and often don't answer it because I can't hear it in my briefcase... Since this is the norm, on those occassions when I'm visiting an SP and switch it off, its not different from my usual irratic behavior.

 

(3) I also tend to meet SPs when my SO is scheduled to work so that she won't be home when I get home. This gives me the opportunity to have another shower and change my clothes when I get home, without arousing suspicion, and ensures that no funny smells will be noticed.

 

(4) I bring my own soap and shower after each appointment.

 

(5) I clear my call log, web history, and contacts on my cell phone after each appointment.

 

(6) I withdraw money irregularly in relativley small amounts so that there is no unusual pattern of withdraws. By being consistently irratic, there is not obvious pattern of behavior.

 

(7) I recently switched my banking to online statements so that there are no longer any monthly statements. I take money out of 2 different accounts one of which my SO has no access too.

 

(9) I keep my appointments to a minimum so that the amount spent is not unusual.

 

(10) I have a cover story for money I withdraw. For example, a need to buy lunch when we run out of bread at home (a regular occurence) or cafe lattes paid in cash ($5 each) can really add up, but I really need them to stay awake at work, lol. My wife knows I have an addiction to caffine, I just don't mention that sometimes I get my caffine from tea bags (2 bucks for a box). But keep stories realistic.

 

(11) I try to schedule SPs when I travel (e.g., Nevada, Australia, Austria). She knows that I will have a lot of travel related expenses, often in cash, such as taxis, and that I get reimbursed for many of them. I rarely take taxis, I prefer to use public transit or walk, I never mention this to her. Ironically the only trip that she's ever questioned me about the spending, had no sneaking around expenses. And all suspicions disappeared when I got my reimbursement cheque.

 

(12) Never use the same email for social or work things as you do for naughty things. And never forward email related to your hobby to anyone else.

 

(13) Never use the "remember me" option on email unless you have a login password.

 

(14) Know more about your technology than your SO so that you can keep your stuff private.

 

(15) You can use a password on your phone, but this is complicated because you have to type in your password when answering phone calls... have nearly missed a call or two because of a password... So use a password that can be typed into your phone quickly.

 

(16) Never leave your email or other accounts on your computer when you are away, and if you do so accidentally, know how to clear the account and make it safe.

 

(17) Don't get intoxicated. I should note that keeping SP visits secret is so easy compared to hidding an affair. I started to get involved with a woman romantically, and even though she kept telling me about the importance of discretion (wanted me to keep it secret), she did everything wrong. The worst part was that she wanted to go drinking, in public, first before getting romantic. It never went anywhere; too risky.

 

 

That's quite thorough, and seems like a lot of work. Doesn't it get exhausting?

[nntsci 11076]

That's quite thorough, and seems like a lot of work. Doesn't it get exhausting?

LOl, yes its thorough. No, she doesn't work at the CIA as Gegefatale suggests, but did discover an affair I had years ago when I was young and Naive. This fact has two interesting effects. First, she knows I'm capable of cheating (not good), but she also over estimates her abilty to detect it (very good)... Always let your SO think she's psychic or very intuitive... There's nothing better at hiding your true behavior than having a SO that thinks she can read your mind.

 

Additional Comments:

True! No one should judge men for cheating on their wife. As a woman, I can tell you that the wifes are just as bad if not worst ;) Each time someone ask me if I feel bad to meet with married men I just laugh for that reason.

 

Gentlemen, If after 15 years of marriage your lovely wife starts all of the sudden buying sexy lingerie and going to the gym like it's a part-time job: she is cheating.

If I wasn't married I doubt I have much trouble finding women to make out with (I've had offers). For me, the issue about my wife is that she has largely lost her sex drive and that is actually quite natural considering her age. However, there are lots of good reasons to stay married (e.g., having 2 teenage sons, and two young adults in college). So SPs provide a service that allows me to stay relatively content in my marriage.