Being a good person and enjoying this hobby

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Hey Gents,

 

My opinion is that the majority of women in this industry choose to enter the profession of their own free will. That being said, we also know that there is a dark side of this industry in which women are coerced to work, and in which they may be economically exploited by a "pimp" who keeps the money she earns.

 

Although I hardly ever encounter these situations with escorts/MA's, I got to know many women when I was stripping who were coerced into the industry. I won't go into all the details, but I will give one example. I was in the dressing room and another dancer was on the phone. She said on the phone: "Please can I leave? I've been here for 6 hours and I've only made $200. I really don't think I can make anymore. The club is dead." She hung up and said to her friend: "He says I can't leave until I make $300."

 

I'm not saying these things to make anyone feel bad, or because the majority of strippers are in this situation (that is absolutely not true).

 

But what I will ask is, what do you as a hobbiest do to mitigate the risk that you are participating in the exploitation of another human being? Do you only see reputable indies/agencies? Do you think you can "tell" when you meet her? Have you ever been in a situation where you suspected the lady was not there by her own free will?

 

I hope no one is upset at me for bringing up such a dark topic, but I think it's important to talk about these things once in a while :)

 

Megan

[CristyCurves 169032]

Hey Gents' date='

 

My opinion is that the majority of women in this industry choose to enter the profession of their own free will. That being said, we also know that there is a dark side of this industry in which women are coerced to work, and in which they may be economically exploited by a "pimp" who keeps the money she earns.

 

Although I hardly ever encounter these situations with escorts/MA's, I got to know many women when I was stripping who were coerced into the industry. I won't go into all the details, but I will give one example. I was in the dressing room and another dancer was on the phone. She said on the phone: "Please can I leave? I've been here for 6 hours and I've only made $200. I really don't think I can make anymore. The club is dead." She hung up and said to her friend: "He says I can't leave until I make $300."

 

I'm not saying these things to make anyone feel bad, or because the majority of strippers are in this situation (that is absolutely not true).

 

But what I will ask is, what do you as a hobbiest do to mitigate the risk that you are participating in the exploitation of another human being? Do you only see reputable indies/agencies? Do you think you can "tell" when you meet her? Have you ever been in a situation where you suspected the lady was not there by her own free will?

 

I hope no one is upset at me for bringing up such a dark topic, but I think it's important to talk about these things once in a while :)

 

Megan[/quote']

This is an excellent post,a good thing to bring up from time to time,I will be interested in reading the responses.I have never understood the mindset that would allow someone to control them,but I also understand the people that "prey" on others are "masters" in manipulation,con artists and the lowest level of mankind,and seduce those they choose into a life the victim would not normally choose.

[castle 38816]

Great question, Megan. For me personally I only see providers who have a big presence here on cerb. Other than simply posting ads. I like to be able to get a feel for their personalities and get a sense that they're here because they want to be. Sure that's no 100% guarantee that they're not being coerced......it's possible they could be being pimped but still be active on cerb. But if they actively participate in discussions here, and seem genuinely interested in what we men think and prefer, or are eager to share their own thoughts on topics and their own preferences. Well....that makes me feel a lot more comfortable about seeing them and knowing that they're here because they want to be. In my first year or so in the hobby before I discovered cerb, I saw a lot of ladies who I got the sense did not want to be there. I can't say for sure if they were being exploited or not. But either way, it felt horrible.....and often I did not even stick around.

 

As for dancers I have no clue.....sometimes you can get a sense from talking to her if she wants to be there or not. But sometimes you can't. As someone who has been a dancer Megan, are there any signs you know of that we should watch out for if we don't want to participate with someone who is being exploited?

[Areez 11906]

I do agree with Megan's comment while most ladies in the biz does it out of their own free will, there is always some that is exploited by third party.

 

How do I decide to minimize this risk? honestly, as bad as this may sound .. there is no sure way to avoid this based on the choice you made be it either agency or indy provider.

 

Could you tell if she is being forced to do it? There is signs one could read, a little hint or giveaway. ex: she is not very comfortable trough the time spent. saying this not everyone gets comfortable with everyone they met. hence its not the perfect indication. it is quite hard to know for sure really.

 

Since i started hobbying, luckily i havent encounter this situation where the lady i am seeing is there because of exploitation. (i would hope not anyway..)

 

but there is one thing a hobbyist can sure do! respect the lady, dont give them a hard time as they are there to please you. be kind as for something that you think is normal might not be so normal. if you are courteous, at least the lady wouldnt have a harder time than what it already is.

 

** end of my rumbling about ha ha

[roamingguy 300292]

Excellent thread Megan. What do I do now. Well I stick pretty much to the ladies on CERB or EC, and those who have a board presence, not just here to post ads.

I also stick to independent providers. I have, (because there was a lady who interested me but has since moved on) enquired about reputable agencies, and got good feedback on which agencies are reputable. I don't want to use those agencies which come close or are expoloiting women by pimping them out. Mind you, as of yet, I haven't used an agency, but if I should, I know which ones to use.

And I have a minimum age range of ladies I'll see, not just for my own comfort zone, but to avoid those ladies who could possibly be under age, and are not women, but girls.

I treat the ladies like a gentleman. Not only payment in full up front, a gift and tip provided as well. If I should use an agency, well like I said, a reputable agency, and the lady will get a tip (likely equal combined value to what I give independents tip + gift, if that is making sense)

Finally, gut check, if it seems wrong to me, I won't book an encounter

Some quick thoughts

RG

[Code Blue 3585]

It is an issue that ought to be aired, so my main comment is just in support of Megan's thread-starter. Unfortunately, I doubt those who feel coerced would be likely to contribute to such a thread and help enlighten the discussion.

 

Having been told elsewhere I am hopeless at "reading" people, I don't think I have much to add in terms of how to detect "coercion" on the day as it were, other than the comments written already.

 

I do think that a lady's presence here on CERB over time may well be my best insurance to avoid inadvertently collaborating in such exploitation.

 

CB

[MrGump 632]

Well I'm no expert,of the three SP's i've seen,all three came from EC,I have yet to experience the blessing of meeting a lady from CERB.

 

All three were posted on EC for a long time,I think one of them is a CERB member,but I was unaware of CERB at that time.I doubt very much any of these ladies were being exploited,they were all lovely,had nice places and looked great.

I can only be sure of the one I still see,and again, I doubt she is anything but fiercly independent.

 

Food for thought though,but like someone else said,I go for ladies not girls,and happy classy ladies give off a way better vibe than sketchy,unhappy one's...

 

my two cents..

[explorer69 3513]

The Asian places often feel like there is a lot of exploitation especially when the women are sleeping on mattresses on the floor. That is why I avoid the cheap Asian places.

Being indy or on CERB doesn't mean that a SP does not have a pimp. I know of at least one regular here who has a pimp.

[Boomer 33202]

Most of the ladies I see are usually independent and have a certain maturity, and most of the suggestions here make a lot of sense. No one really wants to deal with a lady that's coerced. However, I guess there's a question that arises from the topic.

 

What do you do when confronted with the fact that the lady isn't there of her own free will. In Megan' example, might make sense to give her a few dances knowing that she'll make her quota and get off her feet a little sooner. Obviously it's not a solution, but it's what it is. In an extreme example I suppose one's obligated to report it to LE, but we all know what a can of worms that would be.

[mrrnice2 157005]

The issue of seeing someone who is working as a dancer, an MA or as an SP and being exploited would be abhorent for me. One would never know I suppose, or maybe the vibes and other factors would give indications.

 

There is also the definition od 'exploited' that may be considered.

 

WAY back in the beginning, I wondered about just why SP's were choosing this employment path. (MY stereotypes?) I wanted to believe that in all cases it was because they wanted to be self-employed, wanted their independence, wanted to set their own hours, their rates, their working conditions, their holidays, enjoyed meeting different people and enjoyed sex, and all these positives.

 

However, I have read on more than one thread on Cerb that there are women for whom initially it was a question of survival because of lifes curves. This bothered me a lot. It did then and it still does.

 

At one point in time, a really well respected SP and I were in conversation about this, and she told me that I could look at it in the following way. To look at it so that the donation is in fact a 'helping hand', to give women who may have been initially involved because of circumstance that little boost that will ultimately would give them a choice.

 

I know that this is not the exact form of exploitation that Megan brought up, but it is certainly related in one way, and yes, is still an 'issue' in my mind. Am I exploiting or am I helping?

[newboy 4919]

Yes Mr. Nice, I know exactly what you are saying.

 

It's complicated sometimes isn't it?

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

The bottom line is we don't really know, no matter how mindful and sensitive we try to be. The most important thing for us all to do, is to conduct ourselves with respect and responsiveness - in other words, in such a way that we don't directly create even more unhappiness than (may) already exist.

 

Only once have I seen anything that gave me real pause.

 

A few years ago, a lady I saw for the first (and only) time went through almost the entire session wearing her knee-socks. Being a foot-enthusiast, I eventually decided what the heck, I'm going to remove those socks. She didn't resist. Her legs from the knees down were covered in bruises. She insisted that her brother's dog was the culprit. That didn't sound quite right to me, but I'm no expert on bruises or dogs.

 

I seriously mulled the whole thing over afterwards, and eventually decided, after considering her otherwise happy demeanour, and the length and character of her participation on the review boards for the previous couple of years, that I would do nothing further. I decided that I did not have enough evidence to be able to either believe or disbelieve the dog story. I never saw her again; she's never posted on this board since. Did I make the right decision? As in so many things in life, I'll just never know.

[mrgreen760 37785]

"Am I exploiting or am I helping"? Personally, I ponder this every single time I even contact someone. It's long been a conundrum for me. Being a sex worker is not easy and I've learnt that it can be very isolating for some, not all but some for sure. I'd like to think that being a good guy and a reasonable, fair and grateful person to meet with will make up for it some how. But I can never be entirely sure I'm not at least abetting the exploitation of another. It does give me pause..

 

Peace

MG

[Eastcoasthobbiest 434]

This is a topic that could probably stand to see a little more publicity and I for one am glad to take part.

 

Avoiding exploitation is tough. By the very nature of the business, we don't get the chance to know each other on a deeper level in the scope of an appointment. Hobbiests that make a habit of seeing a specific SP as a regular may want to point out that they know their SP friends a lot more than some of their other friends and that's true, but cold-calling an SP for the first time, there's nothing to go on except an ad and the general "vibe" you get on the phone when you call.

 

Having said that, I've developed a set of rules that help me stay comfortable with my choices. When I book an appointment, I avoid ads in papers. That may sound like common sense or it may sound silly to some people, but by now we're all aware of CERB and SEA and similar sites. I had one experience with an ad from a paper and it turned out to be an ad placed by someone that had been thrown off SEA three or four times under different logins for scamming. Sad fact is that advertising in the business personals is cheap, easy and the paper doesn't care if you're posting an ad for a bait-n-switch scam, so they take the money and post the ad. Just as these ads are home to people looking to scam money, they're also homes for some places that don't want to leave too much of a trail if they have to cut and run in a hurry. Post an ad with a fake name, pay in cash and leave a burn phone as the contact and if an investigation starts into human trafficing, it leads nowhere. An account on a website can be traced by IP back to the modem issued by the internet provider and can even identify the computer that filled it out with a court order.

 

For that reason alone, I feel more comfortable booking an appointment through an ad I found on a site like this. Additionally, I look at the community standing of the SP I'm booking with. Recomendations and their posts within the community count for a lot. There are some sites out there that are filled with shill reviews posted by the girls to pad their resume so that can be misleading too, but thankfully Cerb is one of the sites that a review can be trusted.

 

I also look for the demeanor of the provider when I call. If they seem nervous or upset, then I'm more likely to end the call without making an appointment. On the other hand, if they seem really in command of themselves overall, I'd feel a lot more comfortable with them. For example, I was trying to book an appointment with an SP in Halifax about 6 months ago and and things seemed kind of borderline. She was hesitant, but we made the appointment. About ten minutes later, she called me back and said that she didn't feel up to it that night because it had been a long day and asked if we could reschedule. Sadly it was my last night in town and I told her so, but her callback and the explanation that she gave me left me feeling comfortable that she was in charge of her appointments and the next time I'm in town, Bobbie's the first SP I'm gonna call as a result.

 

Unfortunately, we can really only count on each other to come forward when we feel like we've encountered a situation like this. I would be horrified to find out I'd booked an appointment with an SP in that kind of situation, but I think this is the first place I'd turn for advice on how to handle it and what, if anything, I could do to help stop it from continuing.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Megan, I'm grateful to you for raising this question. It's something we tend to dance away from too often, I think. Perhaps that's because it's so difficult to answer it and feel satisfied.

 

The thing is, most gentlemen will never know the real reasons that any particular paid companion has entered this industry or whether she is being exploited by someone else. Moreover, just because someone found the sex trade to be a reasonable option does not mean that she's oppressed. For many of us--myself included--deciding to become a paid companion was a way both to take charge of our lives and to get out of being abused or exploited by someone.

 

If you suspect that a companion is working against her will, by all means, ask if you can help her. Expect to be turned down, though. There's no reason for her to trust you. Indeed, she may have trouble trusting anyone. If you feel that something is off and you don't want to stay for the meeting, consider whether you might pay her for her time anyway. If she is being abused by someone, the consequences for having a client leave early and pay less could be very bad for her.

 

Of course, if you suspect that a companion may be underage, please leave and call the police. Immediately. Far better for you to have made a mistake if she turns out to be of legal age, than to have walked away and left the problem to someone else who may, or may not, come along and do the right thing later. The police will not be interested in pursuing you for paying for sex. They will be very interested in the possibility that an underage person is being coerced into providing it.

 

Above all, I think it's good for all of us, companions as well as clients, to remember the sage advice... "Be compassionate, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

[etasman2000 15994]

Of course, if you suspect that a companion may be underage, please leave and call the police. Immediately. Far better for you to have made a mistake if she turns out to be of legal age, than to have walked away and left the problem to someone else who may, or may not, come along and do the right thing later.

 

Before Cerb (B.C) I use to lurk in another board focused on overseas hobbying . There is a tacit rule among board members that any suspected underage encounters are to be reported to the authorities immediately. The reasoning was as prostitution was legal in those countries why introduce the specter of exploitation into the picture.