Guest L**gh M****e Report post Posted December 30, 2011 "Never Regret the things that you have done....only Regret those things that have yet not come"!...folks we only have the ONE life....Live it to the most! There's no such thing as Black and White, and sometimes even those Grey areas....I look at life with those shades of blue's and yellows, nor with straight lines but I lend to bend those lines and rules...Everyone have a Safe Holiday Season......and Be Happy! :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted December 30, 2011 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest L**gh M****e Report post Posted December 30, 2011 OMG....Mr. RG.....that is the sexond laugh that I had of my day today! Thank you so much with smiles! So sweet! I tried to give you rep so I wouldn't have to post again without disrespect to our community....wouldn't allow me...you are God Status...so I'm posting here to let you know that your genuine character is noticed with me! I love humor (or is it spelled humour) and welcome all that is offered and shared! Muaz and Safe Season to you and to All! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted December 30, 2011 "Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight." - Johnny Cash Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted January 1, 2012 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ajd20000 655 Report post Posted January 1, 2012 Here's a quote I am surprised I never heard until I had been employed for 20 years. I wish I had discovered it after finishing school! "Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing." Theodore Roosevelt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reuben Sandwich 13841 Report post Posted January 2, 2012 This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. Ralph Waldo Emerson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
futileresistenz 28253 Report post Posted January 2, 2012 (edited) I did not set out to quote three great thinkers, I was only looking for the exact Gandhi quote, but found two other contrasting views. It's only then that I realized I could tie it in with my board name. LOL Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it. Gandhi Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people. Carl Sagan There is nothing insignificant in the world. It all depends on the point of view. Goethe Edited January 2, 2012 by futileresistenz changed opening and moved original first line to the title line (self-confessed habitual editor) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baileydog 9367 Report post Posted January 2, 2012 "When I came home I expected a surprise and there was no surprise, so, of course, I was surprised" ... Ludwig Wittgenstein Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted January 2, 2012 "So, uh, who's gonna cum on my face?" - Our very own, Berlin ;) http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=302603&postcount=56 I believe the rules of this thread were to post quotes that were "uplifting and sometimes just what someone needs to make them smile!".....well....I certainly did find Berlin's statement "uplifting", and it most definitely made me smile. OK, so maybe I'm stretching those definitions a wee bit in order to serve my own perverted ends.....sue me :D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 What this thread needs is some Mitch Hedburg! See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my old CD into a store is if I were to take one in and leave it. Then the guys says, "Sir, you forgot this!" "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it." You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together." I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough." I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here. I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "No". So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to. "Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? Liar!" My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest **cely***r***ne Report post Posted January 4, 2012 "Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give." - Eleanor Roosevelt ******************** "Our lives improve only when we take chances... and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves." - Walter Anderson ******************** "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.- Eleanor Roosevelt ******************** "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." - J. R. R. Tolkien ******************** Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phaedrus 209521 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 "Well, don't YOU look like the icing on a fuck cake." Sorry, but it made me laugh... :) I'd love to have this on a t-shirt, although I doubt I'd have the balls to wear it in public... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LeeRichards 177238 Report post Posted January 7, 2012 "Dunk your balls in Neet" Cerb's own SaraMQ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted January 11, 2012 Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know. I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This. In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you. I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget. If you friend request me on facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you're a transformer. If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20th, 2013. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the f*ck are you? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 Thanks to billybob and thedriver for reminding me of this one with there posts in the "What Hell is really like" thread: "But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. " - George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 On Marriage... "What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow." - Nathaniel Hawthorne "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner "Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." - Mickey Rooney "The appropriate age for marriage is around 18 for girls and 37 for men." - Aristotle On Marriage and Sex... "God created sex. Priests created marriage." - Voltaire "Extra-marital sex is as overrated as pre-marital sex. And marital sex, come to think of it." - Simon Gray "I know nothing about sex, because I was always married." - Zsa Zsa Gabor On Masturbation... "The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up for it." - Truman Capote "We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation." - Lily Tomlin "If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter." - George Carlin On Orgasms... "An orgasm is just a reflex, like a sneeze." - Ruth Westheimer "An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away." - Mae West On Sex... "Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex." - Barbara Cartland "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." - Billy Crystal "There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex." - Billy Joel On Kissing... "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." - Ingrid Bergman On Virginity... "The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity." - Ambrose Bierce "Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions." - Aldous Huxley On Infidelity... "What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home." - Ken Hammond "There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that." - Steve Martin. "You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct." - W. Somerset Maugham On Birth Control... "For birth control, I rely on my personality." - Milt Abel "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." - Bob Rubin "My best birth control now is to leave the lights on." - Joan Rivers On Kink... "Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken." - Unknown "I'm all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults." - Gore Vidal "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life." - Emo Philips "Nature intended women to be our slaves. They are our property." -Napolean Bonaparte "I understand the importance of bondage between parent and child." - Dan Quayle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Katherine of Halifax 113932 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 It is not sufficient that the doctrine be great. The person must have a great attitude. A Tibetan Saying Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reuben Sandwich 13841 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 My favourite, Ah say my favourite Leghornism. "Did ya see that hawk after those hens? He scared 'em! That Rhode Island Red turned white, then blue. Rhode Island, red white and blue! That's a joke, son, a flag-waver! You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin' 'em and you keep missin' 'em! Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball! Eye. Ball. Eyeball! I almost had a gag, son--a joke, that is!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The General 11309 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 One of my favourites, is the alleged dialogue between Johnny Carson and Arnie Palmer: Johnny: What does your wife do for you for good luck? Arnie: She kisses my balls before I play. Johnny: I bet that makes your putter standing on end. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Old Dog 179138 Report post Posted January 14, 2012 "I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman." Jack Handey Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted January 15, 2012 Denis Leary on gays in the military: ""As long as you wanna kill the enemy...you can fuck WHOEVER you want!!" Can't remember if it's from No Cure For Cancer or Lock N' Load...but either way this quote is from the early 90's. Personally not a fan of war myself. But as with any job, one thing has nothing to do with the other, as long as you're willing to do your job to the best of your ability, why NOT fuck whoever you want? However you want? (as long as it's between two consenting adults of course....that goes without saying). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
castle 38816 Report post Posted January 24, 2012 "Well my baby calls me the Loch Ness Monster. Two great big humps and then I'm gone." - Nick Cave (Grinderman) - Worm Tamer Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Reuben Sandwich 13841 Report post Posted January 26, 2012 Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. Mark Twain If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. Mark Twain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RubJunky 1954 Report post Posted January 26, 2012 Good sex will put a smile on you face, but great sex will leave you pleased, happy and full like a great 7 course meal now let's have dessert. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
