How do you feel when your favorite SP retires?

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I thought I start a thread on this topic as I would like to know how you feel about your favorite girl or girls who are suddenly retiring (i.e. finding another job or starting a relationship or retiring).

 

I used to feel emotionally attached to dancers whom I used to see (at strip bars) for many years and once they retired then I used to feel really bad about it and emotionally hurt for a while (I still think and dream about Mary Jane, Jessica, Nadia, Virginie, etc. whom I met and became friends in strip bars over years).

 

Then I decided to switch to escorts and I thought this will not happen with escorts as I thought it will be all about money and boy was I wrong. So far it has happened not once but twice (in less than a year) that my favorite SP has retired and it has been equally (equal to a dancers whom I used to make friend without money exchanged) painful :-(.

 

The advice that I have received is to let go of the past and come on board on present tense, as there are plane loads of other girls waiting for my call!!!, but I am not a machine or a robot that can be turn on and off just like that. And the girls that I see too are not tools either that I can just use and throw away afterwards or forget about them, rather humans whom I develop feeling for over time . It will take me a while before I can even think of forgetting about the retired sweethearts I have been seeing over months and find substitutes.

 

I would like to have your thoughts on this topic in order to see if it is only me and if I need a brain (or soul) transplant (or a heart transplant since rumour has it that love is in the heart and not brain) or there are also some other members on this board that share my feelings. Thanks guys (and girls are too most welcome to take part in the discussion) for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

[pussy_liquor 102]

Everything you have said is totally normal to me. I know exactly how you feel when one of your favorite girls moves onto bigger or better things. I still think about some of the dancers I have met over the years and although the thought of them makes me happy the sadness of never seeing them again does tug at the heart for a brief moment. Keep your chin up, sounds like you are having normal feelings that a caring, respectful, guy should have when a loved one is no longer with them.

 

Take care,:-D

[Seymour 3970]

S-A my friend, do not beat yourself up. You are not alone in this situation.

Human nature is such that when we find something we like, we want to hang onto it. While it might also feel ok to 'play the field' I think secretly we just want to find that one person that is the dream - you know lady in the streets but freak in the bed.

 

I think what you are experiencing is normal - yes - we do forge relationships with these lovely ladies and yes we do look forward to seeing them and being with them. It works both ways. We are human and after a few visits I'm sure most ladies will definitely look forward to seeing a repeat versus someone new.

 

Whether we recognize it or not, there is a huge emotional component to this activity. Take some solace in the fact that perhaps the time shared with the lady in question was somehow inspirational and helped her in a dark hour. The business is not for everyone. Not everyone has an exit strategy. Perhaps too - there was something said or done to perhaps help her in moving on and realizing her dreams. Let me stop rambling - and conclude by saying something I said in another thread...nothing is forever we all have to move on - sometimes it sucks but that's life.

 

My best advice for you is to find a way to remember the good times and wish the lady well and find a way to move on. I do not have all the answers but I know a thing or two about having to deal with loss.

Personally - my latest escapades have been emotionally awakening and I find too that I have a few questions about emotions, relationships and goals. Yes - sometimes the emotional defenses do get penetrated as I recently found out. <I'm not going to hijack your thread with my story>.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Thank you both very much PL and Seymour for your supporting comments. I feel much better now that I read I am not the only one in this situation my friends. I probably take the end of the week off work and go to bars to see some of my old friends there. A good way to forget lost friends. Again, thanks for the comments and sharing.

[rick_falcon 911]

As a hobbiest, I like variety so, it is rare that I will see the same SP in a repeated fashion.

Therefore, even though in the vast majority, they are attractive, interesting and fun-loving ladies, I don't feel attached to these women.

To me, they are women I met, great women, but I will in many cases, never see them again.

 

But there have been times in the past where I sticked with a particular SP, for a certain time. Why this lady in particular? I don't know but I felt a deeper connection and decided to see her again.

She finally moved on to different things and I never saw her again.

I admit that I was a bit diappointed and slightly heart-broken, as she moved on without saying goodbye and I know that she had sweet feelings for me (she was very sincere on that aspect).

But even though it sucks (no pun intended), what can I do except move on...

[cat 262460]

Reading this thread brings many thoughts to mind and heart. Because of the negative perceptions of this business, many SPs leave with no option but to simply cut ties. It is a struggle for an SP to leave for many reasons. Never assume the decision was flippant in any way. There is an emotional commitment to her clients and walking away isn't done on a whim. Most feel that terminating all contact is the only way to go. The shame and social rejection that comes from publicly admitting our profession is overwhelming to all those that do not have the inner fortitude to withstand and come thru it. Other professions allow a forwarding address and relationships developed are allowed to continue and are considered valuable, but in this there are so many challenges it is almost impossible to maintain relationships if a woman has been an SP in secret.

 

The one reason that is consistent with all of those that leave for romantic motivations (which in my experience is the #1 reason for retirement) is the insecurity that comes from their SO. The fallout is usually nuclear in proportion if it is found out that there is a continued relationship with a guest after she has "squared up". Even the most stable of men will have issues with her work, and it will undermine everything in the union, and SPs realize this. It takes an extraordinary man to accept that her work isn't a threat, and underneath the facade SPs want most to be loved and accepted. So they are faced with a choice...the man who wants to love them forever or the man that wants to love them for an hour a couple of times a month. It's a huge gamble in my opinion. If a man cannot accept me in my entirety including my work, then he is not the man for me.

 

From my perspective, a complete cessation of contact with my guests would be akin to cutting off a limb. First and foremost they are my friends. I tried to refer many of them this summer to other SPs and it was an complete and utter failure. The reason I continue to travel back to Ottawa is because I have guests here that count on me and leaving them hanging simply isn't an option. Does that mean we are to close? What is too close? Is loving someone wrong if it isn't in the "traditional" sense?

 

I think the posts above show that guests truly are more than a venue to generate money and I want hobbyists to know that most professional SPs invest themselves emotionally in very deep ways. Always remember this profession doesn't usually attract the woman that is strong and whole. We become SPs because we are trying to fix the financial crunch and do not understand the emotional side of things until we are in it. Some find wholeness, it gives us so much. Others are destroyed by it. I find my work rewards me back in direct proportion to what I invest in it. Each and every one of us are bent in our own unique way. The common perception is that we are money hungry and greedy, but for the good ones it isn't true. We have an unusual ability to love and let go when the time is right.

 

In the grand scheme of the Universe, all relationships are simultaneously precious and insignificant. We must live in the moment, cherish what is now and accept that nothing in this world is stable. Not the concrete buildings we reside in, the earth below our feet or the experiences shared. Every relationship I have is treasured for what it is right now. Tomorrow, if circumstances have changed, I will remember fondly as every experience builds who we are as people and that is what we are here for...

 

Catherine

[Guest Ou**or**n]

The first one or two are the hardest. Then you deeply understand that the vast majority of ladies come into this business for only a short time (or a couple of years at most), and then move on. You build a stronger emotional defense for the inevitable, but still enjoy their friendship and company while you can. I've kept up friendships with a couple after they retire but the truth is the age difference takes its toll after a while.

 

As Seymore wisely noted, not all have an exit strategy and one day some just up and quit because of one or more deeply personal reasons. Some girls use their time wisely and exit with cash in the bank and a plan for the future. To those ladies I wish them the best and hope that their time with me was at least enjoyable.

[d*mm*y 887]

Over the years I have had the pleasure of knowing a few ladies. I have had relationships from different perspectives and at different points of entry and exit from the business. In the early 90's I had an escort agency and today I still talk to some of the ladies that worked through the agency, it is interesting to see how they evolved.

 

People involved in the sex industry for the most part are passing through they have insecurities and fears that can only be met by this type of business. As they get the strengths to move on we should celebrate for them, this is a new mile stone in their lives and some will return but many do not. Be happy that they have found a place to feel self fulfilled without needing the superficial relationship we made with them.

 

The SP/client and probably even more so the Dancer/client relationship is tricky, from the ladies perspective there is not always a lot of respect felt for the client(a few clients do stand out as more than just johns that is the exception), when they move on they want to distance themselves from this part of there lives and that includes the people they saw. It is not a personal thing it's just that the job was an end to a means and when it is over they don't want to be reminded of it.

[kih 458]

SA,

 

To answer your question -- Mixed emotion. On one hand very sad, but on the other hand very happy and supportive for the respective that they have moved on to their next journey in life. I think its absolutely normal to feel same.

[m*******e 103]

If you meet an SP that you really get along with, understand (as much as is possible in this domain), laugh with, cry with, help out in many ways, drink with, hang out with, have fun with talk about anything on either side of this world, travel with, dance with and so much more than its pretty simple how one would feel. Its like having your very best friend of all times die - like you will never see, talk to or hear talked about ever again. It is a tremendous loss and one that takes a long time to, not get over about (this is impossible) but a long time to function normally on a daily basis again. How can you forget your best friend who knows everything about you.

 

I have lost one, the same one a few times, but have had her come back. I know what it feels like and what it will feel like when it happens permanently and am a little better prepared for it. It does not change anything after seeing her after her disappearances. The way I look upon it is I am glad she is in my life when she can be and am thankful for every day that she is - I never look forward to the day that she will leave forever but know it may happen and am a little better prepared for it but know that I will need my head on my shoulders to understand and reason things out otherwise the emotional setback and disruption it causes me in all parts of my life will destroy me. Even as I see her I know how it feels when I go a single day or two of not talking to her or seeing her but I hold back because I know that she, as I do, has another life of her own.

 

I can go on forever about this subject but all I can say is its real, it exists and am thankful for every day - no not day but minute I have her in my life.

[YoungStud 468]

Wow! Very strong emotions there my friend. I hope for your sake she stays around for a long time this time. Have you ever talked to her about what she feels like when she's away from you for awhile? If you haven't, might be an interesting discussion if you want to have it. But only if you want to have it.

 

If you meet an SP that you really get along with, understand (as much as is possible in this domain), laugh with, cry with, help out in many ways, drink with, hang out with, have fun with talk about anything on either side of this world, travel with, dance with and so much more than its pretty simple how one would feel. Its like having your very best friend of all times die - like you will never see, talk to or hear talked about ever again. It is a tremendous loss and one that takes a long time to, not get over about (this is impossible) but a long time to function normally on a daily basis again. How can you forget your best friend who knows everything about you.

 

I have lost one, the same one a few times, but have had her come back. I know what it feels like and what it will feel like when it happens permanently and am a little better prepared for it. It does not change anything after I bein seeing her after her disappearances. The way I look upon it is I am glad she is in my life when she can be and am thankful for every day that she is - I never look forward to the day that she will leave forever but know it may happen and am a little better prepared for it but know that I will need my head on my shoulders to understand and reason things out otherwise the emotional setback and disruption it causes me in all parts of my life will destroy me. Even as I see her I know how it feels when I go a single day or two of not talking to her or seeing her but I hold back because I know that she, as I do, has another life of her own.

 

I can go on forever about this subject but all I can say is its real, it exists and am thankful for every day - no not day but minute I have her in my life.

[RubJunky 1954]

Did I miss something.... Why is everyone pouring their guts out?

[buggernot 588]

I thought I start a thread on this topic as I would like to know how you feel about your favorite girl or girls who are suddenly retiring (i.e. finding another job or starting a relationship or retiring)....

 

Ya, I know the girl of whom you speak and I can say I was fortunate that she told me shortly beforehand she was likely giving it up soon.

 

Funny thing was, she said that she was trying to start a relationship with somebody while we were having our pre-game chit chat, and I almost felt guilty about following up with the rest of the encounter. But I got over that and when we got to it, it was as passionate a time as I've had even with any real girlfriend before. We came together and just laid there silent for a few minutes after. Her whole visit was very sweet and when she left, we hugged at the door and said goodbye knowing that our paths would never cross again.

 

But I was really happy for her and glad that she was getting out of the biz. As much as I adored every time we were together, I could never understand how she gave what she did every time I saw her. She would look you in the eyes and smile warmly in such a way, you were convinced she wanted to be there with you and no one else. One of the swetest girls I've ever met - period.

 

I thought about seeing her again because that last night was so amazing, but in the end I figured you can only say goodbye once and it wouldn't be the same again. So I left it at that. But the feeling of not being able to see her again is a non-issue for me now because I'm more content that she's going to be doing what she really wants...

[cat 262460]

Did I miss something.... Why is everyone pouring their guts out?

 

Don't worry if you missed the point. The fact that relationships are formed in many different ways and the emotional connection is undeniable when people are willing to just open up and be human is a little foreign to some in this hobby. For many it's not just about "gittin some". It's like a football pool. Either you're in the pool or you don't care to participate on that level and you opt out. It doesn't change the fact you love football and are a great fan. Some people live, breathe, and die football. Others simply enjoy it as a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon when the little woman doesn't have a list of "to dos" for them.

 

I love that the participants here in CERB are willing to be honest about their experiences and just tell the truth about themselves.

 

To all who "poured their guts out" here....

 

REAL MEN ONE AND ALL...

 

I SALUTE YOU!!!!!!

 

 

Catherine

[Guest hot_lyxxx]

It's happened to me now on three occasions and I knew it was coming and why. They were very nice ladies and I was elated in their new horizons my personal feelings of loss notwithstanding. I was, however, left with many fond memories.

[RubJunky 1954]

Cat I didn't miss the point, I totally understood each and every post, what I did not understand was why it was even posted.... Isn't it much better to tell that person how you feel in person? Personally I prefer to discuss any feelings I may have when I am with that person, guess that makes me less of a man on the internet and more of a man in reality.

 

To those of you who think they have been hurt, I apologize....

 

rub.

 

By the way Steelers RULE!!!!!..lol

[cat 262460]

Cat I didn't miss the point, I totally understood each and every post, what I did not understand was why it was even posted.... Isn't it much better to tell that person how you feel in person? Personally I prefer to discuss any feelings I may have when I am with that person, guess that makes me less of a man on the internet and more of a man in reality.

 

To those of you who think they have been hurt, I apologize....

 

rub.

 

By the way Steelers RULE!!!!!..lol

 

Why things are posted can be anyones guess RubJunky, there are threads that defy logic and others that hit home. I wax ad nauseum about the isolation that SPs feel, but seldom is the topic of a guests isolation addressed. I know many that have been long time patrons of this domain, and they are often as isolated as we are. How does one discuss a topic like this with their buddies? Just getting it out is sometimes all that is needed to help clear the head, but admitting to anyone who isn't a hobbyist that you have become attached to a provider would be difficult. CERB is a place where emotions are not shied away from and are never belittled. Threads like this exist because it is a real life situation and this is safe place to unload. I know that the contributors to CERB bring humanity to this life that is desperately needed and cannot be found elsewhere.

 

It was not my intention to infer you were a lesser man in any way, either online or in real life. That you are comfortable enough to tell your provider how you feel is good, and I wish more people would follow suit. But many are not there yet. Finding acceptance and common ground here on CERB may give them the confidence to speak more openly the next time they find themselves in a similar situation. Communication is always a good thing when it is honest, and it has the power to change the quality of lives forever...

 

Catherine

 

Have the black and grey out this year...Raiders all the way!

[esoterica 624]

No matter your reason, you give a little bit of your soul to somebody with whom you "share a naked moment". Most of us do anyway. Some may consider it just a business transaction but many of us are not that mercenary - the biochemistry of our strange method of sexual attraction to a person makes it often much deeper than a mere exchange of bodily fluid, enhanced by a reflex action of the nervous system in response to a manual stimulus (in at least one of the partners).

 

It's hard enough breaking ties with a person with whom you have a non-sexual, emotional connection. Add the complexity of a mating ritual evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, and it does cause an emotional reaction in many.

[RubJunky 1954]

Catherine,

 

Black and Gray you poor girl.....lol... Guess you and I won't be butting heads in the NFL this year. If you really want to see the best game of the season, Steelers vs Giants comin up, first beer is on me.

 

Steel Curtain lives baby!

[Capital Hunter 18263]

I started this thread because in my mind it didn't appear natural to develop feelings for escorts (when money is donated for services) and miss them so much when they retire and I put it as a question to see if it has happened to others too and from the overwhelming positive responses that the thread has received I was very encouraged and would like to extend my sincere thanks to all those friend members for taking the time and responding.

 

For those few who may not have liked the pouring of emotions or the posts, there is always the option of clicking away without reading the posts. BTW, it is hard to let them know the feelings when they suddendy quit and as dummpy said they want to distant themselves from this part of their lives and not be reminded of the people they have seen. Also, in many cases there is a significant age difference between escorts and the hobbiests (sometimes twice as much) which make it difficult to reveal those feelings even before they retire.

 

At the end as many said it so well, though it is sad to lose these sweethearts, I am however, very happy (and supportive) for them that they have successfully moved to the next stage of their lives and would like to extend my best wishes to them in their future endeavours.

[Seymour 3970]

I am reminded of a commercial on one of the adult movie channels - the sound byte goes like this: "relax, it's just sex". That may be true on the movie channel - not so much in real life. After all - we are here to enrich and be enriched, on many levels.

 

Seymour out.

[cat 262460]

Catherine,

 

Black and Gray you poor girl.....lol... Guess you and I won't be butting heads in the NFL this year. If you really want to see the best game of the season, Steelers vs Giants comin up, first beer is on me.

 

Steel Curtain lives baby!

 

I think the term polyamourous needs to be investigated a little more closely. This thread shows that we have the capacity to love so much more than any of us realize and often more than one person at a time. Hmmmm....

 

 

Yes, the Steelers vs Giants is one of the games to watch, but then...

 

AREN'T THEY ALL!!!!

 

If I'm in town, I'm in. But only if Patron is in the glass. You can take the girl out of the luxury but you can never take the luxury out of the girl...

 

Cat

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Hey guys/friends:

 

This is an old thread started by myself when sweet Heidi and then Sofia decided to retire last year, however, this never happened to me again until today when I read that two of my most favorite girls whom I was blessed with recently are leaving (Suri) and likely I will never get the chance to see them again:cry:. I say how I feel as a late response to this old thread :

 

1 - I feel sad that I won't be able to see them again

2 - I will be thinking about them and will be reminded of brief great pleasant moments that I had with them that won't be repeated again.

3 - I feel blessed that I was able to see them even once.

4 - I feel that their health and well being is most important and must come first and foremost. So I have complete understanding.

5 - I do in a way feel very happy for them that they may have found better lives or opportunities (boyfriend, alternative employment, etc.)

 

Bless them all for making our lives so pleasant, even though it is for a short while (otherwise mine would have been mostly work and related stress).

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Very eloquently said, SA. Every word true. Thanks for expressing this for us, and doing it so well.

 

This has happened "to" me twice and I remember both moments with crystal clarity. It's a shock and one's brain immediately struggles to re-imagine how this particular aspect of life is going to work, without those who are moving on. While they pursue the next stage of their life's journey, you are left stranded with "only" the memories of what once was. I say it's a shock, but of course it cannot be a true surprise. Life's goodtimes are always there to be enjoyed while they last, and this particular corner of life is by its very nature more transitory than many others ... such is the precious bitter sweetness that is life ...

[Guest f***2f***]

Yep my ATF retired in Nov very suddenly and now suri who I saw friday and really liked...damn!!:sad: