What does this mean to you?

[fortunateone 156618]

I noticed that I rarely start threads. I should say that I am so often overwhelmed by all the activity on this site it takes me many hours to go thru the pages and pages of new posts, and even if I only select a few to read, there is always so many interesting things to see and possibly comment on. Sometimes I am late to the party, tho, and the topic is closed lol.

 

 

So my topic of the day is something I am going to copy from part of a sentence posted. Now, I think we have all seen a similar request, on many sites and thru many years, but it is how it was dealt with that concerns me most about this one.

 

So typically, when an sp knows you might post a reco/review somewhere, and specifically says this, what is it you would do?

 

After a short description of who, what and where, the end of the post is this

 

She asked me not to get into too much detail

 

 

 

And my question is based on the second part of that sentence, and the numerous replies to it, which was:

 

so pm me for more details

 

Does anyone else get disturbed by the fact that the OP is going to provide details the sp specifically asked him not to, not that she said 'don't make it public', but that she said 'don't do it".?

 

And as I mentioned, this is definitely not specific to cerb, as I have seen it happen quite a few times. There are some exceptions, where the OP says he isn't providing details, then a bunch of posts follow asking him to send pms with specifics, to which he comes back and says, even more firmly and a bit annoyed, that he isn't going to do that because she asked him not to.

[cometman 35115]

Personally, I would respect her wishes and not go into detail. I also would not supply details via pm. If I enjoyed myself and thought she did, too, I would (if she was okay with it) post a generic reco with a positive spin on it. If I didn't appreciate the results of the appointment, I would remain silent. Sp's and hobbiests are both groups of human beings with real feelings and the Golden Rule should absolutely be adhered to. This thread ties into one or two recent ones that almost went south, so it's good to discuss it.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

That isn't cool on many levels.

Saying; 'she asked me not to get into too many details', kinda sells her out. That is a cheap thing to say. Although I can see why this person would say it because they are more than prepared to share details and invite it later. So it is clear that if this is what they want to do then they have to find someone to blame for not doing it originally...which is the lady. Seems quite manipulative.

 

I personally avoid all that. Every reco I've done I have first asked the lady if she is OK with one. Then I send her the text to comment on, change, etc... Then I post. Ever since I started in this hobby that just seems like the respectful thing to do.

 

Cub

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Not cool!

I occasionally read recos and find the ultra detailed one's are not for me. Thinking that what happened between you and the Sp should stay between the two of you.

[roamingguy 300292]

First, every recommendation I write is first emailed to the lady for her yay or nay. She doesn't get to edit, or tell me what to write. But if she is (hasn't happened....yet) uncomfortable with the reco, I just won't post

Second, if I get pm's after the reco is posted asking for details, I just explain that the lady prefers no details, and I respect her wishes...in short, no details

In fact a lady I saw I wrote a reco on. I was on this board and a couple others (now just on this board) It was a no details reco. After posting on this other board there were posts requesting details, I explained I wouldn't as I was respecting the lady's wishes. Not only a couple nasty posts directed towards me for that, quite a few nasty, not worthy of replying to, pm's too. That was the point where I left all the other boards realizing how sub par they are compared to CERB, oh, and no details ever released, it was a private moment, and the details between the lady and me

A rambling for whatever it's worth

RG

[Phaedrus 209521]

That all seems a bit odd to me. I just don't see how "I was asked not to say too much, but I'll spill the beans to anyone who asks" is a coherent approach to take at all. Either things are private, or they aren't. I don't think I'd be too impressed by anyone taking that line, and I'd imagine that ladies who prefer to keep things private might be quite unhappy about it - especially if they'd specifically asked!

 

I think it's probably better to say less on things like this if there's any doubt. More details can always be provided in future, but once they're out there you can't call them back.

[AndyofHalifax 15339]

I think that this is another case of the review vs. recommendation mentality. The guy is trying to provide a review in the way he thinks a review should be done, ie. full disclosure of all details. The lady has obviously asked him not to do that, and there can be any number of reasons for that. Perhaps she provided different (or YMMV) services to him that she doesn't want everyone expecting the same. Perhaps she is simply discreet. The gentlemanly thing to do is to respect her wishes, and offering to PM details is definitely a cop out.

 

I can understand the impulse. Maybe he feels a fraternity with his fellow hobbiests that is stonger than his bond to the lady. Maybe he just wants to feel like a big swinging dick - one of the cool kids. But it comes off as bragging. No different than a drunken story told by the lonely guy at the bar who is simply happy to have someone listening to him.

 

Disclosing every detail of an encounter is a little odd to me. If I was reviewing a movie, I would set the scene, describe the atmosphere, a few key details and how it made me feel or think. I wouldn't outline every plot point and spoil the ending. That is the same approach I take with recommendations on here.

[CristyCurves 169032]

This peeves me to no end!!!it seems that SOME hobbyists think that when it comes to an sp all is out in the open ,but when it comes to hobbyists we must be soooooooooo discreet!!!! It should work BOTH ways,for whatever reason an sp asks not to post something ,she asked!! and that request should be respected,just because you saw her dosen't mean you can write a tell all!!!!!