How do you feel about bdsm?

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

Good evening everyone:)

 

I have never hide the fact that I am into bdsm, I sometime do it in an "SP" setting, but mostly in my private life as I found that you really need to have a special connection with the person that you are playing with...

 

anyway, sometime I do enjoy getting spanked and I bruise extremely easily. When I have some bruises on my ass I avoid working for the couples of days were it's really obvious, but sometime I will see people and let them know that I still have light marks...and as of now it as always been good. Some people were honest and said they rather not see me because they feel uncomfortable about it and I totally understand them and don't judge them! And some other gents have no problems seeing me whatever colour my bum is:P

 

But in the past day I had someone that is a semi-regular client...and I did let him know that I've played during the weekend and that I was still lightly bruised...he said no problem...our encounter happen, we chat a little bit and I told him how much fun I had during this past weekend...he wasn't really well aware of the hole bdsm concept so I explained it to him...and for the first time in my life I felt a bit of judgement this way...it happen I guess...but I had a little pinch inside my heart, because this part of my life is something I really enjoy.

 

So big text to ask one question, how to do feel about bdsm?

If you see an SP, would you/are you comfortable with them telling you about this kind of stuff or would you prefer that they keep it for themselves? (not all the personal details, but the general idea?)

[Soleil Sublime 38108]

I remember when I was finally fully prepared to advertise as a Dominatrix with a fully-equipped dungeon. After seeing this, a client I had seen a handful of times actually told me he could never again see me for a GFE session, nor could he think of me the same way anymore. Although I do not personally practice BDSM in my personal life, I am the last person who would ever fathom of judging someone else who does. Was I offended by his comment? Somewhat, but I figured I'd rather not see someone that small-minded anyway.

 

Recently, I saw a new client for a GFE. He asked, rather incredulously, how such a sweet and kind girl could possibly be a domme. He wasn't convinced I could pull it off with my natural down-to-earth demeanor. I took it as a compliment instead of getting all pissy with him, but I did tell him that unless you find a Lifestyle Domme, a good BDSM session does involve acting. He still seemed doubtful, so I invited him to book a BDSM session. Although he wasn't into anything major or extreme, I encouraged him to think of a role-play scenario. In the end, I convinced him. Infact, he even mentioned something about an Academy Award. lol My point is, please don't judge an SP by what she does or does not do for fun in her own life. Even though I am not a Dominatrix in real life, I still have a great time when I play one on T.V. ;)

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Malika and Soleil, great on both of you. I have a lot of admiration and respect for both of you. I'll add my perspective. In short if it comes up in conversation and you are comfortable discussing than pls do. But to be honest, I kinda want to know, but at the same time not sure how I would react. In one sense this entire community has stretched my sexual boundaries. This is all good but does take me time to get comfortable with. I'm not judgemental at all but do understand how a lady I might have seen and have a certain kind of relationship/fantasy with is confined to a specific narrow view that might preclude other activities in my mind. These are our insecurities but for many a reality. I personally enjoy beating these insecurities by hearing about more enlightened activities from a trusted and respected lady I am with. Hope that makes sense and my humble perspective is of value. XO Cub

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[roamingguy 300292]

How do I feel about BDSM.....the word OUCH!!! comes to mind

It's not my cup of tea (mind you I'm a coffee drinker LOL)

But I'm not judging, just because it doesn't butter my bread, doesn't mean that it doesn't butter someone else's. And no one, here especially, should judge someone else's sexual practices, as long as it is between consenting adults.

A quick rambling

RG

[AndyofHalifax 15339]

Personally, although I have yet to experiment, I'm open to the idea of trying light BDSM with someone I trust. It wouldn't bother me in the least to know that an SP I was seeing for a GFE appointment also did BDSM either personally or professionally.

 

However, I think that some males are so protective of women, that the concept of submission, especially if there are bruises, borders on abuse in their minds, even though the woman is a willing participant.

 

Then I think another segment of men have a problem with alternative women in general, and prefer women without tattoos or piercings. I imagine many of them would have an issue with the BDSM lifestyle as well.

 

Finally, I think it is something most people don't understand, and it takes a while to go from tolerance to understanding and acceptance. I think in time, it will be much more widely accepted.

[April Dawn 12207]

BDSM, where to start. I LOVE it. I identify as a sub in my personal life. I don't think I could ever offer sub sessions because it takes alot of trust but I was actually in a very long term Master\slave relationship. I am definetly more of a life style kinda gal then just for play times. I find such release and freedom in gifting someone with my submission. Mmm.... *looks around awkwardly* also if I ever have bruises I just say they were from a new aerobics class.

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[Icebreaker 3938]

From my perspective I would feel flattered if an SP trusted me enough to share that side of themselves. I would never judge anyone for an activity they enjoy (in the case of BDSM I would be more comfortable knowing any bruises were consensual and not the result of any form of abuse).

 

The biggest factor of my not being judgemental is the same reason I am on CERB is to expand my sexual horizons. It would up to me to decide (if offered) if I would like participate in a new activity.

 

To Malika's original question I would not rule out trying an introductory type BDSM session as a new experience as I do not have any personal experience myself.

[etasman2000 15994]

So big text to ask one question, how to do feel about bdsm?

If you see an SP, would you/are you comfortable with them telling you about this kind of stuff or would you prefer that they keep it for themselves? (not all the personal details, but the general idea?)

 

Very comfortable. Then again I'm tend to establish a rapport with someone before meeting them. If bdsm is part of who you are why hide it, besides you might be the only person whom I would trust to tie me up......

[Phaedrus 209521]

So big text to ask one question, how to do feel about bdsm?

 

I find the whole idea of it intriguing, but I have absolutely no desire to try it myself. This is probably because I don't really understand it, and I can't leave things that I don't understand alone...

 

If you see an SP, would you/are you comfortable with them telling you about this kind of stuff or would you prefer that they keep it for themselves? (not all the personal details, but the general idea?)

 

I don't think it'd bother me if I knew this. And if I didn't know, then it's irrelevant :)

[thedriver 6179]

I am a very curious person by nature so when anyone talks about sex, any form of sex, I listen. I am full of questions. Anyone that knows me knows that I ask questions all the time. Sometimes I get to be too personal perhaps but if the person is willing to share I am all ears! I have always thought of myself as extremely open minded and non-judgemental.

 

I also get very aroused from these conversations and it always makes sex better.

 

As far as BDSM is concerned I have done some experimenting with a few of my SO's and with one of them we got into the play enough to buy leather restaints and real handcuffs and leg irons. They can be a bit harder on hands and wrists and are definatly not for everyone. They tend to be frightening to most women. I ended up buying soft velcro and nylon restraints that are non-threatening for cassual play.

 

Since I have stopped dating my toys have stayed locked away in a box unused. I think the nipple clamps, ballgag and restraints are probably feeling very lonely! :-(

[MightyPen 67414]

Heartfelt BDSM activities that come from within the participants themselves -- as opposed to uncomprehending mimicry of strutting poses and cheap costumes -- is absolutely awesome, and one of the most interesting places to visit in the whole sexual landscape. As long as you're in tune with what you're doing, it's great. And like any other part of sex, it's just one of many places to visit. You don't need to be stuck in BDSM mode 100% of the time, and define your whole sex life by it; you can still get *enormous* value from the experience now and then.

 

BDSM is an amazing way to delve deep into your psyche and trace the threads of your sexual impulses down to their roots. It's the sexual id and ego directly at play. You have to *really* trust someone to do this right, and you need to be in tune with your own feelings and willing to respond to the stirrings of your subconscious, without filtering those feelings to conform to external social convention.

 

I always rejoice a little when I get to share the company of others who are in tune with this side of sexuality, and these encounters (when they've worked well) have been high on the list of my most intense and memorable sexual experiences. I've also had the most amazing conversations with BDSM partners about sex, psychology, and the many different parts of us that makes us who we are.

 

It's not the only place on my sexual map, nor even where I spend most of my time. I like all the other stuff too. But BDSM remains a special out-of-the-way mansion I return to periodically, just to remind myself it's there. And there are *so many rooms* in there... whole wings really... that I haven't explored yet! :)

 

I'm sorry you got a bad reaction when you shared your interests, Malika. Don't worry, your client was probably projecting onto you all kinds of tired clichés about BDSM. His bad reaction wasn't about you, it was about him.

 

Same sympathies to you, Soleil. We all have many "selves" inside us, and who we are at any given instant is a lot about context. The idea that anyone is too THIS to ever be THAT, or that once's you're THAT you can never again be THIS, makes me giggle. People should love you for all your complexity and depth.

 

Best wishes to all.

[Cato 160314]

Hmmm...interesting, but I can't do it myself.

I literally can't do it, even when asked.

[Malika Fantasy 144625]

 

I'm sorry you got a bad reaction when you shared your interests, Malika. Don't worry, your client was probably projecting onto you all kinds of tired clichés about BDSM. His bad reaction wasn't about you, it was about him.

 

.

 

Yep since I am a young woman. I am abuse. I don't know what I am doing and I will end up doing with animals or something like that...I've pretty much heard them all.

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone!It's really appreciated...

 

most people actually don't mind...and when they see me starting to talk about that and apparently my eyes light up...especially when I start about bondage and suspension....:D

[Guest Ou**or**n]

I find BDSM an extremely interesting activity and I've dabbled with it a few times myself (on both sides). Extremely fascinating part of the human psyche. I think its great that ladies like Malika and Soleil are open about it.

[DixonD 817]

So big text to ask one question, how to do feel about bdsm? If you see an SP, would you/are you comfortable with them telling you about this kind of stuff or would you prefer that they keep it for themselves? (not all the personal details, but the general idea?)

 

I don't think that I am really into BDSM at all (maybe some spanking!) but if someone else is then great for them for doing the activities they enjoy :). As far as someone telling me why they like it either on the boards or on a date, sure why not! It is interesting to listen to why someone has the tastes that they do and open my mind up a bit. Perhaps I can learn a thing or two about myself!

[MightyPen 67414]

Hmmm...interesting, but I can't do it myself.

I literally can't do it, even when asked.

No worries. I can't stand scotch, and it aggravates some of my friends who go on at length on the subject. I accept from their reports that I must be missing something full of subtleties and joy, but I just can't drink the stuff -- it makes me gag every time. Kinda the same thing I guess. ;)

[JuliasUndies 7288]

Good evening everyone:)

 

But in the past day I had someone that is a semi-regular client...and I did let him know that I've played during the weekend and that I was still lightly bruised...he said no problem...our encounter happen, we chat a little bit and I told him how much fun I had during this past weekend...he wasn't really well aware of the hole bdsm concept so I explained it to him...and for the first time in my life I felt a bit of judgement this way...it happen I guess...but I had a little pinch inside my heart, because this part of my life is something I really enjoy.

 

So big text to ask one question, how to do feel about bdsm?

If you see an SP, would you/are you comfortable with them telling you about this kind of stuff or would you prefer that they keep it for themselves? (not all the personal details, but the general idea?)

 

 

Oh please don't feel bad based on his reaction to something he knew nothing about. He must be feeling like the "pinched" one. I just want you to know that regardless of your personal lifestyle, he wouldn't have seen you unless he respected you in the first place. You have amazing reccos, so I'm going to go ahead and say you're damn good at what you do! Within a few days he may be booking an appointment to get a little bdsm time too lol.

Myself, I love it. I just came back from a long session of light bdsm/submission.. Nothing too into it, just light playing and it drives me crazy. I love being submissive and feeling the power of a man.

[HarveySpecter 1908]

Certainly some people are not comfortable with seeing or hearing about such an activity that is abit hidden to some level within the industry.

 

Since im a curious person by nature and get quite the dosage of videos from kink.com, id possibly like to get involved some way somehow with the right person once a abit of chemistry is developed.

 

you never know much about anything till you are exposed to it, either good or bad.

[VexingVixen 2519]

I attended Unholy Harvest with a friend over thanksgiving, and had my mind .. BLOWN.

 

It was a fun way to dip toes into the BDSM water, and .. I'm hooked! I spent half the weekend bound in a rope corset! *happyplace*

 

.. that said I know it's not for everyone. My SO looked at me like I was stunned when I told him about it. *shrug* It's just not /our/ relationship. Every relationship is different ;)

[castle 38816]

I'm curious about just about anything sexual.....that doesn't mean I'd be down for anything....but I don't mind hearing about it even if it's something I'm not into. Malika I've met you and I can vouch for the fact that you're a strong, mature, intelligent woman who is very capable of making her own decisions based on what she likes. I don't think anyone here (or anyone period) is in a position to judge what someone else's sexual preferences are.

[backrubman 64800]

There is never any harm in a little BSDM spice. While I wouldn't consider a heavy scene with an SP (unless I had seen them many times had complete trust and was in the mood),

Just a little "something" can be so naughty and harmless fun if and only if the SP is to completely on side (e.g. what man doesn't appreciate a little light face sitting :) Don't knock it until you try it :)

 

Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk

[cat 262460]

Fetish play carries a stigma simply because of the lack of awareness. I often meet people who's boundaries have yet to be defined because they lack understanding of the fluid potential of the experience. They don't understand that the power dynamics are not cut and dried. It doesn't have to be painful or scary nor will it ever fit in a neat little box. That's the wondrous thing about sexual experience. It can be customized for each person to the letter, with each experience being tweaked to perfection. Restraints are now considered vanilla as are toys so imo the lines between the worlds are alread blurred. If one looks at the attendance of Sexapalooza here in Ottawa, the first year had the highest attendance for the shows history and continues to grow every year. This tells me that fetish isn't the taboo everyone thinks it is, it's mainstream. People just arent' ready to say it out loud yet.

 

I do not distinguish between my vanilla or fetish worlds. Life is life and my inclinations are my own. I get bruised as often from vanilla play as I do when there is "fetish" involved so if someone has an issue with marks, all I can do is apologize for my genetics. I truly delight in opening up new experiences for my guests and many have walked paths they had never considered after I whispered in their ear the adventures they could have. The golden key is keeping an open mind to the very real fact that life isn't simple, clean or clear. It's delightfully complicated, messy and challenging; which I'm eternally grateful for. Any judgements issued on anothers interests springs from ignorant unawareness and should not be taken to heart as those are people that will have to learn in their own good time and we can't and shouldn't wait for them to have the "light bulb" moment.

 

Malika, you are an extraordinary young woman with amazing talents that you constantly hone and perfect. I have seen your work and say "Stand proud and apologize to no one for it"...

 

cat

[AnnieCee 1022]

I started out as a Dominatrix here locally, although there's not much demand on the rock for such services ;) I do enjoy it a lot though - the exchange of power, the nervous anticipation (and excitement!) of the sub, and I of course love to indulge my bossy side.. but I'm a sensualist and I believe most types of sensations can be enjoyed in a sexual way. Nails, biting, spanking, and light wax play are all easy ways for a beginner to enjoy BDSM. Even just the challenge of "Can I take this?" can be exciting!

 

I have subbed a few times in my personal life and with the right person, it's a very exhilarating experience. I LOVE to be spanked in or out of a BDSM context!

 

I am usually turned on by someone else being turned on - even if the particulars don't necessarily turn my crank. If someone reacts like crazy to being peed on, I'll pee on them.. haha, although that's an extreme example. I just like positive reactions :)

[Code Blue 3585]

Fetish play carries a stigma simply because of the lack of awareness. ...This tells me that fetish isn't the taboo everyone thinks it is, it's mainstream. People just arent' ready to say it out loud yet.

 

..Life is life and my inclinations are my own. I get bruised as often from vanilla play as I do when there is "fetish" involved ...Any judgements issued on anothers interests springs from ignorant unawareness and should not be taken to heart as those are people that will have to learn in their own good time and we can't and shouldn't wait for them to have the "light bulb" moment.

 

 

cat

 

We all carry bags.

 

I have an issue with bruises, but as Cat (always a sage observer) points out, that is my problem. It stems from other aspects of my life: I spent a long time encountering bruises in miserable and emotionally charged situations. While quite frankly I don't miss that at all, my old behaviours kick in almost unbidden - it's rather a conditioned response.

 

As to "power exchange" and the elements of bdsm from my admittedly ignorant perspective, I am quite intrigued about discussing it. Sharing interests builds a rapport and connection, something I value in my encounters. As to the more "practical" aspects of the lifestyle, maybe at some point I would "boldly go" where I have not before: that's for the unknown future.

 

Joyeuses fetes,

 

CB

[Jabba 18389]

I thought I knew BDSM.

I have an interest. Therefore, after some study, I know the subtext.

I thought I knew the traditional roles: Master/Slave/Dom/Sub/Bottom/Top/Switch, etc

I thought I knew the tools: Whips, Restraints, Gags, Toys, etc.

I thought I knew the games: Power Play, Breath Control, Role Reversal, Pain & gratification, Denial, etc.

 

What do I really know?

Even though I know the techniques, I know nothing of the triggers. Just the same as a person imitates behaviours without knowing the reasons.

 

I've shared some sessions ...with mixed results. I've always assumed a Dom position because I have trust issues. The person I was interacting with was very intuitive and decided I was ok to play with. I took care of her & did not treat her badly or objectify her as just meat that needs a good tenderizing.

 

I have a lot to learn despite my experiences. An open mind have I, but true understanding takes a willingness to relearn trust, openess & relationships. I'm not even sure BDSM is a form for sexual release - although I'm certain it happens. But what happens for example, in pure FemDom or MaleDom situations where there is no sexual contact whatsoever?...This is where I get lost.