Cara Silver 32412 Report post Posted February 12, 2012 I thought I'd ask about this on cerb because of our combined wealth of knowledge on sex (though I'm not assuming a wealth of knowledge on addiction). Someone close to me, a woman, has recently been diagnosed as a sex addict. This was out of the blue for me and everyone else she chose to tell. There were no signs- no signs as clear as a drug or alcohol problem might provide. I'm so confused and worried. I understand alcohol and drug addiction quite well. What is sex addiction? How does one go about helping the person? If anyone has any knowledge or advice on what I can say/should not say or do, please share. I didn't realize sex addiction affected women too. All I'd really heard about was the Tiger Woods thing. At the time I thought 'sex addiction' was a pubic relations term excusing infidelity. But it's not, it's a real thing. Thank you so much xoxoxox Amelia Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fisforfuun 368 Report post Posted February 13, 2012 I don't know much about the clinical aspects and I certainly haven't ran into or had relationships with many who would have been considered sex addicts (hence using escorts from time to time) but I did date one girl for about 6 months who If not a sex addict had an unhealthy fixation on sex. We started dating and had sex at least daily for about a month. One night I stopped the initiation of sex and told her I wasn't up for sex but wouldn't it be nice to just hold each other and cuddle? I was unprepared for her reaction, she started sobbing like I had told her I wanted to break up with her. It was then that I realized her fixation on sex was a psychological crutch for her self esteem issues. She was a sexy curvy redhead who was quite sexually aware of herself, very energetic in bed, probably the best (most adventuresome at least) sex I ever had, but one night without was a terrible blow to her and she had been equating sex with attracting and keeping a significant other. It was then that the sex became something else, I knew there was this expectation and stress placed on it, that it wasn't just her wanting sex, but needing me to need it from her. We did eventually break up, I had long since learned that one person can never complete another and I knew from previous experience with gf's with emotional issues around sex and relationships that you have to be OK with yourself before you can be OK in a relationship. The one other girl that I dated that had similar emotional issues also had a focus on sex too just not as pronouced. Sex should be something that happens organically, mutually desired and from a healthy state of mind, when it does it's amazing. Unfortunatly most girls I dated (and now my wife, soon after we were married) have the opposite tendency, where sex becomes something to be avoided, consciously or unconsciously... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Parker 19761 Report post Posted February 13, 2012 What does one have to do to be considered a sex addict?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest **zz**x Report post Posted February 13, 2012 What does one have to do to be considered a sex addict?? Have more sex than your average doctor! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ulixestrojan 3757 Report post Posted February 13, 2012 I am not sure I agree with this but: http://www.medicinenet.com/sexual_addiction/article.htm This is the normal diagnosis tool used by physicians: Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include: Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation) Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs) Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands Consistent use of pornography Unsafe sex Phone or computer sex (cybersex) Prostitution or use of prostitutes Exhibitionism Obsessive dating through personal ads Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking Sexual harassment Molestation/rape Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social, and emotional). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest W***ledi*Time Report post Posted February 13, 2012 I'm no expert, and even the experts disagree. But whether you call it an addiction or call it something else, if any behaviour pattern is interfering with other important aspects of your life and/or creating negative outcomes and feelings for yourself and those around you, then it's a genuine problem. The long-term happiness of everyone affected by this behaviour depends on the problem being addressed and dealt with. The flip side of this is if a particular behaviour isn't interfering with other things in those ways, then it's not a problem - at least from the perspective of whether it's an addiction or not. The Developing Brain A very instructive (and entertaining) recent edition of CBC's "The Nature of Things" entitled "Surviving the Teenage Brain" outlines the risk/reward structure of the brain, and, incidentally, the temporarily imbalanced conditions during the brain's development in the teenage years that may create the biological pre-conditions for life-long susceptibility to particular addictions. Riskily thrilling behaviours, unless they are met with a pronounced and immediate come-uppance (such as a car crash), generate positive biochemical feedback (dopamine) in the teenage, developing brain. In adolescence, while the pre-frontal cortex gets very busy creating most of its connections to (and therefore controls upon) the older (more impulsive) limbic area of the brain, dopamine can be very powerful in wiring the risk/reward brain-circuitry. This can create a longer-term tendancy (vulnerability to possible "addiction") towards any particular type of behaviour that provided the dopamine reward in the developing brain in the first place. Yes, this applies to both boys and girls. Why can increased dopamine in the nucleus accumbens drive addictive behaviour so powerfully, despite the presence of otherwise possibly destructive consequences of that behaviour? Because in adolescence, before the prefrontal cortex is fully developed in its controlling function, easily-obtained dopamine-rushes from risky bahaviour are given more positive weight than undesirable consequences are given a counter-balancing negative weight, and the brain's developing risk/reward "scoring system" is messed up in relation to that particular behaviour. Of course - there's an up-side to the young brain's excessive vulnerability to craving and rewards - the susceptibility to a crazy little variety of dopamine addiction (much more powerful than the sex-drive) called "romantic love". At least that's my ham-handed layman's interpretation: http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/episode/surviving-the-teenage-brain.html Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted February 13, 2012 I'm certainly no expert, not by any stretch of the imagination. But I have to wonder if labelling some sexual behaviour as sex addiction is done to rationalize and excuse what would otherwise be consider inappropriate behaviour. A married man/woman having extra marital affairs can use the reason sex addiction, and it would excuse having the affairs. Poor Tiger Woods wasn't cheating on his wife he suffers from sex addiction I'm sure there are cases of sex addiction, but are all cases of excessive (I hate using that term too btw) sexual activity sex addiction? Would people who marry, divorce, marry again, divorce etc etc etc be addicted to marriage (I know one person at work who's marriages last a short time, but he keeps re-marrying...is he addicted to marriage?) Do I have any answers, no, just questions RG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boomer 33202 Report post Posted February 14, 2012 A while back I remember listening to a CBC debate on whether the term sex addiction was in fact a disease. I did a quick search and came up with the link, take a listen and you decide. http://www.cbc.ca/q/blog/modern_love/2011/12/15/is-sex-addiction-real/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
r100rs 859 Report post Posted February 14, 2012 negative consequences due to sexual behaviour would be the definer for me. do i feel shame/guilt after, do I swear to never do it again but do ( the insanity definition: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome ) of course it's a personal thing - it's up to the person to decide if they have a problem. r100rs Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ulixestrojan 3757 Report post Posted February 14, 2012 NCSF just posted this article on sex addiction https://ncsfreedom.org/press/blog/item/the-naked-truth.html SEX ADDICTION FUELS MOVIES AND HEADLINES, BUT DESPITE THIS, WRITES RACHEL HILLS, IT REMAINS POORLY UNDERSTOOD WAToday If 2011 was the year of the Hollywood hook-up, with casual-sex flicks such as No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits, 2012 seems set to be the year of the sex addict. Thursday sees the release of Shame, the critically acclaimed portrait of sex addiction starring actor Michael Fassbender. A recent Newsweek cover reported an "epidemic" of the condition, saying it was leaving a trail of destroyed marriages, careers and self-esteem in its wake. Then there is Thanks for Sharing, a new sex-addiction comedy starring Gwyneth Paltrow, due out later this year. Sex addiction has been a media constant for several years now, thanks to serial philanderers such as Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen. But the new breed of sex-addiction-fuelled pop culture is darker than its cynical predecessors, concerned with putting the condition on the map as a real and serious illness. Take Shame, for example. Fassbender's Brandon might be tall and chiselled, but his life is far from enviable. Deliberately isolated, Brandon interacts only with his sleazy boss, his emotionally fragile younger sister (Carey Mulligan), and the carousel of women he brings into his bedroom. Sex comes easily to him when it is paid for or anonymous, but he falters at even the faintest flicker of intimacy. By most people's standards, Brandon has a lot of sex with a lot of different people. But is he an addict? And if so, what does that mean? ... Proponents of the addiction theory will tell you that their model is morally neutral. Where the tabloids lambast serial cheaters for their sins, those who refer to it as an addiction seek to de-stigmatise the behaviour, explains addiction specialist Robert Mittiga, director of the GATS counselling and treatment program in Adelaide. "It's really not a moral issue. It's a serious illness," he says. But even medical science isn't value free. Remember that as recently as the early 1970s, the American Psychiatric Association still classified homosexuality as a mental illness. Similarly, deciding who and what qualifies as a "seriously ill" sex addict and what is simply a "healthy expression of human sexuality" means drawing boundaries with highly moralistic implications. How much masturbation is too much? How many partners is too many? Is there a difference between using sex as a panacea for your frustrations and being chemically dependent on it? Not to mention that the science of sex addiction is contested in itself. The term has been rejected for inclusion in the 2013 edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the psychiatrists' bible. And the sex addiction screening test (SAST), one of the main tools used to diagnose sex addiction, has been criticised by high-profile sex researchers such as Dr Petra Boynton and Dr Marty Klein for being too broad and ambiguous. "All the SAST really diagnoses is high libido," says David Ley. At times, the long list of types of sex addiction can read like an excerpt from a 19th-century catalogue of sexual deviance. Cheating, swinging and BDSM? All symptoms of sex addiction. Having sex with someone of your own sex when you think you're straight? Sex addiction. Rape and paedophilia? They're often a manifestation of severe sex addiction, too, says Robert Mittiga. Even telling sexual jokes or hugging too much can be a sign that you're a secret sex addict, according to some sources. ... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Parker 19761 Report post Posted February 14, 2012 So.. basically... "Sexual addiction" is just a fancy, attention grabbing term for someone's idea/participation in what is just unhealthy behavior. Gambling for one may be just some odd fun, while to someone else is becomes and unhealthy practice/obsession... Sex would appear to be the somewhat similar. While these sorts of things have 'addictive' qualities, I think calling them addictions is a bit confusing, especially since they're so subjective. To the OPs question... If you know someone who feels she has this sort of problem, get her involved in some sort of hobby, enjoyed activity, work out. Enjoyable activities will stimulate the same pleasure centers of the brain... so encourage her to find healthy enjoyable activities that she won't have to feel guilty or obsessive over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest *Ste***cque** Report post Posted February 28, 2012 I believe addiction is like obsession. If you obsess too much on something that ends up causing you difficulty in your life, you may have an addiction. Be it sex, food...Barbara Streisand :). I would let your friend know you are willing to talk with her about it, if she wants to. As you are doing, become familiar with the subject and speak frankly with her, when she asks. Ultimately, she'll need to work through this herself, but friends can let her know she isn't alone. You are missed in Hali, Amelia. Steve Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lipualipua 4704 Report post Posted February 29, 2012 Removed - wrong locus Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
