dunn2010 121 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I am a married man who has probably ruined his life by participating on this forum. I came on because I was curious, but the longer you are here the normal this side of life seems. It has enabled me to go down a path I should never have followed. I regret ever joining and I wish now I had gone the other way and focused more on improving my marriage instead ways to destroy it. This will be my last post on here, i wish I had realized this sooner and I now hope I can somehow fix the devastation i have caused to my wife, children and family. So if your at this cross roads in your life, log off and go hug your wife. I wish I had... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest S**a*Q Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Aw... That's too bad that you look at it that way. I believe that's your personal opinion though. (About Cerb being negative) I don't think this place is negative, I think wherever you were in your life at the time you joined Cerb was the negative... Not here. This is a positive place where like minded people can find like minded people. You made a decision that you're having issues dealing with, please don't blame this place. People come here to deal with their lives, or escape them, and even make their lives better. I'm sorry that you found Cerb to be a bad place in your life, it's really not though. I kinda take offence to your post because of the whole "the more normal this life seems"... For some of us, this normality is just fine. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cometman 35115 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) Your quandary is, I am sure, one that most married men on here have struggled with at some point in time. Each has their own reasons for coming, staying, or leaving and, like religion, it has to be dealt with individually, rather than forcing one's own decision onto someone else. Good luck in your life and marriage and I do hope things work out well for you. Edited February 18, 2012 by cometman 5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wildstallion 1819 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 See ya thanks for cumming out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BarrhavenWoody 10776 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Sara, I agree with your comments, but I also understand Dunn's remarks. He was curious about this lifestyle and found the temptation of cerb to be somewhat overpowering. Cerb itself is fine, but at that point in his life and marriage, he gave in to the temptation which he now regrets. Been there, done that. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Parker 19761 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I think wherever you were in your life at the time you joined Cerb was the negative... Not here. I have to agree with this... If something as harmless as joining a website 'ruined' your marriage, it was already riddled with problems. Seeing prostitutes (typically) does not devastate families, even if they end up finding out. Money problems, violence, drugs and general resentment are usually what kill marriages. (At least as far as I can tell...lol) But, in all seriousness, if a marriage CAN be saved, I believe it can be saved at almost any time-- if not it might not have been worth saving to all involved. When someone leaves someone because they cheated, it's usually because there are other problems present... cheating becomes the straw, a good reason not to deal with bigger problems within a relationship. I'm not offended by your post, but I find it kind of pointless... If you're having problems in your marriage, leaving Cerb and hugging your wife aren't going to solve it.. I suggest people in this situation seek actual help, otherwise the same problems will just resurface and head you down a similar or worse path. Good luck! 11 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
milfhunter1967 2154 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Why are you blaming cerb for your decision to commit adultery? This is merely a medium for exchanging information, I've never seen anybody advertising "come cheat on your wife with me" That was decision you made by yourself! Being happily single myself perhaps I have a different perspective but I find it unfair of you to include cerb in your decision! I wish you luck but this is not a bad place! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MiaBella 10988 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 At the risk of sounding rude, I have to agree with Sara. There are bad things in life, and good things in life. Yes we can look at life that simply, and place blame on everything and everyone around us for our problems. Or we can look at it this way: There are things in life. Situations, people, etc. They are bad, good, neither, both. But until we make a decision to react or let it effect us, it is meaningless. The only thing that controls your life and the things in it is YOU and the way you perceive them. Being a John or Hooker can have it's good and bad, of course. But even bad situations can be learned from and made into something good. I think in your case, you were in a bad situation with your wife, came here, decided to fool around, and in exchange, paid less attention to your home life. But in the same way, you could have picked another hobby, say ice fishing? In the end, it's not necessarily where you were or what you were doing, But What You Weren't Doing. Taking Care Of Your Family. That's not this sites fault, that's not any SP/MP's fault, that's not the computers fault, or the internets fault. It's Yours. It's a shame you didn't take anything good from this place. In the end, life is what you make it. This place has brought me lots of happiness, information, friends, experiences. I'm thankful for this place, and this life that I choose. 17 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kate von Katz 49953 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Why blame Cerb and/or hobbying for one's own lack of self-restraint? Have some accountability! Posted via Mobile Device 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest ***nsut***jr Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Sara and Parker make some good points. To me using the word "devastation" seems to say that some epiphany has occurred in your life and you blame CERB for that. Maybe you approach to CERB was more akin to an addiction than the overall experience that the site offers. As Sara said this is a normal place with normal people that just see certain things in a different light. How you choose to behave and exist with it is your own responsibility. The dynamics of a marriage are very intricate and complex, so as Parker pointed out there were/are already bigger problems. I'm not sure how you approached the CERB experience but given the level of intellect and caring that I have seen from the ladies on here you could have probably done your marriage some good. From what I have experienced no lady here would encourage you to do anything that would be harmful to your well being physically or emotionally including trashing your marriage. You have to make the right decision based on what you feel but to put the blame on anyone here is just not right. I hope things work out for you in the long run. Good luck J Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boomer 33202 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 It is many years since I entered this life style. At the time I was married, but I also was very careful and knew what the risks were and that there were major consequences if found out. I think my wife as all women probably have their suspicions. In fact at one point she informed me that she would take the kids and leave if she caught me messing around After that I was very careful and limited my stepping out. I suppose I did regret that I had indeed strayed and now had a taste for a little variety. Now, since my wife has died a site like CERB is a great resource, and I've met many nice people both Socially and professionally. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Katherine of Halifax 113932 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) I believe people need to think very carefully about all the possibilities when they open an account here. Both the ladies and the gentlemen. As a lady I run the risk of being discovered as a companion perhaps by people I do not wish to share this with. This is a risk I know exists and I need to be prepared for the outcome and not blame anyone. In the last year I had a gentleman call me and tell me he had contacted an STD and was blaming me or any of the other SP's he had been with in the past year. I found it somewhat amusing just how upset he was, when you enter this lifestyle you run the risk of gettiing caught, getting an STD or many other things you might not have planned for. My point is yes there are a few risks and if something unfortunate happens please do not blame anyone. Stand up and take responsibility as you are the person that thought is was a great idea in the first place. Something for all of us to think about . Edited February 19, 2012 by Katherine spelling 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cat 262460 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I think it's easy to understand the knee jerk reaction, when the sky falls in, to blame the obvious which in this case is CERB. My guess would be the OP's SO found evidence of his escapades and he is now paying the piper and his post is rationalizing his current life situation. With some people, it takes time for the actual act of taking personal responsibility for one's actions to sink in and become reality. There are some people that never reach that conclusion, it is always someone or something else's fault and they never reach the emotional maturity needed to accept they brought the situation on themselves and the situation they face is because of their choices and subsequent actions. Everyone entering into our little corner of the world understands the risks involved even when they won't admit them out loud. Most just hope that the worst case scenario never comes to fruition and have no coping strategy in place in the event it does. Indulging in the services offered here comes with knowledge that you may have to account for your actions and it should never be assumed you will not "get caught". This is exceedingly poor planning in my opinion. If you make the choice to participate, own it. Contrary to popular opinion, this is not a hobby or a sport and has the potential to bring great experiences or complete devastation to one's life depending on how you see the world and choose to cope with the results of your decisions. cat 7 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scribbles 6031 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I find it surprising that men and women are responding to the OP opinion this way. For sure, the original post is extremely resentful and blunt. I would even go so far as to say it is excessively so. But, I don't think the message behind it is less valid for any of that. Sex can be an exploration, a satisfaction of a need, and an escape. There can be no doubt that the OP's marriage had faults and problems before CERB was at all brought into the mix, but it's naive to think that escaping into sex with a variety of women with whom you have no attachment does not have ramifications as well. By avoiding dealing with whatever problems existed and by adding infidelity with paid companions to the mix, a bad situation becomes worse. And escaping in this manner probably made it easier to not deal with those problems at all. CERB itself isn't at fault, but it's wrong to think of all this as innocent and harmless. There are implications derived from everything we do. That's what determines whether being a part of this lifestyle is right or wrong for you at any given moment. Sent from my HTC EVO 3D X515a using Tapatalk 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Parker 19761 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 CERB itself isn't at fault, but it's wrong to think of all this as innocent and harmless. Sent from my HTC EVO 3D X515a using Tapatalk But it technically is innocent and harmless... Just like money and guns. It's the people and what they choose to do with things that bring about "destruction". I think too much of men in general to start believing they don't have any self control or the ability to think of consequences. It would be insulting if I did... 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CristyCurves 169032 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Just my point of view ,but I don't think he is blaming cerb,just regreting joining because he obviously got to involved,enjoyed it more than he thought he would,and finally realized fooling around on his wife was the wrong thing to do.To some so's that is all they need to leave(finding out the other has been unfaithful),just one affair will do it.I don't feel he was being demeaning just realizing that "this lifestlye" was to big a price to pay for his marriage.For some it's always all or nothing,cerb is not to blame for his over indulgence or his inability to live with both lifestyles only he can take that credit,but none of us should judge because as the old saying goes" we never know what someones life is like until we walk in that persons shoes".Perhaps this fairwell message is his way of dealing with his choices,I say let him have it,lighten up and move on!! Just one other point and it is an unfortunate one but this lifestlye,hobbying or being a provider is always,always ,going to be thought of as anything but normal,that is something we in the" lifestyle" just have to except,it doesn't make it right but as far back as this industry can be tracked and as long as it will last it will always be morally judged and not excepted,as long as there is religion,and government,those of us that paticipate in the business will always be thought of as the peons of society,I wish this would change but I won't hold my breath. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MightyPen 67414 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 We know so little about the original poster. That makes it hard to draw specific conclusions, and I find myself trying to fill in the other details through guesswork, so I can decide what lessons can be drawn here. But that's a mistake. I can't comment on the OP's specific, real situation because I just don't know enough about him. But here are some assorted thoughts based on that post: - I think clients seek the company of SPs to fill a void in their lives. Seeing SPs can be expensive and risky (especially if you're in a relationship...!). That you'd choose to do so anyway should tell you that the need that propelled you was real. - In addition to being just a whole lot of fun, SPs can be fantastic resources for addressing that void, and not just with some immediate and fleeting relief. They can provide reassurance that what you're seeking is normal and healthy (whatever it is). And the experiences we have with SPs can equip us to ultimately confront and fill that void within the rest of our lives, without depending exclusively on paid companionship. Seeing SPs is perfectly healthy and perfectly normal. CERB made it seem that way because it *is* that way. BUT... how you integrate it with the rest of your life is up to you. - Seeing an SP while you're in a relationship is a serious decision and you have to take full responsibility for doing so. There's no absolute right or wrong here; everyone's circumstances are different. Some men's partners are sexually unavailable, unresponsive, repressed, or openly hostile. There are a hundred ways a couple's intimate life can be failing, and I think that for frustrated men, SPs *can be* a legitimate resource for addressing a sexual void. Ideally there would be a conversation and you could bring your partner on board first, but I understand how unlikely that is for most partners and relationships. But the choice isn't one to be made lightly, or carelessly, and you have to take full responsibility for the decision you're making and all of its possible consequences. - And finally, on that note: what to do if you're caught. I don't know if the OP was just caught visiting CERB, or having seen an SP, or what... but regardless, the game is up and your diversion is exposed. Now what...? Well, one choice is to condemn the entire sex industry and its entire apparatus, including CERB and everyone on it, for making itself seem legitimate. Run away from the whole thing, condemn the instincts that ever drove you here, and try your hardest to restore your life to the before-state and pretend nothing happened. ... OR ... Recognize that what drove you to seek out CERB might have been a legitimate need. Now that your partner knows what you were doing, it's time to talk to her about it, why you felt you couldn't talk with her about it before, and decide what you're going to do about it. I don't know if seeking out SPs was a serious or whimsical decision for you, whether it was ultimately justified or unjustified, but you made it and this is your chance to build a life that recognizes that choice, instead of running away from it. If you can't at least make your wife understand your decision by the time the conversation is done, then you've found an even larger problem in your relationship. Personally I recommend the second course of action. Because the first one -- denying something is missing for you, and blaming others for your decision -- is likely to fail in the long term, and I predict you'll end up in a similar place in the future. Only then it'll be steeped even further in shame, and so maybe it'll be just some ugly impulsive street action, and oboy... now you're screwing up in twenty new and different ways. Learn something from this. Don't just condemn it reflexively. And build a better life with what you've learned. Lots of us are already doing that, and speaking personally, being here on CERB *is* part of that better life for me. 6 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
backrubman 64800 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I am a married man who has probably ruined his life by participating on this forum. ... i wish I had realized this sooner and I now hope I can somehow fix the devastation i have caused to my wife, children and family... As a relatively new member of CERB I can't believe just how wonderful a resource it is in so many ways, I'm still in awe. So many kind, friendly and helpful people in one place. My wife is disabled and often encourages me to "see someone" or "get a girlfriend", Isn't that sweet? I think so but to take her advice means possibly breaking an innocent girl's heart someday as I will never leave my wife, it also means spending less time with the woman I really love and making her feel more inadequate than she already does. A resource like CERB makes life better for everyone, the service providers and their clients. To blame CERB: "ruined his life by participating on this forum" is like blaming every injury from car accidents on Henry Ford. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jg24 3708 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I see as he made a decision.Sounds like he didn't cover his tracks.I to don't see he is mad at Cerb but he is here venting because he was caught. Simple he made a choice now has to live with the fact his world has fallen apart. Cerb didn't make any choices or the members of Cerb the member himself did and that's the whole point. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rounding Third 9568 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 (edited) see MrGreen response #29. He has a point Edited February 19, 2012 by Z***ou**U withdrawn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MiaBella 10988 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I just wanted to say, and this isn't pointed at anyone directly, that a lot of people seem to be pointing to "hobbying", this "lifestyle", and the "industry" as some ugly, dark, and disgusting underbelly of society. WHY? It makes me really sad. Evry day on this board we push and try to show people in and outside of this "lifestyle" that we are all people. And that most of us are hard working, productive parts of the community. We are caring, and give to the community. Most of us could name at least 1 lady who regularly supports charities through their ads and sites. We are educated and successful. A large amount (probably majority?) of clients, as well as sex workers, are in school, hold degrees, are business owners (that's all the Indy ladies, I might add), and lead a good fullfilling life. So where are all these negative views on us as a group coming from? We know better, so let's stop perpetuating and helping those stereotypes. Sorry, back to the discussion at hand. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rounding Third 9568 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 I just wanted to say, and this isn't pointed at anyone directly, that a lot of people seem to be pointing to "hobbying", this "lifestyle", and the "industry" as some ugly, dark, and disgusting underbelly of society. WHY? Good question Mia - As for me I did not mean to suggest that the industry is dark. The darkness that I was referring to is within me in that I need to do deceptive things because I chose to be engaged and must keep it secret because of my particular life situation. I think the distinction is imporant. Many engaged in these industry have a life situation where they do not need to be as deceptive. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrgreen760 37785 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 Short answer.......who cares? Longer answer......why respond at all ? Peace MG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bewlayb 7480 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 If this thread is any indication, it seems we have more than a few troubled souls on this site battling inner demons. If I were an entrepreneurial mental health professional, I'd seriously consider advertising here. Life is full of decisions. It sounds like the OP made one that he now regrets. He needs to own up to that fact and stop blaming others for leading him astray. If he can't do that and/or he cannot cope with the devastation he caused in his life, then he should seek professional help. That may sound smug and simple from where I'm sitting, but if down the road I find myself in a similar situation (and I may, I'm not infallible), I hope I remember to follow my own advice. If I don't and start the blame game here, please, you have my permission to remind me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ulixestrojan 3757 Report post Posted February 18, 2012 partly what you make it and partly how you respond to events that make you. Just like the t-shirt: "Guns don't kill people, I do." "Cerb doesn't make me see women for play, I do." Cerb is a forum. You enter. You participate. You engage. You pay. You repeat. Dear Sir, you did this. Be responsible and pay the price of admission or leave. It really is no more complex than that. Thank you to all who have responded to this thread. ps: my wife loves hearing about my adventures - her voyeur tendencies mean that I always have hot stories to tell with more detail being the best 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
