Question about anonymity?

[cometman 35115]

They probably appreciate it, but do not expect it. The last time I visited an escort, I told her I kept my wallet with me today in case I had a heart attack and died in her apartment. That lead to a few laughs and scenarios. We also had a bit of a discussion about anonymity and her fear of LE showing up at the door. Sheeyoot......I have short hair and a mustache, so I quickly gave her a reassuring kiss, lol. I do divulge some of my personal info, use my real first name sometimes, but I do remain unknown and untraceable- as do they. There has to be a certain amount of trust on the part of both parties, but respect is a pretty good substitute. I try to keep it light hearted and fun, but for the sake of both parties, I don't try to pry into their personal life except through light conversation. If they don't wish to share any details, that is fine. I honestly think that if you visit well recommended ladies, you have little to fear from them unless you make their life hell before, during, or after the encounter and I would imagine your info would only become known in the most extreme of situations. If you're willing to share info, I highly doubt you're someone that would bother them. The only thing you may risk in doing this is the fact that they may surmise you're trying to become a little too close to them.

[roamingguy 300292]

When I first embarked on this lifestyle I was of the belief that encounters were anonymous between the client and the lady. She doesn't know you, you don't know her.

But as I learned through CERB, and from some of the ladies, divulging personal information through the verification process is required. And I have discovered that when you provide the verification information, especially if volunteered, goes a long way to establishing a trusting relationship.

Really, you don't have anything to risk. The ladies are discrete. They have nothing to gain by disclosing your personal information. They just use that information as part of their screening process to help ensure their safety and security. After all, the first time you meet, it is alone together intimately in a room.

So if a lady that interests you requests personal information, as long as not outside your comfort zone (mine is my work number isn't given) provide it.

The lady only wants it for verification, not to turn your personal life upside down

A rambling, hope it answers your question

RG

[mrgreen760 37785]

If one communicates via the internet I'm not sure there is any true anonymity anyway. One of the risks of the game I figure.

 

Peace

MG

[cat 262460]

I truly appreciate those that book an appointment with me using their "real" information. I give priority to emails that arrive seeming to be a personal email address as opposed to those that arrive with addresses like [email protected] or [email protected]. Personal information is sacred to professional providers and we would not compromise your trust as we trust you will not compromise ours.

 

That said, I underlined professional for a reason. There is a sharp difference between providers and it is important that you do your homework as to who you will trust with this privilege. Professionals have a tremendous amount of time and money invested in their brand and compromising their reputation is not an option. Providers who have little invested will have little to lose. Changing a name and a phone number is easy if an indiscretion occurs on their part. Stick with reputable providers, women who invest in their advertising; not just those with "good" recommendations.

 

cat

[Guest L**gh M****e]

I'm always amazed with Roamingguy's comments, knowledge and pure common sense! I agree with most comments both from SP's and the Hobbyist here in this thread.

 

Cat said it quite well too! Any professional SP will and should honor anonymity! Homework is knowledge and knowledge (for the lack of a better cliche) is power... we all know this as experience or mature individuals.

 

As for the author of this thread, to answer your question as an SP (new here on Cerb but not new to the industry) ponder on the words and advice of the Elite members...that give good common sense input....Roamingguy is just the one that I do take into consideration as regards to comments etc.

 

Those are my thoughts....Great Thread BackRubMan

[Kubrickfan 12836]

These are great issues, but for me its an absolute rule that I will not share my personal information with a provider ... other than a phone number before the visit. I dont mean that as a slight against the ladies, but there is simply too much at risk. Instead, I use the "brand reputation" that my cerb name hopefully brings (and the other board as well) as a substitute. I can honestly say that I have never been refused an appointment due an unwillingness to share my personal information, but I'm very careful to offer as much other information about me as the lady would like. And I would never speak negatively of a lady that insists upon that information, we just will not be getting together.

 

You can share that sort of information if you are personally OK with doing so. For me, its a non-starter.

[Guest L**gh M****e]

No Need to share info....that's freedom!!! Which I'm an advocate for since 1996 Freedom!

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I will add one more thing ... the OP asked if we thought he was crazy to share personal information. My answer is as follows: I think you need to be careful to make that decision on a case by case basis. With the possible exception of some of the ladies on cerb and some of the other well-established providers, you should not simply assume that your personal information will be treated discretely or be erased. How much of a risk that is to you, given your situation, is an entirely personal matter.

[Jhena Grey 25615]

I am very specific with my questions. If I am chatting with someone I ask them what they would like me to call them rather than "what is your name?" They could be telling the truth but I always expect them to lie. I have no way of finding out so I don't stress it (unless I do some serious stalking). I focus on how they present themself to me

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

No Need to share info....that's freedom!!! Which I'm an advocate for since 1996 Freedom!

I am very specific with my questions. If I am chatting with someone I ask them what they would like me to call them rather than "what is your name?" They could be telling the truth but I always expect them to lie. I have no way of finding out so I don't stress it (unless I do some serious stalking). I focus on how they present themself to me

 

Ladies, I do respect your approach to 'safety' (to each their own) but I would be curious to find out how you would go about dealing with someone who has caused you harm during a rendez-vous and/or causing you problems after (reference- Samantha Evans) when you have no concrete information to share with the police (if it comes down to that) or give a much needed warning to your peers?

 

Additional Comments:

I absolutely do not consider doing your due diligence/screening 'serious stalking'...

It's called trying to keep yourself as safe as possible before accepting a gentleman's

request in order to have an awesome safe time! ;)

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Ladies, I do respect your approach to 'safety' (to each their own) but I would be curious to find out how you would go about dealing with someone who has caused you harm during a rendez-vous and/or causing you problems after (reference- Samantha Evans) when you have no concrete information to share with the police (if it comes down to that) or give a much needed warning to your peers?

 

Additional Comments:

I absolutely do not consider doing your due diligence/screening 'serious stalking'...

It's called trying to keep yourself as safe as possible before accepting a gentleman's

request in order to have an awesome safe time! ;)

 

Well, if the reference came from me, I probably said little more than that he's a good guy, was a lovely client, treated me well and was always polite, courteous and respectful. However, the lady can be sure that I know quite a bit about the gentleman, though I will not reveal that information to her unless he has spoken to me directly and told me that would be okay. That's because I don't always know the lady who is asking for the reference and I wouldn't compromise my client's privacy even if I did.

 

I know the real names and quite a bit of other information about most of my clients, usually because they've volunteered it sometime early on in our e-mail exchange. I take it as a sign of trust in me and/or my reputation that these gentlemen don't try to be completely anonymous.

 

I don't require extensive personal information from anyone, but I will not see someone who seems to be going to great lengths to be completely anonymous, either. I'm delighted to have a mutually pleasurable encounter; I won't invite an opportunity to be the victim of a perfect crime, though.

 

If a gentleman wishes to ensure that his privacy will be respected, I suggest that he should engage known and respected paid companions. Most of the time, that will mean paying a higher rate than might be charged by someone who is new to the business. Think of that as insurance. Reputation is enormously important to us. If any of us were proven to have compromised someone's confidentiality, our careers would come to a sudden end.

[Boomer 33202]

I for one am quite comfortable with giving up personal information about myself. I find that it's really not necessary as most SP's I've dealt with trust me enough through the initial conversation and references I can provide, to not require that information. As I tend to repeat with the same ladies they do get to know who I am and I believe it leads to a better level of trust and more personal get together.

 

I do like to make friends with the ladies and do expect a good degree of honest personal interaction, but am pragmatic enough to understand the limits of this type of relationship. I am fairly fortunate in that I'm widowed and don't have the concerns of many others in terms of secrecy. Most know that I can be called if they need.

 

If you are careful with the liaisons you have, I think there are no real safety issues in terms of the information you give them. I think that those that are concerned and hide there identity are at far greater risk of having problems.

[roamingguy 300292]

Ladies, I do respect your approach to 'safety' (to each their own) but I would be curious to find out how you would go about dealing with someone who has caused you harm during a rendez-vous and/or causing you problems after (reference- Samantha Evans) when you have no concrete information to share with the police (if it comes down to that) or give a much needed warning to your peers?

 

Additional Comments:

I absolutely do not consider doing your due diligence/screening 'serious stalking'...

It's called trying to keep yourself as safe as possible before accepting a gentleman's

request in order to have an awesome safe time! ;)

 

I know when I provide my verification information to a lady

(and information I provide is my real name, board handle confirmed by pm, phone number, email and reference) I do expect that my verification information is going to be checked.

That I don't view as being stalked, it is due diligence. I do view it as necessary because the ladies need to screen out the potentially bad clients and until we meet, both the lady and myself are strangers. It is also a good icebreaker, and goes a long way to establishing a trusting relationship between two people who are as of yet strangers, and when we do meet, as Gabriella says, have an awesome safe time! :-)

RG

[Guest ***t***iv***]

 

I don't require extensive personal information from anyone, but I will not see someone who seems to be going to great lengths to be completely anonymous, either.

 

 

this also says it (best) for me. I really liked genav88's wording "what can I call you" as opposed to "what is your name?" as a SP I am surprised how often that direct question can throw prospective clients off. I assume everyone calling knows they can make up a name if they choose. I asked a client the other day for their name and they told me it was pink floyd!

I figure this is a good example because, had he just said Pete or Paul or Bill I wouldn't have hung up on him. But I did, and he called back in a more respectful, legitimate way. said he was just kidding around because his name was floyd. I told him I get too many prank calls to deal with WOT, not in those exact words obv. he got his appointment and was a great visit.

 

what matters to me as a SP is not so much are you using your real name and do I have all your info, but do I feel comfortable or uneasy with a client's approach, comments/questions, manner of speaking etc. the more attention you pay to reading people, the more calculated risks and/or reduced risks, you take. the only times I have ever had problems at work is when I go against my gut and take a booking I feel is shaky, unstable or unsafe (which has not been often but.. you give some the benefit of the doubt when unsure how to read the client's situation and your situation requires the risk be taken). I would imagine this goes both ways, as some have already stated in detail, ladies who invest more in advertising and don't seem shaky, unstable or unsafe are most likely going to be safer bets to place. the remaining risk is IMO, equivalent to (the saying that) 'you could walk out of your house and get hit by a bus.'

 

in all honesty, your name isn't as important to me as that your story lines up and you don't 'rub me the wrong way', figuratively speaking of course. ie. if my CID says ted smith and you call saying to call you bob, that's a bit of a red flag that puts my guard up but doesn't detract from me wanting to book right away. it tells me that I for sure verify a phone and/or room number or address and that I ask questions like is anyone else there and have you ever called before and where did you locate my number? through regular conversation I then determine the level of safety vs. the level of risk. does the client sound intoxicated, in a public place, are there other voices, what time of day/night is it.

 

if the name does line up with the CID or is private and client is called john but very polite respectful client, I'll easily book it no problem (unless its like 4 am then GL! late night anyonymous calls are a huge red flag for me, I never ever take them). there are always ways to find someone if they hurt you (which is obviously very rare esp. provided you take your safety as a provider seriously by gauging every call diligently) like DNA testing, swabs etc (4 extreme cases obv. lol).

 

if all the info is private yes it is not as helpful in keeping others safe & finding the b@$)!^d but I would still share all the details I could think of such as time/location of the call, name given, guesstimated age, ethnicity, voice, a physical description and anything else I knew or could think of!

important: I've been doing this for 6 years now (on and off) but never had a bad call where I have gotten hurt. If it's 'bad' I've always been careful to get out before things escalate into a dangerous place.

 

I guess the benefit and the risk to the client is essentially getting booked vs. not getting booked (by making the lady feel very comfortable or not so comfortable) by a SP who pays a great deal of care in regards to their physical well being. and obviously the risk of your info getting out is minimal, but real, if you give it, and.. not so much if you don't!

oh, and if u hurt someone, it's a given that your right to privacy is out the window and whatever is known about you is about to become even more known. so better watch out! haha

[backrubman 64800]

To help make sure someone else doesn't use your name to get an encounter with a lady, what you can do (and some ladies require this as part of their verification) is send a pm through CERB verifying your board handle, and confirming you sent them a email from your email address.

It helps in screening out guys who use other guys handles.

Thanks again

RG

 

Exactly, and I would do this and it proves it is me. But what if the guy impersonating me doesn't? (because he obviously can't)

 

Then I'd take the stance that this is then the lady's fault for not PMing me to verify it is me (because I have no way of knowing this is going on) if I didn't actually care but I do care.

 

Thanks again roamingguy!

[roamingguy 300292]

Exactly, and I would do this and it proves it is me. But what if the guy impersonating me doesn't? (because he obviously can't)

 

Then I'd take the stance that this is then the lady's fault for not PMing me to verify it is me (because I have no way of knowing this is going on) if I didn't actually care but I do care.

 

Thanks again roamingguy!

 

I only disagree with one part of your statement, and that it is the lady's fault. It isn't your fault, and it isn't the lady's fault. It is the fault of the individual who is impersonating you, and blame lays square on his shoulders, not yours or the lady's.

Your best proactive defence is comply with a lady's verification requirements if you want to see her. Likewise, it's understandable that ladies have screening/verification requirements, and a good screening process would eliminate that. I do agree that a quick pm to a potential client would be due diligence.

But both you and the lady would be victims, the impersonator the perp so to speak. And I don't believe in blaming the victim

RG

[backrubman 64800]

I only disagree with one part of your statement, and that it is the lady's fault. It isn't your fault, and it isn't the lady's fault. It is the fault of the individual who is impersonating you, and blame lays square on his shoulders, not yours or the lady's.

Your best proactive defence is comply with a lady's verification requirements if you want to see her. Likewise, it's understandable that ladies have screening/verification requirements, and a good screening process would eliminate that. I do agree that a quick pm to a potential client would be due diligence.

But both you and the lady would be victims, the impersonator the perp so to speak. And I don't believe in blaming the victim

RG

 

Yeah and I phrased that wrongly. I should have put more emphasis on the "if I didn't care but I do". I would never blame the lady even if she is less than perfect in her due diligence. I'm just looking for a foolproof way of preventing this where perhaps none exists.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

I only disagree with one part of your statement, and that it is the lady's fault. It isn't your fault, and it isn't the lady's fault. It is the fault of the individual who is impersonating you, and blame lays square on his shoulders, not yours or the lady's.

Your best proactive defence is comply with a lady's verification requirements if you want to see her. Likewise, it's understandable that ladies have screening/verification requirements, and a good screening process would eliminate that. I do agree that a quick pm to a potential client would be due diligence.

But both you and the lady would be victims, the impersonator the perp so to speak. And I don't believe in blaming the victim

RG

RG, I do understand what you are saying but I have to strongly disagree with parts (little ones ;)) of your post.

 

My priority as companion is to try to keep myself as safe as possible and eliminate the potential bad dates from my agenda; if someone provides me with a board handle, it is MY responsability to verify the information (by sending that person a PM and asking for a confirmation reply) and to not pass on the blame onto the impersonator if it turns out

to be a scam. This is why we call it a screening process. There is absolutely no point in asking for information

(or someone giving it to you) if it is not somehow verified at some point before the encounter.

I'm positive Cato and Pistol Pete would agree with me on this one...

 

Same goes for references- a gentleman might provide me with a reference but if I don't contact the lady and he ends up being the most unpleasant date ever for xxx reason(s), who's to blame? Yes, I agree that a gentleman should act like a real gentleman but unfortunately, not everyone is one/acts like one. All I can say is that if I had done my due diligence in the first place by getting feedback from the lady, I would have declined his request and not gone through a less than desirable experience. Thankfully, most gentlemen involved in this lifestyle are just that- respectful and kind gentlemen who are just looking to spend quality time with a great lady.

 

In the end, no one can change the behavior of others but we, as companions, can definitely (try to) avoid spending

time with those who don't deserve our attention and/or try to use deceptive tactics to 'get' an appointment (false handles- false references).

 

Hope that makes sense ;)

[roamingguy 300292]

Gabriella

When a lady requires verification information, yes, 100 percent agree with you, she then needs to be verify that information. After all that is what verification/screening is for. It isn't just to collect information for the hell of it.

But as you, and many others know, not all ladies have such requirements. So if a guy calling himself (not me), for sake of argument, roamingguy, contacts a lady who has no verification/screening process, and behaves bad, it is the fault of the impersonator, it isn't the lady's fault, and not my fault.

But my personal opinion is, for all ladies' safety and security, not to mention to eliminate or reduce guys posing as other guys, verification/screening should be employed (and that means used) be it providing information to the lady or using one of the acceptable screening sites (ie date check etc)

RG

[Kubrickfan 12836]

RG, I do understand what you are saying but I have to strongly disagree with parts (little ones ;)) of your post.

 

My priority as companion is to try to keep myself as safe as possible and eliminate the potential bad dates from my agenda; if someone provides me with a board handle, it is MY responsability to verify the information (by sending that person a PM and asking for a confirmation reply) and to not pass on the blame onto the impersonator if it turns out

to be a scam. This is why we call it a screening process. There is absolutely no point in asking for information

(or someone giving it to you) if it is not somehow verified at some point before the encounter.

I'm positive Cato and Pistol Pete would agree with me on this one...

 

Same goes for references- a gentleman might provide me with a reference but if I don't contact the lady and he ends up being the most unpleasant date ever for xxx reason(s), who's to blame? Yes, I agree that a gentleman should act like a real gentleman but unfortunately, not everyone is one/acts like one. All I can say is that if I had done my due diligence in the first place by getting feedback from the lady, I would have declined his request and not gone through a less than desirable experience. Thankfully, most gentlemen involved in this lifestyle are just that- respectful and kind gentlemen who are just looking to spend quality time with a great lady.

 

In the end, no one can change the behavior of others but we, as companions, can definitely (try to) avoid spending

time with those who don't deserve our attention and/or try to use deceptive tactics to 'get' an appointment (false handles- false references).

 

Hope that makes sense ;)

 

Further to Gabriella's point, maybe another way to think of this is to make that vetting process as easy, quick and painless as possible for the ladies. Be responsive, from a timing standpoint, to follow up e-mails or pm's, etc.. If you are uncomfortable with the ladies' request, explain why and try to suggest alternatives and always, always be honest. Consider it foreplay. ;>)

[Phaedrus 209521]

A very good thread!

 

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that, for me at least, the method of communication matters. There's no permanent record of what's said in person or over the phone, but texts and emails sit around for longer. I'm sure most ladies don't hang on to personal information about the people they see, but you never know how diligent people are going to be about cleaning up their inboxes - so I prefer that some things not be there in the first place, if possible. There's no such issues in a conversation.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

All I can say is the more secretive you are the likely I am to agree to disclose my location to you. Trust is a two way street!

[mrrnice2 157005]

Anonymity for me is not a particular issue for a couple of reasons.

 

The first is that I do not have any particular reason to 'fear' being discovered as a member of this site or as a participant with the women that are here. I have no family issues or workplace issues that could be compromised. In reality as I am reasonably well known I am quite confident that I have said enough about myself that other CERB members from my area could know exactly who I am. Being known by other CERB members is really nothing that I have a worry about.

 

More importantly for me, my anonymity to the women that I have met with is not an issue either. I have almost always made initial contact by PM and then followed up with an email from my home personal email account that has my full name as a part of it. I usually give a little introduction to the lady and don't hold anything in particular back.

 

The biggest factor for me however is the fact that I have been very selective about the women that I choose to contact. With one exception I have contacted only those women who have a strong positive presence on the board and who make good contributions to the forums. Women on CERB with strong reputations have those reputations because they have earned them and deserve them. I have never had second thoughts or regrets about revealing my personal side or personal information to women such as this.

 

I realize however that this makes things perhaps difficult for women that are breaking into this industry as I tend to eliminate them from my contact list. No doubt that is very unfair to some of those women, but by doing things the way that I have been doing them gives me a personal sense of comfort knowing that I am not going to be getting myself into any unanticipated difficulties.

 

On the reverse side, I DO enjoy getting to know the personal side of the women that I meet. The women that I have met have all been very personable and over time have shared a part of themselves with me as they have become more comfortable with me. I take that as a supreme compliment because of the inherent potential danger that the 'wrong' client could present.

 

As with any decision, we all must make the one that gives us our own personal comfort level. The disclosure or non-disclosure of personal information in either direction is at the discretion of each person involved and should be respected. If there is not enough personal sharing to satisy either of the parties then that is fair and simply an indication that the dynamics are probably not the best for those people so they should say thanks but no thanks and move along.

[whatsup 11893]

My personal comfort level is to pm and/or call on my cell phone number , which I have had for years, the provider of my choice. I once visited a very reputable provider and wanted to freshen up in the shower, her diary/ schedule was on the vanity right before me. I noticed my handle and cell number right before me, which I was not really happy about. I did not pick up the encounter listing and skim through it but I did notice other encounters of hers and recognize two other members handles on the same single page before me. I decided not to see this particular provider again because of her lack of indiscretion.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I realize however that this makes things perhaps difficult for women that are breaking into this industry as I tend to eliminate them from my contact list. No doubt that is very unfair to some of those women, but by doing things the way that I have been doing them gives me a personal sense of comfort knowing that I am not going to be getting myself into any unanticipated difficulties.

 

I don't think this is unfair, it's just the way things work in many industries including ours. People do check out new restaurants, for example, or keep an eye open for wines that haven't been previously available.

 

Women who are just starting out usually get a lot of traffic because they're new. A lot of men are very interested in meeting them and there's no doubt that if one is willing to see someone who's new, he may discover a rare gem who may provide him with many hours of pleasure over time.

 

My experience is that women who are new to our industry are often surprised by the amount of work they need to do to create their own "brand," establishing a presence in their city, on boards and related places. The good ones work hard, learn quickly, take care of themselves and engage well not only with their clients but with other companions, too. They also recognize from the outset that after our personal safety nothing is more important than protecting the privacy of our clients.

 

I understand very well why someone may not want to give me personal information about himself. There are usually several ways to satisfy my screening requirements and I'm happy to work something out whenever I can. I'd also like to point out, though, how exceedingly rare it is to find reports of paid companions breaching clients' privacy even when those women are new to the business or have decided that this work isn't right for them. The reports that one does come across usually relate to Madams whose records have been compromised, not to independent companions. Unfortunately, it's obvious to all of us that companions' safety is much more often damaged, or worse.

 

We all have to make our own decisions about who we will or will not see. Gentlemen may pass up an opportunity to have a stellar engagement with a remarkable woman. The ladies may also have to take a pass on an ideal potential client. That's how it goes, sometimes. Handled respectfully, no harm is done.