Is Chivalry Still Alive or a dying Art ?

[renegade 11027]

I was parked outside a busy office building the other day and was observing those entering and leaving the building, it became apparent that only older men and women held the door for others, so it got me thinking kindness to strangers has become a rarity, with people slamming doors in people's faces, and pushing in line at the checkout counter -- and both men and women are guilty of this. Because common courtesy doesn't exist as much anymore, it makes us suspicious when we do receive kind gestures from others, and we assume kindness is part of someone's ulterior motives. I don't want to sound jaded and cynical about mankind, but society has become more self-absorbed and self-centered, especially when it comes to strangers.So i started to discuss chivalry with some male friends and they stated that although they believe in chivalry, they feel they are making futile attempts at being courteous when their actions go unnoticed and unappreciated by younger females.On one hand you have a woman who waits for the man to walk ahead of her and open the door, while on the other you have the gentleman who does open the door for her, only to have his date shout at him that she doesn't need his help.

chivalry isn't about getting things in return, it's about being recognized to a degree for your actions and knowing that the person you are with will also treat you right. Chivalry is a two-way street, in which you shouldn't be taken for a ride.

Do women really want you to be chivalrous or will it be lost on future generations ?

 

[777flyer 1612]

Hey Renegade

 

In my opinion, Chivarly, being courteous or any other kind act towards another human being is NEVER dead.

 

Doing the right thing, regardless if it is acknowledged or if one receives thanks for their consideration toward others, is always the best approach......period.

 

Time and time again, when I'm travelling with a mixed flight crew, I usually see one of the males in the group not holding the door for the ladies in the group, or ordering his drink first at a restaurant......or even being the first in the shuttle ....... without stopping to let the ladies first....or even something as simple as giving a helping hand to carry luggage for the ladies......

 

I ALWAYS correct the offending male....... most times the ladies quickly acknowledge their appreciation of my actions.......... and the other men laugh at me, the 'Old fashioned Guy' they say.......

 

Those who acknowledge my actions make me feel good, those who don't acknowledge my actions, still make me feel good.....knowing that I ALWAYS do the right thing....

 

Chivarly IS NEVER dead..........

 

tks !!

[Guest h**m****3]

I try very hard to be chivalrious. I enjoy holding doors open for people and helping out whenever possible. I do believe in the moto "What comes around goes around."

 

:)

[Boomer 33202]

Don't be discouraged. The way to remedy the lack of civility is to lead by example. If we consistently and visibility do what is right others will notice and hopefully follow our lead.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Chivalry is alive and well in my world!! When I stop to let some one enter before me or hold the door or even smile at strangers I am surprised some times at their reaction. They might get a bit of a concerned look or are sort of shocked by it. Just blows me away. Good manners don't seem to be much a priority these days which is sad to me. The internet has allowed people to become easily disconnected and some can function without interacting much face to face with society at all. It can makes us seem less human.

 

Slow down, take a moment and be kind....you'll still get there on time.

 

Peace

MG

[NotchJohnson 214136]

I have always used chivalry with any ladies that I have been with or not. This did not go unnoticed by my stepson cause now he does the same and his new girlfriend thanked me for it. He will help her remove and also put on her coat while also pulling her hair back while she adjust it, he will also open the car door and help her out if she needs it(he does the same for his mother) I have seen him carry her over a puddle once so she would not get her feet wet.

 

What can I say, he gets that from me.

[Kate von Katz 49953]

It's a two-part issue, I think. On the one hand, men should be chivalrous - gentlemanly. On the other hand, women should be gracious - lady-like.

 

These days there's more emphasis being put on physical appearance and status symbols (expensive clothes, jewelry, designer colognes/perfumes, nice cars, etc.). As intelligent a species as we are, we are still driven to imitate that which we deem desirable, and often we see desirable lifestlyes on television and in cinema. The whole "keeping up with the Jones' " has really changed.

 

Manners are no longer a requisite part of a functioning society. At least not to the degree we knew in past times. Most people don't even know proper dining etiquette, let alone social graces.

 

Generally speaking, men have lost a lot of the class and gentility that women desire. And women have lost much of their grace and softness that men adore.

 

I hold doors for people, I thank the bus driver when I disembark, I let people with only a few items go ahead of me at the grocery store. It's civility. And I still believe in it. (Which is a major contributor to my low tolerance for crass and undignified clients, but that's a whole 'nother matter.)

 

Just keep being a good, conscientious citizen and nevermind those with a deficit of proper manners. It speaks poorly of them, not you. Being kind is contagious, afterall, and you probably made someone's day - or at least got a smile. We shouldn't do these things for the reward, but rather because it's simply the right thing to do.

 

That's my two cents, anyhow...

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[Emma Alexandra 123368]

My parents taught me well and thankfully my 3 boys are the same. It makes me smile to see them helping others. Giving up their sears on the metro or opening doors etc...makes a mom proud.

[roamingguy 300292]

I guess I was raised right. Always hold the door, especially for a lady. BTW chivalry, manners, politeness to me isn't just a male/female thing, it's how you should treat everyone.

I've always given up my seat, whether on the bus (OC Transpo) or GO Train when a lady or elderly person came on board and no more seats

There is a lady in the downstairs apartment, uses a walker, I'm one of a few that help and take her garbage out and carry her groceries in.

Pregnant woman at the grocery store once, short of change (not much) to buy her groceries, slipped her a $10.00. To me not much money, but to her, a help

Letting a vehicle into traffic. When a transport truck needs to make those wide turns, back up (if possible) to let him make it. And for those who don't know, when on a highway/freeway, if a transport truck passes you, once he is clear of your vehicle and safe to get back in your lane, flash your headlights a couple times...he has blind spots and will usually appreciate the gesture.

But basically it comes down to treating others as you would like to be treated

RG

[whatsup 11893]

Maybe you could call me old fashioned but I will hold the door for anyone, I do this out of respect for the Old or Young, Man or Women. Will I do it till the day I die, ya betcha. No matter how it is perceived I really do not care. Welcomed or not, Makes me feel good about Values.

[Reuben Sandwich 13841]

My Dad was a good example to us in learning how to be polite and courteous. He was always the neighbour people would come to for some help and that has carried on through me and I can see it in my own kids.

 

In the last few days I have noticed how pedestrians have acknowledged me with a simple wave just because I waited for them to cross the intersection while out driving, or did not splash them when passing on a slushy street.

 

My best reward this winter was as a result of taking care of my neighbour's snow removal as he had dislocated his shoulder in the fall. No arrangement made, you just know it needs to be done. Then a couple of weeks ago, there on my doorstep are a dozen Beaus Lug Tread Lagers. Thanks, neighbour.

 

But your correct in saying it's not about the acknowledgement. You just do what needs to be done.

[backrubman 64800]

Is Chivalry Still Alive or a dying Art?

 

It's clearly dying (but not dead while I am still alive). Of course I still hold the door for people, that's just being courteous and not what I would call "chivalry".

 

The only time I get to practice my brand of gentleman like chivalry is when I am accompanying my wife, girlfriend or female companion somewhere. If they are traveling with me I am their protector, bodyguard, porter, chauffeur and I like to take responsibility for their safety and comfort. One thing that at first amazes a girl that doesn't know me is that I open the car door (as well as every other type of door) both when she is getting in or out of my car. How often do we see that these days? I also see to her seating at a restaurant before I am seated, take her coat and return it when it's time to leave helping her put it on. Girls just aren't used to that anymore it is so rare but they still take to it well, almost always saying something like "Thanks, I could get used to this" and when I run around to the passenger side of the car, I am looking around to make sure it is safe for her to exit (no ice or large puddles) or any other hazards, I then like to take the lady by the hand or arm and walking along I am certain to point out anything along the way she may not have noticed like a curb or another other obstacle she could trip over.

 

I do enjoy being a man and looking out for the comfort and safety of my female companion, but I only get to do this when it is my wife, girlfriend or CERB companion (e.g. to do this for a female co-worker could be misinterpreted).

 

Wait a minute, he has a wife, a girlfriend and sometimes a CERB companion? Yes, my wife is disabled (but I still opened the car door for her before she became disabled) and often encourages me to "get a girlfriend" or "see someone". So I take it light on the girlfriends (she is married also so we don't spend as much time together as we'd like) and I also travel. Even though my wife often nags me to "get a girlfriend" or "see someone" and even being understanding enough to suggest a "professional" companion once or twice as a birthday present, she doesn't need to know about it as it would just make her feel more inadequate than she already does. That's chivalry also.

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Excellent point: chivalry is more than polite gestures, it extends to what you don't do and don't say as well. Keeping someone's elses preferences and well-being in mind can be exhausting and/or challenging. But its these unnoticed and surreptitious things we do that are the very heart of chivalry, I think. Holding a door is relatively easy. Holding our tongue is less so. Good on you!

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[mrrnice2 157005]

The Age of Chivalry is certainly not dead and gone. Perhaps this is an example of looking back at 'them times', when everything was supposedly better, but ask yourself if it truly was. Sir Walter Raleigh is well known for reputedly placing his cloak over a puddle to allow Queen Elizabeth I dry passage, yet in that same time period women who were not of the nobility were treated as chattel.

I recall vividly as a teen how the older generation looked sometimes in disgust at the younger generation and waht was to become of them, yet here in today's world I see teens often being generalized as being rude and certainly not looked at in appreciation. Yet with my career in education I know firsthand that there are an incredible number of young men and women who are polite and mannerly and yes, I would use the word chivalrous to describe them. They care about their fellow man. I bet that each and every one of us can point specifically to a number of young men and women that you are proud to know because of their caring natures.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to become jaded because of the pace and stress of daily life, and maybe bustling cities do have a different way about them as compared to smaller towns or rural areas. Individuals as individuals can get lost in the crowd mentality and then only allow their good manners and chivalry be exhibited within their own circle of family and friends.

At one point in time I spent close to a year in a wheelchair, and that experience caused me to recognize the general goodness in people, the vast majority of people. Talk about people wanting to help! I had doors opened for me in every direction, even those doors that I did not want to go through! I had people offer to assist with curbs, stairs, carrying packages and with hauling my chair into and out of my vehicle.

So yes, if you allow me I shall hold that door for you, I will virtually always be polite, I am virtually always very respectful, and I will help if you ask for it. If you really look around, I expect that you will see many many people just like that surrounding you. All we need do is to open our eyes and learn to appreciate the goodness of others. :)

[Mikeyboy 27134]

No I don't believe chivalry is dead. I have always strived to be polite, and have worked hard to instill this in my children. I am very proud when people comment on how polite and respectful they are. It is simply the way I was brought up and I'm glad to pass it on. It is amazing how much nicer the world is when we respect each other.

 

 

 

Oops... Licky icon up top was an accident.... Still learning to use my new phone ;-)

[jtylur00 100]

No I don't believe chivalry is dead. I have always strived to be polite, and have worked hard to instill this in my children. I am very proud when people comment on how polite and respectful they are. It is simply the way I was brought up and I'm glad to pass it on. It is amazing how much nicer the world is when we respect each other.

 

 

 

Oops... Licky icon up top was an accident.... Still learning to use my new phone ;-)

 

While there are plenty of rude and obnoxious kids out there, there are also plenty of ones that are respectable and polite. I think a lot of it comes down to the old addage of "The squeaky wheel gets the grease".

[crillin 54]

It's clearly dying (but not dead while I am still alive).

 

Yeah I agree with this. I think feminism killed it. Women always influence the kind of men present in a given generation. If you look at some of the men these days and how they behave, what does that say about the selection criteria of women? Perhaps chivalry is not high up on the list hence it's slow death.