Oh, what to do...

[great_s 132]

It is a special situation..../quote]

 

Not to sound harsh, but generally speaking when you meet a young lady as a client of hers, you will always be a client. You may feel like you have a special relationship with her, but the "I met you as customer in the strip club" factor is hard to overcome. Keep some of these points in mind:

 

* How many of your real friends you don't know there full / real name?

 

* Lots of these ladies will text or call you to chat, they do that with a lot of the regular customers, to keep them regulars.

 

* When you see her, is it only at her work, where you pay for the of the privilege of a "date?"

 

* Have you met any of her non-stripper friends? If you see her outside of the club is it always only the two of you, "because I just want to spend time with you?"

 

* And if she starts hitting you up for money, because "work is slow" or "something came up" RUN!! Once you start down this road, it is a very slipperly slope.

 

Anyhow, this is all just my opinion based on years of seeing strippers. So don't get me wrong, have lots of fun, hang out, buy the drinks and the dances, pay for supper, as you are having a good time too!

 

Most importantly, do not fall into the "PRETTY WOMAN" syndrome. Thinking you can change her life or "save" her if she hitches her wagon to your horses, so to speak. It is not going to happen.

 

Best of luck.

[theoldguy 507]

So I've been persevering as best as I can with my whole "stay away til she's out of my head" plan... tonight had a night off and resisted the urge to head to her workplace. Took a walk and headed to grab takeout in an entirely different part of town at 4am and after ordering, spot her and a few coworkers sitting in a corner eating. A big smile and a hug later and I'm back to thinking about those beautiful eyes.

 

Starting to think this will require turning into a hermit.

[Athos 108589]

Alot of what has been said here makes sense, and I initially thought the intrigue would be gone after a few dances. Sadly it got worse. And I cant help but wonder if she is deliberately avoiding me at her workplace because I did something awkward without realizing it. On one slow night every single (not even an exageration) other girl working there approached me except her. And you know you are at a strip club too often when the coat check girl knows you by name and wont even issue you a check ticket as she knows your coat.

 

As far as this obsession becoming costly, if it werent for my inherent ability to turn down every other girl due to shyness, there would be no cost beyond the 5$ cover charges and a few beers.

 

Never saw this pitfall of hobbying coming.

 

Well, I'd suggest that if she isn't coming over to you for dances at the club, that it's a pretty good sign she won't be interested in more.

 

I've been right where you are .... Many of us have. My infatuation started in the club. You see her for dances, then you're a regular, then you have her phone number and see her outside the club. You're spending lots of coin, You hope for more, there's flirting and suggestions, but nothing happens. Then one day you say ... "sorry, no I'm not going to pay your $1000 cell phone bill (and inside you're saying fuck, didn't you investigate data plan costs before you signed a contract)". And then, when she sees the tap is turning off, you're out.

 

Women in strip clubs are experts at the art and power of attraction. The club is also a place where fantasy and reality can get blurred far too easily. This is one of the reasons I prefer SPs. In the strip club there is so much raw sensuality in the air, and it seems so available. This is it's appeal, and I do love that aspect of the fantasy. When you go to a SP or to a massage parlor, after you leave the fantasy evaporates. You can't just hang around, beer in hand, watching your favorite SP or MPA work. But you can at the club. Dangerous territory.

 

I suspect she senses that you are attracted to her emotionally in a way she's uncomfortable with. Otherwise she'd be seeking out dances.

 

I agree you need to talk to her. You need to either a) get this back on a client-provider setting, which frankly means keeping it in the club or b) see if there is something else. She may be avoiding you because she's hoping there's a possibility for something beyond the client relationship. But if this is the case, it means keeping it outside the club.

 

My real advice, go find a wonderful SP and get her out of your system. And stop going to the club. You're torturing yourself.

 

Oh, and they can be masters of the mixed signal. That's how you get hooked!

 

Porthos

[slacker 1290]

I've been following this thread for a while as I too am in a similar position. I was a regular for a girl for years, and we had a lot of fun in the CRs. I was her "best customer". Then recently she brought her real life up in a way that was very jarring, enough to kick me out of the fantasy I had of her.

 

I was angry at her for doing that, until I realized that she didn't create that fantasy. I did. She just nurtured it. It's harder getting over the anger at myself for falling into it in the first place.

[darkblack 120]

So I've been persevering as best as I can with my whole "stay away til she's out of my head" plan... tonight had a night off and resisted the urge to head to her workplace. Took a walk and headed to grab takeout in an entirely different part of town at 4am and after ordering, spot her and a few coworkers sitting in a corner eating. A big smile and a hug later and I'm back to thinking about those beautiful eyes.

 

Starting to think this will require turning into a hermit.

 

Ever think she might be stalking YOU???

[theoldguy 507]

Ever think she might be stalking YOU???

 

By somehow predicting where I would be in the future? Doubtful.

[Peachka 4334]

Women in strip clubs are experts at the art and power of attraction. The club is also a place where fantasy and reality can get blurred far too easily. This is one of the reasons I prefer SPs. In the strip club there is so much raw sensuality in the air, and it seems so available. This is it's appeal, and I do love that aspect of the fantasy. When you go to a SP or to a massage parlor, after you leave the fantasy evaporates. You can't just hang around, beer in hand, watching your favorite SP or MPA work. But you can at the club. Dangerous territory.

Porthos

 

Excellent post by porthos but this paragraph in particular is bang on! I have been through a few situations with Dancers over the years, fortunately I was given advice by a wise hobbyist. He said, "A Dancers's mandate is to get as much cash as possible for as little mileage as possible." This helped me 'evolve' as a hobbyist!

[backrubman 64800]

Excellent post by porthos but this paragraph in particular is bang on! I have been through a few situations with Dancers over the years, fortunately I was given advice by a wise hobbyist. He said, "A Dancers's mandate is to get as much cash as possible for as little mileage as possible." This helped me 'evolve' as a hobbyist!

 

Yes in fact an excellent thread in many ways. A good friend in Toronto (who I would often visit when much younger) lived around the corner from such a club, I reluctantly but honestly admit it was one of our favorite hangouts.

 

I was always left with the impression that the girls really enjoyed their jobs and made sure we had a good time enjoying admiring some of God's most finest works of art.

 

Even an occasional offer of some extracurricular activity after they were off work would be forthcoming. Tempted? Oh so ever much so, but some how I just knew (not sure how as I was young and foolish) that any flight like that wouldn't have a pleasant or soft landing in the end so I never boarded the aircraft but I admit to coming close and wouldn't judge anyone that did.

[Athos 108589]

Yes in fact an excellent thread in many ways. A good friend in Toronto (who I would often visit when much younger) lived around the corner from such a club, I reluctantly but honestly admit it was one of our favorite hangouts.

 

I was always left with the impression that the girls really enjoyed their jobs and made sure we had a good time enjoying admiring some of God's most finest works of art.

 

Even an occasional offer of some extracurricular activity after they were off work would be forthcoming. Tempted? Oh so ever much so, but some how I just knew (not sure how as I was young and foolish) that any flight like that wouldn't have a pleasant or soft landing in the end so I never boarded the aircraft but I admit to coming close and wouldn't judge anyone that did.

 

 

I must confess that I absolutely love strip clubs! They are, for me, totally intoxicating. And, of course, therein lies the rub. I've been known to drop a lot of Money on an evenings entertainment. I actually prefer to go with a buddy, as the inclination to go to the champagne room is strongest when alone.

 

There is one dancer that I likely fell for very hard. Nothing ever happened sexually between us, but we socialized a lot both in and outside the club. I don't think I dare go to a club where she's working. That is one rabbit hole I don't want to revisit! To this day I don't know whether anything she ever said to me was genuine!

[theoldguy 507]

I am actually glad I started this thread as reading about other's experiences strongly reinforces my belief I have to stay away. The extra confusing part though is that little of her behavior matches the expected or above described. I mean, I personally haven't run into a dancer before that insists on only charging for half of the dances in a session, or that freely shares so many details of her personal life. Or for that matter of a girl insisting we should grab a bite to eat after her work without trying to hustle me for dances.

 

Dangerous territory I know. If its all some reverse psychology game, she is definitely the most accomplished hustler I have encountered.

 

At least forewarned is forearmed. I dont foresee her maxing out my credit cards with her phone bills.

[daredevil8888 407]

Excellent post by porthos but this paragraph in particular is bang on! I have been through a few situations with Dancers over the years, fortunately I was given advice by a wise hobbyist. He said, "A Dancers's mandate is to get as much cash as possible for as little mileage as possible." This helped me 'evolve' as a hobbyist!

 

I would agree with your quote about the ladies who work the evening shift. In my experience, the afternoon ladies in general are much more sociable, and relatively have a more balanced life. What I love about a dancer's mandate is the requirement to keep the customer happy and continue to pay for dances. This is not the same for escorts or masseuses.

[tallOttawaMan 779]

theoldguy, the thing that makes you situation different from others in this thread is you met her in public first and only saw her at work later. I susspect she is avoiding you when she sees you at work because she views you as a friend and it is kind of wierd to strip for a friend. What the relationship potential is, it is hard to say, but I think you are best off talking to her about it privately outside the club. Find out how she feels and respect her feelings. She may rather hang out with you as a friend than see you at the club, or maybe she doesn't mind you being there, but doesn't want to dance for you. You won't know until you ask. The fact that she hasn't taken advantage of the situation is a testament to her character.

 

Sorry for the rambling thoughts. I hope this helps.

[theoldguy 507]

-sigh- Managed to avoid her for close to a month only to run into her at a restaurant last night (at a tableful of strippers I all knew to make things worse) Awkward, and I'm back to fighting the urge to go straight to her club at every waking moment.

 

I'vr gotta get a job that doesnt involve being out and about at stripper hours :p

[The General 11309]

Really, I don't think it is the hours, perhaps the location, you don't have to eat across the street from a club, maybe find a new dining location, rather than a new job. I think that would solve it.

 

-sigh- Managed to avoid her for close to a month only to run into her at a restaurant last night (at a tableful of strippers I all knew to make things worse) Awkward, and I'm back to fighting the urge to go straight to her club at every waking moment.

 

I'vr gotta get a job that doesnt involve being out and about at stripper hours :p

[theoldguy 507]

... the club is in gatineau. The places I keep running into her are downtown, where I work and live. And at 4am on a weeknight? Ottawa has limited dining options.

[whiteman 14028]

At that time of the morning there are only a handful of 24 hour restaurants available in the entire region, I can only think of one myself. I'd say keep doing what you are doing, most of us can only dream about running into a dancer we've seen naked in a regular setting. You are doing something right, even it feels wrong. ;)

[theoldguy 507]

And... There it is. After a week seeing her regularly in and out of the club, talk of dating, actual dinner datea, passionnate kisses and some of the best dances I've ever had, just got the call saying she's gambled away all her money and needs to borrow a few thousand. Little head off, big head thinking process back on. Time to block her number, avoid the casino and some restaurants and her club for a few months.

 

Was a fun fantasy while it lasted.

[Athos 108589]

And... There it is. After a week seeing her regularly in and out of the club, talk of dating, actual dinner datea, passionnate kisses and some of the best dances I've ever had, just got the call saying she's gambled away all her money and needs to borrow a few thousand. Little head off, big head thinking process back on. Time to block her number, avoid the casino and some restaurants and her club for a few months.

 

Was a fun fantasy while it lasted.

 

Really sorry to hear that. It might be cold comfort, but I can assure you that as soon as you rang off she was speed dialing the next client in her address book.

 

Porthos

[theoldguy 507]

Worst part is, if she took a different tact, I would easily have spent the requested amount on her for a few overnights or whatnot. This girl is that fantastic. But this was just too classic a con job.

 

Poor girl. Easily makes 1500 a night, hot and smart enough to land any guy in a different setting, doesnt seem addicted to any substances. Just a gambling addict.

[backrubman 64800]

First I'd like to say that I do feel for you having to go though this emotional trauma and wish you a quick recovery from any lingering bad feelings.

 

Worst part is, if she took a different tact, I would easily have spent the requested amount on her for a few overnights or whatnot.

 

Let's hope she doesn't figure this out.

 

Poor girl. Easily makes 1500 a night, hot and smart enough to land any guy in a different setting, doesnt seem addicted to any substances. Just a gambling addict.

 

Poor girl? Sorry, but it sounds to me like she is very rich and just doesn't know it. When you say "just a gambling addict" take it from me that substance addition can be easier to deal with. In fact, gambling addiction is substance addiction (endorphins) plus a whole lot more evil stuff besides mixed in there.

My ex-wife had such a condition so I know of what I speak :)

[whiteman 14028]

Worst part is, if she took a different tact, I would easily have spent the requested amount on her for a few overnights or whatnot. This girl is that fantastic. But this was just too classic a con job.

 

Poor girl. Easily makes 1500 a night, hot and smart enough to land any guy in a different setting, doesnt seem addicted to any substances. Just a gambling addict.

I'm not going to say that this was a terrible way for you to find out, because I actually think this was the perfect way to find out. Cold shock to the system and you're now fully awake.

 

I would've said this girl would have been more respectable if she said she wanted to work off her debts, by offering you a couple of evenings with her.

 

However, I'm surprised you had dinner with her, so it looks like your relationship with her had actually improved a bit.

[Athos 108589]

I'm not going to say that this was a terrible way for you to find out, because I actually think this was the perfect way to find out. Cold shock to the system and you're now fully awake.

 

I would've said this girl would have been more respectable if she said she wanted to work off her debts, by offering you a couple of evenings with her.

 

However, I'm surprised you had dinner with her, so it looks like your relationship with her had actually improved a bit.

 

I agree, there were far worse and more expensive ways of finding out.

 

Seems to me there are two possibilities here:

 

First, she was always just playing you.

 

Second, she may genuinely have liked you. The fact that you seem to have started seeing each other for dinner etc. suggests this might have been a possibility. However, and it's a big one, if she has an addiction -- gambling, substance, whatever-- in the end she is still going to be playing you. She could love you, but it won't stop her from exploiting the relationship for cash. I watched a relative of mine, who had a serious acholol and coke addiction fleece everyone he loved and who loved him. In the end, he played all of us, and ruined himself.

 

Either way ... You need to stay away. Tell her to give you a call when she's stopped gambling, and not to ever ask for money again. you won't hear from her.

 

Porthos

[ngtime 560]

Probably repeating much of what I have previously posted. In reality what can you expect? The CR has it's function and that's for instant teasing and at times sex too, notwithstanding all the rules and regulations of the club.

 

There are lots of women out there looking for a real relationship. If you are looking for love there many opportunities out there, dating sites may work.

 

It's lust with not love in this case.

 

Additional Comments:

Probably repeating much of what I have previously posted. In reality what can you expect? The CR has it's function and that's for instant teasing and at times sex too, notwithstanding all the rules and regulations of the club.

 

There are lots of women out there looking for a real relationship. If you are looking for love there many opportunities out there, dating sites may work.

 

It's lust with not love in this case.

[survived70s 582]

I understand the problems with gambling. It ruled my life for a while and almost ruined my life. I don't gamble any more - glad that it is over.

There are organizations that can help people free themselves of the addiction. Highly recommend it.

Had she been more coniving and not laid it out, you probably would have been sucked in... so much more honesty!

There is no short supply of desperate people doing desperate things for money.

 

Understand why a lot of gurls have developed a very thick skin and are hesitant to discuss their real lives and addictions that rule them... also, not everyone is messed up, thank God!

[theoldguy 507]

Oh, I understand the seriousness of her problem. I thought I would never hear from her again but she kept calling regularly just to chat. Then she called one afternoon and was more honest than ever: she was tapped out and needed a bit more gambling money. I ended up lending her a small sum fully expecting never to see the money again, and, since I made it clear that was all she would get from me, expecting not to hear from her again. Yet she still keeps in contact, chatting about where she is, where she plans to go, gambling, her life.

 

Was it stupid to lend her the money? Her friends assure me she always pays people back. Who knows. But I now consider her a friend and will continue to feel that way no matter what happens.