Sexually assaulting a man

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I am so shocked by something I've heard recently, I have to share this, and ensure that more people do not share the opinion I just heard voiced.

 

I overheard a conversation between two women. One was saying she was being accused of giving oral sex to a man without his consent. The other woman said this was not possible. She said 'In order to suck someone's dick, he has to be aroused - so he CHOSE to be aroused, getting turned on is a choice'.

 

I am so shocked I heard these words spoken, by a woman no less.

 

Now - some people may get angry about what I'm about to say - BUT, in my lifetime, I have felt that certain men who said 'she attacked me', were simply making up an excuse to get out of what they did/ I do not think women are incapable of committing a sexual assault, but I do honestly thhink a percentage of these 'assaults' are false. Flame me if you will for that, but I've known more than a few cases where the man eventually admits he was just trying to not get caught cheating.

 

BUT, what is making me so upset about this recent conversation is this: the flat-out refusal to admit that: 1) a woman could commit a sexual assault, and 2) that getting turned on is a CHOICE. If many people have their genitals touched, they will get hard/wet. Through no choice of their own. I do not decide for my pussy to get wet every time it does. This seems like such a disgusting idea, and a wet pussy or hard cock does NOT imply consent to a sexual act.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this is disturbing and ludicrous.

[scribbles 6031]

Without knowing the context of the accusation, it's difficult to comment. I mean, could be a case of the woman having committed the act while the guy was drunk, so the issue of consent has more to do with his mental status at the time.

 

Otherwise, I find it difficult to see how a woman can sexually assault a guy. I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying it is generally fairly difficult. Bash me for being sexist, but in general men are physically stronger than women. If I don't want a woman to go down on me, I find it difficult to see how I would be physically incapable of stopping her.

 

As for arousal.... I dunno. I can honestly say that there are situations/circumstances in which I become physically aroused despite the fact that my mind is not consciously on sex. I don't think I've ever become aroused when something unpleasant or threatening was presented to me. So, I would generally say if the dude is getting hard for the woman, there was something about her or the situation that was arousing to him. He was at least in part willing in spirit.

 

This doesn't in any way change the fact that, turned on or not, a guy or woman can decide whether they want something to be done to them or not. Maybe he was hard for her because he found her hot. But, if he said no, it still means no. I'm betting on the drunken theory, though. Cause I still can't see how a woman can force her mouth on an unwilling man's privates.

 

Sent from my HTC EVO 3D X515a using Tapatalk 2

[whatsup 11893]

Did the said assault end up with a climax? If it did I would safely say that the recipent was aroused and enjoyed the moment. So I do not see this as a sexual assault but maybe something that person felt guilty of afterwards. My thoughts.

[Athos 108589]

Well, one does have to be a little careful once there is a jaw with teeth wrapped around it.

 

The real question is consent, rather than arousal. I think we usually think of sexual assault in terms of men assaulting women and a degree of violence, the guy forcing himself on her against her will. Loy's of women are very strong, and with the right training could easily take down a man considerably larger than they are.

 

The drunkenness scenario is certainly one possibility. But one could also imagine the guy being tied up and restrained, saying no, but her proceeding anyway.

 

I suspect it is relatively rare, but I don't know what the statistics would be. Whatever they are, I suspect this would be very underreported. Which does suggest, as Chloe says, that some of the reported cases may in fact be bogus.

 

Additional Comments:

Did the said assault end up with a climax? If it did I would safely say that the recipent was aroused and enjoyed the moment. So I do not see this as a sexual assault but maybe something that person felt guilty of afterwards. My thoughts.

 

Good point. You have to remember that under Canadian law any unwanted sexual touching is a sexual assault. Grabbing his crotch after he's said no would qualify, the same way grabbing a woman's breast or ass without consent also constitutes a sexual assault.

[Gia Wren Marlowe 67985]

I agree with the original post. I think that both men and women sometimes claim that an assault took place when they are actually trying to dodge responsibility for a consensual act which they later regret. I also agree that it's appalling a woman would say that if a man's aroused you can do whatever you want with him.

I do know of both men and women who have been assaulted while drunk. I also know a woman who said no but who felt too shy and embarrassed to actually push the man touching her away. She was quite young, but she was thinking that she might have flirted too much and would look stupid for refusing, or that she would make a scene by being "too prudish". So she let it go. I can easily see this happening to men, too. So I think it's entirely possible for a woman to assault a man while he's drunk, or to push sexual contact on him even when she can see that he doesn't actually want it.

[MightyPen 67414]

If party A says they don't want sex to happen, and they're clear about it, and it happens anyway, then it's sexual assault. Period. I don't care if party A was breathing fasts, flushed, rock-hard, or came in a giant mess of goo. Unwanted sex is an assault no matter what the orgasmic outcome.

 

Party B doesn't get to decide when it's "really" an assault or not, second-guessing party A and using the state of his/her body against a statement of will.

 

Among other things, the alternative leads to "well sure I hear "no", but if I just keep going she/he will realize she/he really wants it... it's perfectly obvious to me!"

 

No thanks.

[whatsup 11893]

Personally I have been grabbed by the crotch and have not been felt like I was sexually assaulted. Just felt like this woman really would like some action. I just take it in stride and do not get offended by the gesture. But I would never do this to the ladies as it is totally not right. One must read the moment.

[roamingguy 300292]

Every morning (and I'm single and alone) I wake up aroused...the morning woody

Arousal is a physiological response.

Orgasm is when an aroused male or female is brought to climax by another person stimulating them

The issue is consent...if the person is aroused and then brought to orgasm through consensual sexual acts, there is no sexual assault. But if the sexual acts are done against a person's consent, irrespective of any arousal, it is a sexual assault

Lets take another example. What if a man against his will has his prostrate massaged and manipulated while he is forcibly restrained. He will orgasm even though the act is against his will

No comments about the details of the case, don't know them.

But if the sexual acts are done against someone's consent, that to me is sexual assault.

And all the ideas of arousal, erections, being wet, orgasms...these are used by defence lawyers to convolute

the only underlying, and pertinent fact, was the sexual act consensual or not

RG

[backrubman 64800]

Every morning (and I'm single and alone) I wake up aroused...the morning woody

 

Yeah but a guy's morning thickness (not to be confused at all with a gal's morning sickness) is not arousal. That daily erection is just your body's way of naturally exercising that ability, lest you loose that ability when you need it.

 

If I punch you in the stomach (because you are a better fisherman than me) and you didn't want me to, it's assault. Same rule equally applies to sexual assault, except there is something sexual so that makes it a sexual assault.

 

If course if I don't touch, detain or restrain you then it's harassment and add anything sexual and it's sexual harassment.

 

Applies to all genders.

 

That said, I was sexually harassed at work once by a lady and if I had complained about it or been bothered by it I suppose they would have done her for sexual harassment, and if someone had over heard it they probably would have called it sexual harassment, but instead I was flattered and drove home singing with the radio :) So it wasn't harassment at all because the truth be told it wasn't unwelcome.

 

Unwelcome anything is unwelcome, it's as simple as that, isn't it?

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

And there is always the case of mental intimidation and misuse of power or authority. Resistance to unwanted attention need not be overcome by the exertion by the assailant of physical power.

[Jazzitup 5652]

Cleo you are right on. Of course a woman can sexualy assault a man. As for getting aroused, it is not a choice but your body responding to stimulation.

 

If I said that during the rape of a woman that if she were to get wet and possibily even climax then that would mean that she consented and the rape didn't really happen then I would be labeled an idiot and rightly so. In this scenario, it would be a mistake to say that the woman enjoyed herself because of her body's reaction, when there is emotional trauma from being raped.

 

Cleo, I agree with you 100%.

[MightyPen 67414]

I'm reminded too of the fact that for men, execution by hanging sometimes produces an pronounced erection. Some hanged women also show equivalent signs of physical arousal. It has to do with pressure on the cerebellum by the noose.

 

Which pretty much puts the nail in the coffin (har har!) for the idea that "well if they're aroused, they can't have minded that much!". Arousal and agreement are NOT the same.

 

(This touches slightly, mind you, on the issue of what makes "us" "us".... how exactly our experience of having an independent, conscious mind is generated within our brains, and how much control we really have over our decisions. How much of our mind's mechanism is merely physical and reflexive, just like that "death erection"? Stimulus -> nervous system -> processing -> response, all a simple and somewhat involuntary physical pathway without a real conscious, free-will "decision" anywhere along the way.

 

I happen to be reading a bunch about this right now, but that's another subject for another time.)

[NotchJohnson 214123]

This happened to a friend of mine back in college days. He was a good looking guy and was dating a girl but this other girl had a crush on him. On Thanksgiving weekend he stayed at the residence with some other students and partied, this other girl put some sort of drugs in his drinks and he suddenly felt tired she put helped him to bed and tied him up. I don't need to get into details on what happened but she abused of him when he came to. This other girl was a good looking girl and I'm sure she could please any man, how can a man not get an erection when a good looking woman his seducing him?

I sure would not report it as rape or assault, can you imagine what everyone said about him? Of course his relationship with his girlfriend did not last after this event.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

There's a really terrible movie called '40 Days and 40 Nights' where the main characters ex-girlfriend full on rapes him near the end of the movie, and she just laughs about it and the other characters say nothing about how it's a sexual assault. It's pretty disgusting actually.

[canuckhooker 19203]

Although Cleo's original post dealt with an "unwanted" BJ, remember, the definition of Sexual assault these days is pretty broad. It is not limited to full on penetrative rape, or oral. Grabbing someone's breasts, or buttocks, stealing a kiss, pulling down someone's pants as a joke can all be called sexual assault.

 

And yes, both sexes can be equally as guilty in any of these cases.

 

No means No, not just when a woman says it.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

A body and its mind don't always agree about how respond to something.

 

I have worked with women and men who have been sexually assaulted. I know that one of the biggest hurdles in therapy can be dealing with the mind/body split. When have been restrained and stimulated, their bodies respond even though they don't want to be aroused, don't want to have contact with the other person and don't want to have sex. There's an evolutionary theory that women's bodies respond as a way to minimize or prevent injury from forced intercourse. I don't know whether that's true or not, but no one should imagine that signs of arousal indicate consent.

 

Men who have been anally raped by other men often experience enormous emotional turmoil and self-doubt because of what seems like a betrayal by their own bodies. Prostate stimulation causes erections and orgasms even when the recipient doesn't want it or is in pain because of it. Some men are horrified by the notion that this somehow proves that they must be gay, when they're not.

 

People who were sexually abused as children in ongoing relationships (as opposed to isolated incidents) often need to work through a number of issues related to their memories and experiences of pleasure and how their adult desires are related to their childhood experiences.

[renegade 11027]

when i was 14 years old my mother was institutionalized and my father hired a live in housekeeper. she was 50 plus years old i believe at the time and was a tyrant she ruled with an iron fist and my father let her. I was awoken from a sound sleep one night because i felt pressure on my chest and groin and when i was finaly alert enough to understand what was happening i realized she was on top of me and i was inside her. When she realized i was awake she told me to lie back and enjoy it-I was terrified and told her to get off that i did,nt want her to continue and i,d tell my father-she got off and told me my father would,nt believe me that she would deny it happened and i,d end up in severe trouble. I never felt safe at home after that, and after it happened a second time - I went to my father and he did,nt believe me, she denied everything said i was perverted and went thru her laundry and worse so i was ostracized i was shot down in front of my younger siblings i left home a few months later, both times i was hard even though i was terrified and no there was no pleasure in it.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

when i was 14 years old my mother was institutionalized and my father hired a live in housekeeper. she was 50 plus years old i believe at the time and was a tyrant she ruled with an iron fist and my father let her. I was awoken from a sound sleep one night because i felt pressure on my chest and groin and when i was finaly alert enough to understand what was happening i realized she was on top of me and i was inside her. When she realized i was awake she told me to lie back and enjoy it-I was terrified and told her to get off that i did,nt want her to continue and i,d tell my father-she got off and told me my father would,nt believe me that she would deny it happened and i,d end up in severe trouble. I never felt safe at home after that, and after it happened a second time - I went to my father and he did,nt believe me, she denied everything said i was perverted and went thru her laundry and worse so i was ostracized i was shot down in front of my younger siblings i left home a few months later, both times i was hard even though i was terrified and no there was no pleasure in it.

 

It always makes me sad when I hear that a parent, the one person who is supposed to protect us, opts to believe a lie over their own child.

[loopie 15358]

Sexual assault against men is not taken seriously because of stupid macho attitudes. Many people seem to sincerely believe that no man under any circumstance would ever refuse sex with a woman. It's part of some stupid macho virility thing. People also seem to think all women and gays are weak, and that a straight man should be able to overpower any woman or a gay man. Aside from being homophobic, this attitude is also absurdly ignorant. A smaller physically weaker person can dominate a larger more muscular person with weapons, drugs, strength in numbers, or skill in attack.

 

You can see the attitude all the time on tv shows and movies, our culture seems to think that men getting raped by other men is part of the justice process. A man commits a crime and goes to prison and getting raped by other men is considered part of his punishment and people joke about it.

[Guest My***tLixx]

It happened to a friend of mine when he was 18.

Drunk at a party, a girl he didn't know had sex

With him when he was passed out...he didn't find it

Funny or cool...he felt disgusted.

[zorobaby 4121]

im sorry comming from someone who has been forcably sexually assaulter (but never officially reported because the police didnt believe me) it is fully possible to be sexually assaulted by a woman. I didnt want it, she did her thing, got me hard against my will and had me climax again against my will... saying that a climax means you enjoyed yourself isnt always true