Abuse can take on a lot of forms

[piano8950 32577]

This isn't a poor me thread, or looking for sympathy or anything of that sort. But just a reminder for those who are in the situation I once was, that you have a choice, albeit a tough one.

 

I was watching something on TV that just stuck with me all week. It was of this woman who was made to feel bad because she was upset with her partner's bad treatment of her. To clarify, he treated her bad, she got upset about it, he blamed her for making him feel bad because of her being upset.

 

I'd love to say that this hasn't happened to me. Or someone I love dearly. But it happens, and it doesn't necessarily happen in a typical relationship. It can be between a parent and a child, supposed friends, and so on.

 

In my case, I kept quiet about constantly being put down a fair bit, actually almost always. She got used to it, and when I started to speak up, things started to go downhill fast from there. She made feeble attempts to try better, moments that I'd place an incredible amount of importance while downplaying the elephant in the room.

 

I made the decision, rather unconsciously to stop it all. I started to withdraw, and after one pretty uncalled for insult, I just gave up. It took me 4 years, and 2 months. The month after was one of the hardest and the most self consuming/unproductive of my life. I made the right decision, but felt terrible for doing so and thought about just going back. It took so much to not choose the easy option, except the thought in my mind that it would only be temporary. Some how, slowly, it got better. It's not perfect, and it hurts time to time, and I try not to think of her at all, good or bad moments.

 

I guess my point for this thread is for the people here who ever find themselves being put down, and to some point it's been therapeutic to just say it (my family just knows I don't talk to her at all). From experience, no one who loves you will put you down. I made so many excuses in my mind that my relationship with her would get better, it never did, and if I stayed, I'm sure it never will. It is my suggestion that you don't look for answers from them as to why it went so bad, they are the reason. And most importantly, it may hurt in a manner that I can not describe when you do decide to call it quits. It will end, it will get better and your life will be better off without whoever that person is.

[Guest L**gh M****e]

Good for you!!! Recognizing abuse and opening up and talking about it, is the first step. Silence is a killer! Talking about such will lend to recovery and healing. I commend you for your strength and courage! Awareness, education and help to those who are victims of abuse, is the beginning of one's power!

 

Always think positive, because good things will come to you...just put it out there!

 

Lee xoxo

[Guest]

It's always best to remember that you can't change the other person. The only person you can control is yourself and the only way a person will change is if they really want to. I have lernt this the hard way too. Sometimes the only way a person will learn is when you take the curage to leave. That's where the saying you don't know what you got until it's gone. You may not have been a valuable tresure to her but I assure you that someone will see your value and will treat you right. Sometimes we say in situation like these because we have a fantasy of what and how the relationship could be. Good for you for taking those rose colored glasses off. I'm really great at saying this stuff but even I have to remember to take my own advice, I'm no guro. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I just want to send you a big hug. XoXo

[Eagle 1401]

One of my cousin have been in that situation in the past. Sometimes some people are not made to be together that's all. There is nothing to do about it. If it was a form of violence, I guess it could have never stop if she didn't really love you like you maybe did. Violence is a vicious wheel, If this woman have not been treated by a doctor or psychologist, this violence could never stop. My advice to you is simple. Date people who are similar and close to you, are known from you, your families and friends. Forgive yourself first and forgive her after if you wish, but do never forget. You don't have to talk to her or anyone else you don't wish to talk to.

[Guest Wa**ard S**]

I can relate somewhat to this Piano8950 in that those be they friends, family or significant others can be so nasty and cruel sometimes. The older I become the less willing I become to stand there and take it so I remove myself from these types of people entirely. Personally, I've never been one to put anybody down and I am of the view that those who do so are very much lacking in self-worth. I think you've made a good choice and wish you much happiness as you move on like so many of us have had to do over the years.