Venting....

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

I dont often get upset (or try not to) at the stereotyping and demoralization in comments regarding SP's.

 

As have some (all)of you, we've heard them all.

 

Druggies, abused chilhood, ect ect....

 

The comments, the disgust in their faces, their tone. So very frustrating not to not say "look at me, am I any of those things!?"

 

To explain: I was having a long overdue lunch with a friend. It went from nice to worse in the space of a heartbeat.

 

The subject of Escorts/courtesans (my words, hers were much less polite)came up. And she went off. Full tangent rant.

 

How SP's are nothing but common tramps that can't be bothered to do an honest days work. (btw I have a "real" job) but lay on their backs.

 

All because they (we)need a fix, have daddy issues or think they are nothing more than a piece of meat and have no self-worth.

 

I was absolutely horrified and absolutely furious. And well me being me...decided to say to her (as I've a smart mouth on occasion) I need a new duo partner are you interested? LOL

 

She didnt find the comment nearly as amusing as I did.

 

and...she went on to say that if I had even considered becoming an SP she would never speak to me again (short version )

 

I'ts quite something to realise in that space of that heartbeat who you ARE would and could be diminished to what you do, in someones eyes due to their own narrowmindedness. and that you would be tossed away despite all you had done.

 

All in all, it was the comment of self-worth that got to me the most. and infuriated me, mostly the injustice of the comment.

 

Its because of my strength, determination, and self-worth that I can do what I do. Because of my self-worth that I beleive I deserve more for my family and myself than living off a system or making $10 dollars an hour. (waitressing, and honestly you get exploited far more as a server than you do being an SP)

 

I have the opportunity to truly enjoy my encounters and spend many wonderful hours with truly intriguing gentleman who often teach me about places, things that I know nothing of.

 

In return for the services I provide Im shown by my clients my worth to them by being treated with dignity and respect. (not so being a waitress)

 

Her life is not perfection, she tolerates far more from her husband than I would from a client I've just met. But its not for me to judge. It's her life, her choice.

 

Still, it made me wonder at the end of our conversation, who had more self-worth, her? or me?

 

Im sorry, I dont even know if this made any sense at all! lol

 

Jade xo

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

So sorry, must have been terrible to have gone threw that with whom you thought was a freind....

 

I really agree that we can be exploited in many other ways on the job market, such as you pointed out waitressing for 10 hour...

 

I know it is hard to hear things like: we dont have a real job....laying on your back is not a real job etc....

 

But remember, we do a great service for men, sometimes even couples. We can make a man who is insecure feel good about them selves again! We can make a man who feels inadequate feel appreciated! A man who is not ever touched, can feel the nurturing heeling our hands give. We in a way, are a therapist. Helping people to overcome their social anxiety,feeling better about who they are as a man! Us ladies will go to the spa, shopping what have you, but some men find this is their way of rewarding themselves.

 

I think we all have a strong desire to feel we are of good service to people, no matter what job we do, we want to know we do it well! This is our success! I feel successful when I have a gent who is feeling low, sad, inadequate, then after 1 hour with me, his posture is straight, chin up and with an Aura of confidence!! This is my success:) I feel good about this now too:)

 

There are many services and products that are designed all for the benefit of personal pleasure.....this is simply another avenue to accomplish that!

 

I hope you find peace of mind with all of that, and I do hope your friend can open her eyes to the truth of our service. We do not always have to agree with our friends choices in life, but respect is always a must!

 

As for self worth....well as I said, it is about personal goals, and sucess. If you do any job to the best of your abilty, accomplishing what you set out to do, then yes that will weigh in as self worth. So weather you do this service to your best, and she does her job to her best, then both equally have not short changed yourselves in self worth. It is about pride:)

[Carrie Moon 68826]

All I can say.. is I hope you distance yourself from this person and develop friendships with people who don't use severe judgement, manipulation and emotional blackmail as their tools to dictate a friendship.

I'm a much happier person for only allowing people who treat me with respect and love in my life :)

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

There are certain folks who I call "judgers". They tend to see the world (or, more typically, certain aspects of the world) in simplistic, black-and-white terms. No amount of pointing out contrary facts, or explaining the nuances and subtleties of life, seems to ever shift the limited range of ideas that have entered their brains at some point in their life's development. Some folks' ideas about certain things can indeed be shifted - I never assume all is lost without testing each situation out - but some folks' world-view has set like cement and is a permanent fixture of themselves.

 

Of course the most potentially destructive type of "judgers" are the ones who feel compelled to share their judgemental conclusions with those of us whom they are judging. When someone close to you turns out to be a "judger", it's alarming and demoralizing. And you can never really tell who is a judger until "that moment".

 

Fortunately, humans also have a gift for mental and emotional compartmentalization, which often allows us to continue to get along with each other anyway.

 

Years ago, I had a very close friend who nevertheless believed that I was (literally) going to hell. Today, I have a brother who also believes that I am doomed to exactly the same fate. I get along with both of them, because we've agreed to live with each other on a don't-ask-don't-tell basis (regarding the specific subjects that set them off).

 

It's always frustrating, and their judgements hurt me in the old days because I took it personally that those I loved would think such a thing of me. In the end, I still feel sad - for them, that they've managed to impoverish their own lives by their narrow-mindedness. They've poisoned themselves. Of course it does involve me because I do care about them, and the emotional damage they're doing to themselves with all their misconceptions. But fundamentally their judgements are not about me, they're about themselves.

 

So I guess the short version boils down to the old catchphrase: Try not to take these things personally.

[backrubman 64800]

The ladies give so much of themselves and ask so little in return. It is truly the worlds most honourable of vocations, don't let anyone tell you any different.

As a financial trader I can relate (just a little, but not to this level of all out ignorance) as sometimes it seems I have a target painted on my back and I end up paying for the sins of criminals like Bernard Madoff.

 

It is hard to find the words to provide you any comfort when encountering something so incredibly off base, so all I can say is that I will be forever grateful to the wonderful, beautiful, kind, caring, true Goddesses of this vocation that I have met or will meet in the future. Thank you ladies for being there and doing what you do and asking so little in return.

 

We probably admire you an order of magnitude more than those that despise you out of ignorance.

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

Sophia...

 

Thank you so much for the reminder....

 

I truly enjoy what I do, for the reasons you stated plus many more. So it's nice to be reminded of the positive side of what we do. Not often do I give the negative any thought until someones judgement is so critically handed to me.

 

Hearing the words spoken from a stranger, in a news article or even the portrayal of the industry in movies or on TV. Unjustified, it riles me to be steroetyped. So it is sometimes hard to hear, but hearing them from a friend? Hurtful that even when your personality is known, the judgement is the same. There is still the sterotype and somehow in that space of time in someones eyes, you've become less. How what I do? Suddenly changes who I am. I suppose thats what made it so difficult, yesterday.

 

I am by nature not a critical person, and I stick to the old addage of "Live and Let Live" I don' t beleive that one choice is right for everyone. I dont expect that my choices are choices that everyone would make.

 

I knew, and know even now that there will likely never be a day when this profession is seen as just that, a profession. We will always judged by someone who believes they have a higher moral standard. An SP lives with this every day. So do numerous other people. For many different reasons. Discrimination is everywhere.

 

Maybe for now all we can hope for is acceptance and understanding it would be a good place to start.

 

As they say...One whisper added to 1000 others becomes a roar of discontent. This is my whisper......

[piano8950 32577]

I used to work for customer service for Rogers a few years ago. While I got paid more then the $10/hour number that has been brought up here, a lot of times I found myself between a rock and a hard place. Often because of my employer.

 

One of the rules that we had to adhere to was that if the customer was being nasty, we could not hang up, unless we gave them three warnings. I mean how silly is that? Being called every name in the book, and your response was "Sir/Ma'am, please do not use that language or I will have to end the call". By the end of my time there, even if the insult wasn't hurled at me, but just swearing in general, I'd hang up the call, but I could have gotten fired for that.

 

Another common situation was that we would have to provide help for something we had no clue about. And getting no support from Rogers, except "Just google it and figure it out". This was while we had to keep call lengths short, clients happy, and satisfied. Again, employment was dependent on these factors. In my time there, I saw so much turn over. I stuck there because of my patience, and even that ran out which is saying a lot.

 

My point being, is that for a "legitimate" job, I was expected to endure verbal abuse, I was expected to provide a miracle, downright lie for the company on occasions (when it was Rogers fault, but I was not allowed to say it), and so much crap that one should be expected to do for money.

 

Being an SP is a job. They are inherent risks to it (STDs, violent client), and that sucks. But there are many jobs out there that require a certain degree of physical risk, and we don't ban it. As a society, we deem porn okay, stripping okay, but when it comes to two sane, consenting adults (or maybe three or four), accepting money for sex, it becomes trampy?

 

Your friend might be a lovely person, but she is so confused as to the difference between and SP and a sex slave is.

[DukeSSk 3430]

 

Its because of my strength, determination, and self-worth that I can do what I do. Because of my self-worth that I beleive I deserve more for my family and myself than living off a system or making $10 dollars an hour. (waitressing, and honestly you get exploited far more as a server than you do being an SP)

 

I have the opportunity to truly enjoy my encounters and spend many wonderful hours with truly intriguing gentleman who often teach me about places, things that I know nothing of.

 

In return for the services I provide Im shown by my clients my worth to them by being treated with dignity and respect. (not so being a waitress)

 

 

Good for you for doing something that you want and feel content to do.

 

I haven't had a chance to meet a lady from here yet, but when I do, I promise to be kind, to treat her with respect, and to play by her rules.

[Gentleman11 10508]

I feel badly for Jade-S and am glad she shared her experience with us here.

 

Over my half century plus I've come to understand many things about people and continue to learn more and more each day as do most of us. Over time I have tended to avoid those who never let a few facts get in the way of a good story because they are most usully the ones who never form an informed opinion when they can simply jump to conclusions.

 

Thanks for sharing all.

[Guest Erot***ix]

I dont often get upset (or try not to) at the stereotyping and demoralization in comments regarding SP's.

 

As have some (all)of you, we've heard them all.

 

Druggies, abused chilhood, ect ect....

 

The comments, the disgust in their faces, their tone. So very frustrating not to not say "look at me, am I any of those things!?"

 

To explain: I was having a long overdue lunch with a friend. It went from nice to worse in the space of a heartbeat.

 

The subject of Escorts/courtesans (my words, hers were much less polite)came up. And she went off. Full tangent rant.

 

How SP's are nothing but common tramps that can't be bothered to do an honest days work. (btw I have a "real" job) but lay on their backs.

 

All because they (we)need a fix, have daddy issues or think they are nothing more than a piece of meat and have no self-worth.

 

I was absolutely horrified and absolutely furious. And well me being me...decided to say to her (as I've a smart mouth on occasion) I need a new duo partner are you interested? LOL

 

She didnt find the comment nearly as amusing as I did.

 

and...she went on to say that if I had even considered becoming an SP she would never speak to me again (short version )

 

I'ts quite something to realise in that space of that heartbeat who you ARE would and could be diminished to what you do, in someones eyes due to their own narrowmindedness. and that you would be tossed away despite all you had done.

 

All in all, it was the comment of self-worth that got to me the most. and infuriated me, mostly the injustice of the comment.

 

Its because of my strength, determination, and self-worth that I can do what I do. Because of my self-worth that I beleive I deserve more for my family and myself than living off a system or making $10 dollars an hour. (waitressing, and honestly you get exploited far more as a server than you do being an SP)

 

I have the opportunity to truly enjoy my encounters and spend many wonderful hours with truly intriguing gentleman who often teach me about places, things that I know nothing of.

 

In return for the services I provide Im shown by my clients my worth to them by being treated with dignity and respect. (not so being a waitress)

 

Her life is not perfection, she tolerates far more from her husband than I would from a client I've just met. But its not for me to judge. It's her life, her choice.

 

Still, it made me wonder at the end of our conversation, who had more self-worth, her? or me?

 

Im sorry, I dont even know if this made any sense at all! lol

 

Jade xo

Very interesting to hear the SP's side of the story, very honest and well written...plus I agree with your point of view 100%. Good for you.

[loopie 15358]

I agree with WrinkleInTime, there are just these judgemental people who love to assert their ignorant hateful opinions. Whether they do so because they're deeply insecure or because they're overly confident doesn't really matter since it all adds up them being assholes anyway.

[mrrnice2 157005]

Jade. one of the great things about CERB is that it is such a supportive place for those times when one simply needs a place to vent, so good on you to use it for that and to bring back to us again the issue of stereotyping and ignorance that is so prevalent "out there."

 

I have read your words multiple times and feel that there are two issues that you are addressing. The first is the widespread stereotype that is so common to those who have no knowlege of the lifestyle. That stereotype is promulgated by the media, by the film industry, by sensationalist journalism, and is very much ingrained. Sadly, a year and a half ago I would have been one that suffered under those erroneous beliefs. I have addressed previously on CERB, as have many others, how these stereotypes have been absolutely shattered and set aside.

 

The more important thing that you have addressed is the judgemental attitude of your friend and seeing that apparently she is unwilling to set her opinions aside to listen to or even consider other views and perspectives. THAT is a very difficult position to be in.

 

Others have commented here previously that there are times when dealing with certain individuals that specific topics are to be avoided at all costs, as the attitude that you face is one that is fixed and closed and a conversation on that topic has no positive upside for you.

 

There is also a belief that I have, that a friend is a friend is a friend.

 

In conclusion all I can say from a personal perspective is that my experience with women involved in this business, be they full time or part time, is that I am continually struck by their strength, their personal conviction, their comfort with self - sexually and otherwise. For you to have that is something that no one can take away from you and is such an amazing gift that many many people, men and women alike, would dearly wish to attain.

 

Keep your convictions, be true to yourself, educate others as the opportunity presents itself and recognize that there are some who choose to be a closed book.

 

Vent away. :)

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Jade, thanks for sharing your experience with your friend. You've received a lot of support and advice here, which is what I generally expect from the good men and women on this board. But that has never stopped me from adding my own $0.02 to the mix! :icon_smile:

 

Harsh, rigid, judgmental people are very difficult to handle and, as Carrie pointed out, not good for us in the long run. It's much better to surround yourself with people who really do love and care for you.

 

In my experience, judgmentalism is deeply rooted in fear; as such it's a fundamental spiritual dilemma. The "judgers," as WiT calls them, are terrified of doing wrong things, or stepping outside of the social norms they perceive to be important. For many of them, the best way to make sure that they're acting and thinking correctly is to criticize others. I imagine that your friend is critical of many people for a wide range of things, from the trivial to the significantly disordered. The more intense her focus, the stronger her anxiety about being the subject of such scrutiny herself. Whatever she's particularly energetic about likely reflects a significant personal insecurity if her own.

 

My hunch is that women who are particularly hostile about or towards sex workers are generally ill at ease with their own sexual feelings, desires or even their own bodies. Maybe they've had bad experiences with men that left them feeling devalued or hurt, or maybe they're afraid of men for other reasons. Maybe they're caught in that no-woman's-land between knowing or understanding very little about how their own bodies respond and the social myth that everyone is having a fabulous, passionate erotic life, particularly if they're under, say, 40 years old. If sex in general is a problem, the knowledge that there are women who actually make a good living by having lots of different kinds of sex with many different men may be especially threatening.

 

Whatever is true for your friend, her reactions are about her, not about you or anyone else. Spending too much time with her negativity could be a big challenge for you and may not be a healthy choice.

 

What matters most to me, though, is that you feel positive about working in our industry and that your experiences here are good for you. That's how it's been for me, too. The men I've met have generally been fine fellows: kind, thoughtful, caring and compassionate. They've treated me very well and I hope they feel that they've been well-treated in return. The other companions I know are mostly very smart, creative, capable women who could thrive in many different careers but have found personal fulfillment in this one and are willing to be helpful and supportive of other sex workers.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I could go on and on about this but over the years and having a better awareness of who I am as a person, I really couldn't give a shit about what other people think. When I was younger, I felt as though I've had to justify it or explain why I do this for a living. Now I don't. I do this job because 1) it is great money,2) I don't have to answer to anyone and 3) I am only accountable for myself and my own actions. If I screw up somehow or decide not to work one day, I have to answer to myself and deal with the consequences. I find I am disciplined when it comes to setting a schedule and making money. .

 

Clients ask me why am I in this business... Many clients have uninformed opinions about it as well.. Drugs, bad upbringing, etc. Most ladies believe they have to say they are an SP because they just love sex so much. Not me. Because it is lucrative. Don't get me wrong.. I like sex but I wouldn't consider myself a nympho. However I am very sexually comfortable with myself as I get older and that transcends into much more enjoyable erncounters with clients. This is due to the fact that I know what I like and I know what I'm doing as I have a lot of experience now. When you are comfortable with youself, you don't have to pretend when you're intimate with someone, it just comes naturally. If I hated being an SP, I would have quit years ago. Okay I'm going off topic here but I felt that this is important with who you are and being an SP.

 

Most people I know are aware of what I do for a living. Some accept it, others not so much but it's their opinion and everyone is entitled to have one. I just don't let myself be around harsh judgemental people because it is wasted energy. I really don't care what they think. As long as I am okay with what I am doing then that is the most important thing. Why am I going to care what they think? Because THEY don't approve? Are they paying my mortgages and the rest of my bills? No they're not. So they don't have a say in what I do. And yes, I've prostituted myself in many others jobs for an honest day's work and many times treated very poorly by employers until I told them to take their job and shove it.

 

I could reiterate what everyone else has said about society's views on prostitution or why someone reacts in a harsh way but I won't because frankly it is mentally draining. So I will you this piece of advice from someone who is very experienced in this game we call being an SP. As long as you are okay with you are doing, forget judgemental people. Don't feel you have to justify what you do for a living to others because you're not going to change their mind. Be honest with your friends and if they can't accept what you do for a living, it's time to find new friends because you will have a difficult time relating to them. The secret you will be carrying around will eventually become a huge burden. And when the truth comes out, they will feel betrayed. Trust me, I know.

 

Accept yourself for who YOU are. Not what someone wants you to be. Being an SP is what you do for a living, not who you are. Many people who judge cannot distinguish the difference. Over time when you have a grip on who you are as a person, all the worrying about the stigmas of prostitution and what others will think of you will diminish in time.

[mrgreen760 37785]

"Forgiveness is gift we give to ourselves" It lightens the load.

 

Peace

MG

Posted via Mobile Device

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

What great posts here! See hun, there is plenty of good vibes and support here for ya:) I am so happy to have read this thread:)

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

I have to tell you all. Ive read and reread this thread many times.

 

Absorbing everyones input, thoughts and equally valued opinions. Each of which I am truly grateful for.

 

As each one is thought provoking, in a very positive way.

 

Sophia reminded me what a great service we provide. It is a really good feeling to see the smile on someones face when he feels hes been cherished if only for a short time, our hope is that the smile remains long after.

 

Carrie reminded me that people that love me, respect me, will also love me enough to respect my choices even when they dont agree with them.

 

Wrinkledintime reminded me that one our greatest gifts is an open mind.

 

Backrubman reminded me to believe in myself and why I do what I do.

 

Piano reminded me that no matter what service industry your in? You are almost always going to have to listen to someone complain. And truth be told...I'd much rather it be a friend...than a client! lol

 

DukeSSk thank you for your promise to show each lady your respect. We may be an SP but we still have emotions. Respect goes a long way.

 

Gentleman11 reminded me that each day I will learn something new, about someone or something.

 

Erotilix thank you for valuing and recognising our side.

 

Loopie...you made me LOL literally! thank you for reminding me that some people are just assholes, I'm not going to change them! .still chuckle when I read it :icon_lol:

 

Mrnice2 Thank you for reminding me to remain true to myself and to be grateful for an incredible gift. Your insight is...incredible.

 

Samantha thank you for reminding me for reminding me that whatever fears, judgements she has, are truly about herself and not me.

 

Nicholette thank you for the reminder that it is what I think of me, ultimately, that matters.

 

MrGreen thank you for reminding me to let go.

 

I wouldnt normally thank each person personally, but I wanted each of you to know that with your thoughts, your voice, it impacts. Even the smallest word of encouragement and support goes incredibly far.

 

More than the gifts of something I've gained from each of you, you've also given me a glimpse of each of your personalities

 

Each unique. Which is truly what this thread is about. Individuality and choices, respecting each one, having an open mind and being willing to learn from someone else.

 

So thank you for taking the time to encourage, support, teach and share a bit of yourselves as well. CERB and its members are truly remarkable

 

Sincerly,

 

Jade xoxo