Help with a social experiment

[Guest t**i***n]

So yesterday I'm picking up a few things at Costco and a rather attractive lady in skin tight white pants is turning every guy's head. Her boyfriend leaves to go get a cart and I had to fight the urge to approach her and tell her that she had a spectacular ass. My question is this. Ladies, if you received an unsolicited compliment from a complete stranger, how would you react? Guys, if your girl said, hey that guy just told me I had a great ass, what would you do? How far could one go without getting maimed when paying a genuine compliment with no hidden agenda?

[Gia Wren Marlowe 67985]

There is a time and a place for paying those kind of compliments and costco is just not one of them. You did well to resist the urge. Smiles from strangers are appreciated by most women, I believe. But lewd remarks from strangers walking up to you out of nowhere are generally not popular. It is pretty objectifying. You probably wouldn't make a girl feel complimented, but rather dehumanised. Appreciate her quietly -- we all look and there's nothing wrong with that. But don't walk up to a woman and make any remarks about her body. How is she supposed to respond to a comment like that? She knows, and she's probably happy you enjoy how she looks. But she doesn't want to hear your opinion of her ass while she's going about her day.

[Boomer 33202]

Sounds from the way Twinson tells it she may have been fishing for the compliment, at the least enjoying the affect she was having on the guys. But I do agree that it's probably not a good idea to wander over and tell her what you're thinking, you never know how the boy friend would react when he returned.

[April Dawn 12207]

I dress for myself, just because someone is dressed a certain way it does not make it acceptable to approach them and make comments on their body. If I was with my (imaginary) boyfriend and some guy came up and said that I would only hope he would get a quick lesson in manners and being polite. I tell all my guy friends to imagine how they would feel if someone said whatever they are thinking to their mother/wife/sister/daughter.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Gia Wren Marlowe 67985]

I have to agree with this completely except to say that when a stranger does compliment you (and as Georgiana points out shouldn't have), even if it is not the time and place have enough grace to be gracious and say "Oh, thanks!" and smile.

 

CERB is a tough place to defend this, in the context of working as an escort, but outside of my work I do not like to be sexualised by strangers wherever I go. Even if you don't understand it I think it's pretty clear that women do not find random bum-related comments complimentary, so no man should expect to be thanked for a comment that he knows will not be appreciated. I will say thank you for compliments on my dress, but not my ass. That's just telling men that I like it when they objectify my. I understand it, because I view women sexually as well. But I don't thrust my sexuality at them while they are shopping for lettuce.

 

I don't want to single out poor boomer, but I want to address the idea that women dressed in a sexy manner are fishing for these "compliments". It really opens a can of worms.

 

Should every man she passes tell her what he thinks of her body? If it is okay to say your ass is spectacular is it also okay to say, "Wow, I would love to fuck you"? Where do we draw the line? How many men get to talk about her ass or tits in the grocery store before she's allowed to stop thanking them? If it is not acceptable for every man should say "great ass" who gets to be the exception? Should she wear jogging pants if she doesn't want men commenting on her body? (Btw, this doesn't work.) How sexy is sexy enough to warrant being objectified publicly by strangers?

 

I am an escort, I am far from a prude, and I HATE getting these kinds of comments from men when I'm going about my day. Nuances make a huge difference, and there is a not-so-subtle nuance between smiling and making lewd comments about a woman's body. It is very easy to smile and say nothing, and that is always recommended. Women have said again and again, for decades (probably centuries) -- with near perfect unanimity -- that we do not like these comments. I think you can take us at our word that we're not fishing for them, no matter what we're wearing.

 

I hope that didn't come across as too negative.

[toine 30556]

I'm in agreement with the ladies here. I always resist the temptation to 'compliment' women on a specific physical feature, with these exceptions: I sometime tell them they have beautiful eyes or a great smile.

I do not shy away from complimenting them on their dress, skirt, blouse, shoes, as I consider I am then complimenting them on their taste, not their physical beauty. I do it with moderation, both at work or in other social settings.

 

So, to the OP: it is good to resist the urge to say to a woman, at Costco or elsewhere, that she has a great ASS :)

 

Best,

toine

[roamingguy 300292]

Irrespective of whether she is with a boyfriend or not, it's best to keep that sort of comment to yourself

Maybe she is wearing clothes to show off her body. Maybe she doesn't know how much her clothes show off her body. Maybe her husband/boyfriend is somewhat controlling, and likes his wife/gf to dress in very sexy revealing clothes, it's more for him than her

I know of one case, when at work, a lady was wearing white slacks, and you could see her panties through them. She didn't know, and when someone pointed it out to her (actually quietly and respectfully to let her know) she was embarrassed and allowed to go home and came back the next day (and from then on) dressed more conservatively. (btw where I work dressing somewhat not too revealing is very important).

Complimenting a lady, when she is a stranger, well probably best to keep compliments to yourself. Saying "you have a great ass", or maybe "you have nice breasts" are likely not seen as complimentary. Also if one carries this to it's logical conclusion, if you find a woman attractive, wanting to go to bed with her can be somewhat flattering...but if you walked up to a lady and said "I want to f**k you" she'll likely not only find it offensive, she'll slap you across the face too. Save compliments for the ladies you know, they are the ones that will appreciate and remember it. And you'll know the boundaries when talking to those ladies

A long winded rambling

RG

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Civilization is built upon each of us resisting the urge to act on our impulses.

 

Except the urge for ice-cream, of course.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I do enjoy a compliment and will blush and be flattered. BUT there is a way to offer a compliment, a time and a place!!! Stop and consider:

 

Is she with her man? Or with her Lady?

Or any other family, like mom, etc..

Are you home depot or in a restaurant? Bank?

 

FOR ME....it is all in the delivery! Do you truly compliment me in all of my dignity? Or simply stating something totally obvious ...like `Nice ass`hehehe

[backrubman 64800]

... no man should expect to be thanked for a comment that he knows will not be appreciated.

 

And I think we can all agree he'd be quite surprised if you did thank him for a comment "that he knows will not be appreciated.". No man expects this, but some are jerks or speak without thinking. The OP acted like a complete gentleman and didn't make the comment (can't convict him on his thoughts) but almost made the mistake of being a guy that deserves to be pepper sprayed! So he said nothing and asked our opinion which is the gentleman like thing to do. Now from the responses here he for sure won't make the mistake he almost did make.

 

So say thanks or pepper spay him: One gets you a smile and the other gets you court ordered anger management classes :)

 

I say don't take life so serious -- no one has ever survived it.

 

And for sure don't let a single jerk ruin your day (even if it's me).

 

Yeah I could have thrown a punch at the co-pilot and gotten away with it, sure it was rude to begin with to be speaking in Russian thinking we wouldn't get a word of it, and that just for starters, now lets move on to what they were talking about. But perhaps in his culture? Just haven't spent enough time there to know.

 

Look out guys, they got pepper spray and know how to use it! :)

[piano8950 32577]

There are some women I've seen in stores, or by the street side, or in a restaurant (well, I've seen three, each one in one of these places) whose beauty was just stunning. I mean jaw droppingly gorgeous.

 

Each time when I catch myself looking at them, I walk the opposite direction, or look the other way. I have the weird thing that maybe they'll notice the guy not checking them out. Unfortunately, this strategy has not worked. But it does let me appreciate and enjoy physical beauty a lot more when I do allow myself when I have an encounter.

 

 

But in case the ladies are wondering, if you notice me, by all means, feel free to yell out "nice ass" or "hot stuff". While I deplore objectification of women, and people in general, I think I can use a little public shout out :D

[Gia Wren Marlowe 67985]

And I think we can all agree he'd be quite surprised if you did thank him for a comment "that he knows will not be appreciated.". No man expects this, but some are jerks or speak without thinking. The OP acted like a complete gentleman and didn't make the comment (can't convict him on his thoughts) but almost made the mistake of being a guy that deserves to be pepper sprayed! So he said nothing and asked our opinion which is the gentleman like thing to do. Now from the responses here he for sure won't make the mistake he almost did make.

 

So say thanks or pepper spay him: One gets you a smile and the other gets you court ordered anger management classes :)

 

It seems like everyone has agreed that thinking and looking is perfectly okay. People often conflate thinking with saying, and then complain that they can think what they want. No one has said we can't think a woman has a great ass (I do it all the time). No one has said we shouldn't look (I do that, too). But you shouldn't confront people with what you're thinking about them. Just as you are allowed to think a stranger is wearing an ugly shirt but you certainly shouldn't walk up and tell them your opinion.

 

The only issue I took with your post was that you said a woman should thank a man who walks up and tells her she has a great ass. It's quite well known that women do not want to hear those comments so telling them to be gracious and say thank you is a pretty unfair. I would never pepper spray or verbally abuse a man who said something like that to me, but I wouldn't thank him either.

 

Men certainly don't ruin my day with their comments about my body. But they do annoy me and they do make me think that they lack sense and grace. The OP asked what women would think and I gave him an honest answer. I think toine gave him some great advice about what would be a better compliment in place of "You have a spectacular ass!" So I think overall the thread has been pretty informative. :)

 

(I thought the story with the Russian co pilot and your wife was cute, but the key for me was that it was unintentional. He didn't thrust his opinion at her, he just unwisely assumed that neither of you would understand Russian. From what you said he was quite chagrined when he realised his error.)

[backrubman 64800]

....The only issue I took with your post was that you said a woman should thank a man who walks up and tells her she has a great ass.

 

Oh shazbot! I didn't say that did I? OMG! I'm so sorry if I did! Ok, so I didn't but I'll apologize anyways because you think I did and I'll own it as could be taken out of context :)

 

I have to agree with this completely except to say that when a stranger does compliment you (and as Georgiana points out shouldn't have), even if it is not the time and place have enough grace to be gracious and say "Oh, thanks!" and smile.

 

Nope, no ass there, just a reference to a compliment from a stranger. So I say if stranger makes a remark about your ass, pepper spray him and then tell the nice policeman that he asked you to give him your purse and threatened to hurt you if you didn't :)

 

I'm all for letting him have it if it is a rude remark as opposed to a compliment from a complete stranger. Hmmm, why didn't I see that my post could be taken the wrong way? Guess it would simply NEVER EVER occur to me to make any remark like that. So I was truly thinking about a complete stranger giving you a general complement and it being inappropriate because it is a stranger. As for a comment about someones ass to a complete stranger - the use of lethal force might be justified.

[LeeRichards 177238]

So one time when I was 18 acting eleventeen and in my drinking days...never mind...still drinking....anwhooo I was in Safeway and saw a hot young lady with a to die for ass.... I proceeded (under the influence) to pay her a compliment and she promptly thanked me....with an open handed bitch slap pardon the expression. Surprised I didn't hear over the microphone "retard in aisle 9 just told a lady she had a nice ass" ;)

 

Ummm.....look and don't touch and if you speak just say Hello and smile :D

[oldblueeyez 15475]

Women are not men. I'd love for a strange woman to come up to me and say, "Hot ass, baby," as I'm sure you would, or "Nice bulge," or whatever. We guys love that stuff and it gets us all riled up. For some reason, gladly, crudeness does not offend us. Alas, the hotness of my ass has waned in recent years and I'm bulging more impressively in other bodily regions now. :-)

 

But by telling a strange woman in a totally unsolicited fashion in a totally inappropriate setting that she has a "hot ass", you are basically saying, "your ass is so perfect and tight and it makes me so hot and hard that I can barely resist grabbing your hips and fucking you hard doggy style until I explode inside you," aren't you? In the bedroom with a sexual partner who, and this is key, 'likes you', then yes, it's appropriate, but in Costco with her man nearby? WTF? Aren't there better things to obsess over at Costco, attainable ones, like that wicked outdoor $800 stainless steel pizza oven BBQ?

 

I've been with women who men drool over and gazed stunned at, but never ever has any idiot actually said anything like that! (And I'm not calling you an idiot, because you were smart enough not to do it; now if you actually had, then I indeed would! :-) ) God, I wouldn't say that to a stranger even after drinking a couple bottles of wine! Give your head a shake man ; shake both of them while you're at it before you go to Costco next time to get that urge out of your system! :-)

[Guest t**i***n]

Silly me, I thought it was just my lack of self esteem and confidence that prevented my verbal diarrhea, and it turns out that it was just good old common sense. Love the elevator story backrubman, and appreciate that the ladies all agree with Georgina (who does look Sweet indeed, sorry if that was in any way offensive). I've learned that it is better to be seen and not heard, alcohol impairs your judgement, men are from mars and women are from venus, that Costco sells BBQ's and compliments is best left as a grocery store brand (obscure east cost reference to Sobeys).

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I've learned that alcohol impairs your judgement, men are from mars and women are from venus, that Costco sells BBQ's and compliments is best left as a grocery store brand (obscure east cost reference to Sobeys).

 

Yo, Sobeys is national now, so don't get all down on yourself thinking that us smalltown Stellartonians can't get all billionaire!

 

Alcohol impairs judgement? Does that mean you were drunk at Costco?!? Woo hooo, YES! I'm not the only one! Man, I gotta go drinking with you! Doesn't Costco have some tight ass jeans working there? Costco, Walmart, Superstore, then cross the street to Kent....YEAH! Chain Lake Crawl! Let's get it together, my man!

 

Of course men are from mars and women venus...we get together once in a while to reproduce and all the rest is bullshit. Really. It is.

 

You could have told her she had a President's Choice ass! :-)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

So yesterday I'm picking up a few things at Costco and a rather attractive lady in skin tight white pants is turning every guy's head. Her boyfriend leaves to go get a cart and I had to fight the urge to approach her and tell her that she had a spectacular ass. My question is this. Ladies, if you received an unsolicited compliment from a complete stranger, how would you react? Guys, if your girl said, hey that guy just told me I had a great ass, what would you do? How far could one go without getting maimed when paying a genuine compliment with no hidden agenda?

 

Bad, bad, bad, idea. Hypothetically speaking, if I were that woman and someone approached me this way, I would be inclined to tell the bf when he returned with a cart and it would *not* be pretty. I would be freaked out by somebody coming up and saying this to me. LOL. I could just hear him now saying to the guy.. "I'll see you in the parking lot m***er****er! I've give you a 3 second headstart." Hahaha. OMG he would freak out!!!!

 

Some things are better left unsaid my friend. It's okay to admire a woman from afar but never step into another man's territory especially where his woman is concerned. It's a respect thing. Unless of course you're cruising for a bruising..;)

[PistolPete 61421]

I prefer to have quick glance and perhaps smile and admire, not stare and not comment. It is amazing how you just might receive a smile back. :)

[nntsci 11076]

I agree that its a bad idea, and that nice ass is not a complement because its rather crude, but one should not over react.

 

>The OP acted like a complete gentleman and didn't make the comment (can't convict

> him on his thoughts) but almost made the mistake of being a guy that deserves to

> be pepper sprayed!

 

Not only could you not convict him for his thoughts, you couldn't convict him for saying it either, unless he was persistent in giving his unwanted attention.

 

Pepper spraying him, however could get you an assault charge; and getting the boyfriend to attack him could also lead to an assault charge for the boyfriend.

[The General 11309]

Lots of people dress to impress and I think generally people like to be noticed. Now it is a whole other matter about someone coming up and making a comment, especially if it is directed to a single body part. In life, compliments are something that people find very satisfying and is often the greatest form of flattery. So, you would probably be okay saying, "I love your outfit", but not okay to say "great ass", even though you may be thinking the same thing.

 

We don't get into too much trouble what goes on in our mind, but sure can when we open our mouths.

[backrubman 64800]

Women are not men. I'd love for a strange woman to come up to me and say, "Hot ass, baby," as I'm sure you would, or "Nice bulge," or whatever. We guys love that stuff and it gets us all riled up. For some reason, gladly, crudeness does not offend us. Alas, the hotness of my ass has waned in recent years and I'm bulging more impressively in other bodily regions now. :-)

 

Well I think there are several things we can learn from this thread. One is how even if we are complete gentlemen, you can go from that to being a complete and total jerk in one sentence or even one short phrase that shouldn't have been said. I noticed this phenomenon even here on CERB. If there is any ambiguity to what you say and it could be taken in a way other than meant, look out, and I promise I'm not grumbling over the small misunderstanding of my post in this specific thread (my fault as I let it be ambiguous and should have known better) but speaking in much more general terms.

 

As for guys liking such a remark that is so unacceptable when made to a lady, I suppose I can well relate to that. I was once totally sexually harassed by a lady at work and my reaction was to smile and drive home after this singing with the radio. If the same remarks had been made with the genders reversed, the guy would have been sacked, plain and simple. In fact, if I had taken offense and reported what she said and some of it was indeed overheard (yes, it really was), she would have been sacked, but rather than that outcome it simply made my day.

 

So ladies are ladies and gentlemen are gentlemen, as much as they say they deserve to be treated as equal, this clearly isn't one of the ways they want to be equal and I don't think it should be.

[steveyK 4311]

Lots of people dress to impress and I think generally people like to be noticed. Now it is a whole other matter about someone coming up and making a comment, especially if it is directed to a single body part. In life, compliments are something that people find very satisfying and is often the greatest form of flattery. So, you would probably be okay saying, "I love your outfit", but not okay to say "great ass", even though you may be thinking the same thing.

 

We don't get into too much trouble what goes on in our mind, but sure can when we open our mouths.

 

I can't agree more with the General. I find that paying a compliment when due will light up a ladie's face, but the compliment shouldn't be rude. As for the boyfriend getting upset, nothing lights up my face more than when my lady receives a compliment and tells me, or when I see a guy checking her out and paying her a compliment with his eyes...maybe I'm not as insecure as other guys??