Contact Etiquette

[Smithwick 7122]

Just looking for some opinions. As I've mentioned in other posts I am quite new to this.

 

I've made initial contact with one of the lovely ladies on CERB. She said she'd set up a time with me, wondering what times would work. I've emailed her to let her know my schedule and when I'd be available for a meeting. Its been a few days, and I haven't heard back from her yet.

 

At what point should I email her to question whether or not she actually got my last email? I'm sure she's very busy, and I don't want to sound too pushy if she merely hasn't gotten a chance to get back to me. The last thing I want to do is badger her to death.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated!

[cometman 35115]

Try one more time and then consider moving on to another. I'm sure that you have your heart set on this particular lady, but if she has a reason for not answering, accept it without knowing the actual reason. I'm sure she's a lovely person, but so are others. She may yet reply. Good luck, bud.

[roamingguy 300292]

Sometimes ladies do get busy, they may be touring and so on.

Me, I'd give it about a week (mind you I'm planning encounters a few months in advance, so a week doesn't seem long to me), then if you haven't heard anything, just send a friendly email to the lady to ask if she has a date that can work for both of you

One other thing,seeing as you are new to this lifestyle,(and I don't know who you are planning on seeing) but if the lady has verification/screening requirements, don't panic. She isn't trying to invade your privacy LOL. But both you and the lady are in fact strangers meeting intimately for the first time. She uses verification as a screening method to ensure her safety, as well as to screen out guys who like to book appointments and not keep them

So I strongly recommend that if requested by a lady, provide any verification information needed.

And if the lady doesn't know already, tell her you are new to this lifestyle

Hope that helps

RG

[backrubman 64800]

I always have extreme patience in these matters. Once it happened to me, after a couple of days (seems 72 hours after first contact, e.g. hearing back from her initially is reasonable) I had to move on. Eventually the clock has to run out though, you can't wait forever.

 

I did hear back from hear eventually and it was a family emergency. I fully agree that she has to take care of the more important business (her family) first!

 

And when she did eventually get back to me, I was straight and told her, so sorry about your family, hope all is well but I had to make plans to match my schedule and she understood.

[Smithwick 7122]

Thanks RG. I'm not worried about the verification process. I understand completely that the ladies have to take precautions for their safety. More than willing to jump through as many hoops as I need to.

 

I guess I'm just getting a little over-excited. I've been looking for this for quite some time and I do have my heart set on this particular girl. I'd just hate to have it fall apart over a missed email!

[friscokid 100]

I'm new at this as well. And I have discovered that the ladies are busy.

And human.

Sometimes they just need a little down time. This was the case with Chrystal on one of her tours.

Unless you have scared them off for some reason, be patient.

I was.

And it was SO worth it.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I speak from SP side of things. Yes there are times when we cant respond. If family is visiting, or just after a tour. Some SP have a career outside of this as well. One friend of mine can only log on a few times a month, so she misses alot:(

 

So If she is a full time SP, then giver her at least 4-5 days to respond, perhaps sending another inquiry within that time period. But after a week I would seek another and keep her in mind for next time.

 

For me, I get really annoyed if I am not answering my phone, and the client wont give up calling every 15 min for 1-2 hours!! I more than likely will answer the phone with a stern and bit rude..." HELLO!" then ask why they would keep calling like a mad man.

 

Sometimes I answer the phone just after getting back from a tour, and I get a hasty..." where the hell were you, I have been calling for a week! You are a hard girl to get a hold of!!" Sorry, but if I am in Ontario, why would I answer my phone with a NB number? I cant do anything for ya long distance. I dont like to be barked at for not being available to you every time you call. So If I dont answer the phone, then I must either not be accepting appt, or out of town, or real life needs my attention.These people usually wont get a booking with me, as I feel they may be too demanding of me.

 

I always will respond to email within a week however:)

[Smithwick 7122]

Well I broke down and emailed her again this morning. She got back to me in short order and said that she just took a few days away from the computer. I guess next time I'll try to have a bit more patience! :p

 

I'm glad to say that things seem to be coming along nicely!! I don't think I scared her off.

[Guest LittleWingnut]

Glad it worked out okay for you in the end. If one remains patient and is polite and considerate in requests things will unfold favourably. Sometimes for whatever reason we need to move on in a case by case basis. Have a good one bro!

 

Well I broke down and emailed her again this morning. She got back to me in short order and said that she just took a few days away from the computer. I guess next time I'll try to have a bit more patience! :p

 

I'm glad to say that things seem to be coming along nicely!! I don't think I scared her off.

[DukeSSk 3430]

Before I contact the ladies, I always scan past posts/schedules/ads for any information which may answer my questions.

 

I do tend to follow-up, after on average 3 days. When I do, I make sure to be polite and diplomatic. I'm fully aware that they get a lot of messages, texts, and PMs; they also have other stuff to do, no problem with that at all.

 

So, I really appreciate when the ladies offer an option to book in advance. This allows us to get know each other, talk about a potential encounter, with enough time in advance to compensate for the delays in answering.

[Phaedrus 209521]

I speak from SP side of things. Yes there are times when we cant respond. If family is visiting, or just after a tour. Some SP have a career outside of this as well. One friend of mine can only log on a few times a month, so she misses alot:(

 

Email auto-replies are really good for this. If any email sent to you gets an auto-response saying that you won't be replying until next Tuesday, it saves people wondering what's up; it also means that anyone looking for a meeting in the near future can simply either move on or adjust their expectations accordingly.

 

Well I broke down and emailed her again this morning. She got back to me in short order and said that she just took a few days away from the computer. I guess next time I'll try to have a bit more patience! :p

 

I'm glad to say that things seem to be coming along nicely!! I don't think I scared her off.

Glad things are back on track! FWIW I don't think resending after a few days is at all unreasonable...

[DukeSSk 3430]

Bingo, just like that, I followed up with a lady after 3 days and I got a reply stating that she had been busy and she answered my questions :)

[backrubman 64800]

I'm only guessing but I'll bet it's a good guess to imagine that the ladies spend an almost equal amount of time communicating and setting up an appointment as they do with the actual appointment.

 

Just how long does it take to exchange 4 or 5 emails? Check references.

 

When I see a lady for the first time for 3 or 4 hours, I wouldn't be surprised to learn she had spent just as much time communicating, checking references, getting ready and getting there.

 

When we account for no shows and cancellations and most gentleman wanting shorter appointments, I'd say she'd be lucky to have spent as much time off the clock, behind the scenes as she does in my presence.

 

We need to keep this in mind.

 

They give so much and ask for so little in return.

[Athos 108589]

Patience is definitely called for. And a polite inquiry asking whether your first e-mail was received, or potentially lost in the void isn't out of order.

 

in my experience, as soon as I move on and set things up with a second lady, that's when I hear back from the first. Well, what to do?? Only one responsible option which is to see both!

 

Porthos

[backrubman 64800]

...

in my experience, as soon as I move on and set things up with a second lady, that's when I hear back from the first. Well, what to do?? Only one responsible option which is to see both!

Porthos

 

Great idea! And maybe even both at the same time if the ladies are willing :)

 

Seriously though, going back and forth a bit to find a match between our respective schedules, it's almost always pretty obvious to me when a suggested date and time becomes a booking and if she doesn't specifically say it then I do to the effect of "Fantastic - I now consider this date and time to be a firm booking, please confirm".

 

If I've already heard back from the lady (so she is actively communicating) and several days then go by without a response, in the absence of a firm booking, there should be no issue with moving on or if time is on your side to send her another email or PM, even a very polite "time fuse" one. Some ladies are so pestered with PMs, emails, text messages from people that are not serious that they have a hard time keeping track of it all and can easily overlook that you are not just another time waster.

 

I may sometimes communicate with a lady for other reasons (rare if I haven't met her) but I could be looking to fill in some missing information I couldn't find on my own (and I do try), but if I mention I am looking to make an appointment, I am really looking to make an appointment.

 

I think a lot of these "problems" come from the fact that so many cold contacts do not become serious inquiries - mine are always serious. Never ever would I want to waste a lady's precious time.

[fortunateone 156618]

Alot of what I see here are the reasons why I don't use email (or texts) for info, bookings, and confirmations. Too much anxiety (and time!) 5 minutes on the phone, and you are done and on your way (some of the time lol)

[Athos 108589]

Different ladies have different booking preferences. In my line of work nearly all of my dealings with people are through e-mail. I rarely use the phone. so I'm much more comfortable making contact that way.

 

I don't think i've ever booked a lady where initial contact was by phone. But again, like some of the other men who've commented, I usually book well in advance. A phone call for an appointment three months in the future probably won't work. I certainly see that for same day bookings phone would be the way to go. My schedule is frequently complicated, so spur of the moment appointments are difficult/impossible. Generally a week away is a pretty immediate booking for me.

 

Porthos

[backrubman 64800]

Alot of what I see here are the reasons why I don't use email (or texts) for info, bookings, and confirmations. Too much anxiety (and time!) 5 minutes on the phone, and you are done and on your way (some of the time lol)

 

I think you make a really excellent point. If we're not fussy, but of course if I really want an appointment with you, calling and expecting to get one and be on my way to visit you in 5 minutes has a high probably of failure.

 

Of course that leads to the question of how you can possibly check references and cross check my identity (that it really is "BackRubMan" calling) in 5 minutes? You can't, so I guess you're really saying you don't screen your clients?

 

I suppose many gentlemen appreciate the convenience of being able to set up an appointment in that manner but I prefer to be a repeat client, always going to visit someone I have visited before and know.

 

I only step outside that circle when someone really catches my interest or even more likely when my first choice is clearly unavailable. Scheduling being what it is (for me) nothing finer then having a confirmed appointment at least a week in advance when I can.

 

And I do appreciate the ladies that want to know things about me so we can make a better connection.

 

Perhaps the less hassle way is worth the extra risk of no screening, I couldn't say. Food for thought.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I have so many calls...could be the a friend...could be a new client I have not met yet...could even be family. Yes I have a separate phone for "official" calls, but yet my family and friends also have work number. Sometimes I am on the other side of the country, sometimes across the street.

 

Unless I know for sure you are going to call me at a specific time....or if I have you in contacts and are familiar number, I probably wont answer.

 

I hate it when I am not expecting a call, and BOOM! I am in the bank, and there is someone whom could have asked me juicy details on email. I am standing in the line at a bank, store or with friends :( At which time I politely say' sorry can not speak privatly"....and yet continue to ask questions! grrrr....In this case I say " email me for details....please do not call till you ready to book an appt."

 

I can not answer every call that I receive. No one can. Nor do I want every call...so if you need to email first to arrange date...PERFECT...if you are looking for 24hour service, well I will not be your girl:)

 

I want to be sure that this particulr Gentlemen really wants me....not just any girl. But you know...we are all different, and that what makes this the diverse community that we are:)

[fortunateone 156618]

I think you make a really excellent point. If we're not fussy, but of course if I really want an appointment with you, calling and expecting to get one and be on my way to visit you in 5 minutes has a high probably of failure.

 

Of course that leads to the question of how you can possibly check references and cross check my identity (that it really is "BackRubMan" calling) in 5 minutes? You can't, so I guess you're really saying you don't screen your clients?

 

I suppose many gentlemen appreciate the convenience of being able to set up an appointment in that manner but I prefer to be a repeat client, always going to visit someone I have visited before and know.

 

I only step outside that circle when someone really catches my interest or even more likely when my first choice is clearly unavailable. Scheduling being what it is (for me) nothing finer then having a confirmed appointment at least a week in advance when I can.

 

And I do appreciate the ladies that want to know things about me so we can make a better connection.

 

Perhaps the less hassle way is worth the extra risk of no screening, I couldn't say. Food for thought.

 

 

HI, lol, well I think you will find that many experienced sps who have been doing this before the internet know perfectly well how to screen clients without resorting to emails and lengthy delays. We even, gasp, know how to do it based on a phone call from block #s and payphones.

 

The key to this business is experience. I have seen bad date reports about regulars, about guys who have passed the elaborate 2 reference, full name and home address screening and so on. And yet other than some no show aggravations, I have never in my life had a bad date.

 

And of course, this is the simplest way for my (many) repeat and regular clients to reach me as well. They know I won't be looking at emails, but if I am availlable I will be answering the phone.

 

I just have never understood the need to distance myself from my clients, whether it is the first contact or the five hundredth. A phone call , voice to voice, is always more personal, more direct, warmer, friendlier and of course, more efficient. This is a person I will potentially be getting friendlier, intimate and naked with. A phone conversation seems like a natural extension of the sort of warmth and friendly atmosphere I provide.

 

So there you go. A phone call, a decision is made, and a half an hour later a knock on the door? How easy is that in this day of complex negotiations and background checks?

 

For me, the risk is in not having a phone call. The risk of a text or email not coming from someone who is even male for that matter. Or someone that has changed his email accounts six times in order to avoid detection by me, in order to see me when he has been refused by me. I find this method high risk, where the phone conversation has never steered me wrong.

 

It isn't difficult to refuse the rude, arrogant, obnoxious, crass, pushy, drunked or high guys, but the only way you really know this about them is by talking to them.

 

The only thing I need to really know about any guy is that he is none of those things, everything else I prefer to find out in person.

[backrubman 64800]

If a gentleman has nothing to hide and is serious about meeting with a lady then he doesn't need to pretend to be someone else to get a rendez-vous... It certainly has nothing to do with the 'more complex' screening process some of us have in place but mostly about the (bad) intentions that person has.

 

I couldn't agree more Gabriella. We can never be too safe. Of course I'm not going to disagree with fortunateone's approach either, it obviously works well for her and is the way she prefers to operate.

 

I understand it all, the references are very important, IMO.

 

Go to this intersection nearby and then call to get the final in-call address when you are there, and when I do I am quizzed you on what I see next to the laundry mat just to make sure I am now calling from the corner I say I am now at (kinda right out of a movie). As an exercise and after the fact, I did retrace my steps a day or two later in a virtual sense (using Google maps street view) to the same intersection and would have been able to answer the skill testing questions just as accurately from a thousands of miles away so I wondered about the effectiveness :) I got the point but the method was ineffective.

 

Call from the hotel parking lot to get the room number (like I was going to carry out a surveillance operation if I had known the room number two hours or even a day ago).

 

I agree with it all, I comply, it's not complicated.

 

Just makes me wonder if there is a better way, a different way or a different approach.

 

Not saying any of it is or is not necessary (that is always for the lady to decide), just troubled as it isn't necessarily effective.

[LeeRichards 177238]

Well Mr Smithwick.... it appears all worked out for ya in the end !!

 

My two cents.... as you move forward.... be patient ! as you may have already realized or now do by previous posts....these gals have tons of communications to go through.

 

I do believe most times Cerb ladies will be replying to you promptly.... but if not be patient if it is a lady you really want to see ! Circumstances arise... whether it is just plain very busy, health related, family or simply a quickie getaway and/or needing a break.

 

Decide who you want to see......go with your gut instinct ...... and in my experience it is 99.9 % of the time more than worth the wait :)

[backrubman 64800]

This kind of deception actually makes me wonder what they had

to hide & what their ulterior motives may have been.

If anything, the lady's screening method & enforcement of it saved

you from possibly having your reputation be ruined & God knows what happening to her.

 

Thanks sandimoon. I think the point I was making is that it was caught (in this instance) more just by chance and random circumstances rather than a strict procedure that everyone applies consistently across the board. I "know" for a fact that some ladies ask for references and then don't always get around to actually checking them (and I suspect with some never at all) as long after an appointment were a lady was used as a reference I will see the reference lady again and she may ask, "Did you get to meet so-and-so? I know you gave me a heads up you were using me as a reference but I never heard from her".

 

If the lady in your case of ID Impersonation used them & found out a client has tried to book her with lies & a hidden agenda, clearly it was effective.

And the happy by-product is your rep is intact.

 

Yes, but I still worry for the ladies safety because it takes a kind of double cross check to keep this from happening. If a lady gives me a reference and hasn't been forewarned by me that one is coming and I'm the one initiating it, then it's pretty meaningless. CERB is great, but it is so easy to pick a reputable CERB member's handle, say you are them and use a lady they wrote a recommendation for as a reference. In my case the bad guy wasn't even this smart. It has happened not just to me but to others as well.

 

So we know and understand the demands on a ladies time and if I want an appointment later today or tomorrow (that would be rare but in the case of a cancelled flight pr change in travel plans it could happen) then it doesn't give time for reference checks anyways.

 

So if it happened twice I know of and was caught only by chance (or bad luck for the bad guy). I do wonder how often it happens and they get away with with it and therefore how effective it really is.

 

I always use real information and expect the lady to be discreet with it. Then, when I first meet, I always produce my drivers's license or passport... there is never any deception on my part and I really don't mind jumping though any hoops or doing anything else the lady may ask of me because I want her to feel as safe and comfortable around me as she possibly can.

 

Of course we are starting to get a little off topic or perhaps not, I think screening procedure and complying with them fully are part of "Contact Etiquette" :)

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

Yes, but I still worry for the ladies safety because it takes a kind of double cross check to keep this from happening.

What you have to keep in mind is that we verify ALL the information and not just the cerb handle (full name, number, email address, confirming cerb handle via PM, etc.) with the other lady.

 

When a lady asks me for a reference for gentleman xxx, I require more then a cerb handle to confirm the fact that I have spent time with him as I wouldn't want to give an 'ok' just like that. Most of the ladies I know work this way too.

 

Anyway, I do not want to say more as I do not want to give away all the 'in and outs' of our screening methods. Just know that those of us who are serious about screening do it thoroughly.

[roamingguy 300292]

Maybe we are getting a little off topic (or not)

Glad Smithwick got a hold of the lady. He is a newbie to this lifestyle, so his uncertainty of what to do understandable. Lets hope he has a great first encounter with a great lady

As for screening process, always comply with the lady's screening procedure.

Some prefer a phone call. Some prefer just an email, some prefer email with full verification (name, email, phone number, board handle, reference) I just now add a pm to the lady to confirm my board handle

My morning two cents worth.

And hoping Smithwick has a great first encounter

RG