Do you believe that people usually act with good intentions?

[northerntantra 4671]

A little while ago there was a thread going on in the Halifax Escort section that started with a rant someone started to write, then thought better of. As the thread evolved, I joined in with a rant of my own over a missed appointment. Since then, I've gotten more info and as I started writing an update to my earlier response, it occurred to me that this might make a good general topic. So bear with me while I spin the backstory for you.

 

It started with my booking an appointment with my favorite MA, my first at her new massage location. I called a day in advance. Next day I called 2 hours in advance to confirm. Then I showed up, on time, only to be told that my MA was with another client, and wouldn't be available for at least 15 minutes or more. I did not have that time to spare, so I left. Before I left, though, I noted that a name was in the appointment book, in my timeslot, but it wasn't quite my name. One letter was different - close enough to have been misheard on the phone. I pointed this out to the person at reception, but the only answer I got was "what do you want me to do about it!". I left disappointed, and peeved at the way it was handled.

 

I no sooner got to work when my phone rang. It was my MA. She was very apologetic, but offered no explanation. That didn't help. I don't quite understand when all I get is either nothing or "I'm really sorry!". Getting nothing at all is is not good business. Neither is an empty apology. I need a bit more to help me believe it's sincere. I don't need specifics, but a reasonable explanation would be nice. Something like:

- there was a scheduling snafu but I've spoken to the lady who double booked me to make sure it doesn't happen again

- I was delayed by traffic

- I had a personal emergency

- etc.

 

I guess have a hard time believing an apology is sincere when there's no explanation with it and no indication that measures have been taken to prevent it happening again.

 

But, I learned years ago that it's usually best to assume that people do things for good reasons. Thankfully, most people aren't evil, and most don't have evil intentions. Most disappointments arising from the actions of others come about because we assume intentions they did not have. It's often hard not to.

 

Case in point above. Two days later, I emailed my MA to find out if she knew what had happened and whether steps had been taken to prevent it from happening again. The reply I got was a curt "I am really sorry ... there is an explanation".

 

Now, the negative interpretation of this response would be "there is an explanation, but it's not one you'll like so I'm not going to tell you". A more positive interpretation would be "there is an explanation, but I can't tell you right now, or in an email, or whatever".

 

I did eventually follow up with the MA in person and it's a good thing I assumed the positive interpretation. She didn't answer fully in her email to me because she was typing it on her phone, and it was too long an explanation for that.

 

The explanation? Turns out, to protect my privacy, she had put me in the book under a different name. A customer showed up 30 minutes before my appointment, was asked by the attendant at reception if he had an appointment, saw the name in the book and claimed to be that person. My MA had just gotten in, hadn't really looked at the book yet, forgot about my appointment with her, and ended up taking this guy (trusting her colleague had checked the schedule) -- only to find out after the session that she'd overrun my appointment and that I had left.

 

Whoever the guy was, he was a turd for grabbing someone else's timeslot. My MA was really upset. The lady handling reception wasn't entirely at fault, since my MA had put a different name in the book. But, she could have been a bit more questioning when the guy showed up that early, and checked with my MA first. And they should do a better job of keeping the appointment book out of view from customers they don't recognize.

 

As it happens, my MA suffered a double financial loss that day -- my session, and the one with Mr. Turd. (I can't explain why without giving away her identity.) What really had her upset though, was the potential loss of one of her favorite clients. (That would be me :-))

 

The moral of this story: until you have all the facts, assume the best intentions.

 

That's a principle I've chosen to live by, and it has served me well since I've taken it to heart. No doubt I'll get screwed by it (not in a good way!) from time to time, but life seems more pleasant and less stressful these days.

 

How about you?

[mrrnice2 157005]

For me I can say with certainty that I believe that most people do in fact act with the best of intentions. I give trust freely, and yes there is the odd time that I have been burned by doing so, but even in those cases I believe that the other person involved did have the best of intentions.

 

Sometimes as they say, shit happens. In the situation described by the OP everyones intentions were in fact good, but it was that unknown and unforeseen event that intervened.

 

One can never overlook or be totally unaware of the X-Factor.

 

It is easy to jump to conclusions when one is unaware of all of the facts, so I know that I will give the benefit of the doubt in most cases.

 

In some cases when I screw up, the "I am sorry" statement does cover it all and reasons are almost unnecessary because sometimes that can be interpreted as justifying. It is easier sometimes to simply say,"Oops. I really am so sorry. What happened was my fault and due solely to my own stupidity."

 

My own stupidity is often my own worst enemy!

[Mikeyboy 27131]

[quote name=northerntantra;360259The moral of this story: until you have all the facts' date=' assume the best intentions.

 

That's a principle I've chosen to live by, and it has served me well since I've taken it to heart. No doubt I'll get screwed by it (not in a good way!) from time to time, but life seems more pleasant and less stressful these days.

 

How about you?[/quote]

 

Whether it is true or not in each case, it is a better way to live your life for the sake of your own morale. It is probably worth getting burned now and then. Living your life as a pessimist and a skeptic can be very depressing. I've been there at times in my life and have since made a conscious effort to change my outlook for the sake of my own sanity, as well as those who are close to me. While some people will only look out for themselves at times, there is good in most people. Assuming the best will make you a happier person, even if you are not always correct in that assumption. :icon_wink:

[Guest]

I believe that most people have good intentions. However it only takes one bad apple to spoil the bunch. That's why rules are established, some people make mistakes, others don't care and do things on purpose. The people who don't care should be punished. Most of the time a rule was made to avoid a bad situation, intentionally or unintentionally. That's a big reason I like using cerb. Cerb has rules in place so that everyone is happy and positive. That's why people feel comfortable about talking freely on here.

 

Respect goes both ways. Don't do anything to anyone that you wouldn't want done to you, simple.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

It does require a bit of mental effort to genuinely try to understand interpersonal situations by imagining how things might look from the other person's perspective (especially if the other person isn't your friend, or part of the "in-crowd"). Not everyone is going to make that mental effort all the time, and some people do actually seem to simply lack the ability to empathize with others.

 

All of which is understandable of course, but it's also too bad, as far as I'm concerned - because life is depressing enough in the best of circumstances. In a black vs white, night vs day, good vs evil world, humanity is dead. No thanks.

[Kyra.Graves 23779]

This is Water, David Foster Wallace

 

Pt.1

 

Pt. 2

 

 

He says it far better than I ever could.

[mrgreen760 37785]

I do, but I am an internal optimist

 

Peace

MG

[tokan 16826]

I do believe that people are inherently good and generally take people on their word. That being said though there have been a few occasions in the past that I have trusted people or taken them at their word and have been burned by it. So I guess you could say that I still believe the best in people but I have also learned to be a bit more cautious as I've grown older.

 

Regardless of that though I always try to treat people the way I would want to be treated. It just makes for cleaner concious. And you just never know how much that simple act of kindness or respect could mean to someone, even if it doesn't mean much to you it could mean the world to someone else or just go a long way to really making someone's day.

[JoyfulC 132299]

I do believe that most human beings (although not all) are inherently honest and decent; I tend to believe that most corporations are the exact opposite.

 

It all depends if an entity puts profit above all, or relationship above all. I believe, in my heart, that relationships pay off better over the long run than immediate profits. But that's not the way most corporations and, sadly, some individual entrepreneurs operate.