Would you get involved with an SP?

[manitoba 2758]

Guys

 

Would you ever get emotionally involved, personally not professionally, with an ex SP?

 

Why or why not?

 

Would it matter if you knew her professionally before or not?

 

If you found out that someone you were involved emotionally with had been an SP would you let it affect your relationship?

 

 

Personally I would have a hard time getting involved with someone who I knew was an SP in the early days of the relationship.

 

Someone who I became involved with before I found out it would depend on how I found out. If she told me as we were starting to be involved then hopefully it might not matter too much to me. If I found out from a third party well into the relationship then the trust necessary would be shattered, not by her being an SP but because she did not tell me herself.

 

Ladies, please feel free to weigh in as necessary.

[roamingguy 300292]

Well I'm at the stage in my life where I'm not looking for a relationship/gf/marriage. But that said, never say never

If I was seeing an escort (in the SP/Client relationship) and we fell in love,

her being an SP wouldn't prevent me from getting involved with her

And should I start (slim to nil chance of that though LOL) dating again, and found out a lady I was dating was in her earlier life was an SP, that wouldn't stop me from continuing to see her

The question I have though, if a lady found out a guy is or had seen SP's in his life, does that make him somewhat less likely to date/marry than a guy who never saw SP's

The question is asked only because we are all here opposite sides of the same coin. If the guys are being asked about getting involved with ladies who are or were SP's shouldn't the same be asked of ladies (both civilian and SP) about seeing guys who were/are involved in this lifestyle

RG

[Guest M*****ss****e]

Great questions!

 

I just recently met someone in my professional life, who expressed a desire to become a part of my personal life. He is a wonderful man, and though we did spend time together outside of appointments, I didn't feel the necessary romantic feelings. I did find it interesting picking his brain regarding his lack of concern about my profession. He did not have a problem with it whatsoever, he simply accepted it is what I do.

 

That being said, honesty is a must. If someone is/was an SP, they should be upfront if entering a relationship. I realize it can be a touchy subject, but hiding the truth is equal to lying in my opinion. Some men aren't bothered by it, some are disgusted by it, and some are turned on by it.

 

If someone has visited SP's in their past, I'm not sure that's as important to discuss, and I don't think it makes any man (or woman) less likely to date or marry. I think the desire to date or marry is either present, or not. At least for me, being an SP hasn't changed or affected my outlook on dating or marriage, so I would (like to) think that having visited one would be the same.

 

Those are my thoughts/opinions anyway :)

[MightyPen 67414]

If you found out that someone you were involved emotionally with had been an SP would you let it affect your relationship?

If you found out that someone you were involved with had been a veterinarian, would it affect your relationship? A dentist? A physicist? No? So why would another occupation she might have had bother you? Think seriously about this. Tease out exactly what it is that you're hung up on, don't just settle for a sense of vague, undefined discomfort.

 

If it's "she'd have slept with a lot of guys other than me", this could be equally true of any partner you meet. But it doesn't matter, because those events were in the past. You just need to worry about your relationship, in the present. If her past experience really bothers you now, then you're sexually insecure. The problem isn't her; it's you.

 

If it's "she was intimate with men and took money for it", then you need to examine your attitude toward the women whose company you (presumably) pay for from time to time. There's nothing wrong with the work an SP does, and she's not cheapened by having done it. If you can't accept that, please stop seeing SPs.

 

Me? Frankly I would admire the implied sexual maturity and her comfort with her sexual self, and 'd be happy for what she might be able to teach me because her experience would be far vaster than my own. If she was willing to share I'd love to hear her stories, because she'd have learned many, many, many first-hand lessons about human behaviour I'll likely never be in a position to learn myself.

 

But mostly I wouldn't really care, because I'd be dating a whole person, all of her, as she is today, and as she wants to be tomorrow; and there's infinitely more to know and love and care about her than how she once chose (or chooses) to make her living.

 

I'll leave aside the "but what if you'd seen her as an SP first?" because that falls into the same old "I've fallen in love with my SP!" discussion for the gazillionth time, and Search can provide all the insight you need.

[drlove 37204]

After a couple of months dating, my last GF told me she was an ex- SP. I had no problem with it whatsoever, since I am very liberal/open minded in general, and especially so considering my involvement in the hobby. Anyway, I decided to put all the cards on the table, and let her know that I was a hobbyist in the past. I thought it was safe to reveal this to her, since she had been involved in the industry itself. Much to my chagrin, she gave me the third degree about it - in short, it was the pot calling the kettle black IMHO. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.

[whatsup 11893]

Well I'm at the stage in my life where I'm not looking for a relationship/gf/marriage. But that said, never say never

If I was seeing an escort (in the SP/Client relationship) and we fell in love,

her being an SP wouldn't prevent me from getting involved with her

And should I start (slim to nil chance of that though LOL) dating again, and found out a lady I was dating was in her earlier life was an SP, that wouldn't stop me from continuing to see her

The question I have though, if a lady found out a guy is or had seen SP's in his life, does that make him somewhat less likely to date/marry than a guy who never saw SP's

The question is asked only because we are all here opposite sides of the same coin, and if the ladies are guys are asked about getting involved with SP's, shouldn't the same be asked of ladies (both civilian and SP) about guys engaged in this lifestyle

RG

 

Sorry but I am somewhat confused " if the ladies are guys are asked about getting involved with SP's, shouldn't the same be asked of ladies (both civilian and SP) about guys engaged in this lifestyle" Can't quite make heads or tails out of this. Maybe I'm being a bit daft.

[MightyPen 67414]

Much to my chagrin, she gave me the third degree about it - in short, it was the pot calling the kettle black IMHO. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.

Wow! That's... that's... really weird. I'm inappropriately curious about how she justified the difference. ;)

 

Though it does raise the other question I considered asking in my previous post:

 

If she told me as we were starting to be involved then hopefully it might not matter too much to me. If I found out from a third party well into the relationship then the trust necessary would be shattered, not by her being an SP but because she did not tell me herself.

Manitoba, do you also feel that you, as a (presumed) customer of SPs, must always reveal that fact to your future partners at the start of any new relationship? If you didn't, and she found out later that you'd visited SPs two years, five years, or 10 years ago... would she be justified in immediately dumping you, not because you'd been a customer, but because you'd shattered her trust by not telling her right away yourself?

 

I'm genuinely curious whether you think there's a difference.

[Julianna 8356]

I think when you truly fall in love with someone, you fall in love with THEM as they are. I don't see how certain behavior, especially something that is sexual in nature, should change my opinion of someone I am in love with.

Society puts a lot of heaviness on sex, and in all honesty it is something fun and beautiful that is completely human nature. I'm not here to judge how anybody else thinks or believes, I just think people in general need to loosen up a little bit, and smell the roses. Men and women like variety, clearly or else why are we all here? If everyone would come together and be honest with each other, imagine all of the beautiful open sex we could all have, and how much happier and more connected we could all be...

Joke. Maybe that's what happens in heaven and that's why we're all naked :icon_lol:

[roamingguy 300292]

Sorry but I am somewhat confused " if the ladies are guys are asked about getting involved with SP's, shouldn't the same be asked of ladies (both civilian and SP) about guys engaged in this lifestyle" Can't quite make heads or tails out of this. Maybe I'm being a bit daft.

 

No your not daft, I posted before proofreading. If the guys are being asked about getting involved with ladies who are or were SP's shouldn't the same be asked of ladies (both civilian and SP) about seeing guys who were/are involved in this lifestyle

I'm editing my original post, it does look a little dafty now that you mention it :-)

RG

[drlove 37204]

Wow! That's... that's... really weird. I'm inappropriately curious about how she justified the difference.

 

According to her, she did it purely out of financial necessity at the time, so she felt she didn't have a choice. Perhaps she had some negative experiences... She said that I didn't have to do what I did; I had a choice - she considered it immoral etc.. Too bad though... I treated her like a queen.

 

Additional Comments:

You know, the thing is I know better than to reveal my hobbying activities to someone I'm dating. I should qualify that statement a bit; I believe that a relationship SHOULD at least in theory, be based on honestly and full disclosure before the fact. The exception to the rule is anything that pertains to this industry, as I feel stereotypes and antiquated Victorian notions still run rampant amongst the general public. If you reveal yourself, you run the very real risk of the relationship ending, or at the very least having it thrown in your face every time there's an argument. In this case, considering our shared history, I thought things would be different and we could start off on a truly level playing field. - I guess not...

[garytooshoes 151]

When answering the question, we have to compare apples to apples when replying. Taking home a doctor or a lawyer to meet mom and dad will not be meet the same way as saying my girlfriend/boyfriend is a service provider. 90% or more of the people on CERB will immediately lie and make something up rather then divulge a profession like that.

 

I gotta say a respectful no, I would not date an active SP. It's two parts really. One is self-confidence thing. I'd be wondering how soon she'd be leaving me to go date one of her clients. I'd also be worried that the one client she is with tonight will out-perform me and that would always be in the back of my mind. The second is the thought of a contracting something. SP's now a days expect their clients to take every precaution, and be protected at all times, I get that, but accidents happen. Lets face it not all clients are going to be honest about what diseases they may or may not have, and some don't even know they have something. That would not be a chance I am, or would be, willing to take.

 

I am not a SP hobbiest, unless the an erotic massage one a month is to be considered a hobbiest, so I am not be a hypocrit either. I would have a hard time dating a MA for the same self-confidence reason above, though I can't completely say I would unless I was put in the scenario. I'd date a non-SP stripper. I have no problems guys ogling my girlfirend, being physical with them, that I could not handle.

 

On the flip side, if I fell for a girl who was a SP previously and was no longer active, that would be different story. I am open minded, and I like to believe I am upfront and honest and hopefully if I fell for a girl who was an SP previously, that she would be too.

 

It would never be the person's previous actions. It would be about my thoughts and feelings, something an SP can do nothing about and that would keep me away from an active SP. I am a confident dude, but not when Joe Buff is banging away at my girlfriend.

[JoyfulC 132299]

My husband chose to get involved with, even marry me.

 

His sisters have asked him if the way his mother way caused him to take up with me.

 

His mother was a widow with eight kids to feed when her husband died. She was a young widow. Men would sometimes show up at her door after the bar closed and want in. She'd let them in. The next day there was money for things there weren't the day before.

 

Is that somehow wrong??? She could pick crops in the field. She could take care of other people's kids. She could scrub other people's floors. And all that was honourable?? But not taking in men after closing who were ready to pay cash??

 

I'm not saying that every woman who gets involved with a man is exploited. But believe me, we're not all. In my case, I live with a man who, because of his mother, respects me. We accept my job as a job (although a very pleasant one)

 

My advice is to assume that every professional you meet is a professional, If she proves not to be, then you have your decision as to what to do about that.

[Aspen Wilde 31370]

The person I love most is an SP. <3 <3

 

Oh wait, that's me. ;)

[r100rs 859]

i believe you have to take a person for where they are at now. The past is irrelevant.

 

We are all humans and human's are not perfect ...

 

we all have things in our past(or present for that matter) .... it is how we've dealt with them and learned from them that makes us who we are today. If someone is to admit to something that may shameful for most people, I see that as a super positive in that they do not or no longer feel guilt/shame around it and are able to show you their vulnerable side. It is the raw essence of putting yourself out there " this is where I came from , this is where i am today "

 

Not many people make that journey through their issues, their past, their insecurities, the worrying about the opinion of others ...

 

It is my experience that those that have been through the most are the most likely to have had a spiritual awakening.

 

As persian philosopher Rumi stated "the wound is where the light enters"

 

r100rs

[stevecurious 42059]

Get involved with an SP...sure why not? Trying to understand why I wouldn't has me perplexed. I really can not see the issue in this topic. I know that certain aspects of society would be hung up on such a thing but these are not Puritan times and yes women are allowed to work, drive and vote. I mean SP's are SP's...not mass murderers.

 

I consider this a no brainer but that is just me. That said I respect that everyone has the right to their own opinion even if it differs from mine. I say that "less receptive" need to take a step back and realize that the days of Father Knows Best are long gone.

[LeeRichards 177238]

Guys

 

Would you ever get emotionally involved, personally not professionally, with an ex SP?

 

Absolutely. I have met some pretty darn amazing SP's ! Vibrant and intelligent ladies that love life, love to have fun, meet new people, travel and see the country or countries, and so happen to love sex :) It seriously would not matter to me.

 

Just my opinion but I think an SP would really know how important and understand better what "a connection" is and how important it is to any relationship.

 

Also a couple ladies that I meet with are educated accountants and when they become ex-SP's and I date them they can do my taxes....because once again yesterday the government told me that I suck it doing it myself ;)

 

Cheers :chug:

[Maverick 2873]

Considering I support this as a profession, I have no issue with a prospective girlfriend/partner doing it for a living. If anything it would be cool that she's her own boss and can operate with her own hours.

[piano8950 32577]

I doubt that I'd get involved with an SP (Not that I think less of them, just that if I had any feelings for one, I'd stop seeing them since I wouldn't know how to approach the subject and don't want to set myself up for a rejection).

 

But if somehow I end up dating someone who was one, I'd be fine with it. If she is one, then I think I'd want her to stop if we got serious and started talking about marriage.

[LeeRichards 177238]

The person I love most is an SP. <3 <3

 

Oh wait, that's me. ;)

 

Ha ha.... Awesome Julie ! Does this mean however that when I come see you for a visit that you will be making love to yourself and forget I was there ??? Who am I kidding...that would be hot !! You supply a comfy chair and I will bring a bottle of fine wine and watch :) You have a Hitachi ? Never seen one of them bad asses in action !

 

Seriously .... you gotta luv yourself first !

[April Dawn 12207]

I would probably die laughing if somebody had an issue that I was an SP. I know a lot of women and men who give themselves sexually for "relationships" where the main thing holding them together is cash and what the other person can do for them. I feel my chosen profession is honest unlike "gold-diggers" or other things like that. I'm not one to shit on other people's lives and their choices, each realtionship works for totally different reasons that I could never fathom but the hypocrasy of someone who sees SP's or has seen SP's not wanting to date someone who was an SP blows my mind.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Andee 220524]

 

Manitoba, do you also feel that you, as a (presumed) customer of SPs, must always reveal that fact to your future partners at the start of any new relationship? If you didn't, and she found out later that you'd visited SPs two years, five years, or 10 years ago... would she be justified in immediately dumping you, not because you'd been a customer, but because you'd shattered her trust by not telling her right away yourself?

 

I'm genuinely curious whether you think there's a difference.

 

When I meet a man who I think I may be interested in dating, I pretty much out myself right away so that I don't waste his or my time. If I don't think it's going to go anywhere, I may or may not, not because I'm ashamed of what I do, but rather, I am tired of having those talks where I feel I need to defend the profession.

 

Some guys who I was sure would have a problem with what I do, actually turned out to be cool with it and my best supporters.

 

As Juliana said, you fall in love with the person - who they are, not what they do. At the end of the day, if we have our heads together, we can simply remind ourselves, this is our livelihood and if there are others who don't approve, but I'm okay with what I do, then that's "their" problem, not mine.

[Guest Ve**Di**ySe**et]

Guys

 

Would you ever get emotionally involved, personally not professionally, with an ex SP?

 

Why or why not?

 

Would it matter if you knew her professionally before or not?

 

If you found out that someone you were involved emotionally with had been an SP would you let it affect your relationship?

 

 

Personally I would have a hard time getting involved with someone who I knew was an SP in the early days of the relationship.

 

Someone who I became involved with before I found out it would depend on how I found out. If she told me as we were starting to be involved then hopefully it might not matter too much to me. If I found out from a third party well into the relationship then the trust necessary would be shattered, not by her being an SP but because she did not tell me herself.

 

Ladies, please feel free to weigh in as necessary.

That's a little bit of a double standard isn't it? I mean I believe the heart wants what it wants, we don't get to choose who we fall in love with...such things just happen. And to say you'd have a problem being in a relationship with someone who was an SP...well why not? Love is love, lust is lust. Sex is just mechanics. You're on CERB, so that must mean you've been with SP's yourself...so they're good enough to bang but not to love? I hope these girls are not just objects to you, but people. Apparently they may even have feelings and emotions, such as love, too.

[MightyPen 67414]

"would I be OK dating someone who is currently an SP?" That's a bit trickier. I don't honestly think that I am a big enough person to get past that myself. The issue is not with them, it is with me (so please don't get offended by that anyone.) Men have a natural tendency toward jealousy and possessiveness that would make this difficult for me, no matter how illogical or hypocritical it may be.

Hey, no worries -- I agree that this would be a challenge for a lot of people, and certainly something a couple would have to discuss openly and come to a clear agreement on. I can personally imagine some circumstances where I'd be fine with it, and others where I wouldn't be able to manage it; it's going to depend on me, her, our relationship, and who knows what other external factors in my life at the time. But I think you and I both agree that this is about our own limitations and our maturity, and not a suggestion that the situation is somehow intrinsically, objectively "wrong".

 

One more note, though: it's not just men who are prone to jealousy and possessiveness. That's a human quality, not a gender-specific one. We shouldn't try to excuse any jealousy we might feel because "my gender did it!". Men and women struggle with this equally, and some individuals of both genders simply deal with it better than others.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Yep! Some of the greatest ladies I've met!

[tokan 16826]

Would I get involved with someone who had been an SP, absolutely. We fall for the person, not their sexual history or whatever else they had done. For me as long as they were honest with me about it I wouldn't have a problem it. I've known one or two women in the past that I would love to have been involved with, and although none were previously SP's they did have some colourful backgrounds and I can honestly say my thoughts were so what. I liked them for who they were. If anything in some ways it would be a huge plus to date someone who had been an SP because they have that experience and I could just imagine how interesting as a person that would make them.

 

As to the question of could I date someone who was a SP or someone who I had seen as a SP that's where it gets complicated. Like Mikeboy I have to say this is totally my own hookup. The ladies I've talked to here on cerb and met in person are all wonderful and amazing people who I know would make great partners in crime :) To be honest I'm just not sure how well I could handle her seeing clients while we were in a relationship, or just in general if I could be a big enough man about it. That being said if I met someone I really felt a strong connection with and they felt the same way I would hope that I could get past my own hangups.