For SPs: Our Work and Families

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I've hunted around a bit and couldn't find a discussion about this, so I thought I'd start one.

 

Many SPs are parents. I am one, myself. I have one son living at home now. As we all know, things can happen unexpectedly with kids. They get sick, something happens at school, they get injured playing sports, have their bicycles stolen--lots of not-unusual things like that require immediate attention from Mom (or Dad).

 

How has being a parent affected your life as an SP? In what ways has being a SP affected your role as a parent, or your parenting?

 

Let's share some stories, ideas, advice or anything else that comes to mind.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

In addition to being a provider, I'm also self-employed in another field. It's work I enjoy, but it doesn't pay well enough to support my children and myself. I take on contracts in my other career, but the majority of my income comes from being an SP. My son has no idea about my real line of work.

 

To keep things as separate as possible, I only see clients between about 10:00 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. on weekdays and I do outcalls at most one or two evenings a week. Those evenings are usually booked up weeks in advance and are very stable. I'm always home by 10:00 p.m. at the latest. When my son goes to visit his father in Ontario, my schedule can be as open and flexible as I want it to be.

 

I generally ask clients to confirm meetings with me in the morning of the day we're getting together. I always explain that I'm a mother and it's possible (but not very likely) that something could happen to my child--he could come down with a bug or something--which is the only reason I would need to postpone our meeting. So far, that's worked very well.

 

I don't think that being a provider has affected my parenting. I am who I am, and how I am, everywhere. I think I'm very fortunate that my children have felt that they could talk about sex, sexuality, safe sex and STDs with me very openly. They trust me to be open-minded and to give them straight, honest responses to what they talk about. It never seems to have occurred to them that I have any special reason for being very well-informed, it's just the way things are. My kids tease me and say that I was probably a lot like Hermione Granger, the girl in the Harry Potter novels, when I was growing up.:lol:

 

I did go through a period when I felt misgivings because there's a big part of my life that I can't share in any way with my children. I finally realized that children rarely know their parents very well in many ways. The parent/child relationship is largely about the children, and rightly so. One of the hardest things even for adult children is to recognize their parents as complete human beings who are separate from them and who have thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams that have nothing to do with their kids at all, but are part of who the parent is, as a person. Looking at my situation that way makes it easy to separate these pieces of my life.

[kih 458]

Samantha,

 

Excellent Post...

 

Although I am not an SP; I am a parent and can relate to your thoughts. I have to agree that most younger children likely have no clue or care in the world what their parents partake in for a living. For instance, my own child believes I make money! Ha, I must work at the Mint!

[simon_templar 161]

Samantha:

 

Although your original question was posed to SP's, I did want to offer the following comment. I believe that any woman, as a single parent, in today's society that is able to provide for a healthy and happy home deserves and commands my respect! Any woman who is also an SP and is able to do the same...just commands additional respect!!

 

....and not that it should mean anything...but I'm a single parent as well!

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Thanks for your responses, Kih and Simon. Thanks, too, for the vote of confidence for single mothers!

[A***** A***** 510]

This is a great thread, but not much I feel I could contribute. Thanks for posting it though ;)

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

I'm the mother of 3 boys...one is 20 and others are in their teens.they are my life and i would do anything for them. This is the main reason i became a provider. My boys always come first. My job second and my free time is last...

After leaving my husband 7 years ago i had no idea what i would do...i went to Flight Attendant Academy the Air Canada went on strike almost immediately after i graduated..i worked as a waitress,did some acting {no not porn}but none of it paid enough to keep 3 young boys fed. Sure we were happy but happy doesn't pay the bills.

One day i seen an ad in the local paper looking for escorts etc. The rest is history. Thinking wow i get to get paid for something i enjoy doing....nice. At first i didn't tell my boys anything...they were too young. As they became older i told them. I figured it would be better coming from me then someone else. My boys are wonderful and very understanding. We don't talk about my work of course but if they have questions about sex they do ask. I just tell them "OK right now i am not your mom",before i answer...lol.

 

I think by me being a provider it gives my boys a better respect for women. They know i will not take crap from men anymore.They know i stand up for myself.They see me being very protective of them and others. They are fine young gentlemen. I'm always told what a wonderful job i have done raising my boys.

Being a single mom isn't easy for sure but this job certainly helps ME provide well for them. I thank you all for this.

kisses,

Emma A

[simon_templar 161]

Emma A:

 

Just wanted to add.....that I think that your boys are pretty lucky and if they end up being half as charming and as intelligent as you, they'll be well prepared for anything!

[alberta 222]

Really well articulated thread Samantha . Being an SP is no different than any other profession, it is a means of providing for yourself and your kids. You schedule your appointments around your kids time, and they come first, as they should. As you said you do what you do for your kids, in my books that makes you a better parent than a whole lot of other absent parents. Good for you Samantha!

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

Emma A:

 

Just wanted to add.....that I think that your boys are pretty lucky and if they end up being half as charming and as intelligent as you, they'll be well prepared for anything!

 

Thank you Simon....i know your son is in a good place with you as well...many kisses

[whatsup 11893]

Kudos to both EmmaA and SamanthaE.

[Redseductress 9358]

I am a single mom of two. I have already had several challenges as my kids are young (2 and 4) and its been difficult keeping my son in a daycare as hes a bit wild and 100 percent a mommy's boy but for the most part it dosen't effect my working too much as being out of town has its advantages. Carleton Place aint exactly a hot spot lol and most my appointments are booked in advance.

 

I also work another part time job besides this so balancing the two can be tricky at times but it keep like interesting and kinda keeps me out of trouble ;)

 

I always have a back up babysitter (grandparents are the best) so if my son or daughter is not being good at daycare or is not feeling well I can always give up my house and find a lil hideaway for the day and know they would be in great hands so that really helps.

 

I honestly don't think it really has effected me as a parent either then maybe somedays I feel half zombiefied but honestly what parent dosen't at some point?! They are still young so I dont have to explain anything to them or have to worry about them asking me questions either then mom can I have that toy or these shoes?? :p (thats why when you go shopping you leave them at home ;) )

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I'm the mother of 3 boys...one is 20 and others are in their teens.they are my life and i would do anything for them. This is the main reason i became a provider. My boys always come first. My job second and my free time is last...

 

I think by me being a provider it gives my boys a better respect for women. They know i will not take crap from men anymore.They know i stand up for myself.They see me being very protective of them and others. They are fine young gentlemen. I'm always told what a wonderful job i have done raising my boys.

Being a single mom isn't easy for sure but this job certainly helps ME provide well for them. I thank you all for this.

 

Emma, thank you so much for describing your situation. You're a real source of wisdom and good, plain common sense on this board. We both do what we do so that we can provide for our children, and we can see the positive results.

 

I also agree with you that working as a provider gives your sons greater respect for women. I believe you totally. I hope I might be able to tell my own son about my work, someday. Unfortunately, I have a very hostile ex-husband who has already spent a lot of time and money in court trying to avoid paying child support. He would go to any lengths available to him to take action against me if he were to learn how I make my living. As time goes by, the power of that threat diminishes. I do think that by being able to provide a good home and be the best mother I can be I am teaching my son to have a high regard for women. He knows that things have been difficult for us, at times. He also knows that we're doing well, now.

 

As I write this, I realize that being a provider may have helped me retain a balanced view of men, in general. My divorce was nasty. No woman who's been with an abusive man would be surprised about that: they often get worse when the woman leaves.

 

I have never had a client treat me with anything but respect. Yes, I focus on attending to their pleasure, first and foremost. In that respect one might say that our engagement with clients is not exactly "balanced." However, at least 80% of the time, the men have been as giving and dedicated to pleasing me. They don't have to do it, but they want to. My self-esteem doesn't rely on my clients' praise, or even on receiving pleasure from them, but it's wonderful to have it, even so.

 

I'm certain that feeling good about what I do, continuing to feel good about men, and having empathy for them and the circumstances they struggle with helps me in raising my son to be a strong and loving young man.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I honestly don't think it really has effected me as a parent either then maybe somedays I feel half zombiefied but honestly what parent dosen't at some point?!

 

It sounds like you've got about as good a set of supports and back-ups as any parent of such young ones can have, Red. I'm glad that the grandparents are able to help you when you need it.

 

As for feeling "half zombiefied," I think that's what it's like when the kids are so young. It does get better!

 

You're doing a great job with your kids, I can tell.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

Emma, thank you so much for describing your situation. You're a real source of wisdom and good, plain common sense on this board. We both do what we do so that we can provide for our children, and we can see the positive results.

 

I also agree with you that working as a provider gives your sons greater respect for women. I believe you totally. I hope I might be able to tell my own son about my work, someday. Unfortunately, I have a very hostile ex-husband who has already spent a lot of time and money in court trying to avoid paying child support. He would go to any lengths available to him to take action against me if he were to learn how I make my living. As time goes by, the power of that threat diminishes. I do think that by being able to provide a good home and be the best mother I can be I am teaching my son to have a high regard for women. He knows that things have been difficult for us, at times. He also knows that we're doing well, now.

 

As I write this, I realize that being a provider may have helped me retain a balanced view of men, in general. My divorce was nasty. No woman who's been with an abusive man would be surprised about that: they often get worse when the woman leaves.

 

I have never had a client treat me with anything but respect. Yes, I focus on attending to their pleasure, first and foremost. In that respect one might say that our engagement with clients is not exactly "balanced." However, at least 80% of the time, the men have been as giving and dedicated to pleasing me. They don't have to do it, but they want to. My self-esteem doesn't rely on my clients' praise, or even on receiving pleasure from them, but it's wonderful to have it, even so.

 

I'm certain that feeling good about what I do, continuing to feel good about men, and having empathy for them and the circumstances they struggle with helps me in raising my son to be a strong and loving young man.

 

your going through...seems like your describing my life...if you ever need to talk you can pm me. I've been there too.

As for my clients...if it wasn't for them i don't know where i would be today. They are certainly a positive and a plus to my attitude towards men. I remember not so long ago someone asking me if i hated men because of what i've been through with my ex...funny thing is..it just gave me more respect towards them...now i know what good guys are. Hate them not a chance..love them for giving me a new outlook on life..and knowing how real men treat women. I love you guys!!!

kisses,

Emma A

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

and red i can't even imagine have 2 little ones and still having the energy to be an sp...bravo to you....kisses

[Guest S**r***e]

This thread is great. I fully agree with every post here. I do have a question though. Are there any SP's here with children, who have told them their line of work afraid that when their kids get older their views toward women/men may be (for lack of a better word right now) unbalanced? Are you afraid that your sons may think of women as servants to men? (Well my mom "served" men so that is the way things must be) Or perhaps your daughters may view it as their role to "serve" men as well? I am not talking about them becoming an SP, just a generalized "serve men" role no matter what profession they choose. After all, kids are influenced a great deal about how to treat people from their parents. Whether it's taught to them verbally or just watching what goes on and coming up with their own answers. I know SP's aren't out here to "serve" men/women but perhaps somewhere down the line a child may misconstrue the facts and come to their own conclusion. I guess the big question really is; are you afraid that your children may grow up to not treat everyone equally? I myself think everyone should be treated equally not matter what; white-black, man-woman, rich-poor, Canadian-European, we are all humans. I credit this to my mother’s teachings as I grew up. With everything, communication and proper upbringing would be a huge key.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

This thread is great. I fully agree with every post here. I do have a question though. Are there any SP's here with children, who have told them their line of work afraid that when their kids get older their views toward women/men may be (for lack of a better word right now) unbalanced? Are you afraid that your sons may think of women as servants to men? (Well my mom "served" men so that is the way things must be) Or perhaps your daughters may view it as their role to "serve" men as well? I am not talking about them becoming an SP, just a generalized "serve men" role no matter what profession they choose. After all, kids are influenced a great deal about how to treat people from their parents. Whether it's taught to them verbally or just watching what goes on and coming up with their own answers. I know SP's aren't out here to "serve" men/women but perhaps somewhere down the line a child may misconstrue the facts and come to their own conclusion. I guess the big question really is; are you afraid that your children may grow up to not treat everyone equally? I myself think everyone should be treated equally not matter what; white-black, man-woman, rich-poor, Canadian-European, we are all humans. I credit this to my mother?s teachings as I grew up. With everything, communication and proper upbringing would be a huge key.

 

My boys would never treat anyone disrespectfully.. i to believe everyone is equal and have instilled this in them. The only time the word"service" is used is on this site...and others. To my boys i am a companion. I never use the word service. I really don't like that word. We do so much more then take care of sexual needs of men. We give them love and support, a listening ear...we show them appreciation for themselves ans for women. My children are remarkably respectable of everyone. There is no hatred of any kind...no wait...2 of them are vegetarians...lol

kisses,

Emma A

[A***** A***** 510]

I just have to say that I am in awe of anyone that has kids, I know for a fact that is NOT in my lifetime to have any. I took away some good lessons from this, though.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

...Are you afraid that your sons may think of women as servants to men? (Well my mom "served" men so that is the way things must be) Or perhaps your daughters may view it as their role to "serve" men as well? I am not talking about them becoming an SP, just a generalized "serve men" role no matter what profession they choose. After all, kids are influenced a great deal about how to treat people from their parents. Whether it's taught to them verbally or just watching what goes on and coming up with their own answers. I know SP's aren't out here to "serve" men/women but perhaps somewhere down the line a child may misconstrue the facts and come to their own conclusion. I guess the big question really is; are you afraid that your children may grow up to not treat everyone equally? I myself think everyone should be treated equally not matter what; white-black, man-woman, rich-poor, Canadian-European, we are all humans. I credit this to my mother?s teachings as I grew up. With everything, communication and proper upbringing would be a huge key.

 

I'm not at all worried about this kind of thing happening with my son, Sixernine. I am no one's servant, period. Like Emma, I only use the term "service provider" here. I say that I'm a companion, too. I provide genuine companionship, warm friendship and a non-judgmental attitude. I feel it's an honour to have the opportunity to know my clients on personal and intimate terms. I have their trust and they have mine. I do have sex with them, not because they've paid for it, but because I choose to. Two of my long-time, regular clients occasionally want me to go out to lunch, or just cuddle with them while they talk about whatever is on their minds. They want my opinion about things they care about. I feel that we're equals. There's nothing subservient about me.

 

In my opinion, unless a woman has a pretty strong sense of herself; unless she's able to set her own limits about what she does, where, when and with whom; unless she's able to take care of her own emotional and psychological needs without depending on her clients to shore her up; and unless she believes in her whole self, in all of who she is, with and without clients, in and out of bed, she'll have a very hard time in this profession. That's not because the clientele is difficult: if you like men and enjoy sex, they're not hard to be with at all. It's because human needs for closeness, physical contact, affection and sexual activity are truly essential: they're a fundamental part of our makeup. We can have a hell of a great time together in bed, but we're fooling ourselves if we ignore how truly naked we are. Not everyone can share so much with many partners and feel whole. The ones who can't are wise to find another path.

 

I think that my work encourages me to have greater empathy and compassion for other people. It's my belief that compassion is the antidote to discrimination and inequity. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through this profession. My ideas of who and what is attractive, and who I might choose for a temporary or ongoing partner (unpaid, that is), have changed significantly. Men I once would not have approached with an eye to ending up in bed together are often the most sensitive, creative and playful!

 

As for what my son might pick up from me, I notice that children reflect what their parents feel. My son is a strong young man with an admirable sense of justice and empathy. I've seen him help and defend other kids who are having a hard time and are unpopular or difficult to be with. Once, when I asked him why he stood up for another kid, he said, "I looked at him, and right then I knew that it was really, really hard just to be him every day. I couldn't walk by and not try to stop what was happening. If you don't speak out when someone is being hurt, it's like you're saying it's okay to hurt them. He's not really my friend, but you don't have to be my friend to deserve to be treated right."

[etasman2000 15994]

In my opinion, unless a woman has a pretty strong sense of herself; unless she's able to set her own limits about what she does, where, when and with whom; unless she's able to take care of her own emotional and psychological needs without depending on her clients to shore her up; and unless she believes in her whole self, in all of who she is, with and without clients, in and out of bed, she'll have a very hard time in this profession.

 

What you wrote above is worth its weight in gold. This is true even for those outside this profession, and it equally applies to a guy.

 

As for what my son might pick up from me, I notice that children reflect what their parents feel. My son is a strong young man with an admirable sense of justice and empathy.

 

You forgot courage.

 

Justice is knowing what is right from what is popular.

 

Empathy is walking in another shoes.

 

Courage is upholding justice with empathy.

 

Your son shows courage.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Thank you, etasman, both for the compliment and for your words about courage. You're absolutely right. Courage is also essential. My kid has lots of it, too.

 

Thanks for reminding me!

[Guest S**r***e]

After reading the responses I must clarify that I in no way think that the ladies here "serve" us. I don't think that women should serve men in any way no matter what their profession. Perhaps I could have used a better word. It's hard to determine what a poster is really saying some times as there is no way to hear their tone of voice, see their facial expressions, etc. If I have offended anyone, please let me tell you this was not my intention and I do sincerely apologise. Maybe the term "Service Provider" should be changed to "Companion Provider" as I agree that you are all companion providers.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

After reading the responses I must clarify that I in no way think that the ladies here "serve" us. I don't think that women should serve men in any way no matter what their profession. Perhaps I could have used a better word. It's hard to determine what a poster is really saying some times as there is no way to hear their tone of voice, see their facial expressions, etc. If I have offended anyone, please let me tell you this was not my intention and I do sincerely apologise. Maybe the term "Service Provider" should be changed to "Companion Provider" as I agree that you are all companion providers.

 

I can't speak for others but no offence was taken. I understand people use this term to describe us...and in some cases with some ladies i'm sure its true....but in my case and a few others i know its not....thus companion....

kisses,

Emma A

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

Oh, no offense taken, at all, Sixernine. The word "service" doesn't offend me. And providing services isn't a lower-ranking kind of thing, either, from where I stand. Heck, don't doctors provide medical services?

 

I was just trying to respond to your query about whether our children might get an unspoken, subtle impression that what we do involves or requires a kind of subservient inequality with our clients. I think your question is a good one. I also hope none of our kids ever thinks that way.