Quitting Cerb

[Capital Hunter 18263]

we must be cognizant of the basic Cerb statement:

 

Cerb is not a review board - it is a recommendation board so if you do not having nice to say...please don't say anything at all.

 

We should all remember to work and play well with others...

 

Totally agree again with Steve.

 

Mod can correct me if I am incorrect but my understanding is that above statement is not limited to recommendations. I think that above statement applies to everywhere on cerb and every section and to all posts, including debates/discussions. I think we can debate subjects like adults. That is presenting our views without downgrading or disrespecting or attacking other views which may be different to ours.

[stevecurious 42059]

Agreed. However, I always considered that statement to refer specifically to recommendations and not all posts like discussions. In fact applying that to certain topics makes them difficult to discuss fully or properly. That said, I believe it is possible to have incredibly heated and intense debates on a thread as long as we are respectful and don't make it personal. It used to be that way, but lately if you can't win the debate or convince everyone you are right (or it turns out you are proven wrong) then personally attack them seems the order of the day. That is what concerns me greatly.

 

I think we should be able to have an all out (but respectful) argument without the MOD having to step in and close the thread and be dammed if it didn't use to be that way.

 

I both agree and disagree with you at the same time. Any wonder I am confused at times. LOL

 

To get back on track, yes recommendations on this board are meant to be just that recommendations which by definition are positive. My interpretation of the rule however applies to the entire board and all of its discussions and topics. Let me be clear I don't believe Cerb is perfect nor am I perfect but I do believe that it (Cerb) is the best of the bunch. We all agreed to be respectful when we signed up and I see no reason why that doesn't carryover into general discussion.

 

In my opinion you are also correct in stating that we should be able to have an open and honest discussion without Mod or Council having to intervene.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Some thoughts, in no particular order.

 

Firstly, people come and go all the time. That's the nature of the beast. And when people leave, they don't all go the same way, or for the same reasons. Some simply fade away, either by accident or design; some go cold turkey and quit suddenly. Some like to go out with a bang; some take the time to bid the rest farewell; and some simply exit as quietly as possible. Some want ensure it's hard to come back; some wish to leave the door ajar. All of this is really a personal choice, and I think it's up to us to simply accept and respect the choices that people choose to make.

 

People leave for all sorts of reasons, too. Perhaps they just got bored. Perhaps circumstances changed, or they no longer like the way things are. Some get the boot. Some choose to share their reasons, some don't, some may give some reasons and not others... and, perhaps, some can't say anything at all. When all's said and done, I see little benefit in second-guessing people's reasons for leaving. It's nice when people choose to discuss those reasons - especially the people I care about - but I'm not going to spend a great deal of time speculating on the unknown.

 

Of course, while everyone who leaves is a loss to the community, that community is constantly reinforced by new arrivals, too. There are now-absent voices that I miss, and there are those I never heard... but there are also newer arrivals who add huge value, depth, wisdom, empathy, sexiness, fun and downright silliness to our discussions.

 

On the nature of the discussions we have here: I think there's a very fine balance between the suppression of legitimate, mutually respectful debate, and the suppression of unpleasantness, and I think it's well-nigh impossible for any forum to hit that balance all the time. In fact, given the existence of people who react badly to having their opinions challenged (not pointing fingers, just saying they exist), it may well be impossible to find it at all! And that's before you even begin to consider that many of us might consider the right place for that balance to be in radically different places. All in all, I think Mod makes a pretty good fist of a clearly impossible job.

 

It should also be said that in general, people who don't like the way things are run here - or anywhere else, for that matter - will simply leave. We've had people leave CERB because they didn't like the way the board is run; some because they felt muzzled, some because they felt it was hostile. And I've heard people speak here of other boards that they've left, for similar reasons.

[Guest p**h*x]

I probably wouldn't make a post saying I was quitting an internet forum. I'd just stop. However, if I had over a million posts and had personal relationships with many of the other members then maybe I would. So I understand why some do.

 

As to the topic of posting opinions and the feeling of walking on egg shells and fear of perceived negativity... Well, welcome to the internet! The internet is filled with as many opinions as there are people. Whenever someone posts an opinion anywhere there is always someone waiting to be outraged by the comment. It's just the way it is. The internet is basically a giant outrage machine.

 

[backrubman 64800]

I seriously don't know what you mean here. Is "hostile" really the word you wanted? Were you maybe looking for "intolerant" or even just "overcautious"?

 

Yeah, perhaps "hostile" is too strong a word in many cases and "intolerant" is a better choice over-all; but at other times it does clearly apply. I think I am clearly coming to the conclusion from this discussion that it is what it is and is difficult to change (or make any better than it is), managed as well as it can be so those that don't like it best just trow in the towel and move on or scale out.

[PistolPete 61421]

From my own perspective and that is what I exactly have done. I continue to keep in touch with those, that share a common ground and are good friends.

 

I really don't have a lot to respond to other issues anymore as those issues have been discussed very thoroughly in the past and have become repetitive over my time.

 

Things have been more calm in the past in my opinion only. I think a good portion of people are doing just that, scaling down. I simply rather not get into long discussions that could flame up, it is not worth it in my books and I rather say hello to the ladies, enjoy their albums and get to know them on a personal basis,...... after all that is why I'm here. ;)

 

If people decide to pull the plug, that is their own decision and I support that move,I decided just to stay out of any discussions and give back in some regard to the community> with recommendations.

 

I did say back in 2011 I was not going to post anymore, but fellow friends that enjoyed my input into women that I had the pleasure with wanted me to stick around, guess I was easily influenced ;)

 

Again from my own point of view, I just scaled back and stay clear of any touchy subjects, as I'm here to meet friends create friendship not hardship, that has never been my personality. There was issues a while back, but it seems that (and hopefully) it has disappeared from here.

 

 

That said, I enjoy chatting to those ladies from past, and now present AND really want to get to know them on a more personal level:)

 

 

I think keeping a low profile is for the better, well in my case anyways.

 

 

and move on or scale out.

[Athos 108589]

I've hesitated to post in this thread, in part because I've been trying to figure out how I feel about recent events. To be honest, I'm still not sure how I feel.

 

I would say that I don't find CERB very hostile at all. Certainly compared to other boards this is a haven of civility. Like any community, disagreements and differences of opinion will exist. I do think there may be a "board ethos", that is difficult to change (not that I think it needs to) and that sometimes people may feel they have to watch what they say. I hope that this would cause people to think about how they express themselves, rather than lead them to not express themselves.

 

I must confess I felt quite upset by our recent departures, but as others have said, decisions are made for reasons we might only be able to guess at, and ultimately those decisions will simply have to be accepted and respected.

 

Porthos

[backrubman 64800]

...I would say that I don't find CERB very hostile at all. ...

 

Well I be the first to admit that may be my personal baggage as it relates to this industry. Of course when someone disagrees with your point of view they need not do so in a malicious way.

 

Certain events transpired and conspired to the point I almost left for good also which are only loosely associated with CERB (as they originated there) but there is much that happened outside the realm of CERB also.

 

Sill sitting on the fence. Still wanting to make the world a better place. Still believing I can, I guess when I stop believing that I'll be gone too :)

[mrrnice2 157005]

I began this thread, and its origin truly was simply from having read about some of our recent departures and from my own self-questioning about continuing in the lifestyle. My self questioning has nothing to do with the way Cerb is run. I love the way that Cerb is operating and how it changes and that there are discussions with opposing points of view. Again it is the people that make up the community that do this.

 

I well understood that the discussion might go somewhat in the direction that it has taken, and yes, I was a bit nervous that this could become a negative thread. What it became is just another example of how one topic on Cerb so easily overlaps with another and how so many of our threads are interconnected. This community is not simple and almost nothing can be looked at in isolation.

 

It is nice to see that overall there does seem to be consensus that we should, and do, focus on positivity. When we have had issues, and we have, cool heads have prevailed. If every one of us felt exactly the same about everything, believed exactly the same things, said exactly the same things, how boring that would be and then how would we learn from and appreciate the variety of opinions that are out there? Respect is pretty key in everything and for the most part we have it here.

 

Phaedrus perhaps expressed it best by pointing out that there are probably a multitude of reasons for people leaving and that it is for us to accept and respect their choices. And that my friends is what this thread was all about.

[Athos 108589]

I'm glad you started the thread Mrnice.

 

I agree, this is a complex community. Providers, clients, all sharing a rather unique and intimate bond. At the same time, just as ladies may have lots of different reasons for being in the business, so clients may be looking for very different things. Add to that different class, ethnic, cultural and regional backgrounds,and we're a pretty mixed up bunch.

 

I suppose, in some ways, when memvpbers decide to leave, it feels a bit like we've lost part of ourselves. It's a bit lie grieving (although I wouldn't push the analogy too far). At the same time, it feels like a friend has turned their back on us as well. When I see WIT's name with those asterisks it truly saddens me.

 

I have to keep reminding myself that, for all of us,this is only one part of our world, and for most of us a hidden and secret part of it.

 

I've left other boards, sometimes I've announced my departure and sometimes I've faded away.

 

I'm really happy on CERB, and feel I've made good virtual friends. So, for the moment, I'll be hanging around, sharing my $.02 and posting pics.

 

Porthos

[LeeRichards 177238]

Nice initial post MN2....I always enjoy reading your articulate heartfelt posts.

 

I like it here. It is a fun place. It is a sexy place. I have friends here. Some I have met and some I haven't yet ....but hope to someday. And not just the ladies but some of you fellas too. I hope to have a beer at your bed and breakfast someday MN2 ;)

 

There was a little stretch there where it felt like a UFC no holds barred slugfest/kickfest but IMO for the last several months it hasn't been hostile but quite pleasant in the most part. There are so many diverse people here from all walks of life there will always be some stong variances of opinion and perhaps the odd heated debate. But the mod and council will keep that at bay. The newcomers need to feel comfortable to post and try and fit in and enjoy Cerb long term the way many of us have. A super cool place.

 

When people leave that have become well known and popular in various ways it does kinda hit you for sure like you indicated. I personally have debated this for the past few months myself. Not because of anything here on Cerb but pondering my own life.

 

I have had many ups and downs the last quite awhile in my life for various reasons, as we all have, but it wore me down and threw me into a deep rut. It was actually my hobbying and spending my "happy time" with some awesome ladies that I have got to know quite well as well as hanging out with all you terrific Cerbies that kept me rolling in forward motion.

 

So after a decision finally made mostly yesterday but add a near death dance with the devil last night at work that I survived and a happening this morning I have decided to take a break from active hobbying and pursue my career dreams as well as personal dreams and wants....which is gonna take most of my time, energy, focus and finances. Call it a hiatus for now.

 

After saying that I have every intention of sticking around here if that is OK, not as often but I will pop in as frequent as I can to tell a joke, taunt RG, MN2, OD, Phaedrus and the rest of you boys. I still got a lot of flirting in me so beware ladies ;) I suspect I will still pop by to look at Malika's bum and Meg's legs frequently !! ha.

 

I know this announcement probably wasn't necessary but I oh well I did it anyways

 

Take care peeps and see you around Cerb .. You Rock !!! I still have my FB BBM Lodge membership so I plan on dedicating some time to that as well ;)

[Athos 108589]

Nice initial post MN2....I always enjoy reading your articulate heartfelt posts.

 

I like it here. It is a fun place. It is a sexy place. I have friends here. Some I have met and some I haven't yet ....but hope to someday. And not just the ladies but some of you fellas too. I hope to have a beer at your bed and breakfast someday MN2 ;)

 

There was a little stretch there where it felt like a UFC no holds barred slugfest/kickfest but IMO for the last several months it hasn't been hostile but quite pleasant in the most part. There are so many diverse people here from all walks of life there will always be some stong variances of opinion and perhaps the odd heated debate. But the mod and council will keep that at bay. The newcomers need to feel comfortable to post and try and fit in and enjoy Cerb long term the way many of us have. A super cool place.

 

When people leave that have become well known and popular in various ways it does kinda hit you for sure like you indicated. I personally have debated this for the past few months myself. Not because of anything here on Cerb but pondering my own life.

 

I have had many ups and downs the last quite awhile in my life for various reasons, as we all have, but it wore me down and threw me into a deep rut. It was actually my hobbying and spending my "happy time" with some awesome ladies that I have got to know quite well as well as hanging out with all you terrific Cerbies that kept me rolling in forward motion.

 

So after a decision finally made mostly yesterday but add a near death dance with the devil last night at work that I survived and a happening this morning I have decided to take a break from active hobbying and pursue my career dreams as well as personal dreams and wants....which is gonna take most of my time, energy, focus and finances. Call it a hiatus for now.

 

After saying that I have every intention of sticking around here if that is OK, not as often but I will pop in as frequent as I can to tell a joke, taunt RG, MN2, OD, Phaedrus and the rest of you boys. I still got a lot of flirting in me so beware ladies ;) I suspect I will still pop by to look at Malika's bum and Meg's legs frequently !! ha.

 

I know this announcement probably wasn't necessary but I oh well I did it anyways

 

Take care peeps and see you around Cerb .. You Rock !!! I still have my FB BBM Lodge membership so I plan on dedicating some time to that as well ;)

 

Awesome Lee.

 

Hope you realize every one of those dreams. You certainly deserve it!

 

Don't be a stranger!

 

Porthos

[roamingguy 300292]

Nice initial post MN2....I always enjoy reading your articulate heartfelt posts.

 

I like it here. It is a fun place. It is a sexy place. I have friends here. Some I have met and some I haven't yet ....but hope to someday. And not just the ladies but some of you fellas too. I hope to have a beer at your bed and breakfast someday MN2 ;)

 

There was a little stretch there where it felt like a UFC no holds barred slugfest/kickfest but IMO for the last several months it hasn't been hostile but quite pleasant in the most part. There are so many diverse people here from all walks of life there will always be some stong variances of opinion and perhaps the odd heated debate. But the mod and council will keep that at bay. The newcomers need to feel comfortable to post and try and fit in and enjoy Cerb long term the way many of us have. A super cool place.

 

When people leave that have become well known and popular in various ways it does kinda hit you for sure like you indicated. I personally have debated this for the past few months myself. Not because of anything here on Cerb but pondering my own life.

 

I have had many ups and downs the last quite awhile in my life for various reasons, as we all have, but it wore me down and threw me into a deep rut. It was actually my hobbying and spending my "happy time" with some awesome ladies that I have got to know quite well as well as hanging out with all you terrific Cerbies that kept me rolling in forward motion.

 

So after a decision finally made mostly yesterday but add a near death dance with the devil last night at work that I survived and a happening this morning I have decided to take a break from active hobbying and pursue my career dreams as well as personal dreams and wants....which is gonna take most of my time, energy, focus and finances. Call it a hiatus for now.

 

After saying that I have every intention of sticking around here if that is OK, not as often but I will pop in as frequent as I can to tell a joke, taunt RG, MN2, OD, Phaedrus and the rest of you boys. I still got a lot of flirting in me so beware ladies ;) I suspect I will still pop by to look at Malika's bum and Meg's legs frequently !! ha.

 

I know this announcement probably wasn't necessary but I oh well I did it anyways

 

Take care peeps and see you around Cerb .. You Rock !!! I still have my FB BBM Lodge membership so I plan on dedicating some time to that as well ;)

 

Lee. It is very much OK if you stick around. The humour and positivity you bring here would be missed. So stick around here, you can taunt me all you want. And pursue your dreams too. We all wish you nothing but the best

RG

[mrrnice2 157005]

 

After saying that I have every intention of sticking around here if that is OK, not as often but I will pop in as frequent as I can to tell a joke, taunt RG, MN2, OD, Phaedrus and the rest of you boys. I still got a lot of flirting in me so beware ladies ;) I suspect I will still pop by to look at Malika's bum and Meg's legs frequently !! ha.

 

I know this announcement probably wasn't necessary but I oh well I did it anyways

 

Take care peeps and see you around Cerb .. You Rock !!! I still have my FB BBM Lodge membership so I plan on dedicating some time to that as well ;)

 

Well Lee my good man, we want to hold you to that, so we do expect and hope to see you continue to pop in! We don't have anyone else here yet to give RG a run for the money for bad jokes.

 

And don't think this means you are free and clear on buying me that beer. Or wait, maybe I owe you the beer???

 

You take care of yourself and best of luck in your new endeavours.

 

MN2

[L********L***y 1262]

Agreed! Reality is better the fantasy.....most of the time!