Question to SP's Bad Clients or Stalkers

[someguy 67067]

Hi

Question to Sp's

A SP that I know has told me that she is having troubles with a client that she met a month ago. He has been harassing her. and been invading her privacy on the internet and keeps calling her. She does not want to seem him and is scared of him. What can she do? Any advice on to get rid of unwanted or bad clients? What if they don't take no for answer and keep calling or sending emails.

I don't think calling a police is an option for her. How would you deal with this problem? Thanks for any advice that I can pass to her.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Can I ask you something? Are you doing research or writing a book? Just curious.;)

[Athos 108589]

Can I ask you something? Are you doing research or writing a book? Just curious.;)

 

A good question! Enquiring minds want to know!!

[Boomer 33202]

I would agree with the foregoing replies about harassment and the police.

 

The one thing I would suggest is that she saves all the emails she has received and maintain some sort of a log concerning his activities. When she does come to the conclusion that the police are the best option she will have the evidence that the cops can use to put the pressure on this guy.

 

The other reason the police are a good bet is that they may already have some history on the guy and this may be the extra complaint that helps them get him. It's quite possible that he's hit on more than just you, so you are doing a good turn for any other of his victims.

[Athos 108589]

More seriously than my last reply, going to the police is your best option. There is nothing illegal about being an escort, and the police understand that escorts can find themselves in vulnerable situations. They are far more interested in keeping wackos from committing violent crimes than persecuting escorts. There are lots of ladies on this board who have relied on the police to deal with harassing behaviour, and generally have found the police to be helpful. The fact that they are escorts has been irrelevant.

[backrubman 64800]

... The fact that they are escorts has been irrelevant.

 

Actually I think it is very relevant in a positive way. The police have to deal with so many domestic disputes and in the absence of bruises or something just as obvious it often difficult for them to unravel who the victim is as each side has a different story entirely. Of course in the case of an SP with a complaint about a client they know she is not just wasting their time because she is crazy and currently mad at her boy friend. An SP will have more credibility and be taken more seriously than anyone else with a similar complaint.

 

That said, this has been discussed here at length (ad nauseum) before in other threads.

[roamingguy 300292]

Here is a thread discussing that very matter

And I only posted the link because Samantha felt it important enough to be shared with the CERB community

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=66258

If it is more a case of a nuisance type person, she can block his email address. My one email has a feature that not only can emails get blocked, there is a bounce back feature so the sender knows his emails aren't being accepted. And she shouldn't engage in any communication email or phone Maybe she can block his phone number, if not put his number in her contact list so when he phones, she knows it's him and doesn't answer

If the guy is not a nuisance, but a stalker CALL THE POLICE

RG

[JoyfulC 132299]

She should tell him politely that she thinks there are other fish in the sea for both of them, and that she has no interest in seeing him or continuing to communicate with him further. Then ignore him. He'll eventually go away.

 

Unless he is threatening her, I don't know why she should be afraid of him.

 

I presume the OP is also a customer? If so, I wonder why she's bringing this to him? Looks like drama to me.

[Sexy_LanaMegane 2288]

Write down everything he is doing to you time and date. You can buy a small camera and a phone recorder at some stores or over the internet. It is not that expensive. Always tell someone where you are going and what is going on. Before and while you are going out always check around to see if he or someone is following you. You have to protect yourself and people you love. Always lock your door when you leave and you can install an alarm or a camera at your entrance. I heard some sex workers use that. If you have info about this individual or these individuals give it to to a person of trust. Try to find out if you are dealing with a person or a gang thing. Gangs don't want you to call the police on them. They may use some random individuals to harass you and spy you. This is called intimidation. There is many way to know. I did voluntary work for an organism in help to the sex workers (I heard and seen a lot). Don't trust unknow people for a while. Trust your family and your old friends only. Don't let new friends coming into your life unless you know them for long time or someone close from you really know them as he might try to send people to spy you. Tell to your friends just in case something suspicious happens on their side. You can make a report to the police as well just in case. Don't loose hope to get rid of him/them and never give up. If you believe in god prey and go to church once in a while too. I hope it will help you out. Good luck.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

Best thing is to recognize the signs of this behaviour upfront. I've had many clients who seemed infautated or obsessed with me and some of them I just didn't trust. So I stopped seeing them. I'll post more on this later..

[Guest jrose]

I might be wrong (a product of too much US TV Crime Shows) but can you use a phone recorder without the other person's knowledge and have that be legal in Canada?

 

Having said that, perhaps starting the next call with "For the record, before you get started I am recoding this call. I have your number, it's --- --- ---- (say that into the recording) and I am asking you not to call me anymore otherwise I will contact the police"

 

Once it;s recorded he'd have a hard time saying he was never told :)

 

Write down everything he is doing to you time and date. You can buy a small camera and a phone recorder at some stores or over the internet. It is not that expensive. Always tell someone where you are going and what is going on. Before and while you are going out always check around to see if he or someone is following you. You have to protect yourself and people you love. Always lock your door when you leave and you can install an alarm or a camera at your entrance. I heard some sex workers use that. If you have info about this individual or these individuals give it to to a person of trust. Try to find out if you are dealing with a person or a gang thing. Gangs don't want you to call the police on them. They may use some random individuals to harass you and spy you. This is called intimidation. There is many way to know. I did voluntary work for an organism in help to the sex workers (I heard and seen a lot). Don't trust unknow people for a while. Trust your family and your old friends only. Don't let new friends coming into your life unless you know them for long time or someone close from you really know them as he might try to send people to spy you. Tell to your friends just in case something suspicious happens on their side. You can make a report to the police as well just in case. Don't loose hope to get rid of him/them and never give up. If you believe in god prey and go to church once in a while too. I hope it will help you out. Good luck.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

There have been comments that she should contact the police and it may be a good advice. However, what evidence does she have on harassment and do they hold in court (or are they solid enough even for police to go ahead and investigate it). Even if convicted what will be the penalty for that? If a slap on the wrist kind of penalty then would it worth the risk to make the abnormal guy (who obviously has problems. How severe I don't know) angry and may be do something stupid.

 

We don't know all the facts and since it was said the SP is scared of him and she doesn't wish to involve the police, then I figure the guy is dangerous. Will the police give her 24/7 protection for life. Absolutely not. All I say is before giving solid advice on contacting the police we should know all the facts and consider the possible consequences. I am afraid I don't have a firm alternative solution to offer because I don't know the details and the guy. May be moving out (like changing place of residence and/or phone number) is a better solution than contacting the police. I know it may be regarded as submission to harassment but my no. 1 concern is the safety of SP in question and worry about justice second. As a last comment any guy (or person) who harasses the vulnerable deserves to rot in hell and I hope he gets what he deserves.

[Guest jrose]

Hey Capital Hunter,

 

if it's an ongoing issue now, perhaps contacting them now would be best - if they are able to catch him in the act that might be enough to put him away.

 

As for the comment on the potential slap on the wrist - yeah that does add a new twist to it. It's a sad state that the best solution to avoid this type of thing, no matter what you do, is to move, isn't it? And if the layd in question relocated that just empowers the creep and makes him think he "won"

 

No easy solution I guess

[backrubman 64800]

There have been comments that she should contact the police and it may be a good advice. However, what evidence does she have on harassment and do they hold in court (or are they solid enough even for police to go ahead and investigate it). Even if convicted what will be the penalty for that? ...

 

Well I have to agree with JoyfulC, just sounds like drama. But if that's not the case you don't always involve police only when you have a problem that can be prosecuted and will hold up in court.

 

Often in such a case just having the police speak with the offender is enough to resolve the situation to everyone's satisfaction; most police calls don't result in court cases.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

most police calls don't result in court cases.

 

And in some cases it results in violent reaction!!. And no, not only in the movies but also in real lives from what I have read in the papers. I hope not this case. As I said the police will not be there to protect her 24/7 and for ever so what guarantee do we have that the best case scenario (to scare off the guy) will work? My impression from OP (that the SP is scared of him and doesn't wish to contact the police) is that he is a dangerous guy.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Yes you have plenty of good points that calling the police is certainly an option and makes a lot of sense (the aggressor must not win, I agree completely), and I would have fully supported that notion if I knew that they would lock him up for good.

 

we need to have a more robust (more just) justice system to protect the victims rather than the perpetrators. We have too many defenseless women and children (people in general but mostly women and children) falling victims to assault, battery, abuse, harassment, rape, even murder and if perpetrator caught and again if convicted a slap on the wrist is the consequence of above actions. The criminal gets the lawyer and justice system but no one was there to protect the victim when the crime was being committed. I am both tired and frustrated and believe in the return of capital punishment for those who commit serious crimes against defenseless women and children.

[Guest jrose]

Capital Punishment - boy that opens a can of worms, doesn't it?

 

I suppose in the eye for an eye frame of mind, if you coudl be ABSOLUTLY sure you had the right person a case could be made. But for it to be just you would have to make more than a "strong" case...

 

 

 

 

 

Yes you have plenty of good points that calling the police is certainly an option and makes a lot of sense (the aggressor must not win, I agree completely), and I would have fully supported that notion if I knew that they would lock him up for good.

 

we need to have a more robust (more just) justice system to protect the victims rather than the perpetrators. We have too many defenseless women and children (people in general but mostly women and children) falling victims to assault, battery, abuse, harassment, rape, even murder and if perpetrator caught and again if convicted a slap on the wrist is the consequence of above actions. The criminal gets the lawyer and justice system but no one was there to protect the victim when the crime was being committed. I am both tired and frustrated and believe in the return of capital punishment for those who commit serious crimes against defenseless women and children.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Capital Punishment - boy that opens a can of worms, doesn't it?

 

I suppose in the eye for an eye frame of mind, if you coudl be ABSOLUTLY sure you had the right person a case could be made. But for it to be just you would have to make more than a "strong" case...

 

Needless to say I meant for every proven case, proven beyond reasonable doubt.... and for serious crimes against most vulnerable. Do not give a violent criminal a second chance to commit violent crime against another defenseless victim and capital punishment is the only assured way. And if it works as deterrent so much better (some may argue it won't). But I agree this is a whole new issue and topic and further discussion of the subject would well qualify for thread hijacking.

 

So back to the OP, lets think of some good advice for the poor lady. After reading Gabriella's post, I am beginning to believe that contacting the police may be the best (first) option. I don't want to see the damn guy wins and start taking other victims. Move out only if the above option (for whatever reason) did not work, if feeling unsafe. I am first to admit it if I am wrong and I was wrong to suggest moving out as a better or first option. I guess I was too concerned about lady's safety that I forgot about the victim paying the price for this option and the aggressor winning.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Number one is do not respond to texts/emails/phone calls etc....do not acknowledge any contact. If he goes further and shows up at your location, do not answer the door. Ignore at all costs. If these actions do not detour him, call the police and if needed get a restraining order!

[Amelia Fox 9064]

Wow!

I would definitely keep all the emails that are of harassing nature,and if the threat is bed enough for you to feel scare in your own home,then calling the authorities(police) can do nothing but good for you. Keep in mind there are delusional people out there,that may take a simple email to something way more. I would protect myself by not continuing further contact with him,as that only adds to him thinking about you.

 

 

Good luck,and keep us informed on how things turn out.

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

I don't discuss clients with other clients, period. I consider that to be a violation of confidentiality and of my own privacy. When someone asks me about interactions I've had with others, it's easy to turn that around and delve into it a little bit from the other person's perspective. Most of the time they have a fantasy about what I do or may do and that's what they're really trying to explore. I'm happy to do that, at length. But I never turn to a client for any kind of support about a personal problem. Boundaries are important.

 

Having said that, as I reported last year, and roamingguy noted, above, I went to the police a year ago about someone who was stalking me. It was a very good experience and not only would I recommend others do the same thing, I would do it again if I needed to.

 

Expect to be taken seriously not only because anyone who is being harassed deserves to be respected but also because, for obvious reasons, prostitutes rarely approach the police to ask for any kind of help. The officer I worked with automatically took me seriously because she figured that I deal with a wide variety of men on a regular basis and that sometimes they don't behave as well as one might hope. That I would raise a complaint is important.

 

The police asked whether I preferred for them to go to his house or to call him into the police station. I thought that seeing him at home might be more effective, and so that's what they did. He lives in an RCMP jurisdiction. A Vancouver city police car in his driveway was noticeable.

 

The police gave him a letter outlining what had happened, the information they had about him and my clear, repeated statements to him asking him to have no further contact with me. They required him to sign a statement undertaking not to contact me or anyone associated with me again for any reason. If he were to breach that agreement, he understood that he would immediately be arrested and the case would go to trial.

 

At the same time, they put me on a special "watch" list so that if they received a 911 call from my address or phone number they would be alerted immediately that I had already made a complaint of criminal harassment. They would arrive prepared to deal with a situation that could conceivably have escalated significantly.

 

I'm happy with the outcome.

[fortunateone 156618]

^^^ I think those final words by Samantha are key here, and worth repeating:

 

She is happy with the outcome.

 

She has a happy outcome because she did something proactive about her situation.

 

She didn't sit and fret and stew and complain to other clients about the guy, she made notes, save messages, save emails, asked that he stop doing what he was doing, and neither telling him to stop nor ignoring him worked.

 

I see no reason to allow anyone to get away with threats and intimidation, and the sp in the OP needs to report this guy asap, for her own peace of mind, her safety, and potentially for the safety of other women and sps.

 

She doesn't need to be concerned if she has enough info to charge and convict the guy. That isn't her job, and she wouldn't have any idea how much info is needed. All she needs is enough information to file a report on him, enough contact info so the police can find him, and let them do their job. Even if all they did was contact him to follow up on the report, that can be enough to dissuade him from continuing to try to contact her.

 

And then she too can be happy with the outcome, because she has actually done something to stop it. Plus she will feel confident to not allow anyone to try it again.

 

After saving emails, messages, and noting the phone #s, the other obvious things to do is block the phone # and block the emails, so he can't reach her.

[asianprincess 192]

the best thing for her, is blocked the bad client's number and email.

[roamingguy 300292]

Not a hijack here, but you may not be able to block a number on a cell phone. I know because some pesky insurance company keeps calling every day trying to sell life insurance. My cell phone company (I use a cell phone for home phone) says it's not possible to block numbers on a cell phone. I wanted the insurance company blocked

But you can put the harasser's number in your contact list (if cell phone) so when you get a call his name comes up and you know not to answer the call

Finally, years ago I was stalked by my ex-gf. At the time I used a landline (Bell). Bell, at my request, changed my number and made it unlisted, and surprising for Bell, no charge.

Just for information

RG

[JoyfulC 132299]

I wanted the insurance company blocked

But you can put the harasser's number in your contact list (if cell phone) so when you get a call his name comes up and you know not to answer the call

 

You may even be able to set it up for "silent" ring (no ring, in other words) when they call.