Studio 110 by Sophia 150333 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 A few months ago, I think in February-ish, I posted about the possibility of my Father moving here to Freddy, as he is retired this year and needs to be closer to is daughter for a few reasons. So I have been preparing for him to accept my offer to allow me to help him, look after him a bit. I always knew this was my role in my family. I may not be the most "normal" of my sibling's, but I am closest to to my parents. Like we are friends! I am ready I hope, as he will move here soon. Of course, I will be having a separate location for my clients to visit. I wanted to say thanks, to those who helped me in this decision a while back. There were post that were sensitive and encouraging. I gained confidence and strength from that thread. Thanks:) 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Report post Posted July 31, 2012 Good for you sunshine. Enjoy the time with your father. I wish you all the best with this endeavor, sounds exciting. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrrnice2 157005 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 That is very nice for you Sophia and very nice for him as well. It is rather curious as I read what you contributed and thought about it, that in fact you and I are sort of exact opposites in terms of the time line so I can see this from your Dads popint of view pretty clearly. For me I have a significant birthday looming, and when I was their age I considered my present age to be OLD! All of my children live a significant distance from me and I know that they do worry about me being alone probably as you do about your father. Your father and I are in the same situation as well I suppose that both he and I have children who are 'looking out" for us. As a father that is a really nice feeling to have. I know how fortunate I am to be in that situation so I am certain that he feels the same way about you if he has agreed to move closer to where you live. Good for both of you! PS. Not sure of his age or health, but depending, give him his space and independence and ensure that you have yours as well. :) 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Studio 110 by Sophia 150333 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 That is very nice for you Sophia and very nice for him as well. It is rather curious as I read what you contributed and thought about it, that in fact you and I are sort of exact opposites in terms of the time line so I can see this from your Dads popint of view pretty clearly. For me I have a significant birthday looming, and when I was their age I considered my present age to be OLD! All of my children live a significant distance from me and I know that they do worry about me being alone probably as you do about your father. Your father and I are in the same situation as well I suppose that both he and I have children who are 'looking out" for us. As a father that is a really nice feeling to have. I know how fortunate I am to be in that situation so I am certain that he feels the same way about you if he has agreed to move closer to where you live. Good for both of you! PS. Not sure of his age or health, but depending, give him his space and independence and ensure that you have yours as well. :) YES!!! I have often thought that as well. As we have chatted about both sides of the fence in the past, lol... Ohh yes, I certainly do not want to "take care" of him, but also make sure he is doing well. Eating proper, not getting lonely or bored....I am just like my dad, if I get bored....watch out! lol...But yes, he is a man...a father....and a freind, so all boundries need to be respected. Thanks for the added reminder, it does help!. Got to keep myself in check first...then I can give more for longer:) xo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boomer 33202 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 Good for you Sophia. I just want to make a comment from someone on the other side of the fence. I am just north of sixty five and have a perspective of a parent whose got two adult children. I know that as I age that I will probably need help, and that my children have already made overtures that they will be there to help when I have the need. The problem for me is that I may not want them to make the necessary sacrifices when that time comes. I don't really have a crystal ball but it will be a real dilemma when the time arises. Years ago your children were your care and security blanket in old age, but today with the new realities of smaller nuclear families dispersed over long distances this model has kinda broken down. It really does look good on you, to take on that responsibility. Good luck and I hope it works out well for both you and your dad. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Athos 108589 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 It is fantastic that you are doing this. But make sure you don't let the task of caring for your father become so onerous that it takes too big a toll on you, or damages your relationship with your dad. My mother is nearly 90, and lived with my sister and her family for probably 20 years. She's now in a nursing home. As her needs increased, and her health declined, I could really see the toll it took on my sister. I think that in the end it damaged their relationship very deeply, although for a long time it worked really well for both. Porthos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Studio 110 by Sophia 150333 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 If I knew how to double quote...i would...lol...so, Bommer....Yes I can see how it would be a hard reality to look into the future and know that perhaps we ill need our son's or daughter's to look after us eventually. Something in me says...." this is the way it should be" But on the other hand...be grateful you have this option. So many who have worked hard to provide to the best they could, then just left in their elder years to fend for themselves. I have 2 sisters. One who could help if she as not so bitter about some family issues, and another who is not emotionally or physically able. So that leaves me. Thank fully I have been friends ith dad for a long time. So it feels like a normal or expected thing to do. after all I would never leave a buddy out in the cold either. I had to think long and hard before I took this responsibility on. I did not want to offer and then not fulfill either. If your daughter are able, and illing and you need to ask for help, I hope you never feel ashamed or bad for this. We all need somebody sometimes:) PORTHOS... Yes thank you for the reminder. I am a giver, and at times forget to think of my own well being in the process. I have taken care of dad in the past. We did fine. Now will even be better, as I am buying a house, and renovating it to include him. I am building an in law suite in the basement. Fully contained. But hen the time comes, I hope my sister will help with costs, and nursing. My father is a " healthy" man so far, but does smoke a pack or 2 a day, likes his beer....and hates veggies, lol.... I will cross that road when I come to it:) Thank you for you support and input fellas! 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Athos 108589 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 If I knew how to double quote...i would...lol...so, Bommer....Yes I can see how it would be a hard reality to look into the future and know that perhaps we ill need our son's or daughter's to look after us eventually. Something in me says...." this is the way it should be" But on the other hand...be grateful you have this option. So many who have worked hard to provide to the best they could, then just left in their elder years to fend for themselves. I have 2 sisters. One who could help if she as not so bitter about some family issues, and another who is not emotionally or physically able. So that leaves me. Thank fully I have been friends ith dad for a long time. So it feels like a normal or expected thing to do. after all I would never leave a buddy out in the cold either. I had to think long and hard before I took this responsibility on. I did not want to offer and then not fulfill either. If your daughter are able, and illing and you need to ask for help, I hope you never feel ashamed or bad for this. We all need somebody sometimes:) PORTHOS... Yes thank you for the reminder. I am a giver, and at times forget to think of my own well being in the process. I have taken care of dad in the past. We did fine. Now will even be better, as I am buying a house, and renovating it to include him. I am building an in law suite in the basement. Fully contained. But hen the time comes, I hope my sister will help with costs, and nursing. My father is a " healthy" man so far, but does smoke a pack or 2 a day, likes his beer....and hates veggies, lol.... I will cross that road when I come to it:) Thank you for you support and input fellas! The separate living space is so important. My sister didn't have that, so there was no separation. Hard to manage that over the long haul. So pleased for you Sophia. Porthos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grass_Hopper 18263 Report post Posted July 31, 2012 Sophia, I wrote a thread regarding the time we pass with our family... Believe me, if I could have known what's happening with my family again, I would do the same as you are doing. Please, SweetHeart, enjoy yourself as much as you can because when our parents are gone, the time we spent with them stays in memory. Best of luck, XxXSabrinAXxX 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
