Being Discreet and your wife....

[EmilyRushton 253372]

While I know that the majority of the company I keep is married, I respect your privacy. I would NEVER do anything to jeopardize your personal life. What upsets me, is that there is no mutual respect for my personal life.

 

What really bothers me is the fact that you are not capable to clear your cookies on your computer or delete the emails or texts we have exchanged from your phone or pda. I hear all the time, I hope you will delete this or remove all traces of our contact, yet that some common courtesy has not been returned.

 

As of this weekend, I have received one of the nastiest email exchanges from a VERY irate wife of someone that I have not even met yet. These emails from this woman, have wrecked my travel plans for the week as well made me quite upset. She is now harassing me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

I ask you as a responsible adult, if you have someone who means something in your life and you wish to engage in the opportunity of an escape with a provider, please for the love of god - erase your tracks. It seems possible clients are worried about discretion from our side yet it is your side that is being very careless with being discreet.

[Guest jrose]

A quick click on the "Private Mode" would have saved a lot of trouble here it seems.

 

On option - if you have Chrome installed search for "run chrome in incognito mode" to save yourself, and your SP's trouble in the future. You can edit the Chrome shortcut to always launch in this mode. In fact, most browsers have an easy option to make this happen

[backrubman 64800]

...

As of this weekend, I have received one of the nastiest email exchanges from a VERY irate wife of someone that I have not even met yet. These emails from this woman, have wrecked my travel plans for the week as well made me quite upset. She is now harassing me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

Oh my gosh... Well there must be something more to it Emily as I've never known a nasty email to stop an aircraft and there is something you can do about it -- can't you just ignore it? Certainly if you are so inclined you can write back and tell her it is not your business and to take it up with her husband?

 

I mean really, this has nothing to do with you (or any other lady) and everything to do with him doesn't it?

 

An irate wife that wants to take it out on the lady instead of her husband? I'd be suspicious if it was even for real.

 

And I sure don't mean to belittle the impact of nasty emails, they can take us off guard initially but then they are just letters on a screen and can't hurt you.

 

Men will be dumb and get caught and leave bread crumbs around; they expect (demand) you be discreet and don't pay you the same courtesy, that's the way it will always be I'm afraid.

[EmilyRushton 253372]

Oh my gosh... Well there must be something more to it Emily as I've never known a nasty email to stop an aircraft and there is something you can do about it -- can't you just ignore it? Certainly if you are so inclined you can write back and tell her it is not your business and to take it up with her husband?

 

I mean really, this has nothing to do with you (or any other lady) and everything to do with him doesn't it?

 

An irate wife that wants to take it out on the lady instead of her husband? I'd be suspicious if it was even for real.

 

And I sure don't mean to belittle the impact of nasty emails, they can take us off guard initially but then they are just letters on a screen and can't hurt you.

 

When women are upset, we want revenge and as pissed as she is at her husband she blames me - even though it was him who contacted me and not the other way around. In her eyes I am the home wrecker and as mad as she is at him she is taking the excess out at me.

 

She has decided to get the local LE involved in the city she is in and quite frankly I DO NOT need to be threatened or treated like this.

[Guest jrose]

The email might not have stopped the plane, but I can see how getting an email like this would throw someone into a place where they would neither want to travel nor take encounters.

 

Oh my gosh... Well there must be something more to it Emily as I've never known a nasty email to stop an aircraft and there is something you can do about it -- can't you just ignore it? Certainly if you are so inclined you can write back and tell her it is not your business and to take it up with her husband?

 

I mean really, this has nothing to do with you (or any other lady) and everything to do with him doesn't it?

 

An irate wife that wants to take it out on the lady instead of her husband? I'd be suspicious if it was even for real.

 

And I sure don't mean to belittle the impact of nasty emails, they can take us off guard initially but then they are just letters on a screen and can't hurt you.

 

Men will be dumb and get caught and leave bread crumbs around; they expect (demand) you be discreet and don't pay you the same courtesy, that's the way it will always be I'm afraid.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I have not been on the receiving end of nasty emails from wives very much but I can tell you is that you cannot accept this lying down. You are someone who is an offering a service, an outside party who does not judge nor are you biased.

 

He is seeking you out and you have no control over what someone else's husband does or doesn't do. I also don't them threaten, intimidate, or go on some sort of verbal rampage. Otherwise I just hang up if a mature woman cannot be civil.

 

I have let these wives know this and also remind them that there are other reasons why their husbands are contacting other women and perhaps it's best the speak with their spouses to find out why. I do not let someone else blame me for THEIR problems.

 

Afterall, I am only offering a service that does not entail anything emotional and therefore I am a neutral party. With a response like that, the onus is now on these wives to find out what is happening or should I say lacking in their marriage.

[backrubman 64800]

She has decided to get the local LE involved in the city she is in and quite frankly I DO NOT need to be threatened or treated like this.

 

Yes that's disturbing, just the same you have done no wrong and have nothing to fear. The estranged wife will just make a fool of herself in the end as Emily Rushton breaks no laws and even if she did (by the letter of the law) it wouldn't be provable in their jurisdiction :)

 

I do get that this is very disturbing to you and my heart goes out to you of course but dumb men aren't going to smarten up any time soon (add some technology into the mix and oh brother), they are born that way and can not change.

[LeeRichards 177238]

This really bites Emily ! Very sorry to hear this as I know first hand how very considerate and caring you are towards your clients and their personal lives and their privacy and discretion.

 

 

Due dilligence fellas !! Every decision, every contact you make in this lifestyle can have a serious impact on many many people if you don't wipe the trail.

 

For the record Em.... in your shoes I would of cancelled my trip as well in a heartbeat due to the potential issues involved. It is a big deal !!! xox

[VictoriaJolie 64127]

However said it shouldn't bother it does...

I have had similar experience than Emily where i never met the guy..Once contact me even stating he wouldn't via work to be discret..Yet he never delete his history and wife found my site..I got an email while i was in europe Attach a picture of the family telling me i was wrecking a marriage.i had absolutly no clue from where the email came from who it could be so i reply...

It took me time to research to find it was "potential client that never book" that was negligent.

Earlier when i was in the USA...I use to have a local number and one day while i was in a photoshoot i receive a call..A woman..She was asking me about a treesome but i could hear her voice been very shaky(plus i wasn't providing couple app then).I told her i couldn't help her..I start to have text telling me i was the devil..How could i be so mean and destroy a marriage..I said i had no clue was she was talking about she stated that she found my number in her number phone billing ...I had to do a lot of search to realise it was a guy calling me while i was in Chicago pretending been an assistant wanting to book for someone..Since i do not book trough a third party and wasn't in that city i never return the phone call.

On recent event i end up having my name add to a gent reservation to his insistance which lead me to some problem when i was trying to work..He had my personal phone which i have express several time to e very leary and not comfortable due to the fact that he is married..He assure me he was the only having access to it..Well i had to call for the first time ever and end up having his wife answering me.

 

I personally find very unfair that you ask me to be discret..To be private but you are careless about my infos..

 

I completly support Emily on this point and would ask gents to be more careful as not only it cause us distress but it can also ruin a tour we had plan as we get treathened.

It is really not fun!!!

VJ

[roamingguy 300292]

Emily

I'm so sorry for you having to go through this. And the "gentleman" obviously has no respect for you if he allows his private married life to cross over and impact the quality of your life.

I've said before that privacy is sacrosanct, a sacred trust. It may sound rigid to some, but treating privacy in a cavalier matter, well it has consequences. And Emily has to suffer harassment now because of someone else's carelessness with her privacy.

I don't have the concerns of a wife or SO being single, but I clear my browsing history, text messages etc. If I with no concerns do that, why do guys who have marriages not take the same precautions, if not for their marriage, for the privacy and protection of the ladies they see.

Emily, having been privileged enough to be in your company and having gotten to know you, I know for a fact you don't deserve to be treated that way by anyone

And it doesn't matter about winning or losing should LE become involved, it is frankly unneeded bullshit (pardon my language) for Emily to deal with because of this guy's carelessness.

Emily, you are a wonderful companion, a class act and a lady, and should always be treated as such.

It may not mean much, but here is a long distance hug from me Em.

Take care and stay strong

RG

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

All hobbiests should be using a throwaway phone(prepaid) for hobbying and not their personal cell phone for the hobby. A number can be switched very easily on a prepaid or get a sim card with another number on it and always clear their phone emails and texts! Gentleman a phone history is readily available on your private contracted phone so the prepaid is your best option. Why make it hard on someone who you are contacting for an encounter by leaving information around that is your responsibility to clear off your phone or computer. Computer illterate? Get a GSM phone you can toss in to the recycle bin after you have used it or change the number after your encounter has occurred!

On a personal note Emily you should not have to go through this. You are one of the classiest ladies that I know and its an honour to know you!

[mrgreen760 37785]

I must say after thinking about it a bit I am a little surprised that this type of thing doesn't actually happen more often and that it sort of comes with the territory. A risk to the plan as it were. Not that anybody signed up for that. I think it's pretty easy to be discreet and private if one wants to be. So if one gets caught I think they may want to get caught as fucked up as that might be. I also find it odd that the "other" woman gets most if not all of the of the heat when any percieved infidelity takes place. Seems us men are just too feeble minded and are so easily led astray....it can't be my man's fault afteral he's just a man!!! Last time I checked it took 2 to tango..

 

"When women are upset, we want revenge..." That sort of sums it all right there.

 

Play smart, play safe and play nice.....seems so simple.

 

Peace

MG

[RubJunky 1954]

Stupid humans!

[fortunateone 156618]

I don't think it happens often because most people respect their partners privacy. You have to wonder what is going on when someone is checking line by line on phone records, to the point of googling the number in order to know what the call was for before then calling it, and to sift thru their SO's emails. I am always curious about the answer to 'why does she even know this" about her SO, and if she knows that he phoned or contacted one, why doesn't she know he didn't actually see the sp (as in no followup phone calls or emails with times, and so on).

 

Had this SO been actually reading emails, they wouldn't have seen any sort of a reply in this case. So the over reaction I kind of agree seems a bit suspect, especially if it is coinciding with a trip announcement on sp ad sites.

 

Just saying that "another sp" is always my knee jerk reaction anytime some irate female contacts me. But it is very rare. And this email exchange seems to include some threats to contact LE about Emily working in that city, that has to be taken seriously whether it is an SO or another sp.

[DukeSSk 3430]

This is very unfortunate...

 

I noticed that this is a topic which has been brought up many times since I joined CERB...

 

Is there some sort of guide for fixing privacy settings, maybe not in here, but in the Tech Corner forum? An outside easy-to-understand source?

 

Can it be made a mandatory reading for all?!?! It would appear that this would be the best solution.

 

Best of luck to you Emily.

[Rounding Third 9568]

review the how do you keep from getting caught thread and make sure you are taking all the precautions you can.

 

Since reading this thread a couple of hours ago I have been thinking of ways I have been careless. I appreciate the reference to above thread which has lots of good information. I also appreciate the reference to Chrome and incognito that a couple of posters have mentioned. I was not aware of that feature.

 

Another point I would add if it has not already been stated is to limit the "unexplained" time on the computer. The answer "Oh! I was just seeing what is new on CERB" will never fly!

 

No matter what our reasons for engaging in this activity, it is unconventioan and there are inherent risks. It never occurred to me until this evening how easy it may be to inadvertently put ourselves as well as the ladies who provide their wonderful services at unnecessary risk. Ems points are well taken.

[EmilyRushton 253372]

 

Just saying that "another sp" is always my knee jerk reaction anytime some irate female contacts me. But it is very rare. And this email exchange seems to include some threats to contact LE about Emily working in that city, that has to be taken seriously whether it is an SO or another sp.

I will say that because of all the problems other Sp's have caused me in the past in certain cities, thinking it was another service provider is always the first thought that comes to my mind in a situation like this. The gentleman in question contacted me from his work account (which I will add he holds a prominent position in his city) and I did google him and it was all legit. I am 100% sure that the nasty emails have come from his wife.

[Phaedrus 209521]

As of this weekend, I have received one of the nastiest email exchanges from a VERY irate wife of someone that I have not even met yet. These emails from this woman, have wrecked my travel plans for the week as well made me quite upset. She is now harassing me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

If you're being harassed... there probably is, if you want to...

 

She has decided to get the local LE involved in the city she is in and quite frankly I DO NOT need to be threatened or treated like this.

 

Get LE involved? For what? Doing the horizontal boogie with someone else's husband isn't a crime, even if money changes hands. Harassment, on the other hand, is.

 

The gentleman in question contacted me from his work account (which I will add he holds a prominent position in his city) and I did google him and it was all legit.

 

Ah. Well, that makes things... interesting, doesn't it? I wonder what would happen if --you-- went to LE over the harassment you've had? It might be very interesting to see how Mrs Prominent Person, who probably holds a reasonably high position in society herself (or at least thinks she does), might react to that. Perhaps she'd be furious and redouble her assault. Or perhaps she'd think about whether she really wants to be on the wrong side of the law... and, while she may not be very happy with her husband at the moment, whether she --really-- wants to blow his career out of the water.

 

Of course, prominent persons probably know people, and can probably make your life very difficult if they know the right people. And I'm fully aware that it's easy for me to post things like this, 'cos it's not my ass on the line.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

This thankfully has only happened to me once and she left it after being reassured that he hadn't actually visited with me. BUT I would respond this way.

 

Your husband contacted me for sex. It didn't happen but even if it had..I did not solicit your husband... he contacted me. Deal with him and leave me alone or I will contact the police re: your harassment. While you're understandably upset you don't run into a store and yell at the person who sold smokes to your husband if he promised you not to smoke or the liquor store if he promised you not to drink do you? Redirect your issues to him.

[espitzer 1135]

Careful with the assuring comments about Google Chrome incognito feature. It is fairly basic/simplistic, and doesn't really cover your tracks against anyone who remotely knows what they are doing. Trust me, I've been there. It is nothing but a threadbare safety blanket.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, Emily. I hope the wife backs off and leaves you alone, but if she doesn't, I agree with the others that you might consider finding a way to tell her she's harassing you and that you're prepared to report it to the police. That should stop her from further contact. She's only venting at you because whatever response he's giving her isn't enough to satisfy her. Projecting her pain and fury may seem okay to her because, after all, prostitutes aren't real people.

 

I'm not defending her. She's out of line: you did nothing to deserve any hostility at all.

 

While the man in question probably was thoughtless or careless and never meant for anything like this to happen, I have to say that there are people who use escorts when they want to get caught. They're unhappy at home or they're hoping to cover their tracks by deflecting attention away from their involvement with a different woman. I've even had men contact me to find out what I would charge to help them be "discovered" intentionally. I hope I don't need to say that I declined these opportunities. Unhappy people lose whatever good sense they were born with!

[futileresistenz 28253]

I'm saddened that this unwanted attention has befallen a classy lady such as yourself, Emily, through no fault of your own and due to the carelessness with which some 'gentlemen' -- and married ones, at that -- operate in this industry.

 

I do hope for your sake that this resolves itself in short order and that the wife of said suitor realizes that she is misplacing her anger, hurt and frustration at the easier target, the other woman, when she should be dealing with her errant husband.

 

It's funny how the wife/SO always decides that it is the other woman's fault for having lured her husband away from her, when, as in this case, this is patently false. I agree with earlier poster(s) saying that you should explain your situation and hope the problem goes away on its own, and leave threatening to involve the police for --her-- harrassment as a backup option if needed.

 

I can imagine how these threats of involving local LE must impact you. You, as well as any lady that runs her business in a professional and discrete manner does not deserve to have this happen to them through the blatant disregard of someone who does not take the necessary precautions to avoid discovery and in the aftermath opens up a provider to these types of unfortunate consequences.

 

You've been great to have shared this with the board members. This should really be made a sticky, IMO - in the hope that more eyes will be opened up to this.

 

In any case, this incident can't be over soon enough, and I wish you the best of luck, Emily!

FR

[Athos 108589]

Emily,

 

I am so sorry this has happened. As others have said, first the individual in question needs to show more respect. This shouldn't happen to anyone, but when it happens to someone as wonderful as you, it's just downright unfair.

 

It really isn't hard:

 

--Use private browsing on whatever computer you are using

--Never use your work computer

--Even if you do the above, delete cookies, browsing history, etc. regularly.

--Don't leave your computer on where someone can simply hit back and see the last websites you were on

--Use a separate phone. If not, make sure no one else uses your phone and you control the billing statements and record of calls. My phone is my phone. No one else in my family uses it, touches it. They have their own! I also don't leave it sitting around. Even at home it is usually in my possession or in my office.

--if you do have a separate phone, don't take it home! Leave it locked in your desk drawer at work, or in a filing cabinet. You only need it when hobbying. The rest of the time it can be out of sight and out of mind.

--Delete browsing history on your phone,

--have a separate e-mail address that doesn't automatically push to your phone. So if your partner does have your phone, and checks your e-mail, only the e-mails she's allowed to see will be there.

--Delete text messages immediately after receipt.

--Same goes with i-pads or other tablets. Delete, delete, delete.

--don't keep escorts names and numbers in your contact list. It's really strange when there are all these names of friends and families followed by TiffanyXXX in your contacts. One of the reasons I really appreciate SPs with two names. Emily Rushton in my contact list could be anyone, and there are lots of people in my list that my SO wouldn't know. Work contacts, etc. If you do keep names and numbers in your contact list, make up a second name for your favorites along with a fake business name or some such thing to cover the trail. But frankly, better not to have them there at all.

 

All of these things are common sense. Others might have suggestions to add. There has certainly been lots of discussion of this over the years on the board.

 

Build a firewall between your hobby world and your real world. As you proceed always ask the question: what would happen if this became public, or what would happen if my SO found out. And the more prominent your position, the more important this must be. I'm a bit of a nobody, so really it's quite likely very few people would care. But within my immediate workplace, this would matter to some people. And certainly with my SO it would matter.

 

At the end of the day, I truly adore the women I see. (Emily, I'm really missing seeing you in St. John's). Just as I wouldn't want my SO to be hurt, I don't want to hurt the other ladies in my life! Consideration and discretion. The two go hand in hand.

 

Porthos

[Amelia Fox 9064]

Good thread..

This actually scares me,to think someone would harass you.(hopefully she was livid when she did it and will stop) Thank you for all these tips here,as im sure there usuful to not only myself but alot of the other new ladies in this indusrty..

[Newbie64 439]

I agree that the client should be discreet. I am someone that doesn't want to hurt their family and at the same time still wants to experience the joy of sex. I am glad that the SP's are not judgmental in this. I think a mention to someone that is hesitant to give their phone number to get their own prepaid phone to use only for contacting SP's - paid cash not credit card ( can someone be that silly) would be a good idea.The tip about covering the scent is something I didn't think of (men eh!) but a gym membership would give both the time for encounters and the ability to shower after an encounter. By now if someone can't figure out how to cover their tracks on the internet I would point them to this thread. Also married men, in my opinion should only engage in the safest of activities as to spread an STI to your partner would be a very bad thing.