Does Kinky Sex Lead to Sex Addiction? (article)

SamanthaEvans · August 18, 2012

I'm not sure what I think about sex addiction, what it is, whether it's a real condition or a name for something else, like Calvinist morality. However, I found a link to this article in something else I was reading this morning and thought it might be worth posting and discussing here. It's from an online journal about addiction, but could stand alone elsewhere.

Does Kinky Sex Lead to Sex Addiction?

roamingguy · August 19, 2012

I too am not sure about the whole idea of sex addiction. Is sex addiction a bona fide psychological diagnosis, or is it a way to excuse certain behaviours (ie Tiger Wood's very public infidelities...sorry for what may be sounding like judgement laden terms, best I can use though) as a psychological/psychiatric condition.

As for kinky sex, does that have to do with sex addiction, or is it a case of consenting adults exploring the boundaries of their sexuality. Put another way, if your in Baskin and Robbins, do you just stick with vanilla. And if you try to expand your sexuality beyond vanilla, after a very vanilla sex life are you all of a sudden a sex addict

Some ramblings

RG

Phaedrus · August 20, 2012

The big problem with sex addiction is that it seems to be an overly-used excuse for having a lot of partners that your SO didn't know about (but does now, because it's front-page news).

If we're going to describe people who suffer from compulsive behavior as "addicts", then I think that can manifest itself in many different ways. Nobody doubts the existence of compulsive gamblers, hoarders, shoplifters, liars, and all sorts of other things. What's more interesting is what's described as an "addiction" and what's not; it's fairly common to speak of a "gambling addict", but far less so to speak of a "hoarding-old-newspapers addict".

And so if we define "sex addiction" as compulsively engaging in sexual behavior (which is a pretty broad definition in any case), I don't doubt that it exists. I also don't doubt that its existence is convenient for, and abused by, many people who aren't actually sex addicts. Wha't --is-- addiction, anyway? And how do we deal with the fact that what one person considers to be a "sex addiction" may be considered by the next person to be a "healthy and active sex life"?

As for whether it's related to "kinky sex"... I guess the first question is: what's "kinky"? Some of us are so vanilla that we think chocolate ice-cream is pushing it. Some of us... have rather different opinions. And having defined "kinky", then it would be necessary to distinguish between those who were chasing sex (in whatever form) and those who are chasing new and ever-more-exotic experiences (I don't know if neophilia is a recognized medical condition or not). My gut feeling is that "kinky sex" (however you might define it), and "sex addiction" (assuming that means the compulsive engagement in sexual behavior) probably aren't particularly related. But I can't prove it.

MightyPen · August 20, 2012

Will trying new restaurants lead to obesity? Of course not. Just because someone likes to explore varied menus doesn't mean they'll abandon everything else in their lives in this one pursuit.

I think there really are cases of sex addiction, in which people come to crave the psychological rewards of sex almost exclusively and actively sabotage their own larger well-being in its pursuit. But I think it's rare.

On the other hand I think it's common for people to crave intimacy, and for some people to end up taking risks to obtain it when it's absent from a primary relationship. In this respect I guess I'm just repeating the point Samantha already made, but I wanted to add a "+1" to her post.

People who don't understand the role of physical intimacy in living a healthy, fulfilled life (or who halfway understand it, but dismiss it or wave it away with contempt as alarmingly weird or a kind of weakness) are quick to label a case of "needs intimacy" as "is addicted to sex". Racing to slap the addiction label onto a simple, varied sex life is a way to diminish and scorn it, and it helps make people with small, narrow sex lives feel safe and validated.

Again, I think there can be genuine cases of clinical sex addiction recognizable by professionals. But I think most of the time when lay people cite sex addiction, it's mostly an expression of their own deep-seated puritanism.