Really need advice - please read

[Ironsman1 1461]

Hey everyone,

 

I had a very emotionally charged and interesting night, so I am turning to the CERB community for some help and advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I recently split up, and tonight she broke the news to me that she is doing escort work, and has done a lot of it in the past. Having been a CERB member for about 4 years now, so I broke the news to her that I used to hobby. Needless to say, it was a pretty intense and interesting talk since we both made some pretty big confessions.

 

I am very worried about her because she is going about it the wrong way. She is going to bars and approaching people to offer them services. I told her that this is not a safe practice and I am pretty sure that's illegal. Being a CERB member, I told her about the wonderful community we have here and that she should sign up.

 

I was hoping to maybe hear from some independents, as well as CERB members if you have any really important tips or do's and don't's for someone starting up. I am not planning on being her driver or manager or anything, but I do care about her well being so I am hoping to get some valueable info before she dives into this head first.

 

She is french and speaks english perfectly, however she does not write English very well, so I was thinking maybe I could post the ad for her. Mod, is there a rule against this?

 

The biggest thing I am concerned about is safety. What are some things that independents do to ensure safety? How much does the driver get paid and what is he expected to do? Are there any issues or conflict with the agencies at all? Also, can someone recommend a good photographer? Of course I have pictures of her, but they are just quick snapshots and not professional.

 

Please let me know if you have any tips, especially when it comes to safety and respect. It does break my heart to know that she is doing it, but if she is going to be an SP then I think CERB is the best place to be. I have been on CERB for awhile and have had a chance to talk with many of you, so I am hoping I can get some good insights for her.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

PS. Yes I know there is a Search function, and I have tried to use it. I think my situation is pretty unique, so it does warrant a new thread. If there is a similar thread, then I would be glad to be directed to it. Thanks.

[Jazzitup 5652]

1) it is illeagal to proposition someone in a bar from my understanding of the law

 

2) if she is just starting out, then work for an agency and learn from that experience

 

3) you can not post her ads under your handle, she has to get a handle for herself.

 

Good luck with this.

[Gia Wren Marlowe 67985]

I think what you need to do is convince her to come onto CERB and work things out for herself. Whatever her writing skills, she needs to be asking these questions on her own behalf. Given that you are a hobbyist I don't think you'll have a lot of SPs willing to give you the inside scoop on how we run our businesses or how we protect ourselves. Encourage her to get in contact with other Escorts herself. I think that's the best you can do if you're concerned about her.

[etasman2000 15994]

Cerb also has a rule against hobbiest and SP sharing computers. This is to guard against shrill posts.

 

Georgiana said it best, prompt her to join Cerb and draw from the community herself.

[MisterMike 1873]

Given that you are a hobbyist I don't think you'll have a lot of SPs willing to give you the inside scoop on how we run our businesses or how we protect ourselves. Encourage her to get in contact with other Escorts herself. I think that's the best you can do if you're concerned about her.

I agree that it would be unwise for the escorts to divulge information of this nature on a public forum.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I agree with everyone else. Have her join and create her own persona, well written or not. I will say as well it is solicitation and against the law for her to be approaching people so that should be stopped. This is something she has to do for herself, have her reach out to this community on her own, if she herself wants help, thats the best advice.

[Luckyme 41401]

I agree with everyone here in terms of legality and information sharing and so on. What I will advise is - given that she has done a lot in the past, and that she picks up clients from bars, it is prudent to get yourself tested. I am not sure how safe between you while you were together of course. Just a word of caution.

[roamingguy 300292]

I think it's good that even after you two have broken up, you are still concerned about her safety

But she needs, as others have said, to join CERB and/or join an agency to learn the profession.

And that she is doing this, especially since you have been seeing SP's for four years, shouldn't break your heart. There is nothing wrong with this profession, and lifestyle. The only concern is that she is doing it properly, meaning legally and safely.

RG

[Guest *ig*a**]

Kudos for you for still caring and I agree with everyone else it would be much safer for her to join cerb and set up her own persona after joining she could contact other sp's here for some advice and guidance from what I have learned here is that people are more than willing to help.

[NotchJohnson 214136]

I think she should join an agency, might be easier on her, at least to start off.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Personally, I am tired of being asked to give advice about the industry. I had to do my own research, ask my own questions and figure things out on my own, and I am tired of giving away that knowledge for free.

 

And when clients ask for advice on our best practices, it is a red flag. You may certainly be only trying to help and I'm not trying to suggest otherwise. I am only pointing out that it does seem fishy.

 

If you truly care about her, urge her to sign up on CERB and let her speak for herself.

[fortunateone 156618]

I imagine if she has been doing it a particular way for a while, she is probably doing it very infrequently. She may not even see herself as a pro. She may indeed have gotten enough interest that she has regulars and repeats, so she goes out only when she is in need of some income and there haven't been any regs for a while.

 

But soliciting in bars is no different from standing on a corner and doing it that way. Maybe a bit safer in that you don't get into a car to have the conversation.

 

What does concern me is that I am assuming that if she doesn't think of herself as a pro, she isn't setting up health boundaries and she is randomly accepting different rates, and probably from time to time ending up with a guy with no $$ in his pocket after the fact.

 

I would suggest she sign up. If you want to help her to write an ad, that's fine, just get what she wants to say, edit it or reword it into English, then email it to her so she can copy and paste it into an ad she posts herself.

 

You've seen sps. You know what they do to protect themselves, their personal information, their personal safety, ensuring they get paid first, and their sexual health as well. Take what you have learned by seeing sps to help her to come up with her own 'business plan' so to speak. What she will offer, what she will charge, when she will work, where she will advertise, appropriate ad style to ensure appropriate callers, how to not double book, what kind of confirmation when booking that is used that worked well for you, what stuff didn't work well for you as a client, and so on.

 

There is a "new to this" section as well for a variety of topics.

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

These comments do not reflect the majority thoughts of the members of Cerb!

[withpassion 914]

These comments do not reflect the majority thoughts of the members of Cerb!

 

Sorry, but which thoughts are you referring to? There is quite a cross section posted here and, besides, how do you know what the "majority" think in any case? Not being rude, just saying.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

When I first decided to embark on this journey, I had no knowledge as to the ins and outs other than what I saw on cl and in movies. I went in blind but with the basic instincts as to what was acceptable and legal. Thankfully I found Cerb and consequently met some ladies who were amenable to offering up some sound advice although I quickly figured it out on my own.

 

Based on your original post, I would suggest that her behavior requires the help of an agency.

 

As per Berlin's post...I too find it frustrating that with all the available info, she needs (or you need) instruction on how to go about this.

 

Word of warning....if this is what she chooses to do...don't be involved in anyway! Offer advice and direction but anything more will be frowned upon.

[Ironsman1 1461]

Thanks for your help everyone. I will simply tell her to sign up on here and take it from there. I plan on staying out of it completely. Thanks.

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

RG expressed my thoughts in his reply!

[roamingguy 300292]

And I think MightyFinn is on very safe grounds when he refers to the comments on pimping (that is what he was referring to) do not reflect the majority thoughts of the members of CERB.

Anyone who in any way shape or form thinks pimping and being a pimp is ok, they are an aberration, not just of the CERB community but society as a whole.

RG

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

Unfortunately they exist and I have seen a pimp dicipline a woman in the parking lot of one of the local dance bars. She was a dancer and he was beating her because she refused to see a client that he wanted her to see.

[Andee 220524]

If her English writing is not good, she can pay someone to edit her ads before she posts. There are SPs right here in Ottawa who are skilled at writing and have excellent English writing and grammar skills who do this for other SPs for a nominal fee. Also, once she joins the community, she she will have a plethora of information available at her fingertips that was not available when I first started out before the Internet age.

 

What she is doing is totally illegal and and tacky as well.

 

Not to offend you, but it's great you are concerned about her safety, but really you have no "business" trying to get involved in her "business". This is where she has to learn it herself and fly on her own, even if it means making mistakes. She has to earn her stripes just like every other lady.

 

The best advice you could give her is to suggest she go work for a reputable agency. Let someone else handle her advertising and bookings. She will pay a percentage, but it will be worth it in the long run, rather than the way she is going about it now.

 

I'm going to play my mature card and say this is coming from someone who has been in the business (mostly part-time, but nonetheless) since 1995 and I started with an agency. Even when I went indy, there were no escort boards. We made it up as we went along. The girls now days have it so much easier than us. In my humble opinion, working with a reputable agency is the best way to start.

[stand on guard 1186]

I can see why some SP's might be reluctant to share information that they have had to learn on their own or through the school of hard knocks, but I am a firm believer in mentoring programs in all professions. We can share valuable information and life lessons based on our previous mistakes and we can share the knowledge that we have garnered as we grow and mature into our chosen profession(s). To me, as long as the individual we are helping out is respectful and appreciative of the advice we are sharing and the time we are giving, then that is all I would ask and expect in return.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

A fellow hobbiest who has been around for a lot of years estimated that up to 80% of ladies are pimped or managed or somehow manipulated to give up some of their income to a "boyfriend."

His estimation is based on his experiences. I could very well say that I've been around for a number of years and that my estimate is 0% of ladies are pimped, which would be true for my own experiences but just as untrue as your friend's when speaking of the general population. It could also speak to the type of provider he seeks out, or the means by which he does so, or how he perceives a significant other's role/relationship.

[Andee 220524]

I can see why some SP's might be reluctant to share information that they have had to learn on their own or through the school of hard knocks, but I am a firm believer in mentoring programs in all professions. We can share valuable information and life lessons based on our previous mistakes and we can share the knowledge that we have garnered as we grow and mature into our chosen profession(s). To me, as long as the individual we are helping out is respectful and appreciative of the advice we are sharing and the time we are giving, then that is all I would ask and expect in return.

 

I, like many seasoned SPs I know have have mentored more than few ladies in our day. For myself, I can think of maybe only 3 (two from ground zero, and one other who came out retirement after a few years when the industry had changed) who were truly appreciative of my efforts and showed their gratitude in different ways and are now paying it forward themselves.

 

Today I am more inclined to refer newbies who ask me, to resources for tips/safety measures etc. This may sound harsh, but it makes no sense for me to help someone else make money when most of us are just getting by in the present economy. (I don't know of any other industry where one would expect a professional to do that for free).

 

As for the OPs friend, I for one, would not be interested in mentoring a girl who has already started off on the wrong foot. The fact that she is hustling in bars, disturbs me. There is enough knowledge on the internet for her to know better. If she truly is that naive, then she really needs to get on with a reputable agency. And she needs to be agreeable to following their protocol.

 

I really do hope the OP encourages her in that direction instead of trying to get ladies on cerb to take that on.

 

Opening a cerb account is not going to do anything for her if she has no idea what she is doing. She could in fact make things worse for herself.

[igab 5629]

His estimation is based on his experiences. I could very well say that I've been around for a number of years and that my estimate is 0% of ladies are pimped, which would be true for my own experiences but just as untrue as your friend's when speaking of the general population. It could also speak to the type of provider he seeks out, or the means by which he does so, or how he perceives a significant other's role/relationship.

 

I agree that 80% is high. Note I said it was his opinion. It's certainly not 0%. Let's not get polyanna here, there are plenty of SPs who are pimped in this industry, it's probably impossible to get an exact percentage. There are probably just as many here on CERB as any where else. It's not just street level girls that are pimped, there are plenty of high end escorts in that category too.

 

I think what was interesting in the original statement was that he assumed that there were no pimps left in Canada and those that were all stereotypically fall into the drug dealer, violent shark category...they don't.

[cat 262460]

I would agree with Igab, pimping is far more prevalent than most people think. The more high profile providers are sometimes independent but in my experience there are many who have a "man" in their lives that direct the business. It's naive to believe that it doesn't. In my 25 years, I've come to learn that pimps don't always wear fur coats or look like gangsters. I've seen husbands who are straight up pimps and boyfriends who offer no contribution to running the business but bleed the woman dry. Many providers have "handlers" that don't resort to pimp tactics but are still leeches.

 

I've also met many providers who are not cut out for running a business but are great escorts. I am one of those and from experience I would recommend an agency to learn the basics and see if going Indie is something she's even interested in. If there was an agency in town that worked me, I still be there...

 

cat