Can You Be Friends With A SP/Client

[roamingguy 300292]

A thread about getting turned on by a client got me to thinking, and I thought I'd post for discussion. Can you be friends with a SP/Client. Can a client be friends with a SP, and can she be friends with a client. And no, I'm not talking about being in love, I'm talking about being friends.

I've had encounters with a couple of ladies where seeing the lady is more like seeing a friend (yes, friends with benefits LOL) again than seeing a professional companion. (btw something I never expected when I embarked on this lifestyle) Likewise, I was made to feel like her friend, not like a client.

Nothing changed donation wise, nor would I expect it to. In fact as a client I would never shortchange a SP, as a friend I would also consider it a betrayl of a friendship to try to financially gain (i.e negotiate down a lady's rate, distasteful and offensive imho) from that friendship. I also expect within this lifestyle, that the friendship likely has a lifespan unfortunately, but a reality. If a lady retires and moves on, for example well the friendship will end since we won't see one another (in most cases) but there will be fond memories.

The friendship is that for example, you both feel comfortable enough with one another, chemistry if you will, that you can talk about anything (even problems), well almost anything. For those who think a friendship in this lifestyle is artificial, unlike those friends in civilian life consider this. My friends in civilian life, for that matter family too, are real and very important. But they don't know about this aspect of my life, which is very real and important to me, as are the ladies I meet. So yes while the ladies I meet in this lifestyle aren't part of my civilian life, likewise, my family and friends aren't part of this side of my life. My point, friends in either side of my life, civilian or this life, compartmentalized as it is LOL, are still my friends. And due to the nature of this lifestyle compared to civilian life LOL, the friendship exists differently. Such as seeing one another in paid encounters and conversations through pm's and or emails. But does that make it any less a friendship

Anyhow, thrown out for discussion

RG

[Boomer 33202]

I would agree with the majority of your post, but would point out several places I have a small difference of opinion.

 

I've had encounters with a couple of ladies where seeing the lady is more like seeing a friend (yes, friends with benefits LOL)

RG

 

The first is a simple matter of wording, as the term "friends with benefits", suggests a non commercial arrangement, which I don't think you were implying.

 

If a lady retires and moves on, for example well the friendship will end since we won't see one another (in most cases) but there will be fond memories.

RG

 

In the second case, I don't think true friendship has to end with retirement. I think it's quite possible to maintain a friendly relationship into the future.

[roamingguy 300292]

I would agree with the majority of your post, but would point out several places I have a small difference of opinion.

 

 

 

The first is a simple matter of wording, as the term "friends with benefits", suggests a non commercial arrangement, which I don't think you were implying.

 

 

 

In the second case, I don't think true friendship has to end with retirement. I think it's quite possible to maintain a friendly relationship into the future.

 

Just clarifying here.

The term friends with benefits I did add a LOL...my tongue was in cheek writing that.

But no, I didn't mean to imply a non commercial relationship, trying to financially benefit from being friends with a lady, well that makes you not much of a friend imho. Doing that is taking money from her, money she needs to pay the rent, car payments, food on the table, raise kids (if she has any) etc etc etc. Friends don't take money out of a friend's pocket so to speak

And yes, friendship doesn't have to end with retirement. But I have heard of cases where a lady retires, and wishes to leave her past (escorting) life in the past, including anyone she met in that life. As of yet I haven't experienced a lady who is a friend who is retiring. My statement,which included the phrase "in most cases", was assuming things, I will admit

RG

[Hector17 9215]

I agree with Backrubman that certainly a friendship can be established, based on mutual respect, fondness, and enjoyment of each others company, exchanging of thoughtful gifts, including of course, the physical pleasure.

But my real life friends know ME, my real name, job, family, hobbies and recreation, share in my stories, secrets, and problems, as I do theirs.

True, I share parts of my life, thought and feelings, with certain SPs, but not to the threshold where they really know me, or me them

It's quite true though, that, I feel, even the bit of insight I get from seeing an SP in this fantasy realm is enough that I can determine whether or not I would (and do) "like/luv" the whole person, and would be their friend, casual or otherwise outside this context.

There are times when I have felt that SPs' I am fond of, had, or are having some turmoil in their personal lives, under their own real names and as much as I feel compassion, and even an urge to ask, and then offer help, I hold back because I think it crosses the boundary of the "friendship" lines that are defined in this particular relationship.

I have adopted the motto here that I may not know the real answer to a question I may want to ask, so I dont ask. If they want to discuss something, I hope they are comfortable enough with me to bring it up.

But YES, a friendship can exist, albeit unique.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Yes.

 

Nuff' said.

[Butterfly Kisses 2301]

I have been fortunate to have met a few wonderful ladies over the years in this adult entertainment industry.

 

Some have retired and some have continued to work in the business. These were ladies that used to see me or stay in contact outside of the client/SP environment. Dinners, movies, etc were on our chill times together. Some went beyond that with no expectations, just spontaneous passion for each other.

 

In all cases we still see each other from time to time, and always keep in touch via phone text or email aorund holidays, birthdays or just to tell each other about things going on in our lives.

 

They have all been and are very special relationships that I will fondly recall in those quiet moments as I reflect on times in my life.

 

My feelings are, no matter where or who you meet, treat each other with respect and friendship develops. Those friendships can all be very different, but then isn't that just the way it is???

[mrgreen760 37785]

Friendly within the confines of the game sure. After.....nope

 

Peace

MG

[IamaGeek 3664]

I see no reason why a friendship cannot exist. I am friendly with other people who provide me with services and I am even a friend of one or two of them. Of course, we must be careful to keep the professional and the personal separate. This is the aspect which can be difficult when the services provided are of such a personal nature.

 

I have not had extensive experience with SPs but I feel a slightly deeper bond with a couple of the women I have met than just the provider/client relationship. I would like to give some examples.

 

Firstly, there was an SP who I had made arrangements to see but then had to cancel because of an aborted business trip. Our correspondence had been fun and interesting and I felt that this was somebody I could like. More recently some events led me to question some of my life decisions and I felt the need to discuss it with someone. I could not discuss it with the people it involved so, on a whim, I sent this provider a message. Her response was empathetic, wise and helpful. Although I have never met this person in the flesh I feel a deeper bond than a simple business relationship.

 

As has been pointed out above, the false names and personae that SPs and clients adopt can prevent the relationship from going too far. However, if and when there has been enough mutual trust built up between the SP and client it is possible to move past that. I am aware of the true identity of one of the providers I see at the moment and she knows that I know. I discuss my personal life very freely with her. Also, the first SP I ever visited became known to me and I to her. Of course, it makes a difference that both of these providers are very open in their personal life about what they do and who they are. Curiously, this is part of what makes me trust them more. They are obviously seriously invested in this business and know that discretion is an essential part of their service. Additionally, I spent enough time with each of them to feel that I could trust them (although it should be noted that this is where a client could be misled by someone trying to con them).

 

In any case, I feel that I could ask for help and I would be willing to provide help (if it was in my power) outside the boundaries of the usual business relationship. To me, this is one of the more important criteria for being a friend.

[Royalfun 55449]

This a interesting thread.

 

Relationships are part of our daily lives, and we entertain so many different levels with so many people. For instance, when we go regularly to the bank, the bank director or the bank clerk may "know" you and a mutual nice and warm kind of relationship can happen, in a more "personal' way. It's the same with a co-worker where we can develop a very nice and, in a way, a profound relationship that goes over the strict purpose of the job. It may also lead to a personal friendship. It may most of the time end when the job, the purpose is over. Real friendship, the one that goes over a purpose, a job, a reason, is rare and, and in a way, a gift of life. But it is rare.

 

I'm not saying that a friendship between a Sp and a Hobbiest is not possible, but it's a rare thing, and we cannot expect that because we develop a true connection within this hobby that this will lead to real friendship. And the true connection is a crucial part of the relationship between a SP and a hobbiest; without this kind of connection where would be the pleasure to hobby ?

 

And one of the specificity of this hobby is to have a sexual encounters without the commitment between the two persons. So we are in the middle of a paradox; at the same time we want a connection, and we don't want it.

 

I look forward to hear from others, either SPs and hobbiest on this thread.

[Athos 108589]

I've remained good friends with several ladies after they've retired. But I do agree with RG's observation regarding these sorts of friendships having a shorter lifespan. They are, it seems to me, somewhat more plagued by the tendency to drift apart that characterizes all friendships to greater or lesser degrees.

 

For me, as a married guy, staying friends requires almost as much effort as arranging a rendezvous, but without the sexual element. That's not to say it isn't worth it, because in some instances it certainly is. but it does make these friendships a bit harder to sustain.

[Icebreaker 3938]

I could see myself as being friends with an SP if it were to happen. In my mind the following conditions would have to exist:

 

- Both sides would have to feel comfortable with a friendship outside of the lifestyle

 

- Both would have to be comfortable with compartmentalizing the intimate nature of the lifestyle and the outside friendship (i.e. not trying to take advantage of the friendship for personal gain, such as discounts)

 

- Both agree on the boundaries of the friendship

 

So long as there is the above factors that will create a solid foundation of mutual respect, I would not see a problem if a friendship were to develop over the course of time and it happens organically without being forced by one party or the other.

 

As well a friendship between SP and client is in my opinion more realistic than a romantic relationship to develop.

[roamingguy 300292]

I agree with Backrubman that certainly a friendship can be established, based on mutual respect, fondness, and enjoyment of each others company, exchanging of thoughtful gifts, including of course, the physical pleasure.

But my real life friends know ME, my real name, job, family, hobbies and recreation, share in my stories, secrets, and problems, as I do theirs.

True, I share parts of my life, thought and feelings, with certain SPs, but not to the threshold where they really know me, or me them

It's quite true though, that, I feel, even the bit of insight I get from seeing an SP in this fantasy realm is enough that I can determine whether or not I would (and do) "like/luv" the whole person, and would be their friend, casual or otherwise outside this context.

There are times when I have felt that SPs' I am fond of, had, or are having some turmoil in their personal lives, under their own real names and as much as I feel compassion, and even an urge to ask, and then offer help, I hold back because I think it crosses the boundary of the "friendship" lines that are defined in this particular relationship.

I have adopted the motto here that I may not know the real answer to a question I may want to ask, so I dont ask. If they want to discuss something, I hope they are comfortable enough with me to bring it up.

But YES, a friendship can exist, albeit unique.

 

First, not disagreeing here, more a case of observations from my life. My "civilian" friends I have known in most cases 20-25 years. I have only been active in this lifestyle for a little over two years. But those ladies who are friends, well they know my real name (but most ladies I see require verification, so they would know that anyway LOL) Hobbies, ask anyone on CERB my hobby. Some ladies, very few, but some know exactly what I do and where I work, something I wouldn't tell even if required for verification. But I tell a lady I know and trust. But when it comes to telling my stories, well that is compartmentalized.

There are things I've told family, things told to civilian friends, things told to lady friend, and in some case all three are equally privy, in other cases some stories are compartmentalized, only family, or civilian friends, or only lady friends know. And of course, things only I know, and keep private

A rambling

RG

[Phaedrus 209521]

I see absolutely no reason why not.

 

In fact, the ladies I go back to (or would like to, even if I haven't managed to yet :) ) are, quite simply, the ones I get on with; the ones I feel --are-- friends, even if only for a short time.

[Lowdark 5613]

Absolutely. And such friendships may prove more valuable because there may be more respect an judgement and fewer secret.

[belfastspider 240]

I tried to be friends but it didn't turn out!! I still like to be friends with her!!

[CristyCurves 169032]

Friendship is something special, a bond between two people who have grown to care, like maybe even love one another. A bond that comes with trust, understanding and respect. So since sp's and clients are people, why not. If the buisness arrangement continues with the friendship I would think this would make that relationship that much more special and rather unique. As the people involved would have to be very understanding, mature as any intimate relationship in which emotions and sexual feelings mingle sometimes it can blossom into deeper feelings for one or the other.

[Guest]

This is my take on this subject. Yes a client and an escort can become friends but as stated before there has to be boundaries. It should not be an excuse for both the clients and escorts to take advantage of one another. It should unfold natually and it shouldn't be forced. Being comfortable with one another is a great feeling. You can be excited about certain character traits about that particular person and you know what to expect. Being comfortable with a person is still no excuse to ask for specials/social time for free if you are a client or is no excuse to ask for extra money if you are an escort. I think it is not fair for both clients and escorts to be placed in this situation. Unless it is mutually beneficial for both, it is just not fair. I.m.o. Being comfortable with one another does not mean that it is okey to be prying into ones personal life by asking inappropriate questions and by fishing for information. I know for myself that I am naturally open and I don't mind answering questions but at the same token I do leave some personal information to myself. I kind of shut down when I feel like someone is prying into my personal life. I.M.O., Making these kind of questions okey beacuse the client is my friend,regular or comfortable with me is super insualting because the client is now making excuses to be rude. In most cases I do not even ignolage this kind of behavior. I know that the person in question knows that they are being intrusive, so I just change the subject. I think that with any friendship there should be boundaries. When boundaries are crossed feelings can get hurt. When boundaries are crossed sometimes it can distroy a friendship and cause ill feelings. So yes an escort and a client can be friends and can be close to one another. It is just like any other kind of friendship and realtionship. If it is built on respect and kindness it is a very special gift that should be treasured. This again is just my opinion on this subject.

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

Of course, without over analyzing the whole situation. We are people, not robots!

[contraman 5480]

I see absolutely no reason why not.

 

In fact, the ladies I go back to (or would like to, even if I haven't managed to yet :) ) are, quite simply, the ones I get on with; the ones I feel --are-- friends, even if only for a short time.

 

This made me think -- it's as important to get ON with someone as get OFF with someone.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I am friends with a guy here on cerb but he was never a client of mine. No funny business going on either.

[Guest S****r]

I have certainly become friends with a couple of the guys I see. Have met for breakfast... gone out for coffee.... out for dinner.....exchanged small gifts....even went dancing with one of the guys. Just out for friendly fun, outside of our intimate time together. No expectations of the part of either party. Just friends having fun together!

[Guest *ig*a**]

You could definatley become friends especially if you have chemestry with each other.

[Luckyme 41401]

Yes, we can!

 

Joking aside, we are made of flesh and blood, and we are not robots (as CK says) - we have emotions! To me, an encounter between a client and a SP is the most intimate relationship between a man and a woman. If the feeling is mutual, I don't see why a friendship cannot be developed as long as both parties respect the boundary.

[Frank7 3939]

And one of the specificity of this hobby is to have a sexual encounters without the commitment between the two persons. So we are in the middle of a paradox; at the same time we want a connection, and we don't want it.

 

Not in my case. I'm in this hobby because i can't get sexual encouters otherwise. I'm sure a lot of others client would be really happy to get in a commited relationship with one of there SP/MA. Either because they can't get a girlfriend or because they can't get someone as amazing. (the two girls i've seen were amazing looking, smart and very nice)

 

 

 

 

 

I could easily be friend with an SP(that i'm seeing as a client or not) but i'm having trouble seeing at how it could start.

If the client is starting it, it could be seeing as creepy/rude. Or that he's trying to take advantage of her (discount/free sex)

On the other hand, if the SP tries to start it, it would seem unprofessional. A lot of her client might be married/in couple or are just there to get sex no string attached.

And it both side, it could be felt rude/intrusive that the other ask more personnal questions.

 

Being comfortable with a person is still no excuse to ask for specials/social time for free if you are a client

Maybe i didn't get what you're saying right (english is my 2nd language) but it's really not a friendship if you have to pay for social time. If it's not a romantic encounter, it's not really part of the "business". Just inviting a friend(s) to lunch, to see a movie or chatting is something friends do naturally. =/

[Guest]

Maybe i didn't get what you're saying right (english is my 2nd language) but it's really not a friendship if you have to pay for social time. If it's not a romantic encounter, it's not really part of the "business". Just inviting a friend(s) to lunch, to see a movie or chatting is something friends do naturally. =/

 

This is my point. A good friend who meet me through the business would understand that this is how I pay my bills. I feel like if my client really cared about me enough to call me his friend that he would not put me in any kind of position by asking for free services. Escorts do have social fees. Of course each situation is different. An escort/client friendship is not a traditional friendship and I think that a certain amount of boundaries should not be crossed and asking for free services is one of them but that is just my opinion. It is different if the escort wants to offer free time. Both the escort and the client should not be insulted if the other party does not want to bring their friendship outside the bedroom. This requires a large amount of trust on both ends. Just because I am a paid companion does not mean that it can

not be special and that I can not devlop feelings for certain clients. It just means that I am incredibly lucky to be able to enjoy spending time with wonderful people and get paid for that. I think that being able to connect with people makes a really good compainion/escort and that this kind of friendship should not be taken advantage of.

 

Let's look into the word escort.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/escort

 

Let's look into the word compainion.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/companion

 

They both mean to accompany someone and they mean spending time with people. I do not get paid for having sex,I get paid for being a companion/friend and my time. What the client and I do with our time is our business. I have spent many lovely evenings with charming gentlemen which I would be more than happy to call my friend and they were more than happy to help a friend out by giving the expected donation. If I started giving out my services for free the person I'm seeing would no longer be my client. This person would enjoy being my friend without the perks of a paid companion.