Can You Be Friends With A SP/Client

[Guest P**aq]

Real friendships can certainly blossom from the client/provider relationship. The key is...once the friendship begins, the service ends...at least in my case...and I am good with that. In fact, I have a few friends to whom I was once a client.

One in particular, we will get together for coffee or lunch once in a while...no services, just shoot the shit, talk about life and, recently, her joy about a man she has recently started dating.

 

More than one provider has trusted me enough with their personal information and I trust enough to provide mine.

 

I agree, if it is a true friendship, then the service ends.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I really don't get why the service ends once a true friendship evolves. Explain please!

[Guest c**io**m7]

I really don't get why the service ends once a true friendship evolves. Explain please!

 

Interesting question: many may disagree but' date=' in my case, with each lady, her policy is: friends are not clients and, once the friendship became real, the client part ended. I agreed because, I personally feel that the friendship gets undermined by an exchange of money for sex. Where do you draw the line? One lady, the one from my post, put it to me this way almostva year ago. [Paraphrase']" I would never trust a client with what you know about me and, if we continue having sex for money, you will always be client first..."

 

We discussed it and jointly chose friendship

 

Just one man's experience...

 

That is the beauty of life...we all get to choose our viewpoints and comfort levels.

 

Edit: to agree with the comment on this post as, for certain, this may not work for others and I certainly am not trying to say or imply that it should be like this for every friendship in this industry for everyone. For this lady in particular, it works for our friendship...and I am not complaining.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

There are so many rules and stigmas that society places on us and we tend to look at every situation through this biased filter. Every person is unique and so is every relationship had by two people. There are so many variables in any situation base don the people involved that how can anyone say for sure that it will or will not be this way or that? If one wants to follow society rules and ignore their inner voice or their heart then sure, it's gets easier to structure life and relationships but I for one would rather determine how a relationship works based on who is involved and their situations at any given point in time.

 

You cna be a friend and a client, you can be a friend but not a client. You cna also be a lover in either situation. Or you can determine that nothing can happen because it's not traditional or fitting with the rules and perhaps lose out on something amazing.

 

I believe relationships can be whatever we want and need them to be. They just have to be consensual, positive, open and honest.

[Guest c**io**m7]

There are so many rules and stigmas that society places on us and we tend to look at every situation through this biased filter. Every person is unique and so is every relationship had by two people. There are so many variables in any situation base don the people involved that how can anyone say for sure that it will or will not be this way or that? If one wants to follow society rules and ignore their inner voice or their heart then sure, it's gets easier to structure life and relationships but I for one would rather determine how a relationship works based on who is involved and their situations at any given point in time.

 

You cna be a friend and a client, you can be a friend but not a client. You cna also be a lover in either situation. Or you can determine that nothing can happen because it's not traditional or fitting with the rules and perhaps lose out on something amazing.

 

I believe relationships can be whatever we want and need them to be. They just have to be consensual, positive, open and honest.

 

That's what I was trying to say and giving example of what was decided in the case I quoted...you just said it so much better...thank you.

[roamingguy 300292]

Well just to add to the discussion there is a really wise quote I will use. No not from me, but from none other than Nathalie Lefebvre

 

Money does not necessarily corrupt authentic love and intimacy, rather, it's our discomfort with the idea of mixing both that causes tension. I think it's important to keep in mind that most relationships have unnegotiated financial dynamics (for example, many marriages and long-term relationships) which can cause much more tension than the honest and open communication that's possible with clients in this industry.

 

Now Nathalie's quote was in another thread, and it is about love and intimacy. But I would argue by the same token that money also does not necessarily corrupt authentic friendship

I would also add that those of us in this lifestyle, be it companions or clients would be more open to accepting the possibility that relationships can develop. The relationship may not take the "normal" form of a friendship compared to civilian friendships, but then again this isn't a civilian lifestyle, it is very unique, with no comparisons to civilian life. Just because you see a companion who is a friend in a paid encounter doesn't minimize the friendship JMHO If a client and companion are lucky enough to connect as more than SP/Client, but also friends, they should cherish that friendship.

A rambling from a guy who finds no discomfort or tension with friendship being mixed with money

RG

[Guest c**io**m7]

Absolutely agree with both RG and Midnite-Massage.

 

In this situation, canceling one relationship in favor of the other was the right path. Would another situation be different? Very possibly.

 

Could I be friends with a SP and still have a business relationship? Probably. I just haven't tested it yet.

[Guest P**aq]

Very well said. While i'm not really in a trade profession, my dad is and that's how i was raised. A service should be free for a friend, eventually they'll repay it in some way. (And if it's someone who never helps back, you know not to do it for free again in his case) One exception would be if there is materials. Your friend mechanic can repair your car, but he'll still make you pay for the pièces since they cost something else then just time.

 

I love the discussion here, it is provoking, so forgive me as I say this, but if the friend of the SP pays for the condoms, is that the same as the mechanic's friend paying for the car part?

[Frank7 3939]

I love the discussion here, it is provoking, so forgive me as I say this, but if the friend of the SP pays for the condoms, is that the same as the mechanic's friend paying for the car part?

 

Haha, i guess. The problem would be how costy the service is and how often it's asked though. Most trade services aren't needed as much as SP/MA. =P

 

Not sure what's your trade, but lets say you're an electrician. I'm sure you wouldn't mind checking once in a while your friend's wire if there is a problem. However, if you're friend owns half the city, i don't think you'll be working 1h per day for him in his varies houses , everyday for free. ;)

 

That's probably why most say it's impossible to be friend and client at the same time. And that i've yet to hear a good middle ground for those who say yes.

[Old Dog 179138]

How did I miss this thread?

 

Short answer: ABSOLUTELY.

 

Not a single day goes by without me sharing time with a provider. No. Let's change that.

 

Not a single day goes by without me sharing time with my friends, most of whom have or have had careers as providers.

 

My friends are the most amazing people. They are funny. They are charming. They are sweet and sexy and vibrant. But best of all... they're people just like me. We laugh, we vent, we cry and we enrich each other's lives.

 

Will it happen for you? Maybe. No guarantees. You can't force friendship like you can't force love.

 

All I know is that I love my friends, and my friends love me... and it feels so good.

[Guest B**na***oy]

I really don't get why the service ends once a true friendship evolves. Explain please!

 

You're not alone Meg. With all due respect to the opinions expressed, I don't get it either. I can understand that some people in some circumstances may become uncomfortable with the evolution of their feelings. But why under normal circumstances two consenting adults that exchange money for sex couldn't be friends?

 

As Midnite was saying, the nature of human relationships is way too complex to categorize every possible permutation and if you try, you're going to miss out on something valuable. ;-)

[Jabba 18389]

Re question:

Can you be friends with a SP/Client?

 

IMO No.

You have your life, the SP/Client has theirs.

 

Realities can occasionally collide in public, but no one here wants to acknowledge each other as true friends would.

 

Office party/bar/street Scene:

"Oh hello (SP Name/Client Name), I'd like to introduce you to my SO, children, grandma', parents and my boss. We like to FUCK on the kitchen floor on a regular/semi-regular basis". Works pretty well in most social circles, don't you think?

 

That is the simplified version. Don't get me wrong, I'm not that one dimensional, but I do have a point. I truly like the people I play with. Otherwise I wouldn't do it! Emotions are involved...sooo - are you really going to pretend to get confused about the relationship? People pay for their fuck buddies to go away, not stick around.

 

Can we share our lives? Sure....for a little while. Don't confuse Fucking for money to be actual friendship. It's a service plain and simple. If you want to socialize after Fucking, that's up to you. I'm pretty sure any so-called friendship won't last beyond the next appointment.

 

Brutally yours,

J.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I really don't get why the service ends once a true friendship evolves. Explain please!

 

The key word here is "true" friendship. The reason that service ends once a "true" friendship develops is the conflict of interests.

[Guest P*rry]

I believe that you can be friends with a SP/MP during and after their career as a sex worker. As in any relationship there has to be chemistry which takes time to nurture.

[roamingguy 300292]

A quick couple ramblings while the coffee is brewing

First is true friendship. Is there really just one "true" friendship or can friendship be different things to different people at different times. Maybe a friendship with a companion manifests itself differently than a conventional friendship with a civilian friend, but are SP/Client friendships any less a friendship because they are different than a civilian friendship.

Second is the analogy of a tradesperson offering free services to a friend.

Well in the analogy used it sounds like the one friend would receive free services from his tradesperson friend because he is a friend but at a future date that service would be reciprocated. So underlying the so called free trade services for a friend is that it is done in exchange for future services from that friend...so there is an economic system at play here, instead of cash for services it is bartering. So the conventional friendship has economic (not money) strings involved...barter economics

Finally the expectation in an SP/Client friendship that the client should get services for free because the SP is a friend. Friendship should be it's own reward not done for expectations of free services. I know since the subject of trades came up earlier, I would not want to be friends with a mechanic in the hopes that I could get my truck worked on for free. What friend (client) would really take money from his friend (SP) A friend (client) understands that for the lady this is still her livelihood and would not expect free services because that is money she doesn't have to pay her bills. Really and my opinion, expectation of free services from a friend is disrespectful, and not the reason for a friendship to develop

A pre coffee rambling

RG

[CristyCurves 169032]

Can you? Well we, you ,me, he, she can do whatever we want. Why analyze it, if a friendship begins and you and the other person are enjoying it why not continue? The only boundaries that are going to be set are the ones you both put forth. There won't be any friendship police popping out of the bushes to scold you for doing wrong:)so just go with it or don't. If you want to be compensated for intimacy then so be it, if you don't then don't. Even within the sp/client relationship the only rules followed should again, be the ones the two people involved decide on. It's no one else's business. There is no escort police either and it angers me when some get on their high horses and say this person or that person isn't a "true" gfe, pse, abc, ghi! That's not your business nor mine how another runs his or her business, what they do in it or in their life. The lovely thing about this profession, as it stands, and our personal lives is the freedom we have to conduct them as we see fit and for me I always see fit to break rules;) and push boundaries:)

[Guest c**io**m7]

Exactly, no analysis needed. We are all free to make our choices. For me, I will help a real friend move, be supportive, even lend money etc...etc...but, I won't pay a real friend to get my rocks off...nor does this SP from my original post do it for free, our friendship may have begun as such but dynamic has changed...at our choice.

 

In fact, just last week we met for coffee...only coffee.

[Luscious.Tianna 12254]

I have a few clients that I consider friends as well as clients. I have clients that I feel quite comfortable with, and we both tell each other personal things that are going on in our 'civilian life'

A few of my clients and I talk via text or email often, almost daily, just to see how each other is doing, and so on, and I feel that if we are to have that much communication, as well as the trust we share with each other, then it must be a frie3ndship.

I understand that it is not the same a the friendship you have with your long time buddy from highschool but in the end it is still a friendship

In our life we come across many different types of relationships, and may different dynamics of friendships, and the SP/Client relationship/friendship is just another type

 

In the end, I truly care for all of my clients

[Frank7 3939]

Second is the analogy of a tradesperson offering free services to a friend.

Well in the analogy used it sounds like the one friend would receive free services from his tradesperson friend because he is a friend but at a future date that service would be reciprocated. So underlying the so called free trade services for a friend is that it is done in exchange for future services from that friend...so there is an economic system at play here, instead of cash for services it is bartering. So the conventional friendship has economic (not money) strings involved...barter economics

It's barter economics in a way, but not truely. You don't count the worth of the service and might not get "repaid". There's no certainty you'll need his help at a later time. Just giving a ride when he calls drunk at night or helping him move obviously won't "cost" as much as some kind of Professional service like electrician, plomber, etc. What's important is more that you got their back and they have yours.

 

Finally the expectation in an SP/Client friendship that the client should get services for free because the SP is a friend. Friendship should be it's own reward not done for expectations of free services. I know since the subject of trades came up earlier, I would not want to be friends with a mechanic in the hopes that I could get my truck worked on for free. What friend (client) would really take money from his friend (SP) A friend (client) understands that for the lady this is still her livelihood and would not expect free services because that is money she doesn't have to pay her bills. Really and my opinion, expectation of free services from a friend is disrespectful, and not the reason for a friendship to develop

RG

First, it's obvious not the reason for a friendship to develop. More a "consequence" of it.

 

The big problem is the nature of the service and how it's so close to the definition of friendship. I don't think anymore means "free sex" when they say free service. That obviously should be paid in full as well as romantic date or to accompagny him at a social party as his +1.

 

But just hang out with an SP is a service that is offered. It can be just for a coffee or going for a movie together. Because, at the basic, what the SP offer is her time. However, time is something friends give for free.

 

If you have a best friend and he becomes a psychologist. Does that mean that suddently, you can never confide anything to him without paying, cause that's his job?

 

If two friendly couples invite each others for diner everyweek, alternating between both places. Just because one have a job as a chief, he should make the other couple pay when it's his turn to host?

 

 

Let's say you're friend with an SP and you pay everytime you see her. What happens if you lose your job? You never see each others again? Doesn't seem like a real friend if he/she's not there to help you in your time of need. Likewise, if i break my leg or have an heart-attack and a friend come visit me at the hospital, i really hope he won't give me a bill after for having visited me.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I'm reading WAY too many instances of expectations and "should's" placed on relationships. If you're really my friend you would or wouldn't do this, if you really liked/loved me you wouldn't/would do this or that. We are all adults with lives and situations. Every one is different. If I have a friend who is struggling and I need their services and want to pay them as opposed to having them "free" me the service, does that make me any less a friend or the relationship any less important because they take it?

 

I've known people who host dinner regularly because it's become a friendly habit but when things get tough, they do it anyway and then have regret later. Is that true friendship?

 

To me, and this is only my opinion, friendship is about love and caring. You share parts of yourself with someone else. You're honest with them, you care about what happens to them and you are interested in them, not for what they can do for you but for what they add to your life by being there. You can have friends you don't have full disclosure with, you don't tell everything to and you don't share all with. Does that make it any less a friendship?

 

I think everyone is stumbling over the unimportant stuff instead of focusing on the central theme. We are all people, SP or hobbyist. we all have feelings and needs and wants regardless of what we do. We can find love and friendship within ANY relationship and the way it's set up depends on the people involved. There are so many situations and stories outside the realm of thinking I've seen here that to make it black and white detracts from the range of human emotion IMO.

 

Not saying I'm right because I can only be right for myself. Just as everyone here has to be right for themselves. I'm just saying, before you judge or state yes or no, give some thought to what might be outside your knowledge, personal experience, biases etc. and think that there may be situations where anything can and does happen and many times, for the right reasons.

 

Okay...heading back to my blog to look at erotica!

[A1B2C3D4E5 1120]

I think it's definitely possible to be friends. Like SPs, attorneys charge for their time and I'm friends with an SP and my attorney.

 

I think some of the posts here are not taking into consideration that there's different levels of friendships. I'm not talking about true friendship vs real friendship. But a friendship scale that starts off as a little over the level acquaintances, and highest level being best friends.

 

I can't speak for others but I can say that my relationship in both cases is over that of an acquaintance but wouldn't classify either as my best friend though I value their friendship all the same.

 

I think as long as both parties know where the business-friendship time boundary begins and ends and nobody is taking advantage of the other person then a true friendship can truly blossom.

 

I've shared things about my personal life with my SP that I don't normally share with people and vice versa. Was that fake? I don't think so. Neither of us was under any obligation to share those things but there was mutual trust that made us feel comfortable enough to share.

 

I hope this long post makes sense.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I am not up to date on this thread but a thought/memory occurred to me.

 

When I owned a business, I had many client that were also close friends who happened to own businesses as well. My particular biz offered both services and products individually or in tandem. All of my friends paid my firm for my offerings and I did in kind.

 

Now because of the friendship, I will admit that in the priority sequence, they usually came first as did I with them.

 

For those who own restaurants, I might get an after dinner shooter on the house. For those who own car dealerships, I might get a free oil change. I never expected anything from them nor did they expect anything from me. We still remained friends after the exchange of the agreed upon monetary transaction. It never diminished our friendship and never undermined it. Business is business period.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Re question:

Can you be friends with a SP/Client?

 

IMO No.

You have your life, the SP/Client has theirs.

 

Realities can occasionally collide in public, but no one here wants to acknowledge each other as true friends would.

 

Office party/bar/street Scene:

"Oh hello (SP Name/Client Name), I'd like to introduce you to my SO, children, grandma', parents and my boss. We like to FUCK on the kitchen floor on a regular/semi-regular basis". Works pretty well in most social circles, don't you think?

 

That is the simplified version. Don't get me wrong, I'm not that one dimensional, but I do have a point. I truly like the people I play with. Otherwise I wouldn't do it! Emotions are involved...sooo - are you really going to pretend to get confused about the relationship? People pay for their fuck buddies to go away, not stick around.

 

Can we share our lives? Sure....for a little while. Don't confuse Fucking for money to be actual friendship. It's a service plain and simple. If you want to socialize after Fucking, that's up to you. I'm pretty sure any so-called friendship won't last beyond the next appointment.

 

Brutally yours,

J.

 

Jabba... enjoyed reading your post and kinda accept that for lots of people maybe even the majority what you suggest may be their reality. That said that reality may not be the reality for everyone.

 

We all come into this business for our own reasons and to meet our own needs so who knows what the possibilities can be when two people connect and what they want and need coincide... lol Yea I need the sex and intimacy but I am multidimensional so I accept that other needs that I have might also get met.

 

Great thread.... really enjoying the diversity of opinion.

 

Just my opinion.

[Guest c**io**m7]

I am not up to date on this thread but a thought/memory occurred to me.

 

When I owned a business' date=' I had many client that were also close friends who happened to own businesses as well. My particular biz offered both services and products individually or in tandem. All of my friends paid my firm for my offerings and I did in kind.

 

Now because of the friendship, I will admit that in the priority sequence, they usually came first as did I with them.

 

For those who own restaurants, I might get an after dinner shooter on the house. For those who own car dealerships, I might get a free oil change. I never expected anything from them nor did they expect anything from me. We still remained friends after the exchange of the agreed upon monetary transaction. It never diminished our friendship and never undermined it. Business is business period.[/quote']

 

 

I see your point but, for this man, I cannot compare the business of a car dealership with that of intimacy.

 

The purchase of a car or the servicing of the car is very different to paying for sexual services, in my opinion.

[Guest M*****le*****c-H***s (Reti]

Absolutely. My best friend is a former client.