Questions to SP/MA, real life?

[Frank7 3939]

Just a few questions i've been wondering for a long time about the girls in the profession. Specialy in light of all the friend/dating posts and cause a few mentionned having child.

 

- How does it affect your dating life? Are you in a commited relation/married, you stay single or you're a swinger/polyamorus?

 

-Those with children, are you a single parent or with someone? Did you have the child before starting this job or after?

 

-Do you still have a sex life outside the job or you get your fill there? If not in a relation, how do you get some? Just like everyone?( at the bar for a one-night stand, fuck buddies or the dating route)

 

Like i said, i've been wondering for a time, but it's not something i can really ask during a meeting. It might make the lady unconfortable or it's too personal and she doesn't want to answer. Here, only those comfortable with telling can answer!

[Carrie Moon 68826]

If you think ladies will feel it inappropriate during a session to answer these questions.. I think most ladies will feel rather uncomfortable disclosing their personal business online to the whole world. Just letting you know why the responses will be minimal.

 

I'm one who is fine discussing it in person.. but it's a tricky thing I'm sure to figure out whether it's okay or not. I have no interest in spouting off about it here.

You might say.. why answer this at all then? Because I know many of my fellow escorts and most of them are less open than me :)

 

However.. I will say. I'm single at the moment by choice.. but when I'm in a relationship I'm very open about what I do. I don't date often but that's simply because I have no interest at the moment. When I have done.. I either do it online or someone I've met through friends. My last serious relationship was with a client who I asked out right after our first session ended.

 

I don't have kids.

[Frank7 3939]

If they don't want the whole internet to know, they can send a PM! =p

 

I just feel in person, the lady might thinking i'm a stalker trying to learn about her personnal life for weird purpose. I know most girls don't use there real name on purpose.

 

The other thing, i'm really shy(too stressfull meeting new peoples) so i mostly just see the same girl( and she's amazing! =D). That wouldn't give me much answers.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

The other thing, i'm really shy(too stressfull meeting new peoples) so i mostly just see the same girl( and she's amazing! =D). That wouldn't give me much answers.

 

But asking other women their personal info wouldn't give you any answers about --that-- girl. Because every woman's life is different.

 

And also, every woman's real life is her real, and personal, life.

 

Questions like these are ones I may feel comfortable answering to a client I've developed a friendship with, but asking women to share this info about their real life on a board devoted to their work life seems invasive to me.

[Boomer 33202]

Take a look at what you're asking. The question is so very broad, and as there are a wide variety of ladies who have different motives and situations for this type of work, there are probably an unlimited variety of answers. These women are quite normal and represent the aspirations of any women, and not necessarily in this industry.

 

I suggest you take some time to explore the site and I'm sure you will find many of the answers already discussed here but asked with more limited parameters.

[castle 38816]

I'm sure these questions were put out there with innocent intentions and with simply curiosity in mind. But they can be easily perceived as rather intrusive.

 

I have had SP's volunteer this kind of personal info to me, but as Cleo says, only after a mutual trust and friendship had been built over time. And when I say they volunteered the info I mean exactly that. I did NOT ask for it. If I were to make a point of asking for this kind of personal info, IMO, that would be stepping over a line and would potentially damage the solid, trusting SP/Client relationship which both parties have worked hard to establish over time.

 

Long story short....if the ladies wanted everyone on cerb to know this kind of info about their personal lives...it would be included in their ads.

[fortunateone 156618]

I'm going to have to say, OP, that for a guy who thinks the client needs to tell an sp to not contact him first, these questions seem also a bit out of touch. I hope that you understand that we expect you respect her private life by simply not asking, nor asking other sps about their lives. In fact we shouldn't have to ask you not to.

 

 

When it comes to privacy and discretion, the requirement goes both ways. Don't ask, and she won't have to come up with some kind of cover story to protect her own privacy..

[Frank7 3939]

But asking other women their personal info wouldn't give you any answers about --that-- girl. Because every woman's life is different.

I'm not just searching for info about --that -- girl. That i can just ask her. What i'd like to get is answers from multiple ladies.

 

Questions like these are ones I may feel comfortable answering to a client I've developed a friendship with, but asking women to share this info about their real life on a board devoted to their work life seems invasive to me.

It's not really invasive when asked generally on a forum. Anyone who doesn't want to give info can just go to the next post without answering.

 

Take a look at what you're asking. The question is so very broad, and as there are a wide variety of ladies who have different motives and situations for this type of work, there are probably an unlimited variety of answers. These women are quite normal and represent the aspirations of any women, and not necessarily in this industry.

I asked really broad on purpose, so the ladies can answer only what they want to and without being limited by a narrow question.

While these women are quite normal, this kind of work does clash with the "society's normal relationship" (monogamous and only one partner) So i'm wondering how it affects that part.

 

Long story short....if the ladies wanted everyone on cerb to know this kind of info about their personal lives...it would be included in their ads.

Yes and no. Ads gives the important infos (according to the ladie) I've yet to see someone advertise they like Italian food, but i doubt everyone on cerb wants that to be kept secret. =p

[roamingguy 300292]

That's as appropriate a question to ask as it would be for SP/MA to ask about guys' social/dating/married life on CERB and how seeing escorts affects it.

Some things aren't asked in public, it's rude

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

^^ but unlike whether or not I like Italian food, you are actually asking me how many kids I have and if I am single or not.

 

I would suggest that these are not 'broad' questions, they are very specific questions, with very specific answers that reveal a lot about sps, who are here with a lot of other info about themselves.

 

If you asked the same kind of questions to the guys, instead of the sps, it would be different.

 

It may be hard to explain to someone if they don't already understand this difference tho lol

[Frank7 3939]

I'm going to have to say, OP, that for a guy who was asking if an sp who sent you a text a week after your appt with her was inappropriate, these questions seem a tad invasive. I hope that you understand that just as you expect her to respect your private life, so should you respect hers by simply not asking, nor asking other sps about their lives.

Little correction, i didn't ask the other post. And by my answer, it wasn't really inappropritate.

 

 

When it comes to privacy and discretion, the requirement goes both ways. Don't ask, and she won't have to come up with some kind of cover story to protect her own privacy..

Exactly why i asked here. Nobody have to make cover story to be polite. Those who deems it private can just not reply.

 

At my job, clients or people i work with ask me questions directly all the time and i don't have a problem with that. If they ask something i want to keep private, i'll just tell them that.

 

Additional Comments:

That's as appropriate a question to ask as it would be for SP/MA to ask about guys' social/dating/married life on CERB and how seeing escorts affects it.

Some things aren't asked in public, it's rude

RG

Actually, social/dating life questions are some of the most common question asked in public or when you meet someone for the first time.

 

And i really wouldn't see the problem with there being a client's version of this post. If someone doesn't want to answer, skip to the next post. (And really, a bunch of post around here ask about very personal questions, some i wouldn't be able to ask a co-worker or random aquaintance)

[fortunateone 156618]

At your job, your clients know your real name and where you work, and possibly assume the area you live in, and if they see you at the mall with your kids, they know they can come up to you and say hello.

 

Completely different. It's ok, but if you cannot see this difference, I cannot help you see it.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Honestly, I doubt most escorts will answer, since most of the responses would be none of your business.

 

Please keep in mind that everything we say reflects on our business. For example, we may not want to reveal if we are in relationships as some clients find this off-putting.

[Phaedrus 209521]

At my job, clients or people i work with ask me questions directly all the time and i don't have a problem with that.

 

Actually, social/dating life questions are some of the most common question asked in public or when you meet someone for the first time.

 

This is not Real Life. The normal rules do not always apply here. Many do, but some don't, and this is one of them.

[Guest C**Tra****er]

L

At my job, clients or people i work with ask me questions directly all the time and i don't have a problem with that. If they ask something i want to keep private, i'll just tell them that.

 

Actually, social/dating life questions are some of the most common question asked in public or when you meet someone for the first time.

 

And i really wouldn't see the problem with there being a client's version of this post. If someone doesn't want to answer, skip to the next post. (And really, a bunch of post around here ask about very personal questions, some i wouldn't be able to ask a co-worker or random aquaintance)

 

The bottom line is that this business is all about the fantasy, and you as a client enter into it knowing that (or at least you should). If the ladies want to share personal information with you after they feel comfortable with you, that's their prerogative. You shouldn't ask.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

If they don't want the whole internet to know, they can send a PM! =p

 

I just feel in person, the lady might thinking i'm a stalker trying to learn about her personnal life for weird purpose. I know most girls don't use there real name on purpose.

 

The other thing, i'm really shy(too stressfull meeting new peoples) so i mostly just see the same girl( and she's amazing! =D). That wouldn't give me much answers.

 

The first question I have to ask which you have NOT cared to provide a specific answer to is WHY you are asking these questions? And why do you feel the need to know? Are you a journalist? Are you writing a book and need material? Or do you just have guilt issues with seeing SPs who are in relationships and/or those who have children?

 

With the personal questions you are asking on an internet forum and SPs here not wanting to answer, why would she tell you point blank when asked in person? With the way you are acting right now, I would be scared too if I were the SP that you visit! And just to speculate here, if she felt open enough with you to tell you the truth about her life, she would have told you little details here and there. It's only natural when you feel comfortable in someone's company. Obviously there are reasons why she hasn't. She very may well see you as a threat.

 

I've had one client in particular trying to do this as even went as so far to get my license plate but I really don't care. Equally important, I know enough pertinent details about him and I stopped seeing him because of certain tendancies like this. No escort likes secret agent/creep/stalker clients who feel that it's their mission to find out everything about them because they happen to take a liking to them. SPs definitely can get vibes from clients and feel them out. I have clients that I don't feel threatened by and they know a few things about my personal life. Others know nothing so what does that tell you?

 

I am also not dating these men so this info is out of bounds if I don't care to share it. And this is where the line is drawn in the sand. I am under no obligation to disclose my personal details. And your job is very different than mine where you do the opportunity if you choose to be open with coworkers/clients about yourself.

 

And why would an SP send you a PM with her personal private details instead of posting it here? And please don't send me a PM. Why would she even give you that info? It is posts like this that make a lot of SPs use cover stories and alot of reasons why we are viewed as being dishonest instead of being able to be ourselves. We do not post details about our private lives if we don't want to because it doesn't apply to the service we're offering. We're providing a fantasy and real life relationships and children basically ruin this fantasy. And we don't want to be put in an uncomfortable postion either. No one wants to hear how many kids you have when you're in the middle of something hot and heavy. The SPs that are professionals know NOT to do this.

 

I really don't think you're going to get the answers you're looking for from SPs here or the SPs you see. And yes, your questions are inappropriate whether you'd like to believe it or not. This is one of the rules of etiquette in this business and the info you're looking for again is on a need to know basis. I don't need to know if clients are married, how many children they have, etc and vice versa. As long as I provide a good service, they have a good time and I get paid is all that is really important. This is the way this business works. Educating yourself on the protocol of a business that demands discretion can go a long way. )

[Frank7 3939]

The first question I have to ask which you have NOT cared to provide a specific answer to is WHY you are asking these questions? And why do you feel the need to know? Are you a journalist? Are you writing a book and need material? Or do you just have guilt issues with seeing SPs who are in relationships and/or those who have children?

Because nobody asked before. I just want to know cause i'm curious and would like to know more about your(plurial your) life. From guys post, i get that maybe half of them are in a relation/married, the other half being single at the moment or prefering a swinger's life without beeing in a commited relation.

 

I'm not a journalist or writting a book. I just work in a plant. And no i don't have guilt about seeing SPs who are in relationships or have children. I doubt most of them could hide there job from the SO, so it's consentual fun everyone knows.

 

 

So yeah, i just posted questions for people to answer IF THEY WANTED TO. But since most people are more interested in starting fights, post closed i guess.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

These are all incredibly intimate and potentially invasive questions. But this in particular rubs me the wrong way:

 

-Do you still have a sex life outside the job or you get your fill there? If not in a relation, how do you get some? Just like everyone?( at the bar for a one-night stand, fuck buddies or the dating route)

 

Just like everyone? Perhaps you didn't mean this to be offensive, but I certainly find it distasteful. Would you ask your coworkers about their sex lives? Your clients at work? The barrista at your coffee shop?

As Nicolette said, WHY do you want to know these things?

 

http://not-a-jerk.blogspot.ca/2011/09/how-to-interact-with-sex-worker.html

 

and because I really enjoy reading this: http://shittheysaytosexworkers.tumblr.com/

[Athos 108589]

Firewalls ... Good protection for everyone!!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

No one is is looking to start fights. If my diplomatic but straightforward reply didn't satisfy you then my apologies. When asking these kinds of questions, you're going to get a wide range of different responses and varying opinions especially when they go against most codes of conduct SPs practice to protect their privacy. And realize that these women have the right to not answer your questions in person or online.

 

 

Because nobody asked before. I just want to know cause i'm curious and would like to know more about your(plurial your) life. From guys post, i get that maybe half of them are in a relation/married, the other half being single at the moment or prefering a swinger's life without beeing in a commited relation.

 

I'm not a journalist or writting a book. I just work in a plant. And no i don't have guilt about seeing SPs who are in relationships or have children. I doubt most of them could hide there job from the SO, so it's consentual fun everyone knows.

 

 

So yeah, i just posted questions for people to answer IF THEY WANTED TO. But since most people are more interested in starting fights, post closed i guess.

[Frank7 3939]

Just like everyone? Perhaps you didn't mean this to be offensive, but I certainly find it distasteful. Would you ask your coworkers about their sex lives? Your clients at work? The barrista at your coffee shop?

 

Sorry if it sounded offensive. Being an SP, you're more skilled in seducing, that's part of the job. I meant it like asking if a chef in a restaurant still make dinners at home or if a maintenance guy/girl do half of the shores at home or take a break.

edit: If i had written the questions in French, i probably would have better worded it.

Yes, between co-workers we do ask about sex lives. Not always, but sometimes during a light-hearted friday or when the discusion went close to that topic. Pretty much all the jobs i've been were like that. That's just how guys act.

 

No one is is looking to start fights. If my diplomatic but straightforward reply didn't satisfy you then my apologies. When asking these kinds of questions, you're going to get a wide range of different responses and varying opinions especially when they go against most codes of conduct SPs practice to protect their privacy. And realize that these women have the right to not answer your questions in person or online.

It's more the part where you speculate about what i've done and say i'm threathning that disatisfy me. Specialy since i went for a route that lets anyone not answer without me even knowing.

I am fully aware that these women have the right not to answer my questions. However, they also have the right to. Complaining about my open questions is like complaining about a question on an online survey you choosed to fill.

Do you tell a restaurant that they shouldn't ask a women's age because it's one of the question in there optional client's appreciation survey?

[Carrie Moon 68826]

The reason you are getting this kind of response is because.. unlike myself (and a few others who are 'out there') most sp's live double lives. Sometimes their spouses/boyfriends never mind close friends even know what they do. When they're keeping many secrets about who they are to their family and friends why in the world would they be comfortable spilling their personal details to a stranger on a board?

 

As for the question of dating outside of the job. The 2 are completely different. Using the example of the restaurant. If you're a cook.. you're cooking and hopefully enjoying it for stranger who also hopefully enjoy your meal.

When you're at home you may be too tired to cook.. or you may enjoy it 10x more because you're cooking for (or with!) a loved one.

 

The same is true for sex in our personal lives. I for one am a better escort when I'm getting loving in my personal life I have found.. but the more sex I get.. the more I want :)

 

But back to the sharing personal details. You may not realize it.. but many escorts don't even share their personal details with other escorts! Privacy is paramount in this business.. for some more than others. I'm lucky in that I don't have the worry about someone 'outing' me to a family member if it ever comes to that.

 

That was done for me (to me) many years ago.. and as unpleasant as that was at the time.. I'm rather happy to not have that hanging over my head now. Others are not so lucky (or unlucky if you see it that way of course).

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Frank7 --

 

It's a question a lot of guys have, especially at first as this all can be very mysterious and intriguing. What you are going to find is very much a cross section of ladies and all the variables as answers to the questions you raise.

 

If you are interested in knowing these things, I suggest you get to know some of the ladies well enough that they may be comfortable sharing some of these details without giving away information that might personally identify them. Never be pushy about it as the highest priority should always be to make a lady feel comfortable and safe with you.

 

One thing I would mention is that it isn't unusual to talk about sex-related topics with the ladies I have seen, but those conversations are always lighthearted and fun. Again, never make anyone feel uncomfortable.

 

Good luck and best wishes.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Sorry if it sounded offensive. Being an SP, you're more skilled in seducing, that's part of the job. I meant it like asking if a chef in a restaurant still make dinners at home or if a maintenance guy/girl do half of the shores at home or take a break.

edit: If i had written the questions in French, i probably would have better worded it.

Yes, between co-workers we do ask about sex lives. Not always, but sometimes during a light-hearted friday or when the discusion went close to that topic. Pretty much all the jobs i've been were like that. That's just how guys act.

I personally wouldn't ask an office mate if they were polyamourous or into kink, or how many one-night stands they've had; that's not my business. If they choose to disclose, that is their choice, but usually that level of disclosure comes with more than a passing knowledge of the person.

Honestly, questions like this raise red flags for me, especially when it's someone I don't know asking the question. I get the curiousity, I think it is only human nature to be curious about others, but you need to be aware that while this is a very intimate profession, a lot of us don't want to disclose our personal business. Perhaps if you've established a relationship with someone, they may choose to disclose some more personal information, but I doubt that you will get much response to a question posed on a public message board.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

 

It's more the part where you speculate about what i've done and say i'm threathning that disatisfy me.

 

Specialy since i went for a route that lets anyone not answer without me even knowing.

 

I'm sorry if that insulted you. However I speak from personally experience when I am tight lipped and not saying anything to anyone. Ask yourself why? I don't expect to get an answer with my next question but have you tried asking her anything personal yet? If you did, she may not be saying too much because she is not comfortable for whatever reason and it could be a multitude of them. If you didn't ask her personal questions, she is probably a private person in general or she doesn't know you well enough yet.

 

 

 

I am fully aware that these women have the right not to answer my questions. However, they also have the right to. Complaining about my open questions is like complaining about a question on an online survey you choosed to fill.

Do you tell a restaurant that they shouldn't ask a women's age because it's one of the question in there optional client's appreciation survey?

 

You can't compare the two. Filling out an online survey still offers discretion and you are not about to reveal details of your life that could potentially harm you or your children because of the type of work you chose to do that society doesn't generally approve of. Online surveys offer the consumer a certain degree of privacy under the information and privacy acts when they collect information from people.

 

An escort on the other hand will not reveal personal details because there is an online personna attached to that post and where there's an online personna, there are pictures that are fully or partially idenitfying her, a phone number where they can contact her and finally a location. Unless she has zero issues with what she does with the info she reveals and doesn't really give a damn, she's not giving up all that info especially where children are concerned. SPs who are mothers are still like any other mother. They will protect their children and in doing so not to reveal any info that will lead to this esp on a public board where thousands can see. We do not have privacy acts where our lives are concerned so it is up to us to protect ourselves. We are not like any other business or industry.