Why so many PM requests from lurkers?

[Horndog66 14104]

I'm sick and tired of receiving PM requests from lurkers for info on ladies. Today was the last straw! I received such a PM from a guy who has been a member here for over 6 years and has never posted publicly. I refused his request and told him he has to post to acquire a reputation before he has the right to expect other posters to provide him with info. For all I know, he could be LE on a fishing expedition. I have received several similar requests lately, and I told all the requesters the same thing.

 

Boards such as these are intended primarily for the public exchange of information pertaining to the sex trade, i.e. reviews and other relevant comments. How can I trust someone who has never posted - I have no idea what they're like. If they have posted more than a few times, at least I have some idea.

 

Far too much information on this board is shared via PM. PMs should be used only between trusted members who may not want something to be known by everyone, e.g. receiving a BBBJ from an escort who claims to provide CBJ only. PMs are not for sharing info that belongs in the public domain, especially with other members who have no public persona.

[fortunateone 156618]

ack, why would you think sharing info about receiving an unadvertised service would be acceptable pm info. ack

 

For the rest of the message, I agree. The information should be between the sp and the potential client, it is up to him to contact her directly and her to provide what she wants to provide.

 

Another member has no idea if the 'lurker' for example is not that sp's number one stalker, and has been blocked by her on here or even fired by her, or might be an ex-BF, or any number of things.

 

Maybe something to keep in mind with anyone contacting you by pm for any reason, isn't so much what kind of reputation does he have or not have, but ask yourself, will the sp appreciate me sharing information about her that she is not willingly providing in her ads or website?

[Horndog66 14104]

ack, why would you think sharing info about receiving an unadvertised service would be acceptable pm info. ack

C'mon, FO! You've been around for years. I know you're not that naive! :icon_mrgreen: That kind of info is commonly shared among members who trust each other not to spread it around, and that trust is gained gradually by posting reliable information publicly first. I'm a long time member of the "P" board (different handle), and there are only four or five members of the Winnipeg forum that I trust enough to share that kind of info with via PM. There's only two here.

 

Another member has no idea if the 'lurker' for example is not that sp's number one stalker, and has been blocked by her on here or even fired by her, or might be an ex-BF, or any number of things.

Thanks. I forgot to mention that too.

 

Maybe something to keep in mind with anyone contacting you by pm for any reason, isn't so much what kind of reputation does he have or not have, but ask yourself, will the sp appreciate me sharing information about her that she is not willingly providing in her ads or website?

Check the first part of this post. I wouldn't share that kind of info with someone I thought would pressure the SP in question, nor would I do so myself. But, sometimes it's good to know more might be available than is publicly known. I sometimes book ladies on that basis.

[Frank7 3939]

Only happenned once to me. I answered "according to her profile, no but you can ask her any further questions(posts or PM), as long as you're respectfull she's friendly."

 

Really not my place to spread info about a lady, except via recommandation and i don't get too explicite there. =p

[DukeSSk 3430]

I'm sick and tired of receiving PM requests from lurkers for info on ladies. Today was the last straw! I received such a PM from a guy who has been a member here for over 6 years and has never posted publicly. I refused his request and told him he has to post to acquire a reputation before he has the right to expect other posters to provide him with info. For all I know, he could be LE on a fishing expedition. I have received several similar requests lately, and I told all the requesters the same thing.

 

What is the nature of the questions that led you to believe that he could possibly be LE?

[Phaedrus 209521]

I'm sick and tired of receiving PM requests from lurkers for info on ladies.

 

I can't say I get many, but I get a few. For folks I don't know, I'm always happy to provide a pointer to a SP's reco thread and latest ad :) And to be honest, the folks I do know tend not to ask...

[CristyCurves 169032]

I have never really thought about that happening but now that it has been brought up it bothers me, I mean it's gossip, unless you are doing as Phaedrus did and pointed the questioning person to the sp's reco's. I haven't had any sp's question me about any clients-other than was he safe/reliable, for a reference,which is expected, nor would I ever think of discussing a client with anyone, who and what we have done is private and between us. Discretion in this business is important for us all and I would hope that respectable gentlemen wouldn't be gossiping about intimate details that go beyond a reco,that would be unfair and disrespectful for all involved and rather childish, jmo.

[Guest a**4*]

I agree with Cristy and Phoedrus read the reco's and what S.P. and a client does in private is between them and when giving a reo be respectful and do not describe what was done in private it is disrespectful.A S.P. does not need to see this if you can not give a respectful reo do not say anything distasteful there are a lot of nice reco here for S.P. so clients need to read the reco's and not bother members about this.I do not write distasteful reo about the girl i see never did and never will or any other S.P. here it is respect and be respectful just my two cents worth.-----:ThankYou:

[Horndog66 14104]

What is the nature of the questions that led you to believe that he could possibly be LE?

I didn't say I believed he was LE, just that because he had done nothing but lurk for six years, I had no idea what he was like and could even be LE for all I knew. If had a posting history, I could form some kind of opinion about him.

 

Besides, it's not just him. There are lots of brand new members whose first posts are requests for info to be sent to them via PM. There's no way they'll ever get that from me until they've posted for a while.

 

Additional Comments:

I have never really thought about that happening but now that it has been brought up it bothers me, I mean it's gossip, unless you are doing as Phaedrus did and pointed the questioning person to the sp's reco's. I haven't had any sp's question me about any clients-other than was he safe/reliable, for a reference,which is expected, nor would I ever think of discussing a client with anyone, who and what we have done is private and between us. Discretion in this business is important for us all and I would hope that respectable gentlemen wouldn't be gossiping about intimate details that go beyond a reco,that would be unfair and disrespectful for all involved and rather childish, jmo.

I take it you've never read a review board, as opposed to a recommendation board. If you advertise a service, you should expect clients to share information about it. Besides, if I share details of my experience with a lady, whether in public or via PM, how is that gossip? It's only gossip if we spread information that is not first hand. Since you seem so concerned about "discretion", shouldn't you be happy that some clients only share via PM?

 

Also, on CERB, we're not even allowed to post publicly about crappy service from SPs, unless they're obvious ripoffs. So, we often have to resort to PMs to share important information.

[fortunateone 156618]

Well, HD66, I can only say that your public posts are very revealing.

 

You haven't been on this site long enough maybe to understand why both the sps and the clients use this site, as opposed to review sites.

 

On this board or behind the scenes, there is no reason to tell anyone at all about services that are not advertised, especially if they are not offered to all. There is in fact a very good chance this reliable source is lying to you, whether it is you providing the info or receiving it.

 

You say you book based on back room information, but the sp herself did not offer, advertise nor agree to have the info shared, but you will expect to receive it when you show up, otherwise you wouldn't book her based on her advertised services, only the rumoured ones?

 

And you don't see the conflict in that, plus you want to justify not just doing it, but expecting others to agree lol.

 

Every time someone tells another potential client about an sp providing services she doesn't want known publically, or doesn't want to be asked about or doesn't want to have to provide to everyone who shows up, they are telling those guys her wishes are unimportant. They are telling her that he is indiscreet and a gossip. It makes him unattractive as a client, and chances are if she finds out, and she will find out the minute guy #2 acting on info given to him by pm, contacts her and asks for or about it.

 

It is really up to the client to do his own work, contact the sp and allow her to answer, privately and only 'first hand' what his real expectations on arrival should be. It isn't up to a 3rd person to disclose 2nd hand information about what he claims happened. We have no insight as to the circumstances around getting or not getting certain services, advertised or not. We don't know if they were coerced, tricked, paid extra, freely offered, or even if they were offered or received at all. We don't know the source has an axe to grind, or is just super special and unique that he gets what others are denied.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Well if I may politely disgree with you as to what we both feel is considered gossip. To discuss anther person without their knowledge, especially buisness that is shared privately I most certainly feel is gossip. I have read review boards, thats why I'm hear. If a gentleman pm's inquiring about your experience about a lady why not point him to her site, reco's , or better yet post a nice reco so all can view. I would hope we are all "concerned" about discretion, it is an important part of this business and sp's appreciate and expect it as much as hobbyists do. I would never discuss my clients with anyone other than to say he was safe/reliable when being asked for a reference. We cannot post about "crappy" clients either, not sure what your point was when you specified that. If there is a saftety issue that would be posted and service from person to person differs, what you thought was poor someone else may love, what you find attractive another may not. So again if you are not willing to post a reco, move on and leave it private, isn't that where intimate details belongs, especially if a particular lady steps outside of her boundries, what she does or did with you may not happen with anyone else, so to spread it around certainly would be considered gossip and untrustworthy, unless you asked if it could be told.

[DeeperConnection 19567]

It's very unusual that so many men ask each other for rates and restrictions, and then try text booking you, without any questions and feeling that a brief call before arrangments are finalized to be an inconvenience.

If you guys want to know what experiences we offer and our rates, the best person to contact is always the woman in question.

That way you don't end up misled by 2nd hand information.

 

And seriously, if you recieve services above or beyond what a lady advertises DO NOT THINK IT OK to brag about it through pm. She didn't offer you more so you could promote it for her. If that were the case, she would do this herself. Unless you are able to vouch for each other's personality, and hygiene, this is extremely inconsiderate.

 

I have to say This board is refreshing from many others as I dont like being put down for not doing things which I'm not comfortable, or told how I should be doing things. Frankly, if those who say these things know the best way to be an sp, i say go for it....

 

I feel woman who become jaded and provide poor service is due to the constant complaints made about everything from the services she chooses to not provide, to her rates, looks, hours, assumed length of time between appointments, her pet(s) hobbies and assumed or rumoured personal interests and or lifesyle etc.

 

Perhaps we don't wish to be picked apart and tormented for these things and many other's after selecting who we thought was a gentleman to be intimate with us.

 

As is always stated to me on other erb board, if you don't like the way this board chooses to respect providers as human beings, then you have the choice not to participate. Pushing to change rules of a mutually respectful board which doesn't treat the ladies as unwelcome outsiders is simply not ok. There are plenty of places this already happens, please leave the one place us ladies are aloud to speak on behalf of ourselves, and share our prefrences to these matters to be what it is.

 

Positive thoughts and attitude make for much more positive encounters and communications for all parties involved.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Guest *ig*a**]

I remember one time I got a pm from someone fairly new and they asked alot of questions about a certain lady here. I had a gut feeling something wasn't right and had a strange feeling it might have been le on a fishing trip. So I just ignored it. It you don't feel like respondong to the pm then don't.

Posted via Mobile Device

[Jabba 18389]

I've had a few questions from lurkers myself.

My response is simply to repeat the SP's or MA's services as described in their Ad, or, simply claim amnesia & say I can't remember. I don't feel any sense of duty or loyalty to lurkers. I don't know who the hell they are or their motives.

 

But, I'm kind of thinking maybe, as a courtesy, I should cc said SP or MA and make 'em aware about the query in case lurker contacts them. What do you think?

[Andee 220524]

For what it's worth, even as an SP, I get lurkers asking me about other ladies.

 

I usually send them a link the lady's ad and tell them since I've never been with them intimately, pretty hard for me to say how "good" they are, lol.

[Horndog66 14104]

I've had a few questions from lurkers myself.

My response is simply to repeat the SP's or MA's services as described in their Ad, or, simply claim amnesia & say I can't remember. I don't feel any sense of duty or loyalty to lurkers. I don't know who the hell they are or their motives.

 

But, I'm kind of thinking maybe, as a courtesy, I should cc said SP or MA and make 'em aware about the query in case lurker contacts them. What do you think?

I would only notify her if I were absolutely convinced the guy could be a problem for her. I'm sure most of these lurkers aren't dangerous; they just have an unjustified sense of entitlement.

 

My real point in starting this thread was to emphasize that if you want to receive, you have to give first in public so we can take your measure.

[Jabba 18389]

I would only notify her if I were absolutely convinced the guy could be a problem for her. I'm sure most of these lurkers aren't dangerous; they just have an unjustified sense of entitlement.

 

My real point in starting this thread was to emphasize that if you want to receive, you have to give first in public so we can take your measure.

 

 

Ya, understood.

What if the lurker is an unscrupulous competitor trying to get inside info or an SP assuming another identity to get an opinion on themselves? I've suspected as much with a few PMs. Fun & games.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I would only notify her if I were absolutely convinced the guy could be a problem for her. I'm sure most of these lurkers aren't dangerous;.[/quote]

 

This is part of the problem though, as some have pointed out. Unless you have some type of training in how to read people, how would you really know. It's best just to point the person questioning to the ladies web page or just tell them to contact her for all details. This way no one is unnecessarlily hurt, no ones safety is jeopardized and her discretion is respected the same way she would have respected yours.

 

[Kubrickfan 12836]

The PM requests I have received, and the ones I have made, usually focus on adding additional details to give a fuller picture. For me, that's never gossip, and its never sharing confidential information.

 

Lets take price for example ... lets say a lady doesn't post a price. It's highly possible that I will get a question about price or ask one, buts its definitely not about low-balling, it's about trying to determine whether that ladies price range is within the realm of reason because, frankly, a lot of guys would prefer not to have to ask and then say no. Usually its between well-established members of the board. I can't imagine that the guys here are going to share a lot of intimate details, and I suspect it's a lot like the communications the ladies have.

 

It's completely unrealistic, on a "social" board like cerb, to not expect a fuller communication flow in private, and I agree with Horndog that there's nothing wrong with that. But it really isn't a big deal.

 

And no, I'm not going to provide a lot of info to newer posters.

[kechara 2526]

cristycurves:

but why not ask the girl what her rate is??

 

I can see it being a bit of a pride thing. A guy not wanting to have to say no because of the amount. He is then saying he can't afford to see someone.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I can see it being a bit of a pride thing. A guy not wanting to have to say no because of the amount. He is then saying he can't afford to see someone.

 

Perhaps, but men -hobbyists need to know we as sp's make no judgements about things like that. We are hear to make all of your experience, from start to finish comfortable, easy, fun and satisfying. In return for this most of us simply want respect, to be treated fairly, discreetly and with the same understanding we give you.

[kechara 2526]

Perhaps, but men -hobbyists need to know we as sp's make no judgements about things like that. We are hear to make all of your experience, from start to finish comfortable, easy, fun and satisfying. In return for this most of us simply want respect, to be treated fairly, discreetly and with the same understanding we give you.

 

Cristy I understand and agree with what you are saying. The only thing is that when a persons feelings are involved, they might not be willing to directly contact the SP.

[Guest c**io**m7]

Not long ago, I started seeing a specific SP a little more regularly. One day, when I showed up, she had an absolutely amazing treat for me that I will never forget and I had the time of my life...the best time ever sexually. One of the things she asked was that I not spread the word. I will keep my promise on that one.

Sometimes, what happens between a SP and client needs to remain between them. Sometimes services that are not normally offered can get shared between a SP and a regular when the connection is there, in the heat of the moment...this is NO-ONE's business!! SPs are human beings, their wishes deserve to be respected.

 

Well, HD66, I can only say that your public posts are very revealing.

 

You haven't been on this site long enough maybe to understand why both the sps and the clients use this site, as opposed to review sites.

 

On this board or behind the scenes, there is no reason to tell anyone at all about services that are not advertised, especially if they are not offered to all. There is in fact a very good chance this reliable source is lying to you, whether it is you providing the info or receiving it.

 

You say you book based on back room information, but the sp herself did not offer, advertise nor agree to have the info shared, but you will expect to receive it when you show up, otherwise you wouldn't book her based on her advertised services, only the rumoured ones?

 

And you don't see the conflict in that, plus you want to justify not just doing it, but expecting others to agree lol.

 

Every time someone tells another potential client about an sp providing services she doesn't want known publically, or doesn't want to be asked about or doesn't want to have to provide to everyone who shows up, they are telling those guys her wishes are unimportant. They are telling her that he is indiscreet and a gossip. It makes him unattractive as a client, and chances are if she finds out, and she will find out the minute guy #2 acting on info given to him by pm, contacts her and asks for or about it.

 

It is really up to the client to do his own work, contact the sp and allow her to answer, privately and only 'first hand' what his real expectations on arrival should be. It isn't up to a 3rd person to disclose 2nd hand information about what he claims happened. We have no insight as to the circumstances around getting or not getting certain services, advertised or not. We don't know if they were coerced, tricked, paid extra, freely offered, or even if they were offered or received at all. We don't know the source has an axe to grind, or is just super special and unique that he gets what others are denied.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Cristy I understand and agree with what you are saying. The only thing is that when a persons feelings are involved, they might not be willing to directly contact the SP.

 

That's exactly my point. I just offered that as an example of what a couple cerb guys might discuss in a PM. And even that is kinda moving off topic from the original post about lurker PMs. I just think the whole thing is overblown.

 

Sorry ... Gotta go now as I have to PM curiousm7 and find out what he got and who he got it from! :icon_wink: