My issue with Hobbyist PM's and YMMV

[aubreyxxx 20240]

To the wonderful men of PEI

 

I understand the hobbyists of CERB use the pm system to share both positive and negative experiences regarding an SP which I fully believe that it is a vital need when choosing a provider and deciding where your hard earned money goes.

My issue with this though is when you start discussing the details of an encounter that are shared between the provider and the hobbyist. Sometimes with a client who I feel comfortable with I sometimes provide services that I would not noramally share with someone I have just met or even if I have met them several times I still may not offer this service for whatever reason I choose I have the right to do so.

I am unsure of who it is but there is only a select few of who it could be but I am very hurt and disappointed after an encounter I had here tonight. There is obviously some messages being exchanged back and forth between new hobbyists and regular ones, discussing the events of our date and telling the new hobbyists about things that had gone on during our session. This service is NOT Listed on my website nor have I ever advertised that I would provide this, but tonight I had a first time client attempt to do something that I was definitely not comfortable with.

At first I played it cute and told him no I don't do this because sometimes men are not aware in what you are comfortable with - although it would've been nice for him to ask first. He continued to do so over and over until I firmly said NO. In my mind the date was ruined but I was willing to give it one more try and yet again an attempt was made. I stood up and said firmly the date is over and I'm asking you to leave. Only than did he realise how serious I was about how uncomfortable I was and how apologetic he was only than.

This man was a lot bigger than I and during this time I felt extremely uncomfortable about the situation on what would happen with me not wanting to partake in this and he did not continue to try anything else after this thankfully.

After he had left he had sent me a message apologizing for not listening and I explained to him why you should always listen when a lady does not want you to do something you stop immediately.

The response I received was this : ''Maybe if you told me the first time that if I kept going I would lose my money I would've stopped immediately. I lost out big time''

What that told me was he wasn't sorry that I felt scared, and uncomfortable or that my boundaries were crossed. What that told me was that he was sorry he just lost out on his money and that the only person he felt sorry for was himself.

 

I can't make you fellas do anything - but hopefully in reading this, you can see the result in what happens when you divulge too many personal details regarding a private encounter. Although your intentions may be well, each and every encounter is different the same as no two people are alike.

 

For my own personal take on things, If you wish to discuss me to other members please keep the intimate details private and only discuss the quality of the encounter and your opinion on the experience.

 

Thank you

[futileresistenz 28253]

I'm sorry you had to go through such a harrowing experience. This is a very instructional post to those who may not have thought of the consequences of divulging too much information that is considered private with another client or would-be client.

 

It is not limited to newbies, but they particularly may misconstrue what they've heard through the grapevine and place a lady in extremely uncomfortable situations, or even outright danger!

 

It is sickening to hear that this person was more concerned with his monetary loss, rather than with the fact that he had more than once made you feel so uncomfortable. But luckily, he saw his error and the situation didn't escalate.

 

I'd say more, but it's late now. Kudos to you, Aubrey, for having the courage to post this!

FR

[contraman 5480]

Note to fellow "hobbyists":

 

• 
  [--]SPs are not love dolls. They are human beings.
  [--]You may be horny. That isn't the same as stupid.
  [--]Don't be a jerk.
  

 

Aubrey, sorry to hear that you had an experience like this. I hope that your sharing it will remind everybody else here that you and other SPs are exchanging a sort of intimacy for money; you're not renting out your body and soul for someone else to use as they see fit.

[MightyPen 67414]

''Maybe if you told me the first time that if I kept going I would lose my money I would've stopped immediately. I lost out big time''

Arrrgh, I hate this on so many levels. Because it's saying:

 

a) "How was I to know you were serious when you said "no"? I mean sure you said "no", but I didn't know I was actually required to listen to you."

 

b) "It's one thing when your will is the issue; but when it's my money at stake then whoa, that's serious! You should have warned me it could affect my money."

 

I could go on. Grrrr.

 

So yeah, two problems here. First one is guys whispering "hey, she'll do X!" and the second is guys who pursue their desire for X without reference to your stated position about it.

 

This is one of the fundamental and scariest risks whose threat is always hanging over these transactions, and it's every client's absolute first duty to be very, very careful not to step over that line.

 

So sorry you had to go through this.

[Guest ***nsut***jr]

First time meetings can be some of the best experiences you can have in this business if you allow them to be.

You are always taking a chance when meeting a new person that there will be compatibility.

There should never be an expectation unless specifically discussed before hand with the provider be it an SP or MA.

 

Most if not all ladies state their services on here or on a website and reserve the right to do or not to do by YMMV. Even for repeat visits things may vary due to what is happing in the providers or our own lives so being pushy is never an option.

 

The relationships with SP's/MA's are as dynamic as any other so nothing should be assumed and if you absolutely need something to make a visit worth your money make sure that its allowable before hand.

 

Just remember that the best resource is the provider so ask questions before hand so you can enjoy the time together and feel like you got more than you bargained for.

[PistolPete 61421]

Think I will be quite frank about this topic. It goes without saying some guys just like to share their stories to others ( I don't,unless it is a recommendation ) just like perhaps a couple of ladies may chat about their time with Mr.xyz, who really knows what goes on behind closed" doors" or "in pm's" right?

 

When I read your post the "first attempt you were a little cute with him"perhaps the first attempt you should of been more stern, I don't think cute gets a lady any place behind closed doors.

 

I always ask through a pm or email "what services do you NOT provide" it just simplifies the whole session, to ensure what the expectations are. Trying to attempt to cross those boundaries only leads to embarrassment and possibly your name being further discussed by more than one SP.

 

In this business and transactions there is no room for error.

[Guest sheikyerboot]

I'm also so sorry you had to deal with this, Aubrey, and I too applaud you for choosing to share this experience with other cerb members so we all can learn from this.

 

Hopefully, most hobbyists are already aware of this and put it in practice regularly, but for those who haven't considered it or feel that it can be disregarded, remember when dealing with SPs to always be respectful!! Always. These ladies like Aubrey (and I'm sure anyone who's had the pleasure of meeting her and finding how courteous and good-natured she is will agree she is indeed a lady) provide a service which we all appreciate. No doubt, but too many bad experiences like this have caused a countless number of women to leave the occupation; and that is something that all of us as a community of hobbyists then lose out on. These woman have the difficult task of providing a service where they have to be pleasant and seductive with us, and do their best to provide us with an enjoyable expeience, regardless of whether the SP is personally having a terrible day herself, and irrespective of our physical attractiveness (or lack thereof); and furthermore, they have the unenviable position of having to adapt their demeanor to accomodate a wide variety of personality types, to become more suited to what the client expects or requires. For all this effort on their part, which they do for our benefit, the absolute minimum we should do in return is always be respectful!!

 

I would recommend, never assume certain "extras" are included without discussing it with the SP first; either when in communication prior to an encounter or during the session itself. Even if it's a case of something that the SP has advertised at one point. An SP's policies may change over time, and something that has been advertised in the past as a service she will provide may no longer apply, or may only apply on a case-by-case basis. I have been told flat-out by an SP that she would not provide me with a service that she clearly did advertise, but I did not become upset with her; I simply accepted it. I accepted that she had the right to decide what she would or would not do with particular clients according to her own wishes. Nevertheless, I discovered this was the case with me because I asked first. I didn't assume that just because I saw it written somewhere at one point that it automatically applied to me and that she would just let me anyway. Why did I ask first? Because we should always be respectful when dealing with these women who do so much to ensure our enjoyment.

 

Thanks again, Aubrey, for continuing to help our community grow into something even better by voicing your comments, opinions and experiences with us. We are all better off for your involvement here.

 

Sincerely.

[roamingguy 300292]

A couple things. First, no two encounters are the same. Not just between different clients and a lady, but even repeat encounters with a client and lady

Always, always remember YMMV

I have read some recommendations. To me what is the most important is did the gentleman have a good encounter with the lady. I never assume when the recommendation goes into details that that is how other encounters will unfold. None of my reco's go into details (that is private), but you know I've had a good time.

I also, in encounters, let the lady take the lead. That way the lady is comfortable knowing her boundaries won't be crossed. If there is something I would like, yes maybe mechanical somewhat, but I ask, I don't assume and don't force

And I don't pm/email details of encounters, read my recommendations, that is how detailed I go.

RG

[PistolPete 61421]

Further to my post above when stated ladies may talk about a gent, that is through either the guy is a good client or perhaps a client that might not be suitable for an engagement. Check the post about references.

[renegade 11027]

My experiences are mine and mine alone. I realize that, so i do not discuss details either in a rec or by pm anything i,ve ever needed to know i have asked the provider as she is the Only one that can answer questions.I,m sorry that you had that uncomfortable experience it should never happen.

[aubreyxxx 20240]

 

When I read your post the "first attempt you were a little cute with him"perhaps the first attempt you should of been more stern, I don't think cute gets a lady any place behind closed doors.

 

 

Now I understand what you are saying but you were not in my shoes at that moment. This is a 6 ft2 man 350 pounds at least. I am 5 ft4 .140 pounds and this is my first encounter with him. I have never met him before and I an unsure of his temperament is to rejection as I have coke to notice since my time in the industry some men change during an encounter as they feel in control and go into a fantasy type roll.

I wanted to maintain my safety and ensure that incase he did stop after I had first said no that a) my tone did not ruin the mood for an encounter that was still salvageable B) that an incident that could have been non-intentional did not make him feel absolutely horrible and that hecould still enjoy our time together.

 

Although I respect your response you were not there for how I worded it and how I said it. I don't feel like the first time a client does something that you should instantly scream no or half the men here would think a little different of me

I approach it with a kind manner but still with the point of ok serious don't so. That again.

After the first time this was not cute anymore because I was not taken seriously

I get why you say this Pete, but please put yourself in my position and think how scary this situation already is I have a man whose jot listening to me ans I'm alone with him and I am about to stop our date immediately and hes not getting his money back

This could go in so Manu negative turns thank god it did not but I don't think you should have an opinion on my choices if you yourself have never been put in that situation

[peimama 110]

Aubrey, I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. I hope this doesn't happen to you again. Regardless of how it was said, NO means no. I'm really glad this encounter didn't turn out differently. Take care!

[MightyPen 67414]

Whoops - I got caught by surprise by the character display limit. My full comment was:

 

"Completely agree. The client is expected to know that your slightest refusal is an unquestionable verdict. This was ALL on him."

 

I don't agree at all with the idea that "you weren't clear or stern enough". You used your best judgement at the time and in the midst of the real situation.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

I don't have many restrictions but I am very clear on the ones I have in place. If one toe goes over the line the date is over. Over stepping my few boundaries are a clear indication we are not right for each other so I would never feel bad ending a date very abruptly if I felt violated in any way.

 

I respect every guest I have and feel very just in expecting the same in return.

[Andee 220524]

I don't have many restrictions but I am very clear on the ones I have in place. If one toe goes over the line the date is over. Over stepping my few boundaries are a clear indication we are not right for each other so I would never feel bad ending a date very abruptly if I felt violated in any way.

 

I respect every guest I have and feel very just in expecting the same in return.

 

Same here. This is an ongoing issue that you need to be able to roll with the punches so to speak. No amount of reminding, scolding, airing dirty laundry or getting upset about these "minority few's" behaviour is not going to change the ignorant, rude and stupid. We have to know how and when to be assertive so that things to not escalate. Paying attention to the so-called red flags and following your intuition are very important right from the beginning during the screening process. Not always a guarantee, but it's usually a good indication of whether it is something I feel comfortable seeing.

 

I am fortunate that I can count on one hand the number of so-called dates I have had. I thank my luck stars that my good clients make up for the odd bad one that tries to unsuccessfully push my boundaries.

[Guest a**4*]

Sorry to here that some guys just don't have respect that shows what kind of a person he is.Just remember that there are still gentlemen in this world that respect women :)

[aubreyxxx 20240]

Same here. This is an ongoing issue that you need to be able to roll with the punches so to speak. No amount of reminding, scolding, airing dirty laundry or getting upset about these "minority few's" behaviour is not going to change the ignorant, rude and stupid. We have to know how and when to be assertive so that things to not escalate. Paying attention to the so-called red flags and following your intuition are very important right from the beginning during the screening process. Not always a guarantee, but it's usually a good indication of whether tit is something I feel comfortable seeing.

 

I am fortunate that I can count on one hand the number of so-called dates I have had. I thank my luck stars that my good clients make up for the odd bad one that tries to unsucessfully push my boudaries.

 

I completely agree but not one red flag went up beforehand. He was very kind and sweet and nothing made me uncomfortable until that moment.

You're right though, I am greatful that this is not an ongoing situation cause the awesome clients definitely outweigh the disrespectful ones

 

 

Also to add further to my post. My intent here was not to air out dirty laundry. I posted it within the PEI area because it is E member from my area, but beside this incident I feel that this does need to be mentioned. And because I am unaware of who made told this new member I decided to address it to everyone since obviously I am not the only one this happens to Sometimes people don't change theirQ actins unless they see there are consequences and I dont think for a second that the member who divulged out private info about our encounterhad any knowledge that this would happen, but the reason I posted my situation was so maybe those who like to eiscuss encounters could see that although innocent intentions can have negative outcomes.

As Pete said previously some people just like to exagetate and I think thus may have been the issue here.

I see other threads meant to bring light to topics by discussing personal situations and that is all I meant by this

[Guest C**Tra****er]

Aubrey,

 

I applaud you for bringing this forward. There are some people who always try to push the limits of what they can get away with and putting a personal touch on this situation might make some of those people question what they might have heard from others or stop and think before they try to push limits.

 

It's been said on here numerous times, No means No, but this topic continues to come up. It's sad that it does.

 

It was mentioned on another post in the general discussion area, I believe, about members contacting other members via PM with questions about the ladies. It's great to exchange that information, but we should also be careful about what is said. That information that is passed whether it is incorrect or exaggerated does have the potential to cause harm to the lady in question. Specific questions about services offered should be referred to the ladies to answer. Remember YMMV and there should be no expectation that services offered to one will be offered to another.

[Annessa 22743]

Arrrgh, I hate this on so many levels. Because it's saying:

 

a) "How was I to know you were serious when you said "no"? I mean sure you said "no", but I didn't know I was actually required to listen to you."

 

b) "It's one thing when your will is the issue; but when it's my money at stake then whoa, that's serious! You should have warned me it could affect my money."

 

I could go on. Grrrr.

 

 

ugh....its annoying enough that some guys think we think of them for their wallets....its even more hurtful to think that some guys will just define a lady by "money well spent" or not....and not as a person.

 

Sorry your customer didnt get the hint...No means no. no matter what dollar-sign is attached. :(

[roamingguy 300292]

ugh....its annoying enough that some guys think we think of them for their wallets....its even more hurtful to think that some guys will just define a lady by "money well spent" or not....and not as a person.

 

Sorry your customer didnt get the hint...No means no. no matter what dollar-sign is attached. :(

 

You are all ladies and people who graciously provide us gentlemen an escape with your time and companionship. What is given far exceeds the donation requested

No excuse for a man crossing boundaries, no means no, and no lady should ever be made to feel unsafe or threatened

RG

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Even as a seasoned escort I do occasionally encounter a client who steps over the boundaries or attempts to.. so I sympathize with your situation. It sucks.. especially when the client is much larger than yourself. It's such a delicate exchange/dance we engage in sometimes...How to set a boundary without changing the flow too much.

 

Even if this fellow had 10 reviews stating an act or position or length of time of appt even never mind pms.. it NEVER entitles a person to the exact same experience. It takes two to tango. Unless you've bought yourself a blowup doll (or real-doll for 1000's more) it's always YMMV.

I mean outside of the obvious.. not making it a bait-n-switch with regards to services.

 

The first time for instance someone accidentally tries to slip it in the backway.. I make a joke.. (it's normally an accident) but if it happens again.. I will not think it's a joke and be direct and firm... make eye contact (or suggest we switch positions so it's not really an option) and confirm that that particular act is never on the menu for me :)

 

But seasoned or not.. something that's never on the menu for me is a slap across the face.. and a client did that to me a couple months back. A colleague of mine has had the same experience out of the blue and with a totally different client!

 

Nowhere was that advertised or talked about in Pm..

 

Sometimes people are just freaks. lol.. I can laugh about it now.. but I sure wasn't laughing at the time.. and I marched him out of my house with a heck of a lot of noise and definitely no refund.

[aubreyxxx 20240]

 

 

 

The first time for instance someone accidentally tries to slip it in the backway.. I make a joke.. (it's normally an accident) but if it happens again.. I will not think it's a joke and be direct and firm... make eye contact (or suggest we switch positions so it's not really an option) and confirm that that particular act is never on the menu for me :)

 

 

That's exactly what I was saying, in case it wasn't meant for intentional ignorance I was kindly trying to salvage a situation that could've moved forward from the awkward moment, but obviously if it happens again his intentions were just as the original situation.

 

Slap in the face is a definite NO NO - ESPECIALLY if not agreed about previously

 

Some people go into split personality mode during sex and change dramatically..

[Guest a**4*]

All clients should be respectful to the ladies if not they derserve to be put to the curb that is where garbage goes.The only girl they will be seeing is Palmala or they can play pocket pool don't cross the boundries it is very disrespectful be gentlemen not assholes.I cherrish the time i spend with a beautiful lady i see regularly i respect what she says and any other lady here and there are a lot of beautiful ladies here and there are lots of gentlemen here that enjoy the company of beautiful ladies here...just my two-cents worths

[godcomplex 331]

In this day and age it amazes me that anyone does't understand that "no" means "no". As far as i'm concerned it's only a business before the SP arrives . After that it's just a hope that you make a connection. A smile and a hug usually means it's going to go well . No SP should ever have to be in fear of her safety and if she does i definately agree she should leave right away. Respect and kindness usually receive the same in return.

[fisforfuun 368]

This is why prostitution laws need to be reformed in Canada. There needs to be more levels of protection for the ladies who choose to escort in Canada.