MandalayBay 575 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 For the first time in this new career (just one month), I have had a very bad experience. So much, in fact, I had to take hours out of my day to let this client know how much his behaviour affected me on a personal level and with the hopes of making sure his mistakes with me would never be repeated with another service provider. Hi XXXXX, I thought I would take the time to write you an in-depth explanation as to why I can never see you again. I'm not sure you recall everything that happened XXXXXXXX night because you had much alcohol to drink, but a part of why I am writing is also as a therapeutic exercise to myself. Although I didn't show how upset I was (to my regret), I cried as I drove home after seeing you. On my website, I have a very clearly written list of rules/etiquette that you reassured me you had read beforehand in full. I'm not sure if you fully recall, but last night you broke and/or attempted to break 7 of these rules/etiquette that were listed on my website. http://www.mandalaybaylover.com/Etiquette.html The most upsetting rule to me personally was to ask me to have sex with you without a condom. I know you are a husband/father and would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize your family's health and well-being ... but what you requested of me (having sex without a condom) is the worst possible faux pas you could have with an escort and the worst thing you could do to your family. I realize you had much alcohol to drink, but that request could have resulted in you bringing home a deadly STD that could have killed your wife - the mother of your children - and devastated your entire family and life. My words are harsh, I know, but need to be spoken. I was honoured that you opened up to me and showed me photographs of your beautiful wife and adorable children. I also feel you need to be reminded of the possible exposure/devastation you could have brought to the ones you love. I am a very responsible escort and care very deeply about my own health and also your own. If I may kindly ask you to do some reflection on your actions while under the influence of alcohol please do so, if only for the well-being of your beautiful family. As you pleaded and begged with me to have sex without a condom, I kept seeing your beautiful wife's face in my head as well as the adorable faces of your children. I also saw my own children's faces as well as the gentleman who is the love of my life. No amount of money is worth risking the health and the future of the people I love most dearly. No amount of physical pleasure/release is worth your own family's health and well-being. I know you are a good man deep down inside. Please do not accept these words with anger and take a moment to re-read and realize that I am writing these words out of kindness and a personal need to pass along an important message to you. Please be careful and if alcohol takes you to a place where you are unable to make responsible decisions (such as having sex without a condom), perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the importance of alcohol to your life. There is no need to respond, apologize or say anything other than accepting my words without anger or judgement. I am not a perfect person and most women in my position would simply never call you again. I hope you can appreciate my courage and concern in taking the time to write this very difficult letter to you. Warmly, Mandalay 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
coachg 388 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Hey Mandalay....Sorry to hear about your bad experience the other nite, but I guess the odds say that is going to happen once in a while...hopefully not very damn often. I'm sure your good clients will more than make that bad experience up and keep the good moments at the forefront of your memories. Keep smiling kid....for Tuesday is just around the corner. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
v*****m*n 220 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 good for you for writting this to him, maybe this will help others who are looking for the same thing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PistolPete 61421 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Mandalay, very well written and right to the points of deep concern for both parties involved. I must add that some gents really don't understand how badly alcohol or in fact drugs can ruin a date with a lady. Good for you to reveal your emotions,care and conviction about the entire ordeal. You showed your true class by writing back to him...kudo's to you.:wink: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tigerclaw 248 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 For the first time in this new career (just one month), I have had a very bad experience...I am not a perfect person and most women in my position would simply never call you again. I hope you can appreciate my courage and concern in taking the time to write this very difficult letter to you.[/color][/b] Warmly, Mandalay Dear Mandaly, I applaud your courage and compassion. I do hope that your message is received by the intended recipient with reflection and without reproach towards you. I sympathize with your concerns with learning of your traumatic experience... Tigerclaw Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a******s.m*****e 187 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Hi Mandalay, You are a very compassionate human being and I agree with you. I would have felt sorry for the wife and children, but not for the guy. He must know what effect alcohol has on him. I am sure this is not the first time he got drunk. "I know you are a good man deep down inside." How did you get to that conclusion? I personally find it bad taste to see an escort and show the picture of his family. Even if he is looking for something he doesn't get at home, his family should be sacred for him, he should leave them out of his escapades. I know it will sound cruel, but instead of beating about the bush, someone has to tell him what a creep he is when he gets drunk. Believe me, this is the only way to wake up a drunk. Unless he is forced to face his problem head-on, he will continue to be an irresponsible jerk, and will end up bringing home something like genital warts that might cause cancer in his wife and kill her eventually. Sorry, no compassion here on my part. :( My advise to you: please save your tears for worthy causes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Emma Alexandra 123368 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 but maybe too kind...if a gent woukd come to me drunk or high i would have to ask him to leave...sorry but that is written on my sight...i don't mind anyone having a glass of wine at my place but to come to me drunk is just to scary..your new and learned this the hard way...i'm sorry for that M...big kiss and hug to you.. kisses, Emma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gabriella Laurence 301887 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 I'm sorry to say but there is not muh you can do for this gentleman if he's not willing or can't act like a responsible adult, father and husband! Hopefully, your email will open his eyes to the serious situation he his faced with but I highly doubt it! :( I would like to add that if you are ever in the presence of a gentleman who is under the influence to just leave quietly... Just make up a good excuse (like an emergency) but don't stay with him. You never know what might happen to you! Protect yourself! Be safe my dear! ;) xox Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A***** A***** 510 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 You did a good job with your words, it was the thought that counted. I would have kicked his ass to the curb for being drunk, and then booted it down the block with my left foot for asking bbfs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a******s.m*****e 187 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Oh, I didn't know you were new, I would have been a little less blunt :) I guess every one of us has to experience the dark sides of this business sometime, and as Emma pointed out, we learn from our mistakes. I just want you to remember that you are not paid to be someone's psychiatrist and if you forget this, you will burn out pretty soon.... Not to mention that some people will try to take advantage of your good heart. Take care! You did nothing wrong:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jdstar 1065 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 It's rather unfortunate that the ladies have to deal with stuff that should never happen under any circumstances. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rickoshadows 937 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 I know you are a good man deep down inside. Wrong! The drunk you see is the man deep down inside. Take it from a person who has had to deal with all kinds of drunks (no I am not an addictions counselor), when someone drinks, the real person comes out as the alcohol reduces their control over their persona. A mean drunk is a mean person who has his true personality under control when he is sober. There is truth to the old saying that you don't know a person until you have seen him drunk. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fortunateone 156618 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 At the worst, drunk clients are unpredictable and potentially dangerous. He should have been turned away, or in this case, you should have left shortly after arrival. At the least, drunk clients are incapable of performing sexually, leading to frustration and possible anger on their part. At best, they will overextend their welcome trying to get off. At worst, they will insist upon bb services because they just "know" that they will be able to cum then. If you choose to stay with a drunk client, for whatever reasons, do not hesitate to leave when things do go sideways. Don't hesitate to keep the full donation either. It is still your time, you were prepared to stay and do your best, he blew it. If he seems drunk but only maudlin rather than dangerous and you decide to stay, just be a friendly ear, offer a massage, and a hj rather than attempting to do fs. It most likely won't work anyway, insist on silence because no doubt he will want to talk on and on about how "if only you did...." it would work for sure. If the hj doesn't work then so be it. He has had a nice massage and a friendly conversation. The fact is, drinking before, or during appts should NEVER be encouraged. Don't make a habit of bringing a bottle of wine, or accepting a glass of anything. Tell them you don't drink if you have to. It seems like a nice gesture, but honestly flowers are a better gift. If you think you need a drink to get in the mood, then the sp is doing something wrong lol. GHB doesn't care how carefully you screen your clients, they are strangers and should be treated with caution first and foremost. Some people like to use poppers, e, or ghb for personal use. Some clients have actually put ghb or similar on the condom or themselves before the sp goes in for a bj. Never underestimate how careful you can be with just a little common sense. There is no need to reinvent the wheel, here. All these topics have been discussed by both sides in many ways at many different times. When you decide to go into this industry full force, in would serve you well to study what those who have gone before you have to say lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a******s.m*****e 187 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Mandalay, sorry, I have to add one more thing: Remember that this guy was perfectly willing to endanger YOUR health and life. What he needs is NOT a tearful letter telling him what a wonderful human being he is, but a KICK IN THE BUTT. You need to be a lot tougher in this business. Take care, we love you :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MandalayBay 575 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks for all the kind words. Reflecting back, the tears were not for him. They were out of anger for allowing myself to tolerate the BS for so long until I was ready to explode. I have mentally prepared myself for how I will respond the next time this happens. I will firmly say "If I have to say no one more time, I will leave." If he asks again, I will grab my cell phone and make a call to a "protector" and leave. The gentleman did respond by email today and did accept my message for what I wanted him to. Here are his words and the fact that I have given him a shock makes my time worthwhile in writing my letter to him. Dear Mandalay, I know you asked me not to respond but I am. What a way to wake up this morning. I'm looking straight into the horror of my actions, my life. You have shaken me to the core...and I thank you for that. What kind of a person am I to do those things, to you, to my family, to me. It's time for some very serious self reflection. Please accept my apology. You are an amazing person and I'm fortunate to have met you because you have helped me. Please know that you have affected me in a great way and whenever I see myself moving towards that behaviour, I will remember this email, remember your words of encouragement, and I will do the right thing. Thank you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suzirider 737 Report post Posted May 21, 2009 I think a post in the newbie section is due here. (no booze unless SP permits ??? or on first dates ???) I have read more than a few posts about starting off with a little wine, wondering what happens after a little too much. Before my very first meet, I asked permission to bring a little something, and I mean little. For the record, I rarely drink, and more than a few is too many. I tolerate drunks for about two seconds. When I was young and foolish, I was a happy, then sleepy, then talk to the big white phone type. Some are not so happy ! So Guys, know what kind of drunk you are. "Forgive me, I had one too many", won't fly ! :-| Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest f***2f*** Report post Posted May 22, 2009 Well it's good that the man has paused for some reflection. I hope he was sincere. I think it is a generalization to say "no booze" whatsoever. If that is what the sp prefers then that is to be respected of course. Enjoying a glass of wine with each other if the sp and client are comfortable with one another is cool too. I would never arrive at the appointment having consumed anything...mainly cause I have to drive there...but also out of respect for the time I will spend with the person who has agreed to see me. If she is cool with a glass of wine (I always check that with a new person) then great, if not, no worries...water or juice or pop is good too. A serious request for bbfs should result in an instant termination of the appointment, this is just not on. I'm sure it would make the lady extremely uncomforatable and I cannot see why she would want to continue with someone who does not respect her boundaries and her health.:shock: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest i***k*** Report post Posted May 22, 2009 I'd have to agree and say you should have walked out the minute you noticed he was drunk... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VedaSloan 119179 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 Mandalay, Having read both this post and a number of other posts of yours in different threads, you seem to be a very sweet and caring woman. I just worry that perhaps you are too nice sometimes! That is not to say that you need to be cynical and jaded, just that if it happens again, boot his ass out! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buggernot 588 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 When I first read your letter, my initial reaction was that you were wasting your time getting upset about it, wasting your time writing a genuinely heartfelt note to him, and wasting your time even continuing to think about it at all. Obviously however, you saw something good in this man and decided to take the time and try to help him. Judging from his response, I really believe that you did. Very admirable to say the least... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungStud 468 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 Wrong! The drunk you see is the man deep down inside. Take it from a person who has had to deal with all kinds of drunks (no I am not an addictions counselor), when someone drinks, the real person comes out as the alcohol reduces their control over their persona. A mean drunk is a mean person who has his true personality under control when he is sober. There is truth to the old saying that you don't know a person until you have seen him drunk. I wouldn't totally agree. Sometimes people drink too much because they're stressed out about something and exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour. However, I would agree that if someone is always a mean drunk, they're very likely to be just an f-ing a-hole either sober or drunk. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sputy 128 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 don't stay with him. You never know what might happen to you! Protect yourself! some people will try to take advantage of your good heart. you seem to be a very sweet and caring woman. I just worry that perhaps you are too nice sometimes! Mandalay, From our private messages you know how much I worry about your safety. You are a special woman, a special person. I am not going to suggest you should have left because I wasn't there and I would always trust your judgement. One thing about any woman that I've ever known is that they do have a very real sense that men lack. They are uncanny in their ability to 'feel' danger. Trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. I'm very thankful that you've gone into this profession with your eyes wide open and your policies clearly defined. Take comfort in knowing that by sharing the story, others will learn from this as well. Sometimes people drink too much because they're stressed out about something and exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour. However, I would agree that if someone is always a mean drunk, they're very likely to be just an f-ing a-hole either sober or drunk. While that is most definitely true, wanting BBFS is more of a reflection on a persons intelligence than their ability to hold alcohol. Alcohol has no excuses, no reasons, no justifications. Besides, why desire placing an uncovered erect penis inside a woman when there are so many other interesting places you can put it!! :lol: (Mandalay, I hope you smiled when you read that - I know I did!):lol: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MandalayBay 575 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 Besides, why desire placing an uncovered erect penis inside a woman when there are so many other interesting places you can put it!! :lol: (Mandalay, I hope you smiled when you read that - I know I did!):lol: You took my virginity that day and I will never been the same! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
a******s.m*****e 187 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 You took my virginity that day and I will never been the same! Wow, you could have sold it on Ebay for a million :) Just kidding. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sputy 128 Report post Posted May 22, 2009 Wow, you could have sold it on Ebay for a million :) Just kidding. For that kind of virginity, i would've paid a million!!8) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
