Why do I not feel bad about this?

[bcguy42 38594]

I've reread most of this thread and I finally was able to put my finger on why it didn't quite make sense to me.

 

The problem for me is that I don't accept the premise behind the OP's original issue of wondering if he should feel bad about not feeling bad.

 

That premise translates to me that the status of feeling bad about partaking of this lifestyle should possibly be the norm - that we clients should feel bad about being clients. Further on, I sense the position raised that being a client is something one should "settle for" as being a poor alternative.

 

Speaking only for myself and how I view the world, I don't make it a practice to do discretionary things I would expect to feel bad about. I don't see "hobbying" as being a poor second to anything. But then, I compartmentalize.

 

For the most part, each experience I've had in this lifestyle has been a positive affirmation of the joy of being human. (Thank you, ladies :))

 

I've always felt that the companion I was sharing time with was there by choice. Were I to feel otherwise, I'd pay my money, we'd sit down and talk sports or cats or politics for a while and I'd leave. I feel it is presumptuous to think the SPs on Cerb continually advertise to do something they'd rather not be doing. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Anyway, that's my two bit's worth of contribution to the thread. It would be my two cents' worth but the penny officially phases out on the 4th.

[mister_crufty 4891]

I think you're taking this one level of abstraction higher than I originally intended it to go. I wish that my writing and thinking had been clearer but in the end, it came down to prejudices.

 

I EXPECTED to feel badly about this. That's why I waited so long. I expected to feel like a lonely desperate dude handing cash to bored indifferent women so that I could get off. All I knew of this was from crappy tv shows and news reports of street walkers getting into cars for a hit of meth.

 

I didn't expect to have chemistry and good feelings and warm thoughts and kind, caring women who really seem to want to make me happy. I didn't expect that I would leave a little bit of my heart with each of the women I met. I didn't expect to come out feeling good about myself. I certainly didn't expect the kind of support I've seen on this board.

 

If you only knew how many other men have PMed me and told me how similar my experience is to theirs. I posted earlier to the 'things that suck thread' the fact that I get insomnia and a lady out west PMed me suggesting I check my calcium and magnesium levels. Quick google and she's right. I'd never heard of that connection before. This place is freaking awesome and full of awesome people.

 

The original subject was meant to be rhetorical. Perhaps it was too subtle.

[MightyPen 67414]

I'm wondering if there is often a link when men who pay for it and have those feelings like they are ashamed/not good enough often think the same as the SP and that she doesn't like her job??

 

I had one person I see which isn't too often say to me not too long ago "Don't you wish you could quit this job?" What? Are you implying that this is all I can do and I have no other options? To me, this is an insult.

I read these few sentences a while ago, but they've really stuck with me and now I find myself back at my keyboard specifically to address them.

 

Holy crap it pisses me off that a guy would actually say that in your company. I'm so sorry Nicolette. The whole casual, backhanded nature of the insult and all the assumptions and judgement with a thin layer of "caring" to wrap it all up in:

 

"Hey I'm here because you're fun to fuck, but now it's time for me to judge you. Boy your life sure must suck! Here, have some of my thinly-disguised pity and disdain." --puts on concerned face--.

 

Should this happen again, please smack the guy hard directly in the balls, and then tell him it's from me.

 

On an intellectual level I think you have it figured out Nicolette: it's their own shame and guilt speaking. Effectively, "boy we're both such low and pathetic creatures for having done this. Discuss."

 

But on an emotional level I'm angry on your behalf, and I'm irritated at the kind of situations that clueless clients who are completely un-self-aware can put you in. For my part, I've found such great and healthy experiences with SPs that I tend to forget it can go other ways, even for the well-grounded women of CERB.

 

I dunno. Rant over I guess. Not a lot of things make me really angry, but apparently this is one of them.

 

All the best.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Maybe you should just feel sorry for them.

 

Think about it. They can't imagine that anyone who would sleep with them wouldn't hate it. "If you're sleeping with someone like me, you must really hate your life."

 

How crushingly low their self-esteem must be. How worthless they must see themselves.

 

Me, I love that these women love their jobs. They don't have to be here and they don't have to have a date with me. They do it because they like it and they enjoy their time with me.

 

I think this hobby can be fun for everyone!

 

 

I read these few sentences a while ago, but they've really stuck with me and now I find myself back at my keyboard specifically to address them.

 

Holy crap it pisses me off that a guy would actually say that in your company. I'm so sorry Nicolette. The whole casual, backhanded nature of the insult and all the assumptions and judgement with a thin layer of "caring" to wrap it all up in:

 

"Hey I'm here because you're fun to fuck, but now it's time for me to judge you. Boy your life sure must suck! Here, have some of my thinly-disguised pity and disdain." --puts on concerned face--.

 

Should this happen again, please smack the guy hard directly in the balls, and then tell him it's from me.

 

On an intellectual level I think you have it figured out Nicolette: it's their own shame and guilt speaking. Effectively, "boy we're both such low and pathetic creatures for having done this. Discuss."

 

But on an emotional level I'm angry on your behalf, and I'm irritated at the kind of situations that clueless clients who are completely un-self-aware can put you in. For my part, I've found such great and healthy experiences with SPs that I tend to forget it can go other ways, even for the well-grounded women of CERB.

 

I dunno. Rant over I guess. Not a lot of things make me really angry, but apparently this is one of them.

 

All the best.

[Guest d**eye***y]

my thoughts....some people dont feel bad because...

 

they justify it because their spouse doesn't give/like sex anymore

their spouse was with a lot more people before marrying

they see it as an addiction or need much like shopping or gambling

they just like sex too much and are oversexed people

the you only live once philosophy...what if you get hit by a car and die tomorrow

they have the its not hurting anyone philosophy

they have the its actually good for my marriage philosophy

they have the i love my wife and family situation, but need more....sex

they just dont love the person they are with as much as they thought..

 

its complex. Doing this doesnt mean you are unhappy at all....or happy for that reason. Me personally, its because I love women and sex. I have been oversexed since a child...I love the variety, I love younger women with tight bodies and nice body parts. I love the no strings attached. I went from serious relationship to serious relationship my whole life. So I think I like the short term fix with women who just want to make you feel good.

and btw, before anyone else dumps all over the married guys on this board, any SP will tell you the majority of their clients are married. Not saying I agree or disagree with this....just understand that.

[igab 5629]

 

But on an emotional level I'm angry on your behalf, and I'm irritated at the kind of situations that clueless clients who are completely un-self-aware can put you in.

 

You have no idea half the shit these ladies have to put up with. A few SPs have shared with me some of the stupid shit they put up with when guys first make contact (which gets them automatically disqualified). I am always amazed at how stupid some people can be and some of the shit that comes out of their mouths.

 

Then there is some of the shit said during the appointment, by witless guys who forget that they are talking and dealing with another human being. It's unbelievable.

 

I always assume I'm talking to a lady and conduct myself accordingly. I guess I'm just old fashioned.