Responsibility

[cat 262460]

A little unfair I think and yet you presume to know what is in my heart and mind and take a shot at me.

 

Reread my words carefully Miss Christy, there was no shot taken at you. I was simply showing you how different perception filters can take a situation and change ones feelings about it without the facts themselves being altered. The word "choose" is the key. I wrote "if I choose to read them thru a jade hued filter", I didn't say I made that choice, you assumed I did. And those who know me, know that I always give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to intention. You have jumped to conclusions and presumed to understand the meaning of my words before reading EXACTLY what I wrote. I meant every word, including the "thank you", you made the choice to read my words thru a jaded filter. I will admit that I wrote that paragraph as I did because I knew you would interpret it the way you did and I would be able to point out again that presumption and assumption are dangerous when it comes to interpreting intention and thought without personally knowing the person behind the situation.

 

As for real life situations, I have lived thru more genuinely life threatening situations than I care to count. I'm not a religious person but I am deeply spiritual and one of my core beliefs is non judgement. I have stood my ground for what I believe to be right but I have learned not to see the other person/people as "bad" or turn them into enemies but to see them as human. There is no us vs. them, we are all flesh and blood. They are simply unaware and until they are ready, I realize that I cannot force awareness nor can I force responsibility. It must always come from within.

 

I spent a little more than 2 years sitting in orange surrounded by women who are considered the bottom feeders of society. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Once the bravado had faded, their humanity appeared and not once did I see someone without genuine regret on some level about the things in their lives that they had done. Not one of them wanted to have the life they did, they wanted better but it really was beyond their reach or their capabilities. They fought a battle everyday that I can't imagine fighting for a lifetime. Their humanity didn't appear miraculously out of nowhere because they were in jail, it was always there but they were so accustomed to hiding it that they had forgotten it was there. I did cross paths with a couple of sociopaths and a psychopath but they are simply hardwired wrong and not the norm in my opinion.

 

I'm genuinely sorry you felt thrown under the bus during this lively discussion. Again, it boils down to perception and filters. Actions have no intrinsic value until we chose one to place on it. Your position is neither right or wrong, it simply is and that's good with me...

 

cat

[A****y E*e 6175]

Like many others have said, I think it's much more rare for people to try and scam the system than most people think. I'm sure it happens, but I find it hard to feel any anger or disdain even for those people. There's a lot of shame and stigma put on people on social assistance, and your life is scrutinized by social service agencies. Even if it's unfair and dishonest to scam government agencies, that seems like an awfully hard and minimally rewarding way to live.

 

I can't imagine that anyone dreams of growing up to scam the system for an extra few hundred dollars a month. And I'm sure most of us have been in situations where we felt like we were stuck and couldn't get out, and it took something extraordinary to happen to make a change. I feel lucky and grateful that I had people around me who were supportive and helped me through those periods, because I know not everyone has that, and sometimes even the tiniest bit of support can make a difference.

 

As much as I believe in taking individual responsibility for our actions, I also believe that we all have a collective responsibility to our community. I really am interested in the question of why people make decisions that they know will hurt themselves and others, but I think the solution lies in asking how we can play a part in helping each other to make better decisions, because that will surely benefit us all.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Cat perhaps you are right I may see things through a jaded filter. To much volunteer work, seeing to many abused dogs, cats and the like. Perhaps this has made me some what synical as well. I understand and appreciate that you would care to take the time to explain this to me, it means alot. I'm not sure if I can change, become more understanding, excepting or if I even want to. I don't see people as being mostly good. I do think there is good in some but not all. I also believe most people look out for themselves and will walk over anyone to get it. I am always surprised when someone says or does something kind for me-always. I give you a great amount of credit for not being like myself as you seem to have far more reason to be, having gone through what you have gone through. When I was younger I was more like you, I was more excepting and thought everyone was my friend and were good. That everyone would help if someone needed help, I was so niave. It's funny how we change with age. I guess our personality, how we are raised, experiences, who we associate with all plays into how we become who and what we are, how we see and treat others.As much as I want to understand why people do what they do, perhaps I am unable too.

Mr. Crufty- thank you I appreciate what you have said as well, thank you for taking the time.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Cat perhaps you are right I may see things through a jaded filter. To much volunteer work, seeing to many abused dogs, cats and the like. Perhaps this has made me some what synical as well. I understand and appreciate that you would care to take the time to explain this to me, it means alot. I'm not sure if I can change, become more understanding, excepting or if I even want to. I don't see people as being mostly good. I do think there is good in some but not all. I also believe most people look out for themselves and will walk over anyone to get it. I am always surprised when someone says or does something kind for me-always. I give you a great amount of credit for not being like myself as you seem to have far more reason to be, having gone through what you have gone through. When I was younger I was more like you, I was more excepting and thought everyone was my friend and were good. That everyone would help if someone needed help, I was so niave. It's funny how we change with age. I guess our personality, how we are raised, experiences, who we associate with all plays into how we become who and what we are, how we see and treat others.As much as I want to understand why people do what they do, perhaps I am unable too.

Mr. Crufty- thank you I appreciate what you have said as well, thank you for taking the time.

 

No problem at all Cristy. You seem like a lovely, thoughtful and intelligent woman. Truth be told, it makes me very sad to hear that you feel that way. It's not uncommon though. I think many people have gone through their lives being taken advantage of or treated poorly or just seen too much suffering. You start to feel that everyone has an angle or and ulterior motive or is just trying to get something from you.

 

Perhaps I'm naive for a man my age but as someone who likes to help others and always assumes the best of people, it still affects me deeply when my good intentions are questioned. I understand how people who have been used in the past might feel that way but it's painful to be painted by the same brush.

 

Perhaps that's why I'm so careful not to make generalizations about groups of people. I wouldn't want to do that to someone else either.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Reading these posts has been an eye opening experience.

 

Why do we sometimes find it easier to judge those less fortunate than those who hoard an over abundance of fortune? We ALL should be careful to recognize more often than not our path was made easier by others, our circumstances, our environment or our abilities we were born with or were nurtured in us. Qualities like persistence, focus and determination. We have a tendency to think we are all built the same, have the same drive, and CHOOSE to put ourselves in our own particular circumstances. If we all have the same abilities why aren't we all like Bill Gates, Warren Buffet or Donald Trump? Is it really just a matter of choice? Wherever you fit on that scale is not always solely of your own making. The most successful people realize this. The problem with many self-made men is their tendency to worship their creator.

 

I'm not discounting how hard people work who build a business or make themselves into a success. Far from it, since i have my own business. Rather, thank your good fortune and use a little humility and compassion when making comparisons with those less fortunate, whether they take advantage of the system or not. "Entrepreneurs" on both ends of the scale game the system. Let's not always pick on the "down and out" guy for doing so. When it comes down to it, your pocket is being "picked" far more by others than the few $ we individually contribute to the welfare abusers.