How to be helpful in an argument

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I think this is very helpful! Thanks for posting it.

 

Personally, I find that it's often better to approach something with curiosity rather than the certainty that I know what's going on. As you pointed out, we don't know each other. Many things contribute to our individual experiences. Not everyone communicates effectively and, sadly, we're sometimes more ready to read things into what someone says than to take the time to understand what they mean.

 

That said, there are many trolls on the 'nets who just enjoy starting things, creating controversy, derailing conversations and breaking communities wherever possible. Sometimes, trolls are easy to identify. But sometimes what seems at first to be troll-like behaviour is simply poor communication based on some false assumptions about the group involved.

[mrrnice2 157005]

In terms of argumentative behavior or presenting an argumentative point of view, the word does not necessarily mean a negative. An argument can be and should be a totally rationale and logical discussion. What is important is to approach it not as an adversarial exercise but as a way of exploring and expressing different points of view.

 

Discussions, threads and argumentative positions taken in written form on line and in Cerb are best served when one takes a moment to proof read and REALLY think before clicking that submit reply button.

 

There are many instances when one can say something in total honesty and innocence yet when one looks at the words afterwards they can be seen as saying something entirely different from what was intended. Been there and done that and it is not fun.

[mister_crufty 4891]

Well, as someone who has been accused of trolling when I wasn't trying to do anything of the sort, I definitely understand how easy it is to be misunderstood in writing.

 

I'm often a bit of a harsh arguer and can be a real pit bull with words, treating discussions as a competitive sport. I recently was involved in a thread about responsibility where I felt that I did something very different from my normal pattern. I tried to be very gentle with my arguments, posing alternative viewpoints and information rather than attacking the other person.

 

I can't take credit because many others were involved but I feel it really came out well and that many people in the discussion came to understand each others views much better than before they started.

 

When I read this article and looked back at that thread, I saw many of the patterns he discussed and how effective they could be.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

If I have a strong negative reaction to a thread I usually just keep my mouth shut and avoid the thread altogether.

[mister_crufty 4891]

If I have a strong negative reaction to a thread I usually just keep my mouth shut and avoid the thread altogether.

 

That is a fabulous policy that I wish more people (including myself) would follow. Reminds me of this XKCD strip.

[fortunateone 156618]

I like a post to provide balance and to be fair and honest. One thing I see often is someone not just posting a false statement, but also doesn't provide anything to substantiate that. This is fairly common on some forums, that are somewhat hostile (or Us vs Them) in nature.

 

I think other readers appreciate the balance, the counter argument in other words, and the different POV. Sometimes they appreciate it because they know it to be true, but they don't have to put themselves out there to post it themselves. Other times the untrue statement might be something they believed themselves, and they appreciate getting the true facts.

 

 

I agree that you can present this POV without name calling, harrassing and creating a hostile environment. How the thread progresses will then depend on how others including the OP react to the alternative argument, and that can be challenging.

 

 

#1 then is easily addressed. If you don't know something, find out. Do the research, here is the internet, google, other threads on different topics, lots of resources for you to find out some facts. Post the facts, with the backup, if you feel the need to defend what you only knew before as an opinion.

 

 

 

#3, it does take longer to explain something. Simplifying things may definitely not be the best thing.

[Athos 108589]

I think differing points of view are really important. I also think it's important not to feel too invested in a position. Getting the last word in doesn't matter, and there are no points for "winning" an argument. That others disagree says nothing about you, how you react to it says a lot.

 

Porthos

[IsaMassage 54318]

If I have a strong negative reaction to a thread I usually just keep my mouth shut and avoid the thread altogether.

 

I add myself to Meg on this one.., by nature i hate arguments.., being in person, online, by phone.., no matter what... Life is too short to just be upset about things we cant change and at the end we are all entitled to our opinions.., and sometimes we may not like the way someone else thinks..., but really..., is it worh for me to ruin, my day, afternoon or even 5 min of my existance? The answer very simple..., NOPE!

 

I remember not long ago another member and myself had a different point of view about a topic.., he kept going about it even when it was called up by many others the discussion had come to an end... he kept trying to get me to get into an argument with him..My reaction was just to ignore his comments and let him be..., at the end he got tired and that was the end of it.. I think he suffeed more than i did Lol it was funny i have to admit! Lol