Bigger body shaming. How has it effected you?

[Guest]

Bigger body shaming. Has it happened to you and how has it effected you? How have you learnt from this situation and how has it changed you for the better or worse? What do you think society could learn from body image shaming. Gentlemen and women please feel free to comment.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

This thread and those of a similar sort trouble me deeply. Body image and in particular negative body image and its terrible negative effects I have unfortunately experienced in loved ones. It's an area that is very easy for me to go off on a rant about condeming all main stream media (internet now included) for distorting and perverting the minds of generations with distressing perceptions of beauty and body image. I weep for my daughter.

 

That said, I'll move in a different direction. Cliche, chiche, chiche, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", blaw, blaw, blaw. Deep down we all know that every one of those chiche's is correct but we too often let our own good sense get washed over by the wave of popular perception. As SP's each of you should easily grasp the never judge a book by its cover as I'm sure you all on many occasions have met someone that doesn't fit the physical mold so to speak but throughout the encounter develop the feeling that this is a truly wonderful person and vise versa.

 

Beauty, sensuality, sexiness, hotness, has no foundation in the physical form and is derived completely from within. One of the most attactive, sexy women I have ever known happens to be a wonderful volumptous, buxom beauty. She first seduced me with only her eyes and smile and now I would love to just tear off her clothes and make love to her (she's now a dear friend so that's out but the thought crosses my mind just the same). Although, she definately would not fit into the mold that society has set for physical beauty (she'd probably need three molds) she exudes confidence and comfort in her own skin and within minutes thats what spoke to me. Lesson, own your body and love it. Once you do, that's what will be conveyed to everyone else within seconds.

 

Hellen Keller saw more beauty in this world than most of us will ever see. Thats because she saw everything with her heart not her eyes. There have been numerous scientific experiments where individuals sat and looked only into the eyes on another individual, no other contact and could not see any more of them. After a short while those people reported feeling a romantic connection to that person and found them attractive. (I guess the eyes are the window to the soul.)

 

Maybe I'm an old soul at heart and see the world differently but thats just me. Love yourself, embrace yourself and others will do the same.

[Jade-S (Retired) 19717]

I've honestly never had to deal with this from an outward prospective. But perhaps the far crueler of the two I have experienced it tenfold.

 

Myself.

 

Whether my weight fluctuated for various reasons, the only person telling me I was too fat, was me. Our own voice is too often harsh when we look in the mirror. Telling us we are not pretty enough, finding many many (inacurate and untrue) flaws not thin enough. ect ect

 

I had gone through a point earlier in my life where I was what you would class as an exercise anorexic. My weight plummeted to about 97 pounds.

And I still wasnt happy with what I saw.

 

(I still didnt fit the ideal in my head, the image of what I thought perfect was.

 

10 years older and now 116 pounds. (i think? I dont weigh myself anymore but my clothes fit and thats what I was last time I checked! lol) I've learned to love myself as much as I can, flaws and all, I've learned to love my body and all the things it does and can do. wink wink

 

I wonder what it will take to have and live in a world in which everyone was based on who they are and not what they look like?

 

Maybe it'll just be when we all stop caring what other people think about the way we look and care enough to love ourselves first.

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

Body shaming can happen to anyone at any size...too big or too small. The point is We have to love ourselves. I believe We can be our own worse enemies.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

When I began my career as a dancer, I had some bars refuse me because of my small chest size:(

After some time went by, I finally had a few places that did hire me. My audience grew larger and larger each time I got on stage, eventually having standing ovations! One of the bars that refused me, actually asked me to come to work there, as they had seen what a great show this small breasted woman could give! So I did go. I must say it was alot of fun, but then the management said if I wanted to stay I had to have an augmentation done and they would pay for it. ( Even tho I continued to get raving results for my shows) I said no, I am too young to know if I will want this later in my life. I am happy I did not, I love my small breasts, perky and in the right place, lol....

When your young, we have so many insecurities. I am happy that I had the fortsight to not do this procedure. I think I would have regretted it in my later years.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Jade, you ponder when it will all end?

 

I might be a cynic but unfortunately, I suspect the answer is never. Mulit billion dollar conglomerates constantly bombard us and tell us were not good enough. You can't have wrinkles so you need this cream, your eyelashes arn't long enough, your skin is not soft enough, not tanned enough, too fat, too thin. Cosmetics, weightloss companies lead the charge.

 

You definately hit the nail on the head with your though that it'll only stop when look into ourselves and love us.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[Ashley Ann 75247]

For me, this is what I have experienced.

 

I am a very attractive woman who is always dressed very nicely and also groomed the same.

 

In my 9-5 career-I am someone with a very strong work ethic. I always go the extra mile-always obtain top notch references, have strong experience in a variety of sectors, plus I also have the maturity that ensures that I am there for the long haul, looking to establish a solid career by being dependable and efficient.

 

IMHO, I would think thats what an exec would want for his assisant.

 

Many times , for the past few years-I have obtained many ineterviews for jobs-that excuse my arrogance, but were perfect for me, my skills and personality too. However, once I arrive to the interview-there would be a pool of us ladies, waiting to be interviewed, and once the interviewer opens the door to call in the candidates-they start to give us the total look over from head to toe. You see many of these interviews, consisted of men who were basically only interested in having an assistant who fit their idea of hot. Forget the skills, attitude or experience. I personally feel that I have lost out on quite a few jobs due to my appearance-but at the sametime, they did me a favour because I would have a hard time working for people like that.

 

Whenever I go to a bar-probably cause people are drinking-and just plain stupid-I always get at least one insult, regarding my appearance-because some loser in the bar thinks its so important for me to know that I am not his type-meanwhile the person who is spewing stupid shit is usually someone who I would not even touch with a ten foot pole-so whatevs...

 

 

Within this business-I have been shunned a little bit-and I dont mean cause certain men wont see me due to my size. I am not referring to this -I am not trying to change anyones mind about what they like ;)

 

What I mean about that is that there are quite a few guys who I see on occassion and regularly that would NEVER let other hobbiests know that they see me and like me too. Yes there are plenty of ladies who fit the bbw image on this site and other sites too, but very very few individuals will fess up to liking us. I realize the return visits are imperative for my business, but I gotta say nothing stings more than when you see one of the guys that you spend time with always make it a point to rec the ladies who are no more than 130 lbs, but never you...ouchy -wouchy ;)

 

But hey-I deal :boobies:....could be alot worse ;) I really love the way I look-and do not have any desire to be what is usually considered hot. I love my giant breasts-my tummy, heavy bottom and thick thighs and will not change that for ANYBODY...that is what is most important!

[Nippongakki 3843]

I personally love women of all sizes but prefer a woman with big beautiful CURVES! Any man that tries to shame a big, beautiful, confident woman for not fitting his narrow minded view of the world, doesn't deserve to lay eyes on her! Shame on all who can't appreciate beauty in all forms!

 

P.S. Vanessa, I guarantee, you were the HOTTEST woman in that interview room and the guy probably didn't hire you because he knew he'd never get any work done while starring at your perfect body!

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I posted this in the "Unhijackable Thread of Randomness," but it belongs here, too. Shane Koyczan's stunning spoken poem, "The Best Thing Ever," in an animated video.

 

http://vancouverisawesome.com/2013/02/19/the-best-thing-ever-shane-koyczan-for-pinkshirtday/

[Miss Scarlett 25073]

This topic is a sensitive one for me.

As a teen I was extremely over weight and got picked on really bad in highschool, "walking meat locker, ogre, etc....".

These names affected me sooooo badly I became anorexic for a long time. My body image ran my life, I was soooo obsessed with being skinny I went down to a very unhealthy weight.

The thing is once someone becomes anorexic there is no cure, it stays with you for life. Everyday I worry about what I eat, and what I look like. When I look in the mirror, I do not see what everyone else does, I see a huge whale who is disgusting. I have had people tell me how beautiful I am but it is hard to believe.

The last couple of years I have been battling cancer, and the side effects of the treatments I have been getting is weight gain. I am once again unhappy with my weight. It does not matter how little I eat or how much I work out the weight has been taken out of my control. So to anyone out there who has been struggling with a weight control disease (anorexia/bulimua), you are not alone. To anyone who puts people down for their weight/body image, shame on you!

My best friend is a male who is extremely under weight, his whole life he has been picked on and teased for being too small. People have advised him he isn't eating enough, etc.... This is not funny for him, he has tried to gain weight and no matter what he tries he is just a small man. I always tell him he is perfect just the way he is, but like me he has been teased and tortured for sooooo long he no longer believes he is ok.

Sorry I had to chime in on this issue as it is very close to my heart, as I see people everyday suffering because of someone else's ideal on how people should look.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I've always been voluptuous even at a smaller weight. I've always had big boobs and a big round ass. I am the only person in my immediate family who is busty with the curves. My other sisters have been skinny throughout chidhood ( myself included) and then a bit heavier ( a little chubby) and it seems as though we were always dieting. I was never preoccupied with my weight as a child or teenager. Unfortunately only when coming into the business and that issue was one of the cons.

 

They lost the weight and kept it off but at times noticed they analyze what they eat or denying themselves. However, we have had borderline eating disorders and at one point made it worse being in this business going from 115 lbs after having a baby ( lost 40 lbs in 10 weeks) to a heavy weight that was not healthy. I quit my short term eating disorder because I got scared as it was affecting my health and went cold turkey and gained a lot of weight as a result.

 

I went from a healthy and slim weight before having a child to starvation diets to being an emotional closet eater at one point to the point where I didn't want to work because I felt ashamed. Add in a couple of deaths in my family within months of each other and made it that much worse to deal with emotionally.

 

The comments I had received from guys on other sites didn't help and weren't so nice and because I was very popular when I first started out, I thought I had to be perfect. What triggered it was that I was called fat at 115 lbs by some moron. I felt that I wasn't perfect and dealt with that comment the wrong way so all the weight I had lost felt like it was for nothing. So I ate to deal with all the bullshit. As time went on with the weight issues, the business made it worse. I will admit that as strong as I looked on the outside and telling those guys to basically fuck off, it did affect me and who wouldn't it affect? It's no different than online bullying. And yesI was body shamed all the time on those sites. It was ongoing for years. They made me feel like I was the Goodyear blimp.

 

However, over time I resolved those issues and although I'm not 115 lbs as I used to be, I've come to grips with weight issues and gained self acceptance. I really don't care what they say because they are small minded and they have to say that to build themselves up because they probably are insecure or are just jerks. The reality of it is you can't be perfect, you can't change people's opinions and you can't control what people say about you because it will drive you crazy. I have a different mindset now and don't let those old feelings creep in because they will eat away at you.

 

Obviously I have done something right in this business because if I was so unattractive at the weight I was, i wouldn't have any business. And trust me, I have enough business that I can handle. What I have learned specifically related as a service provider is that even though I'm not Hollywood skinny, that is not the first thing clients look at. I am an attractive woman with a lot of other nice qualities and someone who enjoys my job as an SP never being forced to do it for the money or coerced. That is more than enough... esp in this business.

[piano8950 32577]

This topic is a bit foreign to me because of cultural differences. My ethnic background, if you're 'rounder', you're probably not poor since you can afford to eat the finer things like meat. Just an attitude that's stayed on even after the British left India.

 

As well, due to the pandemic of heart and other weight related issues, at least with my close family and friends (from the same ethnicity), calling someone out isn't seen as offensive. Let me clarify:

 

This will get you called out -

 

This is considered absolutely fine -

 

 

Now that's not to say that one culture is better than another when it comes to attitudes of appearances. Not at all, because we have our own senseless judgement criteria. For people in my background, even ones who've lived here for all their lives (including someone I considered a very close friend), skin colour defines beauty.

 

And so there's this -

 

To unlock the 'true beauty' of your skin

 

 

Basically, since the topic of body image shaming came up in Peachy's first post, I thought I'd bring this up for one point. I've grown up in the east and west. Where things like weight and skin colour are among the oh so many criteria that people seem to judge others. I was judged on something completely different, and it bothered me for a while. Still makes me self conscious, but I'd like to think I care about it less now.

[theliquor (Lost but not fo 50595]

#ToThisDay the result of many individuals who worked tirelessly on a budget of love and compassion.

although not specific to body shaming, it says a lot

hope the link is posted correctly

made me tear up watching

[Wolf Knight 29667]

For me, this is what I have experienced.

 

I am a very attractive woman who is always dressed very nicely and also groomed the same.

 

In my 9-5 career-I am someone with a very strong work ethic. I always go the extra mile-always obtain top notch references, have strong experience in a variety of sectors, plus I also have the maturity that ensures that I am there for the long haul, looking to establish a solid career by being dependable and efficient.

 

IMHO, I would think thats what an exec would want for his assisant.

 

Many times , for the past few years-I have obtained many ineterviews for jobs-that excuse my arrogance, but were perfect for me, my skills and personality too. However, once I arrive to the interview-there would be a pool of us ladies, waiting to be interviewed, and once the interviewer opens the door to call in the candidates-they start to give us the total look over from head to toe. You see many of these interviews, consisted of men who were basically only interested in having an assistant who fit their idea of hot. Forget the skills, attitude or experience. I personally feel that I have lost out on quite a few jobs due to my appearance-but at the sametime, they did me a favour because I would have a hard time working for people like that.

 

Whenever I go to a bar-probably cause people are drinking-and just plain stupid-I always get at least one insult, regarding my appearance-because some loser in the bar thinks its so important for me to know that I am not his type-meanwhile the person who is spewing stupid shit is usually someone who I would not even touch with a ten foot pole-so whatevs...

 

 

Within this business-I have been shunned a little bit-and I dont mean cause certain men wont see me due to my size. I am not referring to this -I am not trying to change anyones mind about what they like ;)

 

What I mean about that is that there are quite a few guys who I see on occassion and regularly that would NEVER let other hobbiests know that they see me and like me too. Yes there are plenty of ladies who fit the bbw image on this site and other sites too, but very very few individuals will fess up to liking us. I realize the return visits are imperative for my business, but I gotta say nothing stings more than when you see one of the guys that you spend time with always make it a point to rec the ladies who are no more than 130 lbs, but never you...ouchy -wouchy ;)

 

But hey-I deal :boobies:....could be alot worse ;) I really love the way I look-and do not have any desire to be what is usually considered hot. I love my giant breasts-my tummy, heavy bottom and thick thighs and will not change that for ANYBODY...that is what is most important!

 

Vanessa,

 

I've noted that I have my own opinions on this topic and personally I don't have a "type". However, there is nothing I find sexier than a woman exuding confidence and comfort in her own body. That is super hot to me.

 

Your post conveyed all that to me and is the reason that I decided that I need to spend some quality time getting to know Vanessa better. I'll be visiting Ottawa shortly and I'll be in touch about a visit.

 

Now as far as letting people know I have an interest in you and find you hot, it's out there in CERB-land now for all to see and everyone will have to wait for my poignant recommendation to follow.

 

Stay beautiful (and curvy)

 

Chuck

[Guest t****ster***ke]

there is an old phrase about how confidence is sexy, and i find it to be absolutely true. the problem with body shaming, of any kind, is that it rattles people's confidence, and it is almost impossible for someone to be truly sexy if they are filled with self-doubt. there will always be people that see the worst in everything and everyone, but i think most people, most of the time, see the best. when i look at the various photos of the sp's on here, my thoughts are always things like, "wow, she is gorgeous", "incredible eyes", "killer legs", "otherwordly tits", slightly more sophisticated phrases than i was using as a blue-balled 14 year old :)

 

i encourage everyone, on both sides of the industry, when they look in the mirror, to see what's right, and not dwell on every little thing they think is wrong.

[Old Dog 179138]

The body image thing is a double edged sword.

 

I grew up chubby. I'm a big guy now. Over the years I had periods of being in great shape, but the natural tendencies are to carrying more weight than I should. Meh.

 

Other kids, family, ex spouses, employers etc can be MERCILESS when it comes to the treatment of large people. It's almost socially acceptable to engage in the teasing... and whether it's seen as good natured by the participants or downright malicious, every word cuts to the core.

 

That being said, there is an upside. I am a far better "me" as a result of going through that experience. I'm stronger. I'm wittier. I'm a much quicker thinker. Most of all... that "thicker" me made my skin thicker. I can take far more in terms of barbs and insults because I grew up with it. It's not necessarily fair, and it certainly isn't "just" but it is reality. I also have a better handle on the "real" person inside the fleshy suit because I have walked in their shoes.

 

Now if I talk to someone about weight issues, it's certainly not about image. It's about health. As some of you may know, I had a rather significant health scare 6 months ago. My heart was trying to explain to me that the extra weight has burdens beyond the aesthetic... it can certainly put a damper on mobility and has implications regarding imminent mortality.

 

The CERB angle? Regardless of the outward appearance that each of us possess, the true self exists inside. It is in our actions and our words. It's our character. The images that are displayed on profiles and in albums are the tip of the iceberg - the real provider, the person that you desire is the person with whom you have interacted, is the one that can make you smile with sensuality, wit, intelligence and charm. That's the one with whom you are spending your time.

 

Oh... and boobs. Gotta have some boobage. Serving bacon sandwiches wouldn't hurt either.

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I've had manboobs ever since I was 11.

They never really bothered me until my uncle said,

"Geez, XXXXX, you need a bra!"

Well fuck you too Uncle!

Ever since then and until now, yeah,

sensitive about it.

And it doesn't matter how much I thin down

(I'm about 20 pounds overweight), they're always

with me.

My nipples are pretty sensitive though, and I love it

when they're licked, bitten, twisted, etc.