Have clients and SPs ever fallen in love?

[buggernot 588]

I think a man knows in his heart if an SP is just giving lip service ... or if she is genuine in the words she speaks.

 

Depends...I think men are more logic driven and the heart is what blurs reality. For some, they will forego that logic to appease the heart. Even if the SP is being disingenuous, those lacking in life experience with love can get sucked in sometimes.

 

Love for me exists outside the bedroom - most of these experiences are lust. And lust is ok if you've got everything in perspective. Actually, lust is really fun ;)

[YoungStud 468]

Love for me exists outside the bedroom

 

I think in every really good relationship, it has to exist in and out of the bedroom. Though I agree, many people confuse "in lust" with "in love". I think you can also love someone without being in love with them.

 

"In love" for me requires a really deep level of mutually desired intimacy that can only occur over time and with a sincere level of commitment. Love is a key part of "in love", though "in love" is more than that; but love is never part of "in lust". Though "in lust" can be affectionate and friendly.

 

Just my view.

[etasman2000 15994]

I keep coming back to the Greek on this one: eros, agape, philia, thelema and storge. Each word has a specific meaning yet is translated as 'love' in English.

 

Reading thru the posts it is clear that each individuls usage of the word 'love' do differ. It would make sense to prefix what kind of love we are talking about to be clearer.

 

Maybe I'm being geekish heh!

[Seymour 3970]

I think in every really good relationship, it has to exist in and out of the bedroom. Though I agree, many people confuse "in lust" with "in love". I think you can also love someone without being in love with them.

 

"In love" for me requires a really deep level of mutually desired intimacy that can only occur over time and with a sincere level of commitment. Love is a key part of "in love", though "in love" is more than that; but love is never part of "in lust". Though "in lust" can be affectionate and friendly.

 

Just my view.

 

 

You are wise Stud. And Capitalman mentioned the whole feeling of being special - just one thought on the whole concept of feeling special. Yes -as clients we all want to feel special in some form or fashion, this is a very personal thing. It takes special people to go above and beyond (sometimes they are not aware they may be doing it) to make us clients feel special and you know what the best part is....most of the time it has nothing to do with sex!

[YoungStud 468]

I keep coming back to the Greek on this one: eros, agape, philia, thelema and storge. Each word has a specific meaning yet is translated as 'love' in English.

 

Reading thru the posts it is clear that each individuls usage of the word 'love' do differ. It would make sense to prefix what kind of love we are talking about to be clearer.

 

Maybe I'm being geekish heh!

 

Well, having never had the benefits of a true "classical" education (despite five years of Latin - lol), I'm thinking there is something to be said for the similarities in English between Greek and Geek. Lol.

 

(I'd just like to point out, by the way, that even though I have the Latin, I'm still not a high court judge. Lol. Variation on an old Monte Python line.)

 

However, to clarify along the lines you suggest, for me I'd say:

 

in lust = eros (or sometimes considerably less than that - lol)

 

love = philia (with sometimes more than a bit of eros in the mix)

 

in love = agape/eros/philia/storge and a whole lot more combined

[capitalman 3861]

I'd just like to say that many of us men have much more emotion inside than maybe we let out. Men are traditionally seen as stoic and non-emotional, but that is not true. We just don't show it as easily as women, generally.

 

If you give a cigarette to a non-smoker and they smoke it, they will cough and hack and spit and throw it away. They might have another one day, but not right away.

 

If you give that same cigarette to a smoker, they will smoke it and compare it to other cigarettes they've smoked, take long drags on it, and probabaly smoke it to the end then ask what brand it was?

 

Love is the same thing, not everyone is experiencing the same thing.

[Ariane Valmont 332]

I think in every really good relationship, it has to exist in and out of the bedroom. Though I agree, many people confuse "in lust" with "in love". I think you can also love someone without being in love with them.

 

"In love" for me requires a really deep level of mutually desired intimacy that can only occur over time and with a sincere level of commitment. Love is a key part of "in love", though "in love" is more than that; but love is never part of "in lust". Though "in lust" can be affectionate and friendly.

 

Just my view.

 

I am a bit late but I wanted to let you know I completely agree with you.

 

I am always amazed at people who pretend to be in love after a couple of weeks! There is a big difference between passion and love. Ideally, you should have both but they do not always come together!

 

At the beginning of a relationship, you are infatuated with the perception you have of your partner. It will take months (if not years) to discover if this perception is right or not.

 

Hope I am making sense. It is difficult for me to explain this in English. :)

[Annessa 22743]

I am a bit late but I wanted to let you know I completely agree with you.

 

I am always amazed at people who pretend to be in love after a couple of weeks! There is a big difference between passion and love. Ideally, you should have both but they do not always come together!

 

At the beginning of a relationship, you are infatuated with the perception you have of your partner. It will take months (if not years) to discover if this perception is right or not.

 

Hope I am making sense. It is difficult for me to explain this in English. :)

 

makes complete sense Ariane,

 

I was (believe it or not) engaged at one point in my life. it happened very quickly and we went through many trials and tribulations. but a really wise woman said to me at one point: "you grow together with who you are over decades....not years or even months... you share passion and lust and inspiration etc....but real love comes from growing together over time...seeing each other at their worst...seeing each others rotten faults and overcoming all of them...or not...yet learning to, slowly.. over time. Nothing happens over night but an initial spark"

 

I dont so much see it as people pretending to be in love right away.....but rather people being overcome by that initial spark....sometimes when its so strong, you can't think of anything else.....and why would you? as thinking about it makes all your hairs stand on end.

 

the trick is realizing reality and separating the business factor....many people say "never mix business and friendship". Which is very hard to do when "the business" IS friendship (or more).

 

End to my rant is, everone who knows their place (including us ladies) will be less likely to se themselves up to be hurt in the long-run.

 

/end rant) ;-)

[Guest s******ecan****]

Great post Anessa

 

this is the reason why I see an SP. My wife has NO, and I really mean NO sex drive whatsoever...we have tried everything yet it is considered productive for us to have sex once every 3 months. Well that ain't enough for me. But other than the sex our relationship is very strong, and we have great kids. I have often been tempted to go the route of a booty call and have cheched out dating sites offering people supposedly seeking "NSA intimate encounters" but in the end I avoided them because I always felt that the chances were too high that NSA would soon become SA and then messy (I've never forgotten Fatal Attraction....OK I'm paranoid but you get my drift).

I love SP's because they are professional at all aspects of their job including the SP/client relationship. The fact that many of them are smart, beautiful, sexy, affectionate, and very good at making me feel good is also a very big plus!

 

So guys, don't fall in love with your SP, if you start, find another one (make sure you explain why you are switching, a real SP will understand). It should be noted that this is excellent advice for any of your professional relationships....your DR., lawyer, accountant, etc, etc,

[Seymour 3970]

I may sound like I'm flip flopping - but I'll ask the question. If one clicks with a lady friend in and outside the bedroom, is it possible then to express feelings of fondness, respect and affection as love?

 

Is love the same to everyone or could there be different types of love? Don't get me wrong, I'm not confusing lust with something else, just asking if there is more than a physical (i.e a cerebral) connection - is it possible then to love on different levels?

[etasman2000 15994]

At the beginning of a relationship, you are infatuated with the perception you have of your partner. It will take months (if not years) to discover if this perception is right or not.

 

Although I understand what you are saying I've also heard the same thing from my Asian friends as an excuse for arrange marriages.

 

Personality plays a big part. Some people don't sweat the small stuff while others find them very irritating, like the ubiquitous toilet seat issue :grin:

 

Is love the same to everyone or could there be different types of love? Don't get me wrong, I'm not confusing lust with something else, just asking if there is more than a physical (i.e a cerebral) connection - is it possible then to love on different levels?

 

Yes there are different types of love. Even if you take lust out of the equation.

 

Yes it is possible to love on different levels and yes it is very different for each person.

[whatsup 11893]

makes complete sense Ariane,

 

I was (believe it or not) engaged at one point in my life. it happened very quickly and we went through many trials and tribulations. but a really wise woman said to me at one point: "you grow together with who you are over decades....not years or even months... you share passion and lust and inspiration etc....but real love comes from growing together over time...seeing each other at their worst...seeing each others rotten faults and overcoming all of them...or not...yet learning to, slowly.. over time. Nothing happens over night but an initial spark"

 

I dont so much see it as people pretending to be in love right away.....but rather people being overcome by that initial spark....sometimes when its so strong, you can't think of anything else.....and why would you? as thinking about it makes all your hairs stand on end.

 

the trick is realizing reality and separating the business factor....many people say "never mix business and friendship". Which is very hard to do when "the business" IS friendship (or more).

 

End to my rant is, everone who knows their place (including us ladies) will be less likely to se themselves up to be hurt in the long-run.

 

/end rant) ;-)

 

Annessa, I do not see your post as a "rant" what I see is a definitive clarification.

[buggernot 588]

Some people don't sweat the small stuff while others find them very irritating, like the ubiquitous toilet seat issue :grin:

 

What issue? It's just fucking logical to leave the goddamn thing up! Next time a female tells you otherwise, just tell her that by leaving it up, you're being considerate because it lessens the chances of you pissing all over it when you're too drunk to bother to lift it. Haha...how's that for romance ;)

 

Now on a serious note, I was married for about 5 years. I thought I loved this girl...and I didn't, never did. Just didn't know any better, I had never been in love. She was a good companion and she loved me so I figured that's what love is right? Then I met someone else that changed that. It was never meant to be as she was already taken, but we got really close and after a year of getting to know her, I knew that this person I could feel love for. But no instant sparks and a lot of time went into this.

 

So with an SP, for me it's never going to happen. Not ruling out that it can't, but the SP/client relationship would have to end and something else would have to replace that, hence she would no longer be an SP to me. I've definitely liked some girls a lot and sometimes my mind like to play tricks on me about that, but real love -the reciprocal kind - with a person I'm paying to be with is not possible.

[AttilaTheHun 356]

I believe that falling in love has a lot to do the level of life experiences you have amassed over the years. While I truly believe that young people can fall and stay in love, I think the reality of it kicks in after a few years, and the couples sometimes end up separating for many reasons. What they thought was love may not have been. It could have been infatuation or lust. I think that as you get older you realize what love really means to you. It may mean more than just sex, physical attraction or spiritual connection and then it may not. Maybe those are exactly the things that you need to keep happy. In any case It's different for everyone while it also depends on what levels of love that you had experienced. If you've only fallen in love a few times in your life it's hard to be sure that the person you are with is the One. If you've experienced many levels of love over many years I think you have better knowledge of what it is you are looking for. And when that special person crosses your path, you know she is the one, whether she is an SP, courtesan or your boss. Its like a lightning bolt hits you and just you need to be with that person all the time. You think of her and what she is doing at every moment. If the feeling is mutual, then I believe its real love. Sp or not.

 

ATH

[YoungStud 468]

ATH, I like what you say.

[Seymour 3970]

I believe that falling in love has a lot to do the level of life experiences you have amassed over the years. While I truly believe that young people can fall and stay in love, I think the reality of it kicks in after a few years, and the couples sometimes end up separating for many reasons. What they thought was love may not have been. It could have been infatuation or lust. I think that as you get older you realize what love really means to you. It may mean more than just sex, physical attraction or spiritual connection and then it may not. Maybe those are exactly the things that you need to keep happy. In any case It's different for everyone while it also depends on what levels of love that you had experienced. If you've only fallen in love a few times in your life it's hard to be sure that the person you are with is the One. If you've experienced many levels of love over many years I think you have better knowledge of what it is you are looking for. And when that special person crosses your path, you know she is the one, whether she is an SP, courtesan or your boss. Its like a lightning bolt hits you and just you need to be with that person all the time. You think of her and what she is doing at every moment. If the feeling is mutual, then I believe its real love. Sp or not.

 

ATH

 

I read this ATH - and will have to remember your points. One key aspect being if the "feeling is mutual". Back to communication - communication is key.

 

Thanks all for sharing thoughts and insight on this topic.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I think these two threads about the "love/relationship issue" are an exemplar of the best of CERB. I have just been re-reading them, and couldn't find certain illuminating comments that I remembered reading months ago. I tracked them down in the following thread; there a couple of really good postings there:

 

http://cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=7740

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I have always been fascinated by the boundary (or perhaps grey-area would be a better term) between reality and fantasy in this business (and elsewhere). This "falling in love" aspect is a real minefield that is sown directly across the path through the grey-area of this surreal boundary zone.

 

1) On the one hand, the client/provider relationship is a business transaction. From this narrow angle, it can be considered the same as two people interacting in any business situation. Anything (including "love", in any variety of meaning we care to attach to this term) can develop between two human beings under almost any circumstances. This includes people who originally meet in any business relationship whatsoever, including the client/provider relationship.

 

2) But ... the providers in this industry are not in just "any" random business. They are in the specific business of providing a fantasy -- namely, the illusion (alias "experience") of "being your girlfriend" (GFE). And the clients in this business (speaking for myself, at least) are specifically and deliberately purchasing the fantasy of "being her boyfriend". Both parties involved know from step one that that's what it is. So both parties, exercising mature adult judgement, should theoretically never ever become confused to the point of mistaking the explicit fantasy for some other implicit reality. This is because in any other random business relationship, the "usual" signals of interest can be sent and received by both parties, potentially sparking, in the "normal" course of events, the phenomenon of "falling in love" -- whereas in this business, the "usual" signals have from the get-go been pre-empted for "fantasy"use only.

 

3) EXCEPT wait a minute: the fantasy of "being your girlfriend" involves the reality of being physically intimate (hello grey-area), and, if done well, of also connecting emotionally during the session. (I always deliberately try to achieve, and usually succeed in doing so at some point during the session, the temporarily-believable fantasy within-my-own-mind of "being in love" with my provider. (Akhenaton has called this "escaping into the fantasy"). I of course make no pretense of knowing what my provider is thinking (As Erin xo put it: "So what's real and what's an act? Only you can decide if your SP is genuine or not"). It is absolutely natural to become emotionally attached to those we are physically intimate with. And there is no absolute line between emotional attachment for a short period of time ("during the session") and becoming more deeply attached over a longer period of time ("in reality"). And from "emotional attachment" to "falling in love"? Well, the slope gets slippery fairly quickly (although, as Ariane Valmont reminds us, "There is a big difference between passion and love").

 

4) So we're left with exercising mature, adult judgement -- in an area (human emotion) where it can easily become confused. The "Don't even think about it" rule is one way of doing this -- although, as I said, I personally would lose much of the joys of the session if I didn't think about it within-session. "Don't even think about it outside the session" is the most "sensible approach", I think -- "love is a decision", as Cap has admirable said. But that leaves us with the indubitable knowledge that humans aren't really fundamentally constructed to be sensible, and that the absolutely greatest joys of life so often lie precisely where we toss rationality to the winds and go with our emotions. And that, I need hardly also mention, is the exact same place where lurk the greatest sorrows of life also.

 

So, as I said, this whole area (where fantasy and reality interact with each other) fascinates the heck out of me. There are two forces at work in this unique industry that tug hard in exactly opposite directions -- one to make it very difficult for clients and companions to fall for each other, and the other to make it very easy for clients and providers to do so.

 

Is it possible to successfully make that walk through the minefield from reality into fantasy -- and then re-cross the minefield from fantasy back into (an altered) reality? Yes. Just be aware, before you decide to start that walk, that the mines are there and have claimed many victims.

[Suzirider 737]

I love you till midnight, then turn into a pumpkin ???